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Hand me downs

17 replies

stargazer87 · 09/07/2020 14:49

Since announcing our pregnancy (first child) we've been getting lots of hand me downs from friends and family. Whilst it's lovely, I'm finding that a lot of it isn't to my taste or is looking past its best...I'm not sure what the best way to deal with it is? I really don't want to appear rude or ungrateful.

Any advice appreciated!

OP posts:
erised24 · 09/07/2020 15:15

I've had a couple of things like this from my sister, some bits have been through 3 babies. I just graciously accept, thank her and have tucked it all away neatly in the cupboard... Also have had some stuff that's so different from the style I want on baby, will probably use these bits once or twice to show I've used them and then hand them onto another mum.

stargazer87 · 09/07/2020 15:22

@erised24 I know what you mean, some of the stuff we've been given has gone through a couple of babies too and is just looking a bit sad and tired! I feel rude though now I've been given it to not use it. We've been given lots of old tatty toys that are probably ready for the bin, my husband says not to use them, I'm just concerned that when family come over they'll notice we haven't got them out. I just want our baby to have nice things...just had a bit of a pregnant hormonal cry over it! 🙈

OP posts:
erised24 · 09/07/2020 15:25

@stargazer87 I totally understand. Personally I would just hide those toys away and maybe get them out when you know the family member is coming over?

HolyMolasses · 09/07/2020 15:28

Chuck it all in landfill OP and then buy more stuff.

Peach1886 · 09/07/2020 15:36

Put them all away for now - divide them into things you might want to put your baby in and wash those, and things you definitely won't want to use which can stay as they are. Once your baby is here you might find some of them are useful (for example we got through way more sleepsuits than I ever thought possible, and some of the second hand ones were much softer so kinder to DS' skin than the newer things), and the ones you really don't like you can then give to a charity shop or recycle. You can always say the baby was sick/pooed all over something and you couldn't get it clean so you had to get rid of it - this works for toys as well as clothes! People are being kind and when you're desperate for clean jamas at 4 am you'll be pleased you didn't just throw everything out!

shrill · 09/07/2020 15:46

I was going to say what peach1886 said. If I'd done this it would have been so helpful/handy at times. Even just using as cleaning cloths to bin when can't face putting in a v v hot wash. Also when i was given some outfits I could not dress my little one in i just took pics to show if they asked but they didn't wear.... In my defence to material was very scratchy even after a wash.

gotothecooler · 09/07/2020 15:48

It's ok to say no thank you. Some of the hand me downs o have seen over the years are other people's absolute shite. Some may be good or nice or whatever but don't feel like you have to accept. It's ok to tell people you don't want their stuff.

RestorationInsanity · 09/07/2020 15:51

You could just keep some bits you do like or will be helpful, say thank you and that you've kept the things you think you'll get most use from, and give the rest back for them to do with as they like. I'm sure they'll understand that while it's helpful not to have to buy everything new, most people want some new things, particularly if the hand me downs aren't handmade or particularly sentimental.

AIMD · 09/07/2020 15:55

I just used to say...

“Thanks I’ll have a look through it and see what we need. Do you want the things I won’t use back or shall I pass them on to someone else/charity shop”.

Or just say you have lots already if you don’t want people passing things on. Maybe find a local charity you can direct people to:

ncqtime · 09/07/2020 16:02

Cut up the worst ones to use as cloths for vomit/hands ( yes muslins are great but so is having a stack of crappy cloths - really saves on baby wipes).
Others not to your taste give to charity shop.
Keep sleepsuits and vests. Yes all of them because as peach says you'll be grateful in the middle of the night when the poo has gone up their back a second time or whatever, when it really doesn't matter if they look cute or presentable.

SleepingStandingUp · 09/07/2020 16:09


Chuck it all in landfill OP and then buy more stuff.

Unnecessary. Ops child shouldn't have to wear bobbly worn out clothes just because someone else doesn't want bin guilt. Clothes and toys can't last forever.

OP always check if they want them back. If not I have a sort through and anythi g fine but not my taste / no 30 of the same item went in a chaorty bag / pass on to other friends. Anything not suitable for passing on / chaorty shop gets binned (if there's lots you might be able to pass it on to certain charities that accept material in any condition).

Then go through the rest and keep a reasonable no of each item. If your low on something go back to the donate bag and reconsider keeping a few for emergencies but remember you'll likely get new bright you as well.

I had twins and all sorts of random people gave us baby clothes, but it does peter out as they get older.
CupcakeParadise · 09/07/2020 17:23

As previously said, check if they're wanting things back or not. I've been given loads of hand me downs by various people that it was way too much to keep even if I wanted to. I've asked everyone what they want to do with it when finished or gone through the bits I'll be keeping and they've all said clothes bank or charity luckily, if they wanted it back I'd have politely said that it may be best they keep most of it as keeping track of what belongs to who is a bit much. SIL gave a fair few things that aren't the kind of things we'd put baby in, but we've made sure to keep some really distinctive items to put baby in for when we visit or to get a picture of him wearing.

caringcarer · 09/07/2020 17:36

I would pick an outfit from each donator, get photo of baby in outfit. You get to choose what your baby wears op.

Rainbowafterthestorm · 09/07/2020 18:10

Have a good look through them and drop them a text. ‘I’ve had a good look through the stuff you gave me the look through, and I’ve realised I’ve got lots in mulitiples, would you like me to pass them back so you can give them to any other friends who might be expecting soon’
I personally wouldn’t want to tuck them away as we have no space and I hate clutter, but you could take a photo and them put them in a cupboard....

FizzingWhizzbee123 · 09/07/2020 23:47

I felt like this.....until the poonamis started! Then I was very grateful for some faded hand he down baby grows that I didn’t feel worried about if they got stained or needed binning. I’d go through, keep what you like, keep some imperfect backup clothes then either give the rest to charity if in a good enough condition or put them in a textile recycling bin.

Pipandmum · 10/07/2020 00:05

Say 'thanks but we already have enough things'. You don't want to store other people stuff. And are they expecting it back (wasn't there a thread about that recently)? Just say no.

LH1987 · 10/07/2020 01:34

Youd be surprised what you might use if you havent had time to do laundry and your newborn has spit up on a ton of cloths in any given day!

You dont need to feel bad though if you dont want it Smile

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