January 2021 mums to be

[Onekidnoclue]

Other thread was filling up so here’s a new one

@Opelbow I’m convinced there are growth spurts! The other day I went to bed at 20.30, slept through until 7am and that was the day I popped! I thought it might be linked!

@WhoUsedMyName ooh exciting. Mine will be next week but is still phone only in this area.

@WhoUsedMyName it will be nice to see an actual midwife. I've got my 16 week phone call on Thursday. They wouldn't give a time so I might be in a meeting when they ring.

All I can imaged it will be is midwife "how's everything going" me "well thanks"
Midwife "okay I'll call again in a months time"

@Opelbow I know what you mean but I'm sure it will be more detailed then that lol, @SnookyPook I'm surprised it's still phone call apps I'm sure they do the heart beat and test urine etc at 16weeks

@WhoUsedMyName yeah I’m a bit gutted - would be nice to hear the heartbeat! Think they are doing all that stuff at the 20wk scan... 🙄

I’ve also been having bizarre vivid dreams, they feel so real it totally spooks me!

So we had our 16 week private scan last Friday. Decided we would find out by then putting it in an envelope as we weren’t sure if we wanted to know or not. We were staying with my other half’s parents at the time on a visit. They hadn’t stopped talking the entire time about how much they want a granddaughter as they have 4 grandsons (one being our son). His mum wouldn’t stop going on. Turns out it’s another boy, we haven’t told anyone.. I didn’t expect to feel how I do. I really beg no one to judge me as obviously I am still so over the moon happy to be pregnant but I think the pressure from his mum really got to me and made me convinced I was having a girl. This is our last baby so I feel a bit sad I’ll never have a daughter. Is it normal to feel like this or am I being a silly spoilt brat? I really hate myself for feeling so flat. I’m utterly shocked at myself as the feelings must have just been so deep I didn’t even realise how much I’d wanted a girl. Hormones probably won’t be helping as I’ve been tearful this week anyway!

@rozac aw don’t beat yourself up about it. On my ‘What to Expect’ app there are always quite a few posts about gender disappointment. It’s a little alien to me but as a FTM I guess there is no pressure or expectations from anyone and I’m just excited to have a healthy baby. I can see how it might play out differently for people with later babies, especially knowing it will be your last one.

I think the best thing is probably to just allow yourself to feel the feels for a little while, and then allow yourself to think of the amazing positives and good sides to this. For instance, I bet your little boy will be super excited to have a brother who can be his best mate. I’ve also heard lots of Mum’s say how special the bond is with a little boy. And I guess you will have lots of clothes/toys to hand down! Try to be around some people who will lift you up about this little one and ready some witty come backs to deal with your MiL (do these women not realise how inappropriate their comments are?! Geez!) Maybe your little boy could be the one to tell them he’s super excited to get a little brother? Doubt they’d say anything to him at least and then just say something like “sorry you’ll have to pester x and x to give you the granddaughter!”

I hope you feel better about this soon because I’m sure when little one arrives he will win you over in no time and you will barely remember feeling this way. ❤️

Thank you @SnookyPook for your kind message - I can’t explain how much I needed to hear all of the above today! You’re so right. I also felt no sway either way as a FTM so this has totally took my by surprise this time around and I feel so upset that I’m letting it get to me when this should just feb a time of joy! I think it’s a good idea to announce to them via my son 😂 my sister in law is actually also pregnant and feeling totally fed up or the pressure too! I pray I’ll never be this kind of MIL in future lol! Thank you again x

@rozac aw you’re most welcome! At least you have SIL to sympathise with! Wonder if hers is another boy too! Would serve MIL right! 😂 maybe you could both announce the news together.

@rozac no judgement at all just feel for you with such an insensitive MiL. I share that pain. And I have friends who were quite open about wanting a girl. And then had a boy and couldn't imagine anything else and with second had a boy too and just so happy. The bond between two brothers will be amazing. Totally normal to feel like this tho so don't worry - and you have time to get used to the idea. Xx

@rozac I know how you feel. My DM has been on about how it’s best to have one of each sex. Bloody in laws have gone on and on and on about wanting a girl.
It’s driving me potty. Hormones are hard enough without this nonsense.
I felt like I didn’t mind but was sure I was having a girl! We found out we’re having a second boy and I’m now feeling a bit disappointed. Mainly as I’m a terrible people pleaser! Now it’s had a bit of time to sink in I’m more pissed off with the olds and a bit defensive of this baby! Now I’m pleased I’m having a boy, if not just to annoy the silly old in-laws and my mum!!

@lydiangel83 thank you for your lovely msg it’s so reassuring to hear stories like this! I’m sure the bond will be amazing for my boys too which makes me feel better.

