AIBU? I am floored by what DH has just said to me!

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

It’s an AIBU but everyone in AIBU will tell me my husband is a dick and that I should run for the hills...

Probably hormones but I’m really fucking offended and need to vent!!

I made a comment earlier how I couldn’t wear my usual bra as it hurts so I have a bikini top on which is nice and stretchy. This came off later on in the day as we’re just having a chilled afternoon and then I commented how I needed a bigger bra as my boobs have grown.

Then he goes in waffling some spiel how women should always wear bras otherwise they get saggy boobs (bare in mind I haven’t worn a bra to walk the dogs for the last week as I have been off work). I laughed and assured him that give it a year or so with pregnancy and breastfeeding I’m sure they will get a little saggy all on their own! And just kind of laughed it off and that was that.

Subject came up again as I had to put bra on and to go to the front door as I was wearing a vest top. And he said about keeping it on after. I then said ‘oh heaven forbid your favourite feature does south!!’ which he didn’t like at all and sorta replied with ‘well, exactly!’, basically I just wanted to leave it there as I could feel tensions rising, so it ended with ‘ok do what you want.... it’s like now you’re pregnant you just want to give up’. I asked him ‘Give up on what?!’ and he said ‘everything’ and we’ve been silent since. Like what the fuck does that even mean?!? I am only 6 weeks and we have only known just over 2 weeks, first baby for both. Diet/exercise hasn’t changed so I’m guessing his comment about me ‘giving up’ is entirely based on the fact I don’t want to wear a bra At the moment because my boobs are sore?!

I am sat here with a lump in my throat as I am typing sat next to him. I just want to cry at him for now upset that comment made me feel but I don’t know if I am over-reacting.

Anyone have any thoughts? What can I even say to that?!

Tell him to get a grip and grow up!!! You're growing a human...your body will change as it's doing amazing things and he needs to educate himself on this little fact of life and not be so childish

Hope you're OK xxxx

so it ended with ‘ok do what you want.... it’s like now you’re pregnant you just want to give up’

Eh?
Give up at what?
It's your body, tell him to STFU!

I'm 48, fed three babies, boobs still not saggy. Your husband is a sexist pig and you need to tell him to pack in his comments otherwise he won't need to worry about your breasts position as he won't be seeing them.

And obviously giving up is giving up on looking sexy for him [yuk].

Sounds like he's having a hard time coming to terms with change with your developing body.

Poor guy, must be extremely difficult watching someone go through the aches and pains of pregnancy, worry about how covid might affect the health of their unborn, handle nausea and then physical pain.

And on top of that he's going to be struggling with your sleep deprivation and learning to feed a child etc.

Can't think of anything worse than watching a loved one go through all that.

Oh wait!! - he could be pregnant and actually handling those changes himself?!

Some men are stupid .

Eeep reading OP's husbands ideas of pregnancy and boobs has made me appreciate my hubs so much more lol. I have been saggy since I knew him (always been around a G cup). He's not lit never mentioned it, but he has been supportive for the whole pregnancy. Just so that OP knows, it is perfectly possible for a man to not be a dick to his missus.

Breasts behave very differently depending on how small/big they are.

If you have tiny tits they’re likely to stay looking perky a lot longer than very full tits do. Swing and roundabouts, eh.

Then you get older, and if you were blessed with a generous volume to begin with they will likely be more saggy as the years go by.

They’re still beautiful, whatever the case may be.

What an over reaction on his part. Unfortunately he's behaving like a lot of men in his situation. Self obsessed, unable to grasp that his partner might have feelings. Let's hope he gets it when you explain it to him

I don't know if anyone's said it already but bras actually don't stop sag. Research has proved that braless women tend to sag less.

Genes also play a part. I've never worn a bra...mine are still upright and I'm 40 something.

Boobs get saggier, balls get saggier 🤷🏻‍♀️ he’s a dick (and yes I have read the updates)

And you’re having a baby with this ‘man’.. Good luck

Quite amusing watching you do such a u-turn and defending him. Bless you OP!

