Ante-Natal Depression - is anyone else not feeling good?

[EllieG]

Hello anyone - someone gave me a link to a thread on this which was wonderful, it was like reading my thoughts, but it stopped in April. Is anyone finding it hard going at the moment?

Some days I am finding it so hard to function, just getting going is difficult enough and my home life is suffering...DP and I are bickering, I cry at anything, can't concentrate at work, and so unhappy. I have had episodes of depression before and am so scared of it returning, which it seems to be. I have talked to my DP, who is being lovely, but am scared of him getting fed up with me. My GP has cut down my AD's as am PG, and am scared.

Feel very vulnerable at the moment and was wondering if there was anyone else out there feeling the same? Or if anyone has got through this and can give me some pointers?

Hi EllieG,

how far along are you?
I'm nearly 10 wks preg and thought it was only me that felt down at times. Ive taken a few weeks off work as i'm so tired - sleep about 4hrs during the day - couldnt stay awake in work!!! worst is that my DH has just lost his job and is now at home with me.
I send him out to do messages for me just to have some time to myself - sad - I know.

may sound obvious but can you go back to your gp or speak to mw about it?
let me know how you are getting on

Ellie - I didn't want you to have no responses. I was on AD's when I got pregnant with DD, but stopped them immediately as I didn't want to take any risks - it had taken us 2 years to conceive her and think that was part of the cause of my depression (along with a lot of other things going on in my life over the previous few years).

It was tough going at times, but I think I was also very lucky that it didn't affect me too much. I would speak again to your doctor or another doctor in your practice if easier, as there are ADs you can take in pregnancy, if they consider the benefits to you outweigh any possible risks (which are very low) to the baby. You must be able to enjoy your pregnancy and not worry about your depression returning on top of all the worry that everything is ok with this pregnancy as well. Antenatal depression is getting much more publicity at the moment, so you musn't suffer in silence.

If it is any conciliation at all, DH and I have bickered on and off all through this pregnancy - much more than we normally do - so the stress of pregnancy hormones on top of underlying depression will just be enhancing this - thankfully your DP wounds understanding. He won't get fed up with you, as long as you keep talking to each other.

Sending you a big big hugs and lots of love.
It will get better.
take care
xxxx

'ello. it'll be OK, i promise.

i'll do suggestions first and sympathy next!

exercise is always a good one. yoga, ante natal pilates, swimming, all of these will boost feel-good chemicals and make everything feel a lot better. i know it's near impossible to be bothered to leave house in first place, but well worth.

another really silly suggestion (and it may really not be your thing but something like a day doing a pottery class could be great. i suffered from awful depression in my late teens and was hospitalised for a while. twice a week, we'd get to do crafts and the serenity of a couple of hours of uninterrupted calm/doing stuff, combined with getting to make something worked wonders.

sympathy next. it's really ok, it'll pass. try not to follow your thought trail too much - too easy to keep thinking worse and worse stuff.

you'll find when you feel a bit better that all those horrible things don't matter a fraction of as much. just put thoughts to one side (even write them down) and tell yourself you'll revisit them when you're less vulnerable.

it sounds like you're adding layers to an onion, eg worrying your past depression will return. try not to add extra stuff, if poss, it's such a big hormonal time for you anywa...

i'm 18 wks with first and til a week ago, i'd been in a state for the best part of a fortnight. paranoid to the point of not functioning at work, and weeping non-stop at home PLUS did what you were doing, assuming DH would leave me if he got to know "the real me" (we've been together 5 years, never had depressed episode since)... lol

all fine now.
take careof yourself

xxxc

and a couple more things,

'scuse me for going on ...

1. it's ok to really wallow in it for a while. it really is. half the time when i feel bad nowadays, i just want to weep and feel really sorry for myself for a couple days - that's fine. just do it - earmark some weeping time and y'know... it's kind of a teensy bit enjoyable to just slump in your own misery

2. try not to put too much pressure on your dp to be able to be able to help. other people are just so rubbish at helping. it's a skill. unfortunatly, the closer we are to people, the more we expect them to be able to understand and help and when they can't (what with them not being trained professionals ... it's easy to feel let down,m misunderstood and even more rubbish.

hmmm... that's it to say, you my advice about exercise and pottery, i spent the weekend getting manicures and massaged - and that#s done the trick just as well!

hi EllieG

I have to say I've been really fortunate and have mostly been feeling good - but I just signed up to take part in a research study at the hospital where I have my scans and they're investigating ante-natal depression.

