Anyone else not wanting to give birth?

[lockdownpregnancy]

Hi ladies.
FTM and 26 weeks so a way to go yet, but I really don't want to give birth! 😫
How stupid is that!
Ive accidentally seen the odd birth clip on tv and I literally cry knowing I've got to do it!
I'm so excited to meet my baby boy but I really really don't want to give birth!
It's fucking traumatising to watch, so what's it like when you're actually going through it!
I know it's really stupid and you're all probably thinking I'm an idiot but just the thought of giving birth is just something I wish to ignore!
I know he's gotta come out one way or another and the anxiety it's giving me is seriously making me contemplate an elective C-Section.
I know some women love it and say how wonderful it is and it's the most natural thing in the world and blah blah blah but I really really don't wanna do it! 😭😭😭
I know I need to get a grip and when the time comes I'm sure I'll just power through it (hopefully) but I just need to know I'm not the only who is fucking terrified over giving birth!
Apologies for the swearing but my mood requires it! 😫😫😫😫

You won't think about it- you'll just do it. Honestly birth is the easy bit compared to your first few weeks with a newborn

I was the same. Had an ELCS. No regrets.

I second that days with the a newborn is worse than the birth!
If the tv programmes are bothering you stop watching them. In the nicest possible way your going to have to get the baby out one way or another so try to get on board with it

I felt like this when pregnant with my first. I was terrified! I used to get a wave of fear over me whenever I thought about it and spent my entire pregnancy hoping for a c section.

Now pregnant with my second and not dreading the birth at all. I was induced first time and baby was born 8 hours later and I pushed for 26 minutes.

Don’t forget you can get pain relief. I had an epidural at 7cm dilated and never would have thought I could make it that far without one.

Try not to worry, it’s so so worth it!

When I imagined labour and giving birth I was terrified. I was so scared it was 'coming from that hole. How could it possibly come out of that hole.'
I was all up for every drug under the sun, knock me out and cut him out if need be.

However, I went into labour and went to hospital twice was only 1cm, then only 2cm. Baby was back to back. The 3rd time I went in, I was 10cm and the 'pressure' I felt, was my body automatically pushing. Baby was born 20 mins later. With no pain relief just G&A as he crowned. I still can't believe it to this day, I was so adamant on getting an epidural. And I would absolutely do it all over again!!
The adrenaline gets you through it, if someone told me I was going to birth like that I would have laughed in their face.

I could actually have written this post. Currently 22 weeks with my first and feel exactly the same way. Have been reading tons of positive birth stories, but even the best of stories are freaking me out. Decided to speak to my midwife about ELCS but not sure how that will go.. I hear it can be a fight to get one. Hope you find a way to feel better about it soon

If it helps , I’m pregnant with baby #2 and I’m excited to give birth again . It’s not as bad as you imagine , or at least it wasn’t for me. I had a complicated labour too but it was also the best day of my life!

Just think , you are literally designed for this ! It is the most natural and amazing thing your body can do . You’ve got this !!!

@lockdownpregnancy I feel exactly the same way, I'm terrified of having to give birth. I avoid (and have always avoided) the giving birth TV shows and I'm still traumatised from having to watch a video of a woman giving birth when in high school.

I'm also a bit traumatised from a previous miscarriage, which was an awful experience. I am strongly thinking about an ELCS but I'm imagining I will be told no. The only thing that worries me with the ELCS is the much longer recovery period

I was like that first time (I didn’t have a great birth ended in an emcs) but as you get nearer the end hormones and being constantly uncomfortable make birth seem a great idea. I’m about 33 weeks with my second booked for an elcs. Still not keen in the idea but I can’t get out of the bath anymore, the acid reflux is a pain and I feel tired. I’ll have had enough 39 weeks.

This was me a few weeks ago. I now have a 3 week old :) I would recommend doing a Hypnobirthing course and I also highly recommend the Freya app. I got to 9cm on breathing alone!

OP, I felt exactly the same way when pregnant with DC1 17 years ago. I wasn't so much terrified, just kind of convinced there was no way that experience could happen to me, and I must have some kind of fatal accident before hand. (This sounds much darker than it was at the time, honest.)

In the end I woke up at 7.00 at 36 weeks, and by the time I got to the hospital 90 minutes later I was full dilated. No drugs apart from gas and air. And I had him in 90 minutes! A really good birth. Just not at all when/ what I planned.

I have had 3 children, and a miscarriage at 13 weeks - and still have to avoid birth scenes on tv. I don't enjoy pregnancy particularly, I didn't think that giving birth was empowering, and I did not fall in love immediately with any of my babies. I just felt so pleased it was all over and relieved they were healthy.

And I felt so so so guilty about that with my first born as we are sold this Hallmark myth. Lots of women do get that experience, and that must be amazing - but not everyone.

So no real advice, just a lot of sympathy/ empathy. And as someoen has said earlier 'the adrenaline gets you through'.

Birth scenes on TV are deliberately made more dramatic so don't think that's how all births are!

I would really recommend the Positive Birth Company's online hypnobirthing course, it explains everything so clearly and is all based on science. I feel so much more prepared for birth now and much more relaxed about it. It sounds woo but it isn't at all and I think it would help you feel less nervous and more in control.

It’s normal to be nervous, but your body is made for giving birth!

It looks really frightening, but lots of women go on to have more children - it really will be ok.

Think of giving birth like a rollercoaster ride: your currently going up, crazy with anticipation. Soon you will reach the top and then just go with it and scream!

Well. Hmm.

