Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

MIL basically decided on a baby name for us - am I being unreasonable

72 replies

Lunamoon170 · 27/03/2020 08:21

Hi guys,

So basically my partner and I haven’t decided on a name yet, we had a few ideas that we liked but nothing set in stone.

Anyway, my partners mum asked about any names a while back, we told her a few we liked and she particularly liked one name and was saying ‘yes that’s definitely it I love that it goes with our surname perfectly!’

I thought it was just a passing comment, but now she calls the baby by this name constantly. She tells people that it is his name when she talks about him, has bought clothes and decorations for his room with this name on, she refers to him as this name.

Recently my MIL and my own mum had stopped by at my house for a cuppa, she started referring to the baby by this name, to which my own mum was confused and said ‘oh have you decided on that for definite now?’ And looked hurt that I hadn’t told her. I felt super awkward and just said no no we haven’t decided fully yet it was still just an idea, to which his mum said ‘he’s definitely going to be called that, it’s perfect!’

I don’t really know what to do. I feel really awful for complaining as I know she is just excited, but I feel awkward as she’s bought us things with this name on and spent money and is totally set that we’re going to call him this name.

In all honesty I’ve totally gone off this name now as well, I don’t think this has helped 🤦🏼‍♀️ Am I being unreasonable by being annoyed? My partner is so laid back in general, he just brushes it off, and I don’t want to ask him to say something to her in case it hurts her feelings but I feel like she’s named him for me.

It’s my first baby as well so I feel like it’s totally taking the excitement away as now his gran and grandpa also think we’re calling the baby this name because of his mum.

We have since thought of another name we both prefer but I’m kind of dreading telling her.

What should I do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

KitKatKit · 27/03/2020 08:24

Mistake number one was telling her your options for names. It's easily rectifiable though.

Everytime she refers to your unborn child as 'that' name, smile sweetly and say "we've changed our mind on that name". When she pushes to know what you've decided on, smile sweetly again and say "It's a surprise!".

Sending you sympathies for having an overbearing inlaw

ThisIsNotARealAvo · 27/03/2020 08:24

Depending on your relationship with her, you could either sit her down and say what you've said here, that it's your first baby and you will choose the name when it's born. Or you could just laugh and say "of course we haven't chosen a name, don't be daft MIL" every time she does it.

occulus · 27/03/2020 08:26

Why did you correct her after the first time? You've sat back and let her continue to tell people and waste money

Original poster

Lunamoon170 · 27/03/2020 08:26

@kitkatkit arghh I know I’m kicking myself now for telling her, I’ll know for any future babas that it’s a terrible idea! Thank you, will have to give that a go! X

OP posts:

Noodlenosefraggle · 27/03/2020 08:26

Get your DH to tell her you're not using it because you don't like it anymore. If you use the name because of her, you will get more and more resentful. If shes wasted her money that's her problem. My DM is a bit like that. I know its different if youre telling your own mum to back off but it may be better in the long term.

GatoFofo · 27/03/2020 08:26

Not your problem that she’s become over invested in this name and spent her money. The advice above is spot on.

Tableclothing · 27/03/2020 08:27

You might change your mind again when you meet your baby so keep telling her you're keeping your options open. Name your baby whatever you like. Get your dh to tell her.

NameChange30 · 27/03/2020 08:27

Well you've learned your lesson, never tell other people what names you're considering.

"it goes with our surname perfectly"

You say partner not husband so I assume you're not married?

Give the baby your own surname. With or without your partner's surname in addition.

And it goes without saying that you choose the first name that you and DP want. Ignore MIL.

otterbaby · 27/03/2020 08:27

She's overstepping. Ideally, you would have told her before she bought things with the name on, but that can't be helped now. Your partner needs to have a frank conversation with his mother and tell her you're not naming the baby that and she needs to cut it out. She'll probably be a bit put out but to be honest, it sounds really frustrating what you're dealing with at the minute anyway!

AntiHop · 27/03/2020 08:28

She sounds like a pain!

Tootletum · 27/03/2020 08:28

What a nightmare! She'll be ok eventually I'm sure, just overexcited.

Soubriquet · 27/03/2020 08:28

I would just say “sorry. Changed my mind. I don’t like Xxx anymore.”

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead · 27/03/2020 08:28

Never ever ever discuss names with anyone other than your partner

People are so daft, you involved her in the decision making (why?!) now you have to de-involve her.

Get your DP to deal with this

Gwynfluff · 27/03/2020 08:28

Start now dropping in that you have really gone off it and then don’t mention what you actually have chose until birth.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2020 08:29

You should have set her straight the first time she started using the name to refer to the baby. It's time to start behaving like a grown woman and asset yourself, because issues with your mil will only escalate if you don't.

peachypetite · 27/03/2020 08:30

You never tell anyone names!! So silly.

TrashKitten10 · 27/03/2020 08:30

I can't believe she has bought personalised items with the name she has decided on! I'm outraged on your behalf she thinks she has the right to choose YOUR baby's name. If it were me I'd just treat her as bonkers and laugh her off if she tries to force that name "MIL that was just a suggestion, we are obviously keeping baby's name a surprise until they're born". Maybe even send out a text to family "Hi all, we've heard there's a rumour going around that we've already chosen baby's name. Definitely no name has been decided yet so please don't jump the gun and get anything personalised!"

BigSandyBalls2015 · 27/03/2020 08:31

My mum spent the first year of my nephews life calling him Daniel as that was the name she liked ... he’s called Sam

Original poster

Lunamoon170 · 27/03/2020 08:32

@occulus hellooo, I wasn’t actually aware she had been purchasing things with this name on until she let slip after a few drinks at a gathering we had a few weeks back. She has been told many times were not totally set on a name yet but just brushes it off, I’m not really the type to be really forceful as I’m really shy but I think I might have to be 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:

BruceAndNosh · 27/03/2020 08:32

Tell her that Her Name Choice is the Pregnancy name but you are going to choose the baby's proper name once it is born

SunshineCake · 27/03/2020 08:33

You are grown up enough to have a baby so should be grown up enough to chose the name you now want.

Kick your partner in the leg and tell him he puts you first and doesn't get to fanny about worrying about upsetting his mother. He should be more worried about upsetting you

Tell your mother what has happened and stop all name talk.

It's mil fault she's wasted her money and she is banking on British politeness for you not to change the name now. Do you really want to listen to her showing off how she named her grandchild and feeling pissed off every time you say or hear his name.

Pick your name for your child but even better say nothing until baby is born and then you announce the name and stick to it.

Bezalelle · 27/03/2020 08:36

No smiling sweetly. No polite hedging. You say, quite firmly:

"That is NOT the name we have chosen. STOP saying it is."

Original poster

Lunamoon170 · 27/03/2020 08:37

@NameChange30 hii, yes we’re engaged but not married so I don’t have his surname yet.

I know, I now realise how stupid it was to mention any names, I naively thought it would be okay as we had 4-5 names and never set any of them as a definite and only mentioned them in passing after we had an early scan to find out he was a boy.

I know for any future babies we may have that this is a definite no no 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

Lunamoon170 · 27/03/2020 08:42

@TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead I am asking myself the same question, whyyy?! I didn’t think she would get stuck on one name as it was just mentioned in passing alongside a few other names, and we said at the time we haven’t decided on any as we had only known he was a boy less than a day. Lesson learned on that one!

OP posts:

Original poster

Lunamoon170 · 27/03/2020 08:43

@BigSandyBalls2015 oh wow! I hope it doesn’t get to that hahaha! 😂

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3