Gender Disappointment

[Tinad91]

I feel like I am the worst mum to be in the world. I was really hoping for a baby girl but we are having a baby boy. Baby is healthy and strong 'touch wood' but I can't help feel disappointment! I feel so guilty. Am I alone in this?

this is always about wanting a girl and getting a boy isn't it
Yep. I find it very sad. It’s usually about superficial things like wanting to buy pretty dresses and have a mini-me to go shopping with. Pigeonholing children before they’re even born. Maybe just get to know the child you’ve got?

This is a predominantly female forum. Stats actually show that most men want boys, and are far more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.

You are not alone OP. I felt the same about my twins. Then they were born and now I don't care about sex. Next one a boy or girl? Doesn't matter.

I must be the opposit to most dd1 i wasnt fussed either way dd2 i was convinced she was a boy they said girl i sobbed. Now carrying ds and got highly emotional again as id convinced myself he was a she lol x

To add i adore all my children and will not change them for the world dd2 loves football and if ds wants to be a ballet dancer were game for that

I should be allowed to air my feelings without being judged and made to feel like I am 'wrong'. I appreciate all the empathetic comments. I now cannot wait for my little boy to arrive! Although cannot find a name we both love as yet!

To those assuming I am probably being superficial and want a 'mini me' to dress up, you may want to get to know me as a person first.

I was neglected and adopted at a young age so maybe you hadn't thought about the fact I just wanted to make a little girl feel loved whereas I was not.

Never assume.

I think feeling this is quite normal. You'll soon get excited about your little boy. My DS is my best mate. And I get all the cuddles. When your ds is here you'll be bowled over by love. Congrats on your healthy pregnancy :)

Congratulations OP. Little boys are absolutely wonderful and you will fall head over heels in love with his little face the second you lay eyes on him

@FizzingWhizzbee123

My little boy challenged every stereotypical preconception I had about little boys. He’s not at all what I imagined. He’s 1000x better than anything I could have imagined (boy or girl) ☺️

Your baby will have their very own little personality and their sex will be just a small part of who they are. Who knows what they will do and who they will be. You’ll only find out through time and watching your little one grow up.

I love this. So true! I think try and let the sex go, as other lovely comments have said- the sex really doesn't tell you anything about who they will be and what personality they will have, or what relationship you will have. They will be whoever they are, and you will be there to watch it happen! I think it is hard though as society really does have this laser-like focus on the sex of babies when really...it just doesn't matter. I'm glad you're feeling better already OP. Good luck x

For those saying it’s always about wanting a girl and getting a boy, this is very at odds with my experience of having two daughters. I was very pleased by the arrival of DD2- I have a sister I’m close to and wanted the same for my elder daughter- and so was my husband, but the world and his uncle came out to say we must be disappointed to have another girl and my husbands father and grandfather both trooped into the postnatal ward with faces like smacked arses and said “oh it’s such a shame... maybe next time...”

Don’t beat yourself up OP. Everyone I know in real life accepts that gender disappointment is a thing but also accepts it’s something most people experience at some point and in some form and that it’s okay. You’ll love your son and he’s clearly much wanted, this will pass.

OP, I'm sorry to hear that you had such a difficult time growing up. I didn't make any assumptions about your personality on the basis of your post. I did express my annoyance though, because all gender disappointment threads on here are by people who wanted a girl. I have a boy and he's awesome. It just gets a bit tedious, the constant preferences for girls, as they imply boys are somehow less desirable. I hope your boy brings you the healing you long for.

You’re totally allowed to feel like this - it’s an emotion and you shouldn’t feel guilty. You’re grieving for something you thought you’d have. I have 2 DS. I found out the first time and was dissapointed as I had a sister and I just imagined having 2 girls like I was part of. It’s all I knew so it’s what I imagined - that’s completely normal! I didn’t find out the second time round as I really didn’t care - I wanted a girl just to have both, but I desperately wanted my DS to have a same sex sibling like I had. I had a second DS and found out when he was born (by which time I couldn’t have cared less just thrilled it was over!). I never felt disappointment which actually surprised me a bit. They’re SO different and both amazing. That said I desperately want another baby atill, and part of me wonders if I had had a girl if I’d feel more like “I’m done”.
I would def like a girl if we had another one so I need to make sure we don’t do it unless I’m totally prepared for a boy.

