AIBU? I am floored by what DH has just said to me!

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

It’s an AIBU but everyone in AIBU will tell me my husband is a dick and that I should run for the hills...

Probably hormones but I’m really fucking offended and need to vent!!

I made a comment earlier how I couldn’t wear my usual bra as it hurts so I have a bikini top on which is nice and stretchy. This came off later on in the day as we’re just having a chilled afternoon and then I commented how I needed a bigger bra as my boobs have grown.

Then he goes in waffling some spiel how women should always wear bras otherwise they get saggy boobs (bare in mind I haven’t worn a bra to walk the dogs for the last week as I have been off work). I laughed and assured him that give it a year or so with pregnancy and breastfeeding I’m sure they will get a little saggy all on their own! And just kind of laughed it off and that was that.

Subject came up again as I had to put bra on and to go to the front door as I was wearing a vest top. And he said about keeping it on after. I then said ‘oh heaven forbid your favourite feature does south!!’ which he didn’t like at all and sorta replied with ‘well, exactly!’, basically I just wanted to leave it there as I could feel tensions rising, so it ended with ‘ok do what you want.... it’s like now you’re pregnant you just want to give up’. I asked him ‘Give up on what?!’ and he said ‘everything’ and we’ve been silent since. Like what the fuck does that even mean?!? I am only 6 weeks and we have only known just over 2 weeks, first baby for both. Diet/exercise hasn’t changed so I’m guessing his comment about me ‘giving up’ is entirely based on the fact I don’t want to wear a bra At the moment because my boobs are sore?!

I am sat here with a lump in my throat as I am typing sat next to him. I just want to cry at him for now upset that comment made me feel but I don’t know if I am over-reacting.

Anyone have any thoughts? What can I even say to that?!

To me this doesn't sound like him just being arsehole but maybe a little bit of panic. Maybe he it has hit him now that stuff is going to change and not be like they were.
My partner went through the same thing when I was pregnant with our eldest.
Obviously it doesnt make how and what he said right but, maybe you guys need to sit down and have a chat about how things are going to change. Reassure him that your love for him isn't going to change just because a baby is around xx

The problem isn’t hormones, the problem is your H making negative comments about your underwear choices and pregnant body!

Is it possible he’s having a bit of an inner freak out over how much your lives are going to change and he’s just expressed it in a ridiculous way? Knowing the male species, what they say and what they mean can be two very different things

This ^^ It was exactly my first thought when reading your post.

11 yrs just the two of you is a long time... is he is possibly just anxious about the bigger changes ahead but epic fail as to how he went about expressing it? You said he is not like this usually & also you are likely much more sensitive now with the early pregnancy hormones. I'm not excusing him but tears can come a little/alot quicker than usual during pregnancy.

Maybe wait until you feel a little less emotional & can clearly explain how much his comment hurt you, that you've a long way to go to get to 40 weeks & he needs to be honest & open with you about how he feels but never unkind. You need to feel strong powerful femininity...embrace your blooming body...it is caring for & carrying your baby. He needs to get it.

And don't listen to those on here who are preparing you for single parenthood based on one thoughtless comment after 11 years of a good relationship..... you know the real him & your relationship.... don't let people you don't know make you feel insecure or distrusting enough to damage it when what is needed is repair.

Good Luck with the rest of your pregnancy & congratulations!

his balls would have gone North after I had kicked them to the back of his throat BASTARD !

He's panicking you'll let yourself go now you're pregnant & will be a mum. He's broached it in a stupid way. Not sure if you feel the moment has passed now but it's best to talk it out. Does he wear well-fitting underwear so his balls don't hang down to his knees swaying in the wind when he gets older? By his strange logic, he should be ...

Kick him in the nuts 3 times and then tell him to wear tight briefs. Then ask him again what he thinks of your discomfort

It is actually wearingbras that makes the muscles relax and causes breasts to sag.

Either way, breasts are going to sag with age, pregnancy and generally anything that changes your body shape.

Tell him to fuck off.

You’ve been together for 11 years and he is scared of the changes you now face together and is vocalising them badly.

It isn’t about your boobs or your body changes really.

So I’ve just spend the last hour ugly crying at him!

Safe to say he feels utterly ashamed he made me feel that way and what we said came out completely wrong and he didn’t mean to come across like a prick! It was a case of he said the wrong thing and panicked.

