Anyone else not wanting to give birth?

[lockdownpregnancy]

Hi ladies.
FTM and 26 weeks so a way to go yet, but I really don't want to give birth! 😫
How stupid is that!
Ive accidentally seen the odd birth clip on tv and I literally cry knowing I've got to do it!
I'm so excited to meet my baby boy but I really really don't want to give birth!
It's fucking traumatising to watch, so what's it like when you're actually going through it!
I know it's really stupid and you're all probably thinking I'm an idiot but just the thought of giving birth is just something I wish to ignore!
I know he's gotta come out one way or another and the anxiety it's giving me is seriously making me contemplate an elective C-Section.
I know some women love it and say how wonderful it is and it's the most natural thing in the world and blah blah blah but I really really don't wanna do it! 😭😭😭
I know I need to get a grip and when the time comes I'm sure I'll just power through it (hopefully) but I just need to know I'm not the only who is fucking terrified over giving birth!
Apologies for the swearing but my mood requires it! 😫😫😫😫

Honestly, OP - by the time I got to 36 weeks I just wanted the baby out. She could have burst out like something out of Alien for all I'd have cared - I was so uncomfortable all the time that I couldn't wait to give birth.

Ended up with a forceps delivery (no epidural). The recovery was painful but reasonably fast. It's really not that bad. Don't worry too much!

My labour and delivery were fine but after was traumatic for me... I would still do it again if I was allowed🙁

Thank you ladies! Being prepared it absolutely the best way but at the same time my anxiety can't take the knowing! I'll just lose my shit over it! I already have on a number of occasions!
It's nice to know what I'm feeling is natural but I literally want to stamp my feet and shout YOUR CANT MAKE ME!!!' Like a child having a tantrum 😂😂😂 but clearly that's not an option 😝
I'll have a chat with my midwife when I see her in a couple of weeks.
I want to go with ignorance is bliss with the labour. Give me the drugs and get him out safely by any means necessary as long as my baby and me are ok at the end of it! However that is done I don't want to know! 😝
I feel like such an awful person right now! It's a good job I'm good with kids otherwise god knows what I'd be like thinking about being a mom! That's the bit that's making me smile, not what comes beforehand haha!

I went in with ignorance is bliss and no birth plan and it was absolutely fine

@Raaaa that's what I like to hear! 👍🏻 haha! 😝

Have a look on YouTube for positive birth stories, there are loads and they're honestly lovely. Not every birth is straightforward but even if it doesn't go to plan you will be so we'll looked after - midwives are honestly the best people in the world. And even if labour is 4 days long (like mine), it's a drop in the ocean compared to the wonderful future of motherhood you will have. Please don't worry, everything will be alright.

I felt exactly the same in the beginning and listened to "fear free childbirth" podcast on spotify and it has calmed me down so much! It really puts across how film and tv show such negative births, also that people sharing birth stories tend to share the negatives! I am a FTM and now 33 weeks.. I feel so positive about my birth, going to try and get by on gas and air only! Learn as much as possible from antenatal classes on YouTube, it feels better to be well informed on what's going to happen i think. But 100% recommend the podcast!

Honestly give hypnobirthing a try. After doing the positive birth company digital course I was actually excited about labour instead of dreading it!

I've never written a birth plan, I didn't really realise it was a thing to be honest (my oldest is only 4 so not like it was 20 years ago!), I thought how can you plan for something that you don't reeeeally have much control over. I just went with the flow both times and yes it hurts but it's not a breaking your arm pain as there's a point to it, don't get me wrong it's up there but it just isn't like an injury. I think everyone has fear of the Unknown before you've done it, it's normal. As for watching birth videos I still struggle to watch and I've done it twice!

I'm now pregnant with my third and in some weird warped way I'm excited to do it again. I'm not remotely worried, but I know what's coming, theres no unknown fear. Before I had my first one of my friends said to me "just remember no matter how awful/painful it is its 1 day out of your life" that helped me put it into perspective and I thought about what she'd said again going to have the second.

I’ve got 5 weeks left and desperately hoping scientists will come out with a special 3rd way to give birth 😂

@LizzyAnna99 fingers crossed eh! 😂😂😂

Birth is painful yes but there are drugs to help. The midwives and doctors are amazing. I was lucky to have a smooth birth (remember they do happen-people are quick to tell horror stories ) And though during it I was willing it to hurry and that baby would be here safe I look back so fondly as one of the most alive and exciting days of my life and in a way would love to do it again. I have the best memories. I read loads of positive birth stories and that really helps. Try not to overthink a birth plan and go with it -you might be like me and find the whole thing incredible. I second what others have said here -I found the birth easy compared to newborn days!

Also my midwife was amazing and said just think about getting through the next contraction then the next hour -don’t think about the whole labour -then suddenly it’s over and you have an amazing prize. Eyes on the prize. I was in a birth centre and loved it.

Honestly it's not that bad! I've done it twice and would do it again in a heartbeat.

Just try and stay calm, concentrate on your breathing and your contractions. I think the people who flap around and cause a huge fuss are making it worse for themselves.

I'm glad the OP is hearing all these amazing, easy birth stories.

But, but, I can't help asking, how many of you are almost sixty with stress incontinence? My own non- feminist mother, slim, relatively fit, b. 1933 used to rail against how there is all but no aftercare for women who've had long labours with big babies with big tears.

Whereas, apparently, there is in France.

Obviously, everyone is different, but, as I've said, in retrospect, I'd've had 2 elective Caesarians (in a country where I had that choice!) if I knew then what I know now.

And I don't have stress incontinence (yet), but your undercarriage doesn't stretch to accommodate a 8lb baby, then go back to how it was before.

