Two boys...other people's reaction

[mangoandraspberries]

Am currently pregnant with DS2, DS1 is just over 2. I am getting so sick of people's reaction when I tell them no2 is also a boy...lots of people implying I should be somehow disappointed, or that 2 boys will be a huge handful, I'll be properly outnumbered etc. Some are joking, others not.

Has anyone else had this? Is it specifically a 2 boys thing, or do people with two girls get the same? I feel like I'm being made to feel DS2 is somehow a consolation prize. I've loved having DS1, he is utterly amazing, why would DS2 be any different?! Surely a healthy baby is what matters?

I have 2 boys and they are wonderful.

I didn't find out the sex until they were born so people couldn't really say much, although there was a bit of "bet you're hoping for a girl this time" and even now (dc are 15 and 13) people assume I want another baby so I can try for a girl

Ex sil actually used to tell people I was so disappointed I had 2 boys that I cried when ds2 was born. Fuck knows how she would know. She wasn't in the delivery room. And I didn't cry anyway . Mind you she stopped her nasty digs about me having 2 boys when she had her 2nd son and was very sheepish when announcing her DC3 was also a boy. I may have laughed in private

I have three boys op and people are twats. I had all kinds of commiserations with ds2 but they were especially amplified when I had ds3.

I grew up in a massive family of mainly females - multiple aunts (no uncles at all), all my cousins are girls, I have only sisters and now have nieces.

My three are the only boys. Cliche though it may be, I’m more than happy to get away from bitching and hogging-the-bathroom fights after family gatherings and retreat to my houseful of boys

Some people act like it's a competition, particularly mother's of all daughters I feel. I even heard a woman congratulated at a baby weighing in clinic on having a second daughter by a clinician. I was there with my DS and gave him an extra cuddle, boys are just as lovely. In fact I find my son a lot easier than my DD.

A friend of mine once came into work bawling her eyes out because she'd just had a pregnancy scan to discover that her twins were both boys! She said it was the worst combination she could have hoped for. They turned out to be lovely kids though - it wasn't the end of the world by any means.

@polkadotraindrops Yes, it's incredibly rude. When I had my twins, I got used to personal questions ("Are they natural?") and on one notable occasion a woman walked past me, peered into the buggy, said "Twins! How DREADFUL!" and walked off!

I'd actually rather 2 boys or 2 girls. I'm only planning on having 2 but I think it's so lovely for boy to have a brother and a girl to have a sister so really don't understand these comments!

OP, don't worry about it, people can be right idiots about other people's pregnancies! And yes you get the same with girls. A colleague told me, oh, your husband will be gutted you're having another one. I told him that my husband was really chuffed to be having another kid no matter the sex. He said "No, he'll just be telling you that but all blokes secretly want a boy, so they can play football with them, you see." Okaaaayy buddy...

@allaboardthesinkingship I actually don't think this matters/is true & a few people tried to be negative when I had one of each saying things like this. My boy/girl love each other and play together. I have both a brother & a sister. I played with my brother far more growing up & we are incredibly close- we speak every day. I speak to my sister every week or 2 and we didn't really play together growing up as much. I have multiple friends who have the same experience. Sex doesn't really dictate anything. Multiple boys, multiple girls or a mixture, it doesn't matter, they can all have lovely close relationships and 2 of the same doesn't guarantee closeness likewise any combination can have not the best relationship. It's totally down to the individuals but I think stereotypes like this are just as bad as people being negative like in the OP's experiences.

When I was pg with DS2, I got this a lot. It made no sense to me because I had chosen to have babies 18mo apart and I was happy to have two of the same sex, thinking they’d be friends growing up. They are 4 and 5 now and play together constantly.

What made me even more confused about people’s reactions is that I actually already have a DD. It’s just that she was 14 when DS2 was born so apparently “didn’t count”.

The number of people who asked me how it felt to be a mum of 2 when my 3rd child was born was also bizarre. But that’s a different topic.

@JumpingFrogs that's appalling! People can be so rude. No matter what you do, they find a reason to get involved and make comment.

If you have 1- they need a playmate, you couldn't possibly consider stopping at one. Doesn't matter if you have infertility or had a negative birth experience or are just happy with one. When's the next one happening?!
You have 2- you better stop if you have one of each, you couldn't possibly want anymore but cue the negative comments about how opposite sexes can't be close as 2 of the same. If you have 2 of the same sex, you need to crack on with a third to get the opposite sex.
3- if you already had one of each, why did you have a third? Was it a mistake?! If you had 2 of the same sex- are you worried it'll be a third of the same? You couldn't possibly have had a third child because you want a third child & not because you're trying for the opposite sex.
Etc... these are all comments people have made to my friendship group & I and all very upsetting/incredibly rude. I don't know why people are so interested in other people's reproductive life choices.