@Onekidnoclue so sorry you’re experiencing a similar thing. Why do people feel the need to be so opinionated on this subject especially family members?! I’ve even found that some friends have said things like ‘oh you’d have to have a third if you had two boys’ - makes me feel like my second boy is not seen as important just due to his bloody dangly bits?! How long ago did you find out? I’m hoping to reach the angry defensive stage too lol. This flat feeling is terrible and the guilt just amplifies the sadness xx

Hi All, Just found out we are having a baby girl 💗 very excited and also our harmony/NIPT test is normal too. Looking for some thoughts on flying. Possibly planning a long haul trip when I would be 24-28 weeks. I think medically it’s deemed ok but still in doubt whether I think it’s a good idea. It’s the constant worry isn’t it about anything and everything but would you feel safe? Thanks x

@Bartonbaby1 I'm extra cautious around covid so we've decided against our UK break even! So you need to make a decision based on how you feel regarding risks. Will the flights be cancelled, will you get a refund, second wave, available insurance etc etc. I'm sure medically it's fine at that point with pregnancy though so I wouldn't worry about that.

@rozac I understand you as I've only ever wanted girls as I know what I'm doing with them. My bloody MIL only has grand daughters and is desperate for this to be a boy. Then late last year we lost our daughter at 20 weeks. Now I feel like I just want a live one and if my MIL opens her mouth about wanting a boy after everything we've been through she's going to be very sorry!

@Opelbow I had my 16 week phone call and it was more in depth than I thought. She got me to write blood results in my notes and went through the NT results etc. Also next steps for vaccinations.

Our midwives don't check for heart beats at 16 weeks anyway as they can be hard to find then and just ramps up anxiety.

@Bartonbaby1 I flew to Italy late in pregnancy last time (I think 32 wks) for family wedding and it was fine I just got special insurance to be fair. That was 3 years ago so I suppose only other consideration is your views on COVID. We are going to Italy in September and I'm not too worried will just mask up and take precautions x

@footprintsintheslow I'm sorry for your precious loss. I have friends who say it's harder with one of each as they are interested in different things but I think it's each to their own and we can't control it anyway! Unless you're a celeb and choose gender hmmm! I read a threat on MN about a celebrity nanny and she said some really wealthy people choose gender and due date!? I try to believe what is meant to be will be. But it's outrageous that any family member would have such an opinion! So I hope they pipe down soon!

@footprintsintheslow

I'm very sorry for your loss last year.

Thank you for letting me know how the 16 week appointment goes.

I'm on holiday in France at the moment. We drove here and are staying in an Air BnB so fairly minimal contact. We do a lot of hiking, climbing etc so don't come into contact with many people. We usually come here in our campervan but didn't fancy sharing toilet facilities just yet. We have another holiday booked for the end of August (OH loves his holidays!) and OH is keen to take the van that time. I'm not so keen but then I'm a bit of a weirdo who doesn't really enjoy holidays that much anyway! Especially at the moment, I just want to be nesting at home.

I have my 16 week appointment when I get back, I'll actually be more like 18 weeks by then. My community midwife unfortunately goes on holiday the day I get back so will have to see someone else in the team. They will look for the heartbeat apparently. Hopefully being that bit late they will be able to find it. My anxiety seems to be ramping up a bit again now having eased off after the 12 week scan.

Ah nice! We are off to France for a month next Friday and driving across too, staying in an Airbnb villa. Totally relaxed by that concept as just the hubby and I. Covid is definitely an issue....and that’s why I don’t wish to be irresponsible by flying. They say something about the filters on aeroplanes filtering out a high percentage of particles and if everyone wearing masks?! I’ve read it’s even safer if you sit at a window seat. It’s a lovely suggestion from my husband but perhaps we should just be content with the France trip which will be wonderful. X

We are looking at a UK break in a private lodge so we can control how much contact we have with others. My OH has worked from home the entire lockdown and needs a break. I just want to get out of the house as I’m still on Furlough lol x

Both our DM’s want granddaughters and I think I’m having a boy so now even more convinced lol x

I've got sad news, I had some spotting on Sunday and got a scan yesterday. The baby doesn't have a heartbeat and is measuring smaller than it was at the 12 week scan although I'm 16 weeks along. Totally devastated and having a surgically managed miscarriage tomorrow. I was told at 12 weeks that it was at risk of having a heart condition because of the high NT measurement and I knew there was a higher risk of miscarrying because of that. Anyway, I didn't just want to disappear from the thread without saying why.

@nchristie I’m so so sorry to hear this sad news. Sending a virtual hug and support - please take good care of yourself xx

So sorry to hear this @nchristie

@nchristie I’m so sorry. That’s terrible news. Sending lots of love. X