I was talking to the girl who is running the study, she's a psychiatrist, and she said that although post-natal depression is really well known now - ante-natal depression is also really, really common. Both in terms of people becoming newly depressed, and people who have suffered with depression for a while struggling with the change in their medications/hormones/new circumstances etc.

I would say that if you are feeling not so great, you shouldn't think twice about going to your GP and letting them know that you're strugging, and to ask them what else you can do to get back on track. There might be some alternatives re: medication or there might be other approaches that they can suggest that might help.

Definitely don't think you're on your own with this or that it's anything that you're doing wrong - and definitely go and get some help with this as soon as you can! Pregnancy can be tough enough as it is, without any extra challenges!

Take care!

Thanks so much, it's good to know it's not just me going a bit mad and that other people have felt that way too!
positive - I am coming up 10 weeks, and mood seems to have got lower over the couple weeks. Sorry you have been down too - sounds like a strain if you DP has lost his job, as he might find it harder to support you and vice versa than usual. Hope things work out for you both. You mentioned going to see my GP - have you spoken to yours? What did they say?

Thanks fettle x

tyaca - thank you for the good suggestions. I like the idea of doing something like pottery. I used to go to the gym and do lots of thai boxing classes, which when I was depressed and not PG were brilliant and really helped me come out of myself. Last few weeks have been too tired for gym and can't go boxing and has meant I have not been doing anything for 'me' time - just going to work and coming home and nothing else. I do really need some space I think, and I forgot that it doesn;t have to be mad intense exercise, I could do something a bit more relaxing of creative or whatever, good idea.
My DP is lovely, but you are right, I am expecting him to understand when he is not a professional and he has very different coping strategies to me. He has been through loads of horrible stuff in last 5 years (before I knew him). His wife died of cancer and he nursed her through it, and the way he has always coped has been to soldier on through, block things out, push himself. That works for him, but not for me, and I feel a bit of a wuss next to him sometimes. He said yesterday that he thought that it helped to 'make more effort to push things away' and that it was 'about having willpower and refusing to feel bad'. This works for him but I can't do it. I tried to explain and he is lovely, but I think I am expecting too much of him. I have a therapist and have made an appointment to see her tomorrow, and will look at how feeling then.

Hi Ellie I didnt have depression with dd2 but i remember feeling completly useless when i was first pregnant, i wasnt working and basically felt like i couldnt do anything. I hope you get some ideas and support from people on here hun xx

Thanks spugs. Have just been talking to woman at work and started crying god I must look like such an idiot

hi ellie,

oh goodness, this made me feel sad:

he thought that it helped to 'make more effort to push things away' and that it was 'about having willpower and refusing to feel bad'.

guarenteed to make you feel a isolated and worse, when all he's really doing is trying to help!

my mum once made a really astute observation, which is that when presented with someone else's problems, men tend to give solutions, while women give sympathy.

its so true. i've never been able to work out whether that's cause, when in need, men want solutions, and women want sympathy!

personally, i think most people just want to be heard. which is what's so great about this forum - recognition can be enough.

i used to find my expectations of people i was close to were so high, that i always felt low after turning to them. then i'd hang around with people i didn't give a shit about, would forget about myself and feel loads better conflicting stuff.

once i'd realised i was making myself worse (and others, poor them!) by approaching these relationships the way i did, i felt so much better.

Hello - I'm up and down and put it down to the hormones. Luckily DH is v understanding and supportive. ALSO - I was anaemic and didn't reaise which made everything a real battle. Make sure you get all your vitamins and minerals and take care.

Hi Ellie

I can totally empathise with you. I got incredibly depressed at around 8 weeks and am now 14 weeks with pendulum like mood swings. I have an anxiety disorder that my DP knows all too well and being exhauster/tired/hormonal can make it a zillion times worse. Sometimes he does get fed up with me and obviously wishes I could just focus on all the positives - we had the "12 week scan" a few days back last week and actually seeing the baby on the monitor really, really helped lift my mood. I was actually laughing so hard, the sonographer was getting a bit snappy cos the baby kept bouncing around.
However, last night I had a terrible time and spent the later part of the evening in floods of hysterical tears thinking everyone I loved was going to die (my mum died very recently and I think this is causing me even more anxiety than usual). DP was extremely good to me and just looked after me but it does depend on what mood he is in as well. I do stress him out being so high maintenance (totally NOT on purpose) but people can't seem to understand that you are not NOT attention seeking/feeling sorry for yourself but that you are actually terrified you are completely losing your mind.