I’m not terribly feminine myself and the thought of having to sort long hair, advise on make up etc would fill me with dread.

My oldest son (5) has gorgeous thick curly hair that when wet it falls past his shoulders. He hates having it cut so I have to try and trim it while he is already crying because I’m tackling the tangles he gets in the back. My youngest is better with having his hair cut, but he also had lots of curly hair but due to it being finer there wasn’t as many tangles. Definitely not just a girl thing.

Some people act like it's a competition, particularly mother's of all daughters I feel.

I see it more with mothers of boys and I say that as a boy mum myself. The first thing I was told was how great boys are compared to girls and labelled off things that I also did yet somehow girls were lesser. Hearing more after my second boy actually made me think I was doing something wrong because I was struggling with them. Love them to bits, but it was a steep learning curve coming from a family of mainly girls, never had a brother, or lots of interaction with boys growing up especially with personal things. I never expected that my main phrases most days would be about them to stop touching their penises or to stop climbing on things.

Yes OP this is definitely a thing! Currently pregnant with boy number 3 and feel like I'm trying to convince others I'm happy it's another boy.
Close family members didn't hide their disappointment.
When trying I obviously just wanted another baby but my preference was boy, I just love little boys but some find that hard to believe and think I'm over compensating because I didn't 'get my girl baby'.
It's weird.

BiL and his wife are having a baby. He already has sons. We have two daughters.

When being told they’re having another boy, my comment was do you only do boys and your brother only girls?

I couldn’t give a toss what sex their baby is as long as it’s healthy. No baby should be a disappointment.

Congratulations! We love having two the same sex - hand me downs for example

Yeah I have 2 boys and been asked if I’m going to try again for a girl.
Um no, I’ve only ever wanted 2 children and I’m pleased as punch with my boys. Nearly every one of my friends have one of each and I think they feel sorry for me.

@DramaAlpaca I recognise you on threads as I read a post a long, long time ago where you mentioned something similar. Having children is wonderful regardless of them being boys or girls but I feel extremely lucky to have had the experiences and love I've had with my sons. I know you feel the same.

My first born is a boy ! I was so excited to have a boy although I would have been happy either way .

I’m pregnant with baby number 2 and I’ve only told a few people ( it’s early on ) and I’ve already had a few girl comments “ hopefully this one is a girl “ Or “ trying for a girl” 🤔!

I would be thrilled with a second boy . A brother for my son ☺️! I hate those comments . I won’t be finding out the gender with this one , no idea if that will make it worse or not .

I'm FTM and under a bit of pressure that everyone is hoping I have a girl 😂 this is only because noone else around me does and I'm the last of my friendship group etc to have a kid, they've all had boys and want a princess to dress up.

@MaidenMotherCrone I do feel the same

@polkadotraindrops this really made me laugh!! And it's so true, you can't win no matter what you do, I've also heard most of those comments aimed at some of my friends.

Thanks everyone, am feeling much calmer today. I know now I just need to not listen to other people when they say silly things and focus on being excited about our new baby!

My app has gone haywire and won't let me tag you OP but please don't let these rude idiotic people detract from this special time for you. No matter what combination you have or number of children, people seem to be deeply concerned/offended by something or find an issue. Now if they'd pay as much attention to themselves as they do the contents of other people's uteruses and reproductive life choices, maybe they'd realise how rude and inappropriate they are. I always think people really must have nothing going on when they get so invested in other people's children's sexes. Congratulations on your 2 lovely boys

I've two boys, their personalities could not be more different. I Think some people think two the same sex will be like raising clones:

We have two girls and I'm regularly asked when I'm going to give me DH a boy

FWIW we love having two girls, we'd have loved having two boys and we would have loved one of each. All we wanted was two happy children!

@Wanderer1 OMG my exact thoughts 😝

I have this with DS2, it made me feel like shit on several occasions. I even had comments straight after he was born such as it bet you wish you'd had a girl don't you?' Or 'are you going to try for a girl next?'. Bearing in mind DS2 was really poorly after he was born, and had open heart surgery at a few weeks old, some people (close relatives/friends included) came out with stupid comments like this.

My SIL is currently pregnant, she doesn't know the sex and already has a boy. Her parents have repeatedly said to me frequently how they're hoping for a granddaughter this time around, and have implied my mum is also desperate for a granddaughter as she currently has 3 grandsons, which isn't the case. It's almost as though two boys somehow aren't enough?

If I got pregnant again, I'd love another boy. My two are ace. If also be pleased if it was a girl, but I have a soft spot for boys. So long as they're healthy it shouldn't matter IMO.

That's so annoying. Hate this preference for girls. I think if it was me whenever I told people I'd say "I'm having a boy and I'M VERY HAPPY!!"