He feels so guilty and is so sorry. And it’s genuine. We had a big call talk about everything, feelings of being scared and happy and thrilled about the future- and how my body will change and how his comments actually came out and how what he said came out like a really horrible thing to say.

Always wear a bra buy one online from m and s a maternity one. Or wear a sports one. I always wore a bra as keeps them upright. I had a boob job after 2nd as was small anyways a size 32c and was empty like puppy ears perfect now. Husband hated them at first and preferred old ones. Husband tbh sounds worried about sex now so take with pinch of salt. Husband wouldnt come near me 1st time when I was pregnant lol

he's worried about saggy boobs when you get older ? he's probably he horriefied if you has implants and you were in your 80's !
your dh is due a wake up call isn't he?

So basically he is just being a massive idiot who didn’t word what he was trying to say well. His tits aren’t his number one concern at all and he isn’t really sure why he said it. He read it somewhere once and thought he was being helpful.
Men are stupid...
Thank you for all of your inputs. I do appreciate everyone who had taken time out of their evenings to reply.
Rest assured this is a totally isolated incident from a first time father to be who well and truly stuck his foot in it! X

*My tits
I mean 😂

Omg if he's acting like that now where the physical changes are minimal then how's he going to act when your a heavily pregnant?! So many things change your body during pregnancy! He needs to get used to this and fast! It would be better for him to have an idea now if what's to come. Also how to learn how to be tactful, at a certain point of pregnancy I'm sure you'd be inclined to smack him one with something heavy if he dares mention appearance!

Oh bless him. My DH asked me some odd questions and said a couple of strange things when we found out we were having a baby too. I think it was just shock, and realisation that things were changing and not processing that very well. The fact that you've talked it through and come out the other side bodes well for the future. We all say stupid things sometimes, it's not always malicious.

Wow. In the nicest possible terms, he is a knobhead. Don't sit there holding the tears in. Sit there and howl, snot an all and tell him how hurtful his comments are, given that your body is changing as you are getting ready to have his baby. Then, perhaps put on a documentary about male pattern baldness, hairy backs and saggy balls! In the meanwhile, here's a cup of tea for you.

Although, on closer inspection, that mug of tea looks like it has Cannabis on it, so perhaps don't drink it.

I’ve heard some French women barely if ever, wear a bra & their boobs stay perky enough! Your dh does seem out of order. I’ve also heard that some men’s penis’s disappear back inside themselves when they get old.

It sounds to me like DH is scared of how you'll change. Having knocked you up, he has no control at all over what will happen from now on. My husband thinks of himself as quite an enlightened, non-sexist etc person, but he really struggled with the 'loss of control' aspect of both pregnancy and parenting, and tried to overcompensate.

That doesn't make what DH said right, of course. But maybe he didn't really clock what you said about how uncomfortable bras are for you right now? I'd try to have a calm conversation of the 'so what just happened?' sort.

Or else just take the liberty to 'be hormonal' and cry at him. Btw. my breasts didn't suffer at all from nursing, thanks to comfortable rather than enticing bras. Get what you need, and he'd better pretend to like them...

He's going to have a shock when the milk comes in.

@TiddlestheCat
😂 the cannabis tea 😂

OP, Glad to hear all is well again.

I think I would laugh in his face and tell him he's a fucking idiot.

I wonder if he’s worried that you will “give up” on everything that makes you the person you are now. It’s very easy to lose yourself when you have a baby and become a parent. Self care and making an effort to feel nice about yourself can go out the window. Not wanting to go out and do things because you don’t feel yourself. I think it’s important to hold onto who you are, or who you will become, other than mum

I hope ur okay OP, it does sound like hormones are playing u tricks a little. I’m at the end of my second pregnancy & oh my goodness my DH upset me all the time with my first, he never meant too, I think u both are ultra sensitive. My advice is to not discuss ur body change to much with men, they don’t get it. My skins a bit thicker second time round & DH also has seen how amazing human body is from our first but I do remember being in ur shoes. Just talk to him & then leave it, it’s not worth a fight. Look after yourself

Actually wearing a bra weakens the chest muscles so they sag more. So he is not only an asshole, he is a wrong asshole 🙃

Well I'm a wear a bra kind of girl and I'm a 36DD. I'm 47 and my boobs look pretty good. They must have looked amazing if I didn't wear one.