Needless to say it passed and today (after a good sleep) I feel a bit better. I also started a new job just before I found out I was pregnant. I was made redundant, got an interview and offer for a cr@ppy job I really didn't want so I thought I would just accept it as a safety net and look for something else. Then when mum died , I was in no state to do anything so have ended up in the job I didn't want but am now stuck in with a bunch of completely horrific women who physically do not speak to me unless I make a huge effort to strike up some form of conversation which usually ends up in me being "weird" or saying something "a bit strange" which doesn't help my crippling anxiety. People are soooooo not understanding. They just want everyone else to be just like them and keep them feeling like they are important and have no time for anyone who has any kind of "weakness" at all.

Sorry to go on - didn't realise I had so much to say!!

ANyway, I have had some hypnotherapy recently from a very VERY understanding psychologist which really helps me calm down. She gave me cd's of our sessions so I can self hypnotise when I am really losing it and afterwords everything kinda falls into perspective a bit and you realise what matters and what really doesn't.

Don't know if I helped at all but I am so glad you posted cos I thought I was the only one.... Thank you for your honesty

Hi Ellie

I saw my GP last week and I'm off work for 2 wks because I'm sooo tired (go back to see her next week).
She thinks I could be down because I'm so tired and worried about this preg as i've had a mc last year - luckily the tiredness has not been so bad this weekend, so i'll see how I feel this week.
I've found that I also feeling better because now i'm off work I go for a walk everyday.

have you a date for your 12wk scan??

keep well and let us know how you are getting on.

Hi Ellie and all

Gosh this thread is so what I needed to read this morning - it means so much to know that there are other women who are going through similar stuff...

Like others, I've been on anti-depressants (for past 11 yrs) and was worried about whether I would be able to have children. I suffered from acute depression and disabling ocd in the past, and though its kind of under control now, ie to the extent that I can have some kind of a life, its still a daily struggle.

3 yrs ago my husband and I decided to try getting pregnant and in a somewhat naive vein we decided that I needed to come off the meds - even though my psychiatrist was dead set against the idea. He was right, we were wrong - I had a massive relapse and took nearly 2 yrs to climb out of the hole I was in.

We decided to try again - this time I'm still on the meds as my psych said that the risk to me was way higher than the risk to the baby... and now I'm 18 weeks pregnant. Hurrah.

Well sort of. In that it is wonderful to know that there's a little one inside of me, but its also really tough, because pregnancy brings about so many changes - in your body, and in your lifestyle, partly due to the way you feel, and partly because you're just so uncertain about zillions of things. I used to have a really active life - I'm a dance student and was dancing 5 days a week - but the sort of dancing I do is too physically demanding so I've had to give it up. (I'm 40 yrs old and I don't want to take any chances...). Plus there have been episodes of intense tiredness, a not very understanding manager at work, a string of well-meaning relatives who've come to stay over the last 3 months - and I started buckling under the stress and my body started reacting with very painful muscle spasms in my nether regions. Saw the doc - who said baby's fine (phew), but she couldn't figure out what was going on with me, that it could be stress.

And then I reflected on the fact that I have been feeling pretty low and out of control and maybe I hadn't realised quite how profound the whole pregnancy thing is - I'd had all these people staying with me and extra household stuff to do, plus trying to go to work and be 'professional'and 'efficient' when I've been feeling like my brain is working at less than 30% of its normal capacity and my body is a totally alien thing that needs the loo all the time and wants to sleep...

Ok rant over. Ellie, you're not alone - I'm with you. I think we just need to learn to look after ourselves. No, it most certainly isn't about 'will power' or 'pulling ourselves together' - but it is about acknowledging that this is a weird and challenging time for us - which will hopefully bring much joy to us all in the near future... Be very very nice to yourself - I'm trying to, too.

Love

Lightwind

Hello all - thanks so much for posting.
tyaca - I think you might have hit on smoething there with the whole expecttion thing - I went to see my Mum last night and she said something very similar. She said my standards for myself and DP and DSD are very high at the moment, and that it's not really possible to live up to them, so am bound to be disappointed when we all don't come up to scratch. I think I need to re-assess how much I am asking of myself/others and try and settle for a bit less at the moment. Have to remember we don't have to do everything perfectly - it just has to be good enough.

paranoid1srtimer - one of the things my GP said when I went today was that not to feel bad about still having worries, that the scan only reassures you there and then, and that you're still chock-full of hormones etc which make your worries go into overdrive. Sorry the people at your work are horrid. You sound like you are much nicer than them, as they wouldn't recognise empathy if it came up and bit them on the nose, so they clearly are people to ignore.
Have you thought about having bereavement counselling about your Mum? It's bound to bring up issues for you being PG.

positive - sounds good to have a break, hope it works for you and makes you a bit less tired x

lightwind - Thank you for sharing your feelings. I have found it really supportive just feeling that I am not alone in feeling crappy and low. Congratulations on your PG, try and listen to your body when it tells you to stop, and tell people to bugger off if necessary! You don't need extra strain at the moment.

