Telling people you’re in labour

[Birdy1991]

Hi ladies, what are your thoughts about telling people you’re in labour? I’m dead against it, really don’t want numerous calls and texts seeing how things are going and people getting stressed and hassling. However my family on both sides are expecting to hear when I’m in labour and piling on the pressure. My thoughts are to appease them by saying I probably will tell them, but to not actually let them know until the baby is born. I’m slightly past caring that this is dishonest because when I’ve said before I want to keep it to ourselves until the baby was born I was told “no you can’t do that” and my mum particularly took a guilt tripping approach, which makes me more adamant about my decision.

What did you do/are you going to do? AIBU to want to keep these moments to just me and DP?

I didn't tell anyone, not even parents, we video called them after she was born to surprise them.
I, like you, didn't want the harassment.

I had false labour last week - 6 days of contractions, dilated to 3cm and then... nothing. Everything stopped 😡

I stupidly told my mum, who told my sisters, who told my dad and I’ve been getting at least 2 calls and 10-15 messages a day ever since 🤦🏻‍♀️ They will not be told when the real thing kicks off!

Tell them you will, just to get them off your back. Then don't. If they ask afterwards just say once it all started you were so focused on what was going on that everything else just flew from your mind.

Wow thanks everyone for the responses! It’s made me feel a lot calmer about the whole thing!

No one in our families mentioned it prior and I didn't bring it up. I knew I wouldn't tell anyone and we didn't. We started calling relatives about an hour or two after the birth in hospital. I was in labour for 30 odd hours and in hospital for about 10 hours prior to the birth. The hospital part was overnight which helped too.

Next time (we are planning to TTC soon) I'm going to have to tell someone as we will probably need childcare for toddler DD which I'm dreading but I really need DH with me especially after my birth trauma.

By the way my parents and siblings were fuming about it. My dad literally started arguing with me about it as soon as they arrived on the ward! Which just confirmed I made the right decision.

Don't make any set rules for yourself. Labour can be super short and intense, so you might not have time to inform anybody. On the other hand, it can be a long, drawn out process which stops and starts over a few days.
If you're dead against it then definitely have keeping quiet as your aim, it's completely your right.
An option would be to tell nobody whilst you're in labour at home and you could maybe ask your partner to let parents know once you've been seen in the maternity assessment and are heading to the delivery suite. Let them know that phones will be going away at this point and next time they hear from you they will be grandparents

I ended up being induced as I was overdue and my waters broke but nothing happened. We told both sets of parents that we were going into hospital to be induced and that DH would up-date them with any news. I then turned my phone off. At the point my induction started I was concentrated on labour so I wouldn’t have looked at my phone any way.

DH gave up-dates as and when it was necessary and he also ignored any texts/calls as he was so focused on me and helping me through labour and birth. If family/friends get annoyed with you for that, that’s their problem not yours. Assure them you will inform them if anything life threatening happens and will tell them once the baby arrives, but beyond that they can wait for updates as you’ll be too busy birthing a baby!

I told anyone who asked last time but I was in labour a very long time and had a c section in the end. This time I've a c section booked and if anyone asks I tell them the day. But I don't know anyone who'll hassle for updates or turn up at the hospital.

@thelkabog when something life threatening did happen to me immediately following the baby's birth telling people was the furthest thing from our minds! Told them the baby had been born and I'd had complications once everything was calm hours later.

Texting my very nearest and dearest when in early active labour though was exciting and fun. Once I stopped replying, no one messaged me again until we called with news much later (around 4 hours after the baby arrived and around 10 hours after I last felt like using my phone).

@Birdy1991 I’ll be 38+5 so only 2 days off my due date. They want to induce early because of my age and a couple of other little things. I was reluctant but overall decided it was the right thing to accept, but I’ve found everyone I’ve spoken about it to has an opinion or a horror story about induction! So I’ve just decided I can’t be bothered having the conversation! It’s far from what I wanted but on balance it’s the best option, I’ve got my head around it but don’t fancy having to explain it to 80 year old aunt amongst others!

We didn't tell anyone. It was great. Just a phone to say baby had arrived. 22 hour labour without a soul realising what was going on.