I didn't know what I was having when I had my second son, who is now an adult. However, even the midwife was telling me I was having a girl (based on heart rate) and so it was such a shock when he was delivered. I was bitterly disappointed for all of three hours, when I got a sudden surge of 'if I don't love him who will' and bonded and wouldn't have swapped him for a girl if given the choice. At the time I thought I should have paid for a scan to find out; but having seen your post it would seem that it may have only prolonged the disappointment. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and if my experience is anything to go by; any disappointment will be short lived once he is born.

this is always about wanting a girl and getting a boy isn't it...

Actually, no.

In hindsight, and I know this sounds odd, I don’t think I imagined I could have a girl (yes, I’m aware of the odds).

I read loads of threads on here but wouldn’t have dared start my own, due to the shitty responses you tend to get about this issue. I wish I’d felt able to though, as I might’ve better worked through my feelings before she arrived.

I had a difficult childhood, OP, and I think it was to do with that; I understand the complexity of feelings that can come up.

You feel what you feel. It’s ok to talk about it.

Once he's hear you wont care and tbh I frequently forget mine's a boy. You spend the rest of your life something bad is going to happen fo them!

*worrying

The comments are always idiotic on these threads. Mumsnet is for women and there are often (quite deep) reasons they may how a light for loving and supporting a little girl. It does not mean a little boy will not be loved and adored.

In real life, including in this country, girls are unwanted and abused every day. And often by men who aren't actually going to love them as much. So please stop feeling sorry for all the boys.

I’m 16 weeks pregnant and have always pictured myself with a boy first. I can’t explain why, but from a young age I’ve been convinced that my eldest child will be a boy.

We find out in a couple of weeks, mainly because it will take me a while to get my head around if it is a girl - especially after about 20 years of thinking I will have a boy.

My midwife was saying that a lot of women she sees have quite a strong preference.

I am pregnant with 4th and desperately want another boy.. boys are so easy and loving and wonderful.. i will defo gave gender disappointment for a girl sorry to admit

boys are so easy and loving and wonderful

Lol, my DS is loving and wonderful, but by no stretch of the imagination is he easy.

If it’s about the dressing up there are some gorgeous unisex and baby boy clothes around if you hunt them down. eBay is great for this, try frugi, jojo maman Bebe, or the Spanish look.

I didnt want a girl, grew up with four sisters and was very happy my first was a boy. When i was pregnant with number 2 I was not happy about having a girl. The positive about finding out at 20 weeks was being able to get my head round it. I have ended up with 3 boys and 1 girl and she definitely holds her own. It was lovely having a little girl

I experienced it so I know how you feel. It was my first baby.
I'd never find out the sex until the birth as I think it's far nicer to find out when your baby is right there not just on a screen.
I wanted a girl but we had a boy. The first thing I felt was disappointment. I wondered why I didn't have a girl. We knew two other people who were both expecting girls as well which made it harder. My mums hurtful comments about the fact she got the sex she wanted all 3 times didn't help either.
My husband struggled to understand why I felt the way I did. I have to live with the guilt every day, I love my son but I still sometimes wonder why we didn't have a girl.
It's not easy but it does get easier.
There will always be people who don't understand. But unless you've experienced it it's very difficult to understand how it feels.

You're not alone OP. A close friend of mine wanted a girl, she has two gorgeous fun-loving boys now that she wouldn't change for the world, and they're so much fun I find myself hoping for boys too, where in the past I'd always have said I wanted a girl.

I swear this is always about wanting to dress girls up in various outfits and then seems to move into sadness re. clothes trips, make up and becoming a mother in law.

Grow up. You are going to be raising a person. It’s no longer about you, it’s about the child. I have two boys and they are amazing little personalities. I couldn’t care less about shopping trips and future family dynamics. I just want to raise happy, productive people and then let them fly.