It seems scary now but by the time you're due you will probably just want the baby out of you!

It'll be fine, I mean, probably fairly horrible but it will end and you'll have a baby.

Honestly by the end of your pregnancy, you'll probably be so fed up of being huge and uncomfortable that labour will be a blessed relief.

If however you do go for a planned c-section, I can highly recommend. They are very calm and civilised. I quite enjoyed mine.

@OutComeTheWolves I do want an ELCS but my DH doesn't want me to. He believes that natural birth is better for baby. I suppose he is right to a certain extent but he also said that I need to talk through my options with my MW, so he isn't forcing me into it, but I also don't want to let him down. I've already decided to bottle feed that went down like a lead balloon but he's accepted my reasons. Plus he would never force me as he's not like that bless him.
I'm not making any snap decisions yet but as a FTM and knowing all the boys in my DH's family were all born 10lb plus 😱 I fear that there won't be much left of me if a natural birth is on the cards! Recovery time may be worse than if I did have a CS.
I'm secretly hoping my MW says I have to have a CS if baby is going to be big! 🙏🏻 😂
I'll be having a chat with her about it next time I see her, but I know most MW's don't even entertain the idea do they?

Honestly, it's one of the best experiences of my life. I was petrified of the idea before I had my first, sure its painful, and I wasnt fully prepared so I kind of lost control as it all happened so fast, but I'm now pregnant again and cannot wait to give birth again.

Like others have said, remember that the births you see on tv have been edited and the producers pick people who are "interesting" for audience viewing purposes. Also you've got to be a particular kind of person to agree to be on a TV programme, particularly to film your birth.

You've had a lot of good suggestions wrt hypnobirthing (second positive birth company) and TENS machine. Also you're "only" 29 weeks. I don't think many people get to grips with the whole birthing process until much later. Are you doing any ante natal classes? These are as much to get a group of friends who are all going through if at the same time as they are about learning.

From what I've heard, big babies are easier to birth than a small baby so maybe you want it that way around? If you want a c section though, just ask for one. Although my best friend was adamant that she wanted a c section from the word go as she didn't want to push/was scared. 16 months later she's now moaning that she didn't get to experience "natural" birth and is still apparently struggling from the c section so wants that if she gets pregnant again... You can't win with her!

It's the reason I didn't want children and the reason I have a big age gap so you are not alone . Just take the drugs !

@brainstories568 I haven't done any antenatal classes and I don't want to. Mathis sounds awful but I hate socialising with people I don't know! I hate like I'm being forced into talking people I don't want to talk to and then that comes across as me being an ignorant stuck up bitch, which I'm really not!
I also don't want to know what's going to happen. Again, I know it sounds daft, but with my anxiety ignorance is bliss, which is why I want to stay away from people spilling their labour stories to me, or being fully informed of everything that may or may not happen to me and baby when in labour!
It sounds silly but it would really tip me over the edge! 😫
I'll make sure I have the super important information from MW but everything else I just don't want to know! As pp said, just give me the drugs and get him out! 😂
Not keen on forceps or the vacuum thingy if he gets stuck, that's one thing I do know. Mid he isn't going to come out by himself I'll have an emergency C Section instead.
I have this fear that they will snap his neck or something!
What am I like eh! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

Its totally normal to feel that way! I was exactly the same first time.
And trust me I'm the biggest wuss going when it comes to pain 😂 if I can do it, anyone can.

My main tip would be, dont be a martyr and if you want to have an epidural have one! I did and it was the best thing I did! Didn't feel a thing as soon as I had that and really took my anxiety away and everything was really calm from there on in, including the pushing. You don't get any medals for not using pain relief!

I look back at my DS birth now and just feel pride that I did it! And can't be that bad as currently 30 weeks pregnant with DD 😂

Good luck with it all, you'll do fine ❤️

[quote lockdownpregnancy]@brainstories568 I haven't done any antenatal classes and I don't want to. Mathis sounds awful but I hate socialising with people I don't know! I hate like I'm being forced into talking people I don't want to talk to and then that comes across as me being an ignorant stuck up bitch, which I'm really not!
I also don't want to know what's going to happen. Again, I know it sounds daft, but with my anxiety ignorance is bliss, which is why I want to stay away from people spilling their labour stories to me, or being fully informed of everything that may or may not happen to me and baby when in labour!
It sounds silly but it would really tip me over the edge! 😫
I'll make sure I have the super important information from MW but everything else I just don't want to know! As pp said, just give me the drugs and get him out! 😂
Not keen on forceps or the vacuum thingy if he gets stuck, that's one thing I do know. Mid he isn't going to come out by himself I'll have an emergency C Section instead.
I have this fear that they will snap his neck or something!
What am I like eh! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ [/quote]
I get the not wanting to have "forced" socialisation and I could just be lucky but I went to NCT classes and whilst I barely remember a thing they taught us, i now have 2 of my closest friends who I met there that I literally could not have survived motherhood without!
They have been my rock (and I like to think I've been theirs at times too)
We've met other close friends now through going to all kinds of baby groups together and have a really strong network.

There's something about being pregnant together in those classes that can really give you a bond for life x

I do want an ELCS but my DH doesn't want me to. He believes that natural birth is better for baby.

OP the only person that gets an opinion on how you give birth is you. It's your body, your right to choose how you give birth.

ELCS is an incredibly safe way to give birth. Both for the mother and the baby. By nature it's safer than an EMCS. I think it's only behind an uncomplicated vaginal birth in terms of safety. There's lots of info out there (and on here) about this.

You are entitled to an ELCS on the NHS. NICE guidelines state this. It may be a fight but it should be possible.

FWIW I've had two ELCS due to tokophobia. Happy to share more info if you like.