What do you really want your t-shirt to say?

[beansprout]

Am very tempted to buy the "Do not touch the bump" top being advertised at the moment, but dh has pointed out that it may be a bit, ahem, too delicately worded for my taste.

What do you really want your pregnancy t-shirt to say?!

'bring me biscuits'

If you tell me I've been eating too many dumplings one more time I'm going to rip you're f*cking head off!

( I was not the most patient pregnant person)

'No its not twins' - I got fed up with people making the 'twins' joke when I was heavily pregnant with my one DS

"No, I haven't had it yet".

Ds was very overdue and am actually lying about my due date this time in a bid to stave off this most ridiculous of questions!!

'mind the bump' was my fave at the time. wanted one to be "yes i nicked your football" but nobody made such a thing.

"Give Me Your Seat on the Tube, Your Lazy Gits"

"You toucha my bump, I smasha your face!"

"No, my ankles aren't swollen, they're just fat"

For weeeeeeeks I had people asking about my ankles as they were "puffy" and "swollen" so I resorted to "no, I just have naturally fat legs" remarks. Turned out I had symptoms of pre-eclampsia, ooops.

"Get Out Of My Fucking Way before I Rip Your Fucking Head Off"

"Don't you dare say I'm getting big you insensitive witch/bitch/prick/arse" (delete as appropriate)

I wanted one that said "Sponsored by Guinness"

Apparently I have a very "neat" bump - which makes people remark upon it with the not-so-hidden side opinion that I am clearly anorexic or carrying a v unhealthy wee baby - getting me down - so need a slogan that basically tells people to f-off and not comment on it!

What about " please do touch the bump- even if you are a complete and utter stranger and feel free to make as many comments about my lardy arse as you fancy !"

Two slogans which would have been useful when i was pregnant were;

"Disappointed to be having another girl?"
"Er Feck off"

And

"I may look like i am 'blooming' but in reality my fanny feels like it is dragging along the floor"

Yes it was planned, no i don't mind it's not a girl, yes i'm coming back to work.

Yes, I am pregnant not just fat.
Yes, it was planned.
Yes, I will have my hands full.
No, I have no idea what ds1 will make of it all.

"Has anyone seen my crack pipe?"

'sick of it'

When I'm on the tube I want a t-shirt saying 'To all you fit young people who think you need a seat more than I do, I HOPE YOUR NEXT SHITE IS A HEDGEHOG!'

I second the tube/train ones-when I was pg I'd have liked one that said something like

'I know you've seen me -yes you there-so stop hiding behind your newspaper and let me sit down you bastard'

or 'well don't count on me to offer you a seat if you're ever pregnant one day'

sponsored by gaviscon

Mrs whizz - I love the hedgehog!!!

'no, its not a football or gas'

The seat thing. I have such OCD about this that am compiling a chart of which public transport I have used and who has actually given me a seat. Sadly usually the answer is nobody (I didn't start this until 23wks when I was really visibly pregnant). Men under 40 are winning so far, and the number W7 bus from Finsbury Park is full of a**holes who have remained happily in their seats even on one occasion (bad day) when I was reduced to sitting on the bottom of the stairs and hauling myself up to let people pass at every stop.

Sorry. Rant over.