I went ot my GP this morning and they have put me back on my usual dose of AD's, as she says being depressed is more dangerous for baby than taking them. So that's nice, and they should kick in soon. Am off to see therapist this afternoon, so that will help too.

I'm feeling pretty down too.
My mum died suddenly earlier this year - we were staying with her, and all had colds - took her and my dd to the dr on monday am, on tuesday she wasn't breathing so well, called dr out, but she stopped breathing while we were waiting for dr to come.

So I'm feeling low about that still, I'm not happy in my relationship, and now I'm pregnant which was not planned. And I'm thinking if I leave dp, things are going to be much harder with 2.

So i'm feeling stressed and unhappy, and I guess the old preggers hormones probably aren't helping either.

Hi guys, can I join you? 30+2 and I'm getting sick of crying. I was a bit less emotional during the middle trimester, but in general I'm so tearful and feel so vulnerable its a nightmare. I'm not sleeping, I can't concentrate, work is full of sexist pigs, we're having a nightmare arranging our house move...It just seems to go on and on and I can't see things getting any better at the mo. Our move has now been put back another week, I'll be nearly 33 weeks gone. Its my first baby and I feel completely unprepared, which really panics me - I like to be organised... I don't know, maybe I'm being daft but at the moment I just feel like howling. Probably best wait til I get home though eh? I'm not going to yoga tonight cos I don't feel in the right frame of mind, I just want to either sleep or cry Thanks for listening.

hi ellie, I'm glad you got this topic up and running again and I hope you are getting things in perspective. I found my pregnancy very difficult and i think it was worsened by the guilt that after the miscarriages, although i was relieved to be pregnant, I wasn't enjoying it. I found lots of stuff on the internet (google ante natal depression) but this Women's hour article is worth listening to.

keep talking

I'm glad you started this thread I was going to post something myself today. I'm 17 weeks and feeling very low at the moment. I'm so stired and everything seems like a huge effort.

I spent a month in hospital with hyperemesis and it has just started to ease off and I thought once I felt physically better I would be ok again but it doesn't seem to be working that way. I'm not weepy but just so disinterested in everything I can't get motivated. When I first found out I was pregnant i was really pleased but now I just wish I wasn't.

I've had three scans so far and felt nothing when I looked at the screen. I'm so tired and find myself getting ratty with my poor ds.

I more disapointed in myself because I actually do get a lot of help from family and dh so I get chance to rest but I'm still so tired. I had PND after ds was born and came off the ad's in may. It felt so good to feel well again I'm just so gutted I seem to be heading down that path again

sorry this has turned into a bit of a long self involved ramble

For Connor.... I have hyperemesis too, and I have lots of help from my husband. I do have the tendency to want to beat myself up about not being at work, though I am immensely grateful I'm not.

What I wanted to say to you is I am KNACKERED. It's one of the symptoms of HG that is the least talked about but the WORST. I try and think 'This is only temporary' 'This is not my fault' and just relax and sleep as much as I can. Not motivated? I'm motivated about once a WEEK to put something in a box (we're moving house).

Is part of your feeling rotten feeling like you should be doing more as I do? But there's very little we CAN do. Don't be disappointed with yourself. This is a nasty illness. As my midwife tells me, HG used to KILL women. I do feel for you. Try and relax, Connor, it'll all come right.

Sorry if I hijacked. I feel for you other ladies too, but just have direct experience of this one!

Nearly wept at this thread title, which just about sums up how I'm feeling today. I've just been absolutely VILE to my DS (he's in bed now). Poor mite has a swollen painful hand from mozzie bites, sores and weeping etc. Doctors early morning, which is a long walk from house. Pharmacy only had half of prescription, so walked home to change nappy and back again for rest of prescription. He's shattered after lots of walking and delayed lunch sleep. He lost it with me, and I lost it with him. I don't normally snap ever, but I screamed and screamed at him. He's a beautiful angel and I wish I'd kept it together long enough to remind myself of that. I just want to wake him up and hold him tight and cover him in kisses.
PS. Am on my own in Germany. DH away for week and new to country ie. no friends...