My dh said some daft things before I bore his children. Despite everything going south (not just boobs, in my case a prolapse ...) he's the one who builds my self esteem.

If he's not normally a chauvinist, he's probably just freaking out. And when the baby does arrive, he will be too tired to even notice you still have boobs. Then his hair will fall out.

So what’s he going to do after you’ve breastfed or your boobs just naturally sag as you get older?

Awful thing to say - especially when you’re carrying his child. Is this the problem? He’s worried you’re going to “let yourself go”? If so, it’s an extremely shallow mindset and I’d be having a very serious conversation with him to get to the bottom of it. Don’t be a martyr - tell him how much he’s upset you.

Just read your updates.

and how my body will change and how his comments actually came out and how what he said came out like a really horrible thing to say

It came out like a horrible thing because it was a horrible thing to say. Why are you letting him make excuses? And now forever more you’ll be worrying he won’t fancy you when your boobs have sagged. What an Arse.

No defending, just updating everyone with what happened now it’s all calmed down and talked things through. :)

All we well now in the Skylines’ household now.

He was a massive twat and made a mistake and he apologise and he fixed it. He doesn’t normally act this way so don’t worry everyone, we are all good and I will not be leaving anytime soon! He is a brilliant husband apart from this stupid comment!

Thank you for all your advice and glad to know that it’s not just my DH that has a mouth big enough for his foot!

Is he panicking about beig a dad do you think and chose a really shitty way to express that panic? Both Mums and Dads can feel that way even with a planned pregnancy. I think you need to try and have a calm chat seeing this is out of character for him and see if there's something behind it.

Well, I hope so 🌷

But keep what has been said here in mind if it happens again. And we are here anytime!

I am glad to hear all fixed. Take care though, and p,ease be careful, sometimes those kind of comments increase, and other things happen.
There is always help there if needed. (Not saying you do), but it is there. I wish you both a happy pregnancy and a happy parenthood.x

Ha ha - he needs to know you will have all sort of changes while you carry your (joint) child! Saggy boobs, jelly bellies and slack fanjos are standard fallout, but you may also get delights such as liver spots, lumpy moles, varicose veins, piles, bladder issues, indigestion, restless legs, post-partum stitches and many more problems. Some will go away when your DC arrives and some will stay forever!

If he is really so shallow that he cares whether you wear a bra at home, then I agree with PPs that you should share those support pants with him! He needs to love you whatever you look like, especially any changes that are due to bearing children. Tell him to get a grip.....!

Actually wearing a bra weakens the chest muscles so they sag more

I find that difficult to believe. Physics dictates that gravity will pull anything heavy downwards, especially if there is no support.

Sorry - just saw your update. Glad he has now got a grip....

Enjoy your pregnancy (your last few months of freedom...) and your lovely addition to your family when he/she arrives!

Think he's been insensitive and an idiot for which he should apologise.

But it doesn't sound like he has form for this kind of thing.

Sounds like someone who's a bit shell shocked about the prospect of a baby and the sudden way men's and women's experiences diverge - she's caring the baby, he isn't.

I would not let him off the hook but I would try to be a bit understanding.

I would have told him not to worry as with that attitude he wouldn't be likely to see them again for a while anyway 🤷🏽‍♀️ he is in for a shock with what's to come, and you can remind him of this when his balls are by his knees. I think all the comments about thinking about raising a child alone are a bit far fetched. Tell him he's hurt your feelings once things have calmed down a little and hopefully he'll realise he's been a hurtful douchebag and apologise.
Ive actually found that wearing a sports bra/crop top hurts less than going bra free anyway tbh so his opinions aside maybe invest in a couple x

@madcatladyforever

i think you need to remind "D"H that gonads go south very quickly after 40 and you absolutely cannot bear the look of men with saggy ball bags, I mean it's disgusting right? He'd better get those tight pants on and keep them on day and night so you don't find him repulsive.

Hahahaha