Anyone elses pregnancy being ruined?

[reginaphalange101]

Just found out that my partner is banned from our 20 week scan because of the bloody virus i feel so lucky to be carrying our little bundle and am so grateful to be healthy, but on a selfish note - this is not how I pictured it at all

The year started out amazing, we found our dream house and had our little baby on route. Now the house sale is likely to fall through and I can't even enjoy the precious moments of pregnancy with OH and have to do it alone. You don't get these moments back and it's all just shit. I try to focus on positives but keep getting knocked back down, as if pregnancy isn't hard enough with the hormones there's just so much added stress. I should be enjoying scans with my partner, picking out baby clothes and decorating her nursery. Instead I'm stuck inside completely alone and have to experience magical lifelong memories by myself.

Anyone else feeling overwhelmed by this?

@turnthebiglightoff totally agree

I'm so thankful I plucked up the courage to create this thread, I was expecting to be completely shut down and told to stop whinging because other people have it 'so much worse!' Instead, I have found so many brave ladies I can relate to and I really needed that.

Its such a taboo subject, almost like we're not allowed to complain because we're lucky to be pregnant and healthy so what are we moaning about? I'm so grateful to be having my baby girl and thank my lucky stars that she's tucked away and safe from all of this, but I'm so sad for the moments that are being stolen from me and OH, the family that won't be able to visit when she's newborn, the labour and birth which is so uncertain and could be alone. The baby shopping, the financial reassurance, knowing we have a mortgage in place ready to move and nest. We're allowed to feel overwhelmed, team all this with being stuck in isolation and raging hormones, were only bloody human.

@Maggie272 I did mention in my OP that I was grateful to have a healthy pregnancy. It is the experience that is being ruined for so many of us, not the pregnancy itself.

@FriedasCarLoad for you, brave lady. Don't go through these feelings alone. Although the world is a bit crazy at the moment, midwives are still doing their job, reach out and ask for some reassurance x

@turnthebiglightoff not the time or the place.
Pregnant women are spending every day holding it together and trying to stay strong. They are allowed to feel sad and they are allowed to talk about how they feel with other mums.
Everyone knows the reasons why we're in this position and, of course, everyone's priority is keeping safe and having a healthy baby, but that doesn't mean you can't feel sad.
If you're not in the same boat, just scroll on by. That's great for you.

As for 6 minutes? What? I wont see my babys dad for months!

@sel2223 I've reported their stupid comment. Always someone who has to chime in on threads that have nothing to do with them

@Maggie272 your also welcome to leave the thread, doesn't seem like it's the place for you

As so completely shit this all is, I do find comfort that so many of us are going through the same feelings. We are also in the same boat regarding a house, we're first time buyers we had an offer accepted and were just about to start all the proceedings and now we're just left in limbo with no idea what to do.

I totally appreciate that the restrictions in place are to save lives and completely agree with all the decisions made, but it still stings to know I won't be able to have my mum with me when I give birth, she still hasn't felt the baby kick either and I don't think there will be a chance for that now.

I’m so glad this thread is here. My mind is on a constant loop worrying and anxious about all this, I feel guilty about not being excited or looking forward to the birth of our first baby, im terrified of the impact this will have on both of us bonding with baby, terrified that the lack of support post birth sends me in to MS relapse, terrified that being in hospital exposes me to a risk as I’m immunosuppressed and now will be more reliant on healthcare staff for everything.

Last week I mourned the loss of the ‘maternity leave’ I had built up in my head.

This week I just want all this to be over.

It’s horrific and I can’t escape it.

And if we have ptsd, post natal depression, and struggle to bond, that could take months or even years away from us. I hate how women always have to put up and shut up.

@sunshinedayze I'm with you on that one, I have history of anxiety and depression which I was lucky enough to recover from, but i worry what impact this could have Can't see being on a ward alone with a newborn baby and no visitors including OH will do any favours for our MH, especially in such a vulnerable state.

All I can hope is that we kick this to the curb as quickly as possible and we all get the pregnancy and birth we dreamt of

It makes me sad to see women suffering and that some people seem to think that because you have a healthy pregnancy you shouldn't complain, something that life has taught me is that everyone has challenges in life and just because it seems lesser to someone does not mean that the person's experience is not just as painful to them.

I've been lucky and got a private scan with DH at 8 weeks since he likely can't go to my 12 or 20 week ones, he's encouraging me not to think beyond that as I wanted a midwife unit birth because I'm nervous to be on a hospital ward and being immediately alone afterwards and at the moment if things carry on i would end up with a birth like that.

