Cancelled baby shower

[2020firsttimemum]

I knew it was gonna happen but now it's official. My baby shower for 7th June has been officially cancelled.

I still feel massively upset and annoyed at the world about it even though I expected it.

And it's been moved to September even though our baby boy is due 3rd July. It almost seems pointless to me.

Not too sure why I'm posting this, a bit of a rant I guess.

As a first time mum, all the fun things have been taken away from this experience and I think my baby shower being cancelled is the final straw.

Anyone else feeling this shit about it? 😭

It's such bad luck to celebrate a baby before it's safely born. Massive jinx, IMO.

I’m with you. I’m a FTM and my own mum hasn’t been able to see my growing bump, and may not even see me before baby arrives, as all my friends and other family. I was excited to have a baby shower, not for gifts, but for a fun get together with friends and family I haven’t seen in a while. I don’t know if this will be my only child, but if it is I am a bit sad about the things I have / may miss out on because of lockdown and covid. Granted the most Important thing is that baby arrives safely and I know that. Doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to feel a bit down and sad about the things I’ve mentioned. Can’t believe how insensitive and downright rude people are on here. I know there are worse problems but have a little compassion.

@2020firsttimemum Have a SipNSee! I'm in the US, and was really ill through my pregnancy, so my friends threw me a SipNSee instead. It's just a few hours in the day (we did brunch) where everyone gets together to meet the baby. We did it when DS was 3 months old and had had his first round of shots. Very relaxed, no games, just some nice chat and mingling over mimosas.

It's not pointless at all. We requested no gifts, but instead asked that everyone bring their favorite book from when they were little.

People are having their weddings cancelled. YABU

@2020firsttimemum

I haven't commented on anyone's else's posts yet but having read some of the rude responses to your post, my mouth can't resist chipping in!

Personally, baby showers aren't my thing but each to their own and you have a right to be upset and frustrated with the world.

However, some of the people on here should be disgusted with their responses to you and need to give their heads a wobble!! I hope they never come across people with the same shitty attitudes towards them! Clearly the 'be kind' memo from earlier in the year has been lost already. If you don't have anything nice to say, maybe don't say anything at all!

To the OP, I wish you all the best with the remainder of your pregnancy and the birth of your bambino 😘 xx

Being disappointed about something doesn't mean that all other world problems are going ignored. I was disappointed today when we ran out of milk and I couldn't a cup of tea, that sense of disappointment doesn't meant I have no sympathy for people dying of Covid.

Likewise, being excited about something doesn't mean that's the most important thing in the world. I dont think anyone ever has thought a baby shower is more important than a healthy baby but they are still allowed to be excited about the prospect of one.

Jeez, what ridiculous comments on a forum meant to be supporting pregnant woman.

OP I wouldn't even bother justifying yourself, its obvious what you mean and perfectly understandable. Some people just like to force their opinions on others.

I for one loved my baby shower and loved drinking coffee in cafes on maternity leave. How terrible of me. I'm clearly self-obsessed, shallow and pretentious. Oh well!

It can be really lovely to have a party once baby is here. My shower was organised for the weekend I turned 37 weeks, my baby was born at 36 weeks! We went ahead with the party anyway and everyone had a great time.

@LittleMiss7 couldn't agree more. @allfurcoatnoknickers I love the idea of a sipnsee
@2020firsttimemum I get why you're disappointed and I would be too. I've never had a baby shower but wanted to invite some friends and have cake, play games, have a laugh etc before baby comes. We are all allowed to celebrate as we wish. Dont listen to the mean comments. It's ok to be upset xx

@2020firsttimemum Have a Sip’n’See!!!
It’s basically a party soon after the baby sipping champagne (Prosecco) and seeing the baby. I really wanted one but DH said I had to chose between that and a first birthday party

OP, it's totally fine to be disappointed. Obviously other horrible things are happening but don't feel like you can't validate your feelings; if we all started doing that we'd be in a heap of trouble!

We're planning a digital baby shower over Zoom instead of a physical one; could you do something like that? We'll put up a banner, play some games and get people to make predictions. We don't want to expect everyone to buy us stuff, so we won't be doing anything like opening presents on camera; it's more to have a nice get together with our family and friends.

After the birth, we were planning to do something anyway; we're not religious, so it would be an alternative to a Christening. (My family were all Christened, but more because it's 'traditional' than them being religious. They were expecting us to Christen, too, but we don't see the point as DH is atheist and I'm agnostic at best.)

You should have it on Zoom. I organised one for a friend online recently and it was such a success, mum got to dress up and still “see” all her family and friends... we had cakes sent to her so it still sort of felt like afternoon tea. Her mum had organised a baby quiz thing everyone did. It really was still enjoyable.

And I’m not one for baby showers myself but understand that they are important to some people.

Feel it, grieve the plans you had that won’t happen and try to make peace and move on.

Telling someone to grieve for a cancelled baby shower is in poor taste. There's another thread right now in which someone says she's grieving for the sort of maternity leave she'd expected. Things like these are the source of disappointment, not grief.

OP i hope the welcome the baby party makes up for it, it's been a shame so many people have had to cancel things they've looked forward to. It's been a real nightmare how this virus has affected the experience for many people expecting or just recently had a baby. Maybe it could be possible to try an online party type thing like someone suggested x

Thank you so much for all the positive comments since I replied yesterday.

It does amaze me that yes, whilst I have posted this on a public forum and expect some type of criticism, that people can be so nasty. Not just people, but other women, other mums, and other pregnant ladies. It does appear that a 'be kind' message has since been lost and people feel as if it's okay to bash other people. There is a difference between constructive criticism etc and being quite hurtful. If you're one of those that felt the need to be horrible, I hope people don't treat you the same way you felt it was appropriate to treat me. Just because you don't know me personally. (Rant over I'm done with you trolls)

My friend has said that it will be a welcome to the world type thing and that we will do something. I always wanted my partner there anyway, even if it's usually a girly thing because it's his baby too and want him to be involved.