Cheechy - I am preganant with my first baby and was terrified after watching Supernanny last night. It was all screaming and shouting. I got really terrified I was going to lose my temper withthe baby when she comes.

I was watching with my husband who comes from a wonderful happy family of 5 kids.I really admire his mum. When i told him I was scared I'd lose my temper he said his mum was ALWAYS losing her temper and screaming at them, but she was also exptremely nice and praise dthem and laughed with them a lot. Which I'm sure you do with your son. So don't worry. His sisters and he are all FABULOUS.

That's it - when Ds wakes up I'm going to kiss and hug him until he tells me to get off! Just wish that switch hadn't flicked in me....

Thanks susie, yes i really feel like I should be doing more especially now I am over the worst.

Sorry to hear you're suffering too, your doing the right thing staying off work though.

Cheechy I lost the plot with my ds yesterday too and screamed at him. He's also been poorly and we had also just come back from the doctors. I felt terrible all last night. But today is a new day he has forgotten and I will make sure we do something lovely together.

Hey all - nice to hear from you - I thought everyone had gone

cheechy - I am CRAP with my DSD at the moment, and for a few days really thought I would never be capable of parenting a kitten, let alone another child when I was benig so rubbish with the one I have around. Ended up howling all over DP about how crap I was, after he had criticised how I handled something, and now he is being a bit more understanding and taking more of the strain at the moment. I am trying to stand back a little, but also just accept that I am doing my best at the moment, and that DSD is unlikely to be hugely harmed by me being a bit grouchy from time to time, as long as I am trying to put in as many positives as I can. Try not to beat yourself up (I know that's hard). Keep talking on here too, you aren't alone xxx

connortraceptive - sorry you are feeling so crappy. My doc and therapist have put me back on my AD's as they say they are safer than me being depressed. I also get really scared at the idea of being down in that pit again, but am trying to remember that if worst comes to worst, I survived it before, and will again. Plus, a BIG part of these feelings are the hormones swashing around, so we can and will feel differently and better once they level out.

splishsplosh - didn't know you were feeling bad hon - I think we all try and hide it a bit, but you don't have to. Can you talk to your DP about the relationship problems or is it too hard?

Jobi - you are NOT being daft. If you need to sleep or cry or whatever it does not make you silly, it's a normal human need. Have a cry or have a sleep, and be kind to yourself. Do what you can and don't beat yourself up for the things you can't do at the moment.

Splishsplosh - my mum died very suddenly just a couple of months ago which must have been around the time I fell pregnant. She was in perfect health on the wednesday night when I last spoke to her and then she was gone. A massive stroke. Out of the blue and she was only 70 - a young 70 at that. When she used to pick up her free prescription she'd get ID'd! I miss her terribly especially now I am pregnant. My sister in law is due any day now and my mum was soooooooo looking forward to being a gran for the first time.

Anyway, I think I can empathise a little. Don't do anything too huge. I was told after my mum died not to make any life changing decisions which aparantly lots of people do under these circumstances. You need some time to come to terms with everything. You might want to talk to your GP (if they are at all sympathetic - mine weren't really interested at all and just wanted to hand out antidepressants) so I went to see a hypnotherapist. I can't afford it now I am pregnant but at least I realise that when I am really down and feel like I wish I wasn't pregnant, that it will WILL pass.

I have days where I don't think there is any point in going on and then when I feel better I think "what the was I thinking??!!!" and I really am starting to have deep feelings for this little person inside me. It comes and goes which I could not tell anyone outside this forum cos they'd just panic but I am not going to do anything stupid. It helps if you have some supportive friends who can help but you might have to talk to someone in the medical profession before you can feel any better. It's not fair on you. I hate how I can feel numb and depressed and nothing at all apart from complete indifference to utter despair but I can ALWAYS feel the full on GUILT of being depressed and how I make other people feel bad by being like this. It also makes me angry some people can be so selfish and non understanding that they actually think I can somehow choose when to be depressed and when to "snap out of it".

You are sooooooooo right though, the hormones are really swinging the depression from mild lulls to full on "i have lost it".

Sorry I don't think I am helping... Maybe I am just wallowing a bit at the moment. I will probably read this back when I have a "good" day and think "what a t!t".

Thanks if anyone read this far....