Can you ask to video? I know it isn't the same but they might let you in these circumstances

@ie272 this is a support thread for everyone feeling overwhelmed so no, bullying isn't welcome take care

@reginaphalange101 exactly. Especially when post birth midwife appointments aren’t being done either, therefore risking more re-admissions.

I have a c section booked in 10 days so really not hopeful for anything getting better in that time. Worse if anything.

@Sunshinedayze I know there's nothing anyone can say to make this time any better, but hopefully with a C section your partner can stay with you if your in a private recovery room? it's all just shit x

I am so glad to have found this thread. Every other one on MN has descended into such nastiness when all we are doing is trying to process perfectly natural feelings of fear and disappointment.

I'm 30+2 with my second child and like so many of you have been extremely upset and worried over the past few days. There has been such a lack of communication for all pregnant women recently in terms of employment rights, maternity leave, childcare in labour, home birth, whether we'll have a birth partner at all, etc. Couple this with the guilt most of us are conditioned to feel when we dare to consider our own feelings together with the judgement women receive when trying to express this feelings and wham, it's shit. I've seen the old 'hysteria' card thrown at many pregnant women over the past few days; so predictable. Ditto the suggestion that we're too dim or selfish to consider the feelings and health of the other mothers, babies, midwives and HCPs, which I don't believe is the case at all.

I think we need to keep talking to each other. Peer support from other women in the same boat as each other is always one of the most powerful things

And to everyone who is scared xx

People talking about gas and air being banned

I haven't heard that - surely it can't be true?

I'm feeling so low today - I'm absolutely dreading going into hospital for my 36 week scan now in case I catch the virus.

@wondering7777 just more unsubstantiated scaremongering on another thread. Please don't let it cause you any extra worry.

Cant believe there are people telling us "just suck it up/get on with it".

Theres been massive emphasis on post natal mental health; getting the support you need, meeting other mums for company and support, making time for yourself and that is now not an option. Apparently to some all this guidance before was just nonsense.

Pregnant or not, people naturally go to their support network whether that be family or friends when anxious to feel better, talk etc. and it's very difficult times now when we cant do that. You can scream in my ears every minute of the day about how people are dying, I know its tragic, it doesn't stop me being upset and wanting to see my mum, sister and friends right now. It isnt a misery competition.

This thread is so good for us to vent, and to know were all in this together. Stay strong everyone, we got this

Thanks @sel2223 x

My pregnancies were ruined when I miscarried. I don't know if it's the OP's wording that hit a nerve - it's the pregnancy experience that is ruined not the pregnancy itself.

@MyShinyWhiteTeeth I did note in a pp that it's the experience that's being ruined not the pregnancy itself. Sorry you've suffered from losses in the past

Hi,

I'm due start of sept with my first and like many above, I wouldn't have pictured my first pregnancy like this.

We had a private early scan booked which has now been cancelled and we are able rearrange but only myself will be able to attend, the same as the 20 week scan. I really feel for my partner.. And when I'm having emotional days where I feel like I'm doing it all on my own... It really hits home when I think about going to the scans and appointments on my own and potentially the birth... Which I cried at when I heard this from my midwife on tuesday!

I do try and stay positive and feel for everyone going through such horrible times at the moment but sometimes it is hard, especially when your having to stay off work and social distance from everyone for the foreseeable.

Stay safe and think as positive as you can.

Xx

Completely agree. We lost our little girl at 16 weeks last year, but we found out we would lose her at 12 weeks. So I never got the pregnancy experience. I was determined to make the most out of this - pregnancy yoga, NCT courses, going for long walks and eating as healthy as possible. Being stuck indoors all day is wreaking havoc on my mental state! I'm so grateful for our baby but I really wish this whole experience was different. I'm also worried that I won't be able to make connections with other first time mums because I won't be going to any classes 😞

I’m totally on the same page as you all. I had a traumatic miscarriage last year and had just got past the 20 weeks scan and started to feel confident and less anxious when all this started.

I miss my friends and family so much, I’m so upset I can’t see them and show off my bump. I’m sad I can’t just go shopping for stuff with DH and mum. It’s horrible that we are scared to go to our appointments and horrible to have to worry about even going into hospital for scans and appointments.

I will do whatever I have to do to get baby here safely but I completely relate that it’s just not how we imagined things would be.

I’m not due until July and so I’m trying to not to think too far ahead, take it one day at a time, everything is changing by the minute and by the day.

For those that are worried about going for their antenatal appointments - I had to go into hospital yesterday as I was really worried about reduced movements and the hospitals are on lockdown, no visitors and staff taking all the precautions. So try and take some comfort in that, and also remember that our appointments are so important and the benefits in going outweigh the risks at the moment.

Stay strong all - we can do this!