@3rdtimelucky2019 sounds dreamy!

We won't be telling anyone, ideally I wouldn't tell anyone until we are home from the hospital but I'm not sure I'll get away with that!

When my sister had my niece the family knew and I was plagued with calls asking me for updates, I can only imagine how much worse it was for her!!

@Superscientist bless her, at least you can learn from her experience 😬

My worry is people guessing I'm in labour by me not replying to WhatsApps etc? I'll maybe start having to be more distant now as I'm always so quick to reply to anybody 😂

My worry is people guessing I'm in labour by me not replying to WhatsApps etc?

Just get more flaky. I regularly don't respond the same day.

Good idea! Can't hide anything nowadays lol altho I suppose if they guess and myself or DH are too busy with me being in labour and not reply what can they do!!

I was induced and it took daaaays so my dad new as they had the dog (both of us have divorced and remarried parents) and my OH's dad knew as he was acting his OH's moral support. They got a text or two a day (I think my OH phoned in on his way home) and were happy. Didn't tell either of our mums and partners as would have been hard to keep them updated. Felt a tiny bit guilty telling them afterwards but they soon got over it!

Ah I feel your pain! When my waters broke with dd1 I told my mum. My dd wasn’t born until 22 hours later and the number of messages and calls... not just to me but my DH. I was really pissed off. My whole family were doing it and when you’re just trying to concentrate... it’s annoying. Of course we could just have turned phones off which I did in the end but it was still frustrating to begin with.
With dd2 I was induced quite quickly after some late issues and I needed family to know as I needed childcare help. They were much better this time and she arrived quickly so there wasn’t time for them to annoy me as much 😂
They’re just excited for you and I do get why they want to know. It’s entirely up to you. My advice would be to do what you want to do. But if you do tell them you’re entirely within your rights to ask them not to contact you or your partner and to say you’ll let them know when baby arrives.

@AliasGrape I had an induction and it was fine. It was definitely a positive birth and much quicker than my first which wasn’t an induction. People love a birth horror story, it’s really unhelpful.

We didn't tell anyone, tbh DS was nearly 3 weeks early so at first I didn't realise I was in labour and thought I had food poisoning, then when I properly realised and we were timing contractions it didn't cross my mind to tell anyone because I was in the zone of labour! Plus it was 4am! DS was born at 11am and MIL was totally annoyed and gobsmacked that DH had waited an ENTIRE 2 HOURS before calling her 😂

My labours were both so slow (3-4 days) and I really struggled with each from Day 2 as I couldn’t sleep through contractions and it just exhausted and broke me! So despite not planning to tel anyone I ended up in tears on the phone to parents as I needed support. So they were aware what was happening for some of it. They were quite upset though as in the end once we got admitted to hospital it took another 24 h for baby to arrive (all kinds of intervention then a csection) and we didn’t keep them updated. So in hindsight I wish I’d managed to stay strong but you just don’t know what mindset you’ll be in, particularly if you have a long labour. Second time both families knew as we enlisted for childcare and they ended up taking two days each as it went on that long, so no leek g it quiet. Neighbours knew as they saw me out walking, and friends knew as I texted them for moral support. So again, just depends on your mindset and needs in relation to how your labour goes. I went two weeks over with both so got quite used to the fishing messages!! So funny!

I wasn't going to tell anyone when I was going into labour. Was dead against it. And then when I went into labour for some reason I felt like I needed to tell my mum, I think I just wanted her to tell me it's okay and it was going to be ok which she did. My dad gave me a little pep talk down the phone "you're a strong lady you have got this, you can do this" and off we went to hospital. Mind you I only had a three hour labour from 12am until 3:08am so they didn't have chance to really bother me.

I didn't tell anyone else though. It was the middle of the night so I felt a little bad waking my parents as it was. My mum asked me to tell her. She wanted to be "in the know" but while I was in labour she was being sick at home worrying about me. So doubt she would want to know again!!! 🤣

Thanks for sharing your experiences are. I guess above all else, I won’t know how I feel until it starts. Maybe I would want to tell my mum?! Hormones make everything unpredictable!