Upset about having to wear a mask during labour

[Peridotty]

I am upset about having to wear a surgical mask during labour and my husband has to as well! :( We are in the US.
I won't be able to see my husband's face the whole time or expression when the baby is born! It's our first. I don't think I can take it off at all during the time I am in hospital. Upset about potentially having photos taken with baby with mask on and also the fact that the first thing baby will see are our masked faces :(

I completely agree with you @TinRoofRusty.

It reminds me of people on Facebook trying to shame pregnant women for being upset that their partners were not allowed to be with them during child birth (I believe this was also in the US). Never mind that this measure is completely going against WHO guidelines for respectful treatment of birthing women, they should only think of others even during one of the most vulnerable, scary and painful moments in their lives.

Who here has actually given birth under coronavirus restrictions?

Hannah, go back and re-read the Talk Guidelines.

1300cakes

@GingerScallop in the case of the 3 yo it wouldn't have made any difference if their mother wore a mask during labour - they are in close contact with their mother and her fluids throughout the birth process and during breastfeeding afterwards...

Health professionals are dealing with all sorts of fluids coming from the mother during labour - I fail to see how a mask would greatly reduce the risk of transmission.

I think it's fair enough for the father/birthing partner to wear a mask but I think it is massively unreasonable to ask a woman to wear one throughout a vaginal birth.

The health professionals should be equipped with adequate PPE for the mother to be comfortable and safe.

OP, I cannot imagine they would try to force you to wear a mask in labour. Surely that breaches all kinds of ethical guidelines.

Outline to your midwife beforehand that you struggle to breathe with them on and you think you will struggle to keep it on for the duration.

Unfortunately, I think your husband may have to keep one on. I can't imagine how stressful/upsetting it must be to have to give birth during such difficult times. I'm sure this wasn't the environment you envisaged bringing your baby into.

If it offers you any consolation, my sister had the perfect birth planned out, right down to buying a £500 Canon for my BIL to take pictures of the labour. He passed out once the head started crowning, collapsing to the floor and smashing said Canon on the floor whilst the nurses crowded him.

Birth never works out how you intend but that's what they enjoy hearing when they grow older! Get them here safely and everything else will fall by the wayside.

Congratulations on your baby and try not to worry. Everything will work out fine!

CaribouCarafe I agree. I guess I digressed too much. Am saying her focus (photos and smiles) feel misplaced. But yes, everything should be done to make birth a comfortable and enjoyable experience

I'm sorry OP that you've had some harsh replies. This is an awful time to be giving birth especially as you wouldn't have anticipated this when getting pregnant (I know I certainly didn't and I gave birth 7 weeks ago!).

It's normal to grieve for the birth you expected to have and be upset about rules that have been put in place, even if those rules are there to protect you and others. I was upset that I had to go to the maternity ward alone after giving birth, it doesn't mean I didn't understand why and that I wasn't grateful to the healthcare professionals who took care of me.

If they ask you to wear a mask, you can only try and make it clear if you're struggling to breathe, need to vomit or can't tolerate the feeling. All those saying that they didn't notice about their partner's emotions, that may happen to you or you may focus on him for those last few pushes (I did) but I can say that you won't need to see his mouth to see his emotions because it will be written in his eyes.

In terms of photos, take a few snaps in the hospital (which what an amazing story to tell your DC in the future about why it was so different) and then prioritise getting some lovely photos at home.

I wish you all the best for a happy and healthy delivery.

@Peridotty

For the love of puppies - DON'T take an Uber to the hospital.
Walk! Or leave in very good time in your own car.

Ubers are only as sanitised as drivers can afford to keep them. You have absolutely no guarantee that the car you sit into will have been cleaned. An Uber you can hail within walking distance of a hospital might have ferried someone infected with covid to the ER a few minutes before you sit into it. People who are terrified of the cost of an ambulance to the ER often use an Uber or Lyft. Many medics use Uber/Lyft to get them to and from work too.

Please inform yourself about the ways people can become infected by this virus. There is a reason why rental car businesses are not operating right now in many states.

The problem with touching your mask to take it off your face isn't just you breathing on other people. It's the fact that your hand touched a possibly contaminated surface (your mask) and then touched the arm of your chair, the door to the examining area, the door of the loo, etc. You could also have inadvertently and without even thinking about it touched your face with your hand, which might have been contaminated. Nobody wants you to catch the virus and nobody wants you to spread it inadvertently.

It reminds me of people on Facebook trying to shame pregnant women for being upset that their partners were not allowed to be with them during child birth (I believe this was also in the US). Never mind that this measure is completely going against WHO guidelines for respectful treatment of birthing women, they should only think of others even during one of the most vulnerable, scary and painful moments in their lives.

A cousin of mine delivered her baby alone in a maternity hospital in Dublin and was turfed out of the hospital within 12 hours with the baby (thankfully an uncomplicated second birth and healthy mum and baby).

This was because some other woman's partner who had been present the week before (right before Ireland's lockdown) had tested positive and the HV had reported to the hospital.

Maternity service availability for mothers and babies depends on the health of the staff. If the staff fall victim to the virus left, right and centre, then who takes care of the patients?

It's not all about 'rights' right now. It's about the greater good for the greatest number of people.

My cousin didn't have the birth experience she had hoped to have, certainly not one like her first birth. But the (healthy) staff worked diligently and compassionately, and she and her baby ended up covid free and remain so after midwife visits to her home. Her mother, my aunt, has yet to get within 2 metres of the baby. My cousin and her H walked to granny's big sitting room window to show the baby a few days after my cousin came home from the hospital.

Everyone is making sacrifices at this time.

@Peridotty

I have just re-read and see you have no car.