I'm much older than most of you.

I had two vaginal deliveries. Neither went particularly wrong, and, to be fair, I was 36/38 with mine; but, knowing what I do now, I'd go for elective C- Sections.

My first took I think 14 hours of established labour, my second 18 hours.

I ended up with ineffective epidurals with both, too! Plus litres of gas and air.

I tore a bit with both but not badly.

However, despite all the Kegel exercises, I have (at 58) stress incontinence, as do many of my friends.

I was a bit ideologically pressured into a drug free, 'natural birth'.

I also have many friends who had C Sections, and none seemed to be incapacitated for long- but have fully functioning under-carriages.

I had mine with no pain relief. It was doable. I imagine with some pain relief it's really not that bad at all.

I didn't want to give birth and was so stressed when labour started that it didn't progress very well. After 48h of labouring I had to have emergency c-section. Second baby was elective section. Recovery was easy and newborn days an absolute bliss both times. Wish I went for elective section first time too.

Ladies you have made me feel soooooooo much better about how I'm feeling!
The things you have wrote are literally the other things I could have added to my post!
I know I'll get through it and hopefully everything will be fine but honest to god thinking about it for the next 14 weeks is going to wreck my head!
I said to DH that the element of surprise of 'shit, I'm in labour' may be the best thing as I'll just have to get on with it!
For some reason my social media gives me these videos as 'ideas' of things to watch and I forgot to change the channel before a birthing programme came on as I was too busy looking at my phone, so when I looked up I was like 😱😫😱😫😱😫😱😫
I got myself into this and there is only one way out of it now! Haha! 😝😝😝

@lockdownpregnancy like everyone has said your body will just do it. I was like you towards the end of my pregnancy (my day is 6mths old now) and my plan was to keep an open mind. Even though I secretly hoped for a c-section and after a lonnng time in inactive labour (I'll spare you the details) I opted for an epidural and it was the best think I could have done. Experienced very minimal pain and my lo was out within 3 pushes and nothing more than a graze! Recovery was good too other than having to spend the night because of the epidural (which no one told me before I made the decision!)

I was the same first time round. I didn't even think about giving birth until it had to happen. I didn't watch videos or one born every minute.
Honestly, it's not as bad as you think.
And once you're in labour, you just go with it, adrenaline, you've got no choice.
I ended up with them trying to Induce me from the Wednesday, Saturday 10am waters being broke, 4 hours contractions, then a drip, and a failed epidural, and stitches.
My boy is certainly worth it, and you do soon forget the whole trauma.
I can't believe I've got to do it all again...

I was exactly the same but by the time you’re very near the end you will likely be hoping and praying every little twinge is labour starting.

I had a three day long labour with my first, wasn’t the easiest as I was exhausted and it ended up being an assisted birth (epidural,forceps, ventouse, episiotomy) but honestly at that point they could have done anything to me as all I was thinking about was please get my baby out as quickly and safely as possible.

My second labour was a day and ended up having a water birth which was amazing.

My advice would be to just let your body do it’s thing as it takes over anyway when it comes to the birth.

If you can look at things for the contractions whether that’s pain relief or mediating it will certainly help you to feel more prepared. My sister recently had her first baby and by me talking and counting through the contractions with her over the phone describing it being a rollercoaster reaching to the top it helped her through them lol.

The contractions were definitely the worst part for me but thankfully there’s pain relief!

I've had worse period pains, and my boy was almost 10lb. Birth really isn't always horrendous. Honest.

Definitely reccomend hypnobirthing too! Check out the positive birth movement.

Please don’t go into it blind.
Be prepared, read up on birth. Control and preparation can really help you manage labour and birth, it can be an enjoyable experience. Good luck you’ll be amazing... as other women have said.. once you give birth and have your baby, you wonder why you worried about that part so much xx

I have four children, and honestly I would have more if I could afford it, the births didn't put me off at all. I know it's really scary when you haven't done it before, but I think birth looks worse for the person watching than it is for the woman going through it if that makes sense! And as others have said you can have as much pain relief as you like :) good luck OP.

All the TV shows etc made me think that every moment I was in labour would be agony.
It wasn’t.
In reality my first was born 2 and a half hours after we turned up to hospital. (I thought they tell me to go home and have a bath and take paracetamol!)
Know your options. Pain relief. Support in labour. Different positions to labour in.
Don’t rule stuff out in advance. My first was a water birth. But I didn’t rule out an epidural if I felt I needed one.
Do look into breathing techniques. TENS also helped me.
But it’s your labour. You do it your way.

I think it’s natural to be scared OP. You are stepping into the unknown with your first birth (and in fact every birth to some degree) and we are repeatedly told that it’s going to be agony. In some ways it is but it is not like the agony of, say, breaking your leg. It feels very different and it is hard to explain. I felt overwhelmed by the intensity of birth rather than the pain and I felt like that each of the 3 times I have given birth. However, I also actually enjoyed labour in my second birth because I prepared really really hard. I read an amazing book called Birth Skills by Juju Sundin and it was honestly transformational. That and hypnobirthing to help stay calm. I also looked at and practised empowering statements and visualisations every day and when I was in labour I stuck them up all around my living room, had my favourite music on, candles and I actually sang my way through labour. Sounds crazy but it is true. The endorphins were insane! It wasn’t like that with my first or my third funnily enough but it is possible!

I would recommend you avoid any negative or scary birth stories, it won’t help you at all so why expose yourself to that!

Have a look at this website too:

www.tellmeagoodbirthstory.com/