Two boys...other people's reaction

[mangoandraspberries]

Am currently pregnant with DS2, DS1 is just over 2. I am getting so sick of people's reaction when I tell them no2 is also a boy...lots of people implying I should be somehow disappointed, or that 2 boys will be a huge handful, I'll be properly outnumbered etc. Some are joking, others not.

Has anyone else had this? Is it specifically a 2 boys thing, or do people with two girls get the same? I feel like I'm being made to feel DS2 is somehow a consolation prize. I've loved having DS1, he is utterly amazing, why would DS2 be any different?! Surely a healthy baby is what matters?

On honestly, i'm 21w with my first and i'm having a girl. People almost sound gutted that i'm having a girl and say 'oh, is that what you wanted?' With that disappointed look on their face. I understand some people really want a boy or a girl and are a little disappointed, but i'm just over the moon i am lucky enough to be in this position!!

That is so true @wanderer1 and exactly how I was thinking before I found out - opposite sex would be nice for the experience, but same sex nice so DS1 has a brother! I just wasn't expecting other peooles reaction! Agree with others comments that if I was doing it again I'd keep the sex quiet, as people are much less likely to say anything once he is actually here (I hope!)

Yes, a lot. As soon as I was pregnant with DS2 everyone made "hoping for a girl" comments, then it was "that's a shame" when we knew his sex. Even now they're both primary age I still get people saying I shpuld try again for a girl, and saying how nice it would be for them to have a sister . An older family member told me she feels sorry for mums of only boys.

It's all complete bollocks but still a bit hurtful that anyone would think I have a "second class"/"second best" family or that my children are disappointing.

A lot of people seem to see girls as the ultimate prize and boys are only ok if you have at least 1 girl to compensate.

DS 1 is also just over 2 and I am also pregnant with DS2 it angers me so much how many people think I'm disappointed. I wanted another boy , I'd have been gutted if it was a girl.

Nobody ever seems to have that reaction towards girls which is strange.

I had an aunt actually say 'oh no!' when I told her I was having a 3rd boy.
Lots of people commented on all the boys like it was a negative thing.
My boys are awesome. They are the best of friends, a total gang.
Don't let comments affect you. They just don't know how amazing it is.

I have one of each and honestly don't get it when I hear the you're lucky comments. Mine are very typically a girl and boy and don't have similar interests at all. I cannot use clothes twice and they have different collections / toys.

As one of two girls (I have a sister) I always thought 2 of the same would be easier. As a mum of a DD and DS I would really really argue the point that boys can be gorgeous, cuddly and loving. So I would throw the nonsense that boys are harder work argument out the window as a load of rubbish.

@CantKeepSecrets that's very odd, it's the other way around here. I constantly feel my happiness is overshadowed by stupid comments people make about the fact i'm having a girl. I actually dread that question 'so what are you having?' Although i have had the odd person also scream with joy and the thought of me having a girl!

Yep... it’s f*ing annoying. I have two gorgeous boys (5 months and 2). When pregnant with Ds2, I had someone even say “oh what a shame! Having one of each is so nice”. I must have looked like I will punch her as she then apologised. Another annoying one is “third time lucky” - as if I’m not lucky to have two healthy children. My friends who have only girls never get negative comments. There might be the odd comment about the dad wanting a boy but nothing to the extent that I’ve got. It actually puts me off having another one as people will just assume that we’re only trying for a girl, when actually it’s another baby we would like one day.

I am pregnant with my second daughter and I've had similar with people suggesting I must be disappointed not to have one of each / saying my other half will be outnumbered / are we going to try for a boy / it'll be fun in your house when they both hit puberty etc...

People are just stupid.

People talk a lot of crap about a lot of things.

Nod and smile and remove yourself from the convo

Fwiw, I have 2 boys about 2.5 yrs apart and I love it

They are 15 and 17, and still have a laugh together most days

There is also a lot of love and hugs for mum

Pity the fools who pity me

DS1 was very ill at birth and spent several weeks in ICU and needed four operations before he was six weeks old. He is now a lovely, gentle, funny, fantastic boy. When his completely healthy younger brother was born, and I was able to bring him home from hospital on the same day I was over the moon. We still had people commiserating with us. I could not believe it. Could they not see how lucky I was to have my two wonderful children?

