Telling people you’re in labour

[Birdy1991]

Hi ladies, what are your thoughts about telling people you’re in labour? I’m dead against it, really don’t want numerous calls and texts seeing how things are going and people getting stressed and hassling. However my family on both sides are expecting to hear when I’m in labour and piling on the pressure. My thoughts are to appease them by saying I probably will tell them, but to not actually let them know until the baby is born. I’m slightly past caring that this is dishonest because when I’ve said before I want to keep it to ourselves until the baby was born I was told “no you can’t do that” and my mum particularly took a guilt tripping approach, which makes me more adamant about my decision.

What did you do/are you going to do? AIBU to want to keep these moments to just me and DP?

With my first I was taken in to be induced at 38 weeks. We didn't tell anyone other than to say I was back in for monitoring again. We rang after the event.
With my second we had to tell people as we needed childcare. I hated when the few people knowing and it was proved when my dad messaged repeatedly wanting an update. He then went on to text my brother and call me selfish for not keeping him updated regularly.
So when it came to number three there was no question that we would keep it quiet and not tell anyone until afterwards. The only people who had an inkling were the neighbours who saw my lights on in the early hours!

I sent my DH into work so they didn’t know 😂😂. Also got him to reply to texts and WhatsApps for me while I was in labour to throw people off the scent. I’m a very private person and the idea of wanting to update in laws about the state of my cervix fills me with horror. I was in labour for 60 hours so secrecy was getting hard at the end but was doable!! Good luck OP.

@HearingMyOwnVoice oh my god the cheek of it... this is what I’m thinking might happen to me. I don’t know how anyone can call you selfish with what you are having to go through!

@Onekidnoclue thanks! I’m exactly the same very private and want to keep things just with my partner for the first few days!

Ultimately you need to do what's best for you.

It's your labour and frankly your "wants" take precedence.

That said how you feel can change so I don't think you need to commit either way.

Personally I rang my family when I went into labour and DH rang his parents.

Then it was his job to keep everyone informed. That's said we'd agreed I didn't want highly personal information being shared (like how dilated I was or any medication etc) so the updates (by text) were quite general e.g. "DRM is doing well and everything progressing normally" and "in the final stages now and we should meet baby DRM soon" - that type of thing.

Kept everyone in the loop without being overly invasive.

Thankfully everything went well (and quickly) and I was able to call my parents 10 mins after baby was born to tell them.

My DF on hearing me thought I must have had a false alarm as he couldn't believe I was ok enough to talk to them so soon after giving birth .

Non of my family expected to be told when I was in labour although, initially I wanted my mum as a birthing partner in addition to my partner however she got quite annoying through the pregnancy so I just said now I've had time to think I just want it to be my and my partner so she said ok no problem, you'll have to let me know when you go in to the hospital and I can get things ready to come and see you after.
I literally waited until I had been in the hospital for a while and just text at just before midnight to my mum and dad (separated) to say just to let you know I'm in labour, don't do anything, I'll be in touch when I can after. And left it at that. They then came to visit the next day while I was still In hospital which I preferred cause then they had to leave. But obviously I'm assuming visitors will continue to be a no no for a while yet. I'm due twins and will be delivering between 36/37 week if I haven't gone in naturally then be induced/booked for section so it's not going to be quite so spontaneous but I really want to try and keep it to myself this time. I don't have family local to me and have a good friend who will more than happily look after my then 22 month old when I need to go in. Don't let people put stress on you, it's stressful enough as it is! Take care x

I went in to labour 10 days early so it was unexpected (my waters went suddenly and then I had a load of waiting around at home for labour to start).

My mum was supposed to be visiting me, so I had to tell her. We kept it a secret from my in laws though, because they both would have been constantly messaging/ringing etc.

I also told two of my closest friends when my waters broke, mainly because I was excited. I gave them the odd update in early labour but they generally waited for me to message them, so I didn’t feel harassed by them!

I think it's entirely up to you and your DP. Not anything to do with anyone else. Perhaps tell parents or close family and then switch off all phones and make them wait until the baby's arrived?