Do you have a very trusted relative or friend who would be willing to drive you to the hospital and possibly back home too? Someone who has conscientiously followed the lockdown rules and would be willing to self isolate for at least 14 days before your due date, with the possibility of longer self isolation, and who would scrupulously disinfect their car?

Or do you know someone with a second car who would be willing to loan it to you and your H, and he could blast every nook and cranny of it with Lysol? Could you park a car somewhere close enough to your home to make it a practical choice?

If driving back you must have a rear facing carseat rated for a newborn. They will not let you leave the hospital by car unless the baby is strapped in securely. If walking home you will need a pram, reclinable stroller or travel system with frame and carseat.

@mathanxiety

I do have a friend who could potentially drive us. She lives 15 mins away!
I do live a 10-15 mins walk from the hospital but I don't fancy doing that whilst in labour!
Do you really think using an uber would be risky? I would have a mask on and would try not to touch things.

The Uber did make me do a second take as well. I wouldn't use this unless you have absolutely no other choice.
Depending on where you are in the labor process walking could be ok.
I walked around the ward a lot at the start.
Talk to your friend.

Yes, an Uber would be extremely risky and no precautions of yours would be effective. If you wouldn't take a bus ( I hope you wouldn't) then don't take an Uber.

An Uber could drop someone off two minutes before picking you up, possibly someone dropped at the ER with Covid-19 symptoms. They could have coughed. You might need to grip the door or an overhead handle during a contraction. You might need to lift yourself out of the car using your hands to help stand up.

Your friend sounds like a far safer bet. I would ask asap if the friend would be willing to possibly drop you to and and bring you from the hospital, with the potential to be woken at an ungodly hour for the dropping off.

Walking might not be the best idea. Summer thunderstorms and downpours are not possible to plan around. Walking at 2am might not be a great experience either.

ugh I saw how women were being shamed for worrying about whether birth partners would be banned or not. Told they were selfish and ridiculous and wanting to endanger other people for their own unnecessary needs.

Funny how (here in the UK at least) birth partners are still completely welcome in hospitals because the professional viewpoint is the benefits of having one actually outweigh the additional risk of spreading the virus, that it would actually cause more harm if women were banned from having them. So hardly a selfish and trivial matter.

Unfortunately you always see these kinds of attitudes when it comes to childbirth, not just during pandemics. Any time a woman expresses wanting any kind of control or any say in how things go, or places any kind of importance on the experience of giving birth/wanting to reduce how traumatic it may be, there will always be people calling her ridiculous and saying put up, shut up and be grateful.

It was a male birthing partner and the new mother whose irresponsible and incredibly selfish behaviour ruined it for my cousin and her husband, happyhappyhour, and for any others who were having their babies around the same time in that hospital.

Where does all this talk of rights get us these days? One person gets to do what they feel is necessary for them and everyone else has to suffer for the next few weeks? Babies and mothers are put at risk because experienced staff are out sick? Wards are closed for disinfection?

The particular hospital my cousin delivered in has strict rules in place because covid 19 can be fatal.

They now allow one birthing partner during the delivery only. There is no ante natal or post natal visiting and no visiting either for gynecology patients. One parent, not both, can visit the NICU. Women have to attend ultrasound appointments alone regardless of the reason for the ultrasound (MC, foetal abnormality, regular appointment). Everyone entering the hospital is asked about virus symptoms and there is a division within the hospital between green and red areas for covid free and covid patients. Staff and all the patients rely on honesty about symptoms or the entire hospital will be put at risk.

A mask is uncomfortable but at least he's allowed to be there. I gave birth by emergency c section almost 4 weeks ago and my husband wasn't allowed to be in the operating theatre. Not only that in the hours running up to the op, he wasn't allowed in the hospital at all until a couple of hours before the operation took place and then he wasn't allowed on the post natal ward. So year he didn't see our child being born and hardly saw me before and only immediately after while I was in recovery and that was it. He went along to see our baby afterwards (SBCU) but that's all. It was horrible so from my point of view your situation is far more appealing. Best of luck OP.

Sorry for all the typos.... sleep deprivation lol

They dont offer gas and air in the US due to its effectiveness being pretty high, therefore less people requiring an epidural. Put simply, as they have to pay for healthcare, they earn more money off someone having an epidural.

Op, I really feel for you and must be a really tricky time. Some of the comments on here have been super harsh. It's pretty shitty what you'll have to go through so I just wanted to drop by and give a hand hold. Try to focus on little one and hopefully they'll let you all home same day

More and more US hospitals are offering gas and air - about 1000 hospitals at present, up from almost none in 2013. About 40 years ago and further back it was very commonly used in the US and is making a comeback.

@mathanxiety yes of course birth partners must be symptom-free. That’s the same policy at my hospital- no partners allowed for scans or antenatal appointments but you are allowed one symptom-free partner in labour/birth. Anyone knowingly going in with symptoms is obviously being irresponsible and unfair to others.

I just meant when there was speculation about banning birth partners outright, there was a lot of support and women being shamed for being worried. They COULD have banned all birth partners but it was decided that, actually weighing up the pros/cons it would be more damaging overall for women to denied a partner than the increased covid risk (symptom-free partners could also be contagious). I just meant it’s not as straightforward as the ‘eliminating covid risk is more important than anything and everything else, women wanting anything during labour or birth is trivial and selfish’ narrative as clearly RCOG and the like wouldn’t have continued recommending birth partners to stay.

Well said @happyhappyhour.

It will be very interesting to see how the ban on pre and post natal visitors is received, given the very divided state of opinion on the presence of men in wards with other women at a vulnerable time.

Call me a cynic and very old fashioned, but the idea that men are necessary to childbirth is a very new one, and the presence of men in labour and delivery and maternity wards in general isn't the unqualified boon to women it is made out to be.