@Lyndassniff that's shocking! I honestly think some people don't think - or maybe they don't have children themselves so don't understand what can go wrong, or it's been so long they've forgotten etc etc.

I had a scare at DS1's 20 week scan, although all was fine by the next scan at 24weeks, so I am so relieved everything is ok this time.

@TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead I like your last line, I'm going to steal that one I think!

@RenegadeMrs interesting it also happens with 2 girls!

We’ve got 2 boys and they’re wonderful.
We didn’t find out their sex until they’d arrived and we did have a few comments after ds2 was born about how we’d need to have a 3rd to get a girl.
I’m not terribly feminine myself and the thought of having to sort long hair, advise on make up etc would fill me with dread.
As long as you’re happy op, ignore any doom and gloom from others x

I’ve one of each, the amount of well done you’s, you’re so clever having one of each at once (twins), and that’s you done now comments I’ve had is ridiculous.

Some people are just weird.

When I was pregnant with my twins, people would ask boys or girls and when I said 'one of each' they'd get uncomfortably emotional (I'm not very good at dealing with that kind of thing 😂). I remember one woman was even crying and thanking god. I always felt really strange about it, like there was a quota I was supposed to fill and I'd somehow 'done a good job'. With the amount of anxiety I had I was just so relieved when they were born healthy. I have equal nerves for how both of them will be as teenagers 😂 x

Thanks everyone, so glad I'm not alone! I think I just need to develop a thicker skin!!

People are idiots.

I don't know why people are so invested in the sex of other people's children. I have one of each. As soon as DS was born, so many people told me that was great because I didn't need anymore now as I had a boy and a girl. Got quite a few baby cards saying how our new baby had "completed" our family?! Who writes that in a new baby card?!

It's made me feel uncomfortable- if we decide to have a third that people will react badly and ask us why we're doing it.

I was out walking last week with DS1 (2yo) and DS2 (10 days) when we came across someone we vaguely knew. We had a very quick chat and as she couldn't see into DS2's pram (social distancing) she asked if he was a girl. I said no, he's a boy and she looked between the pram and DS1 and said "oh what a shame, never mind".

It didn't bother me too much as I am thrilled with my two boys, but I did find it a very odd thing to say.

@dododooo wow such a terrible thing to say, especially when DS is so small! I think it's actually making me really defensive and protective of DS2, and in a way making me even more excited to meet him. Enjoy your two DCs x

@polkadotraindrops - similar experience here. Had a girl and then a boy, and someone even congratulated me on having a "pigeon pair". There was a widespread assumption that our family was complete, and incredulity when we announced I was expecting a third. I got the impression that people felt the only possible reason to want a third child was if your first two babies were the same sex (and then it turned out to be twins )

@JumpingFrogs eugh why are people so rude and oddly invested in other people's lives?! No matter what you do, people find a way to be rude about it, there's no doing right. I'll never forget at BIL's wedding with our first baby, his wife's bridesmaid came up to me (who I'd never met) and said "oh congratulations. Was it planned or a mistake?" we were married (not that it matters!), I was 28/DH 30, both in good stable jobs. We'd had fertility treatment so was a bit taken aback. Who asks that?! Then had a "friend" tell me she'd be "disappointed" if her first wasn't a girl...before we knew what our first was..and then tell me she'd be "disappointed" with a son when we had our second as she wanted 2 girls. She's no longer a friend. Having had 2 very sick babies to start with (luckily fine now!), we'd have taken anything!

I wish I'd heard of the MN gem of a line "did you mean to be so rude?" sooner.

I have a relative that genuinely was enraged that someone else in the family got pregnant the same time as she did after she got married. She constantly banged on about how they stole her limelight and it was unfair of them to try after her wedding knowing she would also be trying and wouldn't have minded them being pregnant at the same time if they had two of the same sex or it was their second dc but they had one of each so WHY...WHY?! Always said with a crazed look in her eye.

I avoid said relative completely because she's an arsehole but seriously made me laugh so much whenever she raised the 'issue'.