I am feeling much better today. Of course I have a lot to look forward to and my baby is healthy and I can't wait to meet him.

To all of you that are also expecting little bubbas, good luck to you all and I hope you have happy healthy pregnancies and enjoy every second when bubs is here.

Happy bank holiday weekend everyone ❤️

@Wishandwonder I hadn't heard of this but what a lovely idea! Yes I think this is basically what my friend has now planned. My birthday is in September too so will be a bit of a joint celebration (which i was actually originally miffed about but now like the idea) and I can drink too and my partner can be in charge of baby for the afternoon.

Lovely idea

Hi OP

So tomorrow was supposed to be my baby shower and obviously that’s cancelled and I’m fully fully gutted!

We’ve been through MC, my waters broke at 25w and I’ve been diagnosed with SPD and all I bloody wanted want to celebrate with my friends and family and have some cake and fun and the ONE glass of really Prosecco I’ve been looking forward to since 12 weeks lol! Just one thing to go my way would have been nice (yes I’m having a baby and that’s the best thing but, I’m still a person ya know??)

Anyway tomorrow me and my husband are decorating cupcakes and we’ve my tiny bottle of Prosecco and we are getting a delivery from our fave Italian! I’m getting a dress on and doing my hair and makeup and we are going to have our own little party! It’s not the same but it’s still gonna be good!

Could you do something like that?

We have also decided once this does down (whenever TF that will be) we are going to have a naming ceremony for our baby! Like a christening but non religious! We are going to invite alllll our friends and family and maybe book and room and a cheap caterer all celebrate together!

It’s not the same and it’s shit when it’s your first baby (ours too) and it just feel so not fair! But there are ways to make it special and make up for it too! :)

Chin up mamma! Xxx

Why can’t you have a zoom party?

P.s I am SERIOUSLY fucking grieving the maternity leave I cant have!

Again, first baby and you have the idea that you get what allllllll the other mothers get/should get to have! Being able to show off your baby or see your other mamma friends or even go for a bloody coffee!

Momma and baby groups and playing in parks and - in my case - actually getting to see your freaking mum!!

It’s not spoilt to want what loads of other women have had and probably took for granted!

MN, whilst usually a really good resource, is full of horribly bitchy women who for some reason want to tear other women down rather than build then up! Makes me furious! No one is worse to a woman than another woman!

Glad you're feeling better about it all @2020firsttimemum. A very early happy birthday for September! :P

I can't believe some of the nastiness that has come up on this thread. Obviously those people have never been excited about something and then been disappointed when they didn't get it/couldn't go/it was cancelled.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to have a party with your friends and family. It might not everyone's cup of tea, but sometimes it really is nice to be made a fuss of. Who cares about its origins? It's an excellent excuse to have a good time! If it makes someone happy, and harms no-one, why should you care? Nevermind deliberately going all out to undermine that happiness. Shame on all that were horrible.

You enjoy that prosecco and cake OP.

@MrsRose2018 yes I totally agree. All these nasty comments from people who got to have a normal pregnancy and mat leave not in a pandemic!

I am really gutted I can’t my parents just now mostly. I know if things were normal I would be spending lots of time with them and getting a lot of support from them.

Totally agree with @MrsRose2018 and other PP here, some people are so unnecessarily nasty on this site!

It is totally reasonable to be upset that something you were excited about has been cancelled. That's not saying that you think your situation is worse than other peoples or that you don't get why things are cancelled. Personally, I am upset that a weekend away with my partner this weekend at 34 was cancelled, I was really looking forward to it!

@2020firsttimemum, I think an introduction to the baby party in a few months might be even nicer, and you can have champagne and eat pate canapés. :)

Heya OP,
I’m sorry your shower was cancelled. My baby shower was supposed to be in April and it was cancelled too. Funny thing is I didn’t want one until I ended up being not allowed to have it!!
Im not sure about you but I think I was disappointed because it would have been a time when lots of my family and friends came together and obviously we are not allowed that at the moment so it felt even worse!
It’s okay to be disappointed. We are having baby’s in the middle of a pandemic and there’s lots of things that we would normally take for granted that we now can’t do. This is quite likely my only pregnancy and it does suck. It doesn’t mean that we don’t realise that there are others that are worse off than us but you can still be bummed out about what your missing. Do as other posters have suggested and celebrate yourself in June then enjoy the opportunity in Sept to have the food and drink you might not have been able to have while pregnant and have fun 😊

My baby shower was cancelled too, I'm a bit gutted. I don't normally have loads of friends over and was looking forward to having everyone in my house celebrating before baby arrives. It's not something I could really reveal to the outside world though so I put on a face as there is much more important things going on right now.

I get it OP. My first baby was premature so I missed the baby shower I had planned. I was excited to see all my friends in one place as I was too tired to go to see loads of different people individually, (and I specifically asked for no presents, just a day for me to spend relaxing with friends and family).

I think it’s totally fine to feel sad about things we’re missing out on, whether it’s a baby shower, a holiday, an event, whatever. It’s normal to have personal disappointments. Anyone who says they only think about the bigger picture and never feel annoyed about stuff they’re missing is fibbing a little. Your first pregnancy should be an exciting and special time and nobody expected to spend it in lockdown.

@MrsRose2018

Well said!
My mum passed away nearly 5 years ago now so I think I massively rely on my support system of female friends and MIL etc where my mum can't be here too!

It's hard enough being pregnant, never mind in the middle of a pandemic hey!

We'll all get through this :) x