Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Terrified and would like a c section

74 replies

Bearbunch · 13/03/2020 19:36

Hi all just looking for some advice. I live in NI for a start. I am so so absolutely terrified of giving birth, this is my first so I've never experienced it.. It seems to be this deep rooted fear that has sprung itself on me. I'm only 14 weeks and not due to see my mid wife for another 3 weeks. I was wondering if I can just request a section or would I have to go private? I never thought I would have this feeling before getting pregnant but here I am 🙈

Please spare me stories of why I shouldn't get a c section I have spoken to everybody I know who has given birth they all had really positive stories, tried hypnobirthing and read through the positive birth book. None of which have helped!! Tia x

OP posts:
pooopypants · 13/03/2020 19:41

What exactly is it that scares you so much?

Bearbunch · 13/03/2020 19:44

Honestly, everything. The pain, the tearing, the chance that I could end up incontinent, prolapsing, going way over due, being in labour in extreme pain for hours and hours for it to end in a c section anyway.. Its all irrational I've never given birth and always thought Id be one of these easy breezy hypnobirthing breathe through the pain ladies.... Turns out I am not!!

OP posts:
Catlover10 · 13/03/2020 19:51

I understand your fear as I’m in a pretty similar position. The only difference with me is i have some medical issues down there (bladder issues, recurring vaginal cysts causing scar tissue down there). But in top of this I have extreme anxiety and have been told by my midwife that they do offer c sections to very anxious patients that are desperate to have them and have done their research etc, but I’m guessing you’ll have to be pretty persistent. I haven’t requested one officially from a doctor yet but I imagine it will take a bit of persuasion from my part still since they don’t seem to like doing them. But if you have made your mind up, it should be possible if you explain why you’d prefer that birthing method. Good luck!!

Yummymummy2020 · 13/03/2020 19:55

Would you consider an epidural? I had to have a forceps delivery and epistomy and didn’t feel a thing(this was due to pre existing health issues so it’s not something you necessarily will ever need to experience nor was it due to the epidural ) but I can tell you I literally felt no pain or even pressure! And it didn’t hurt to get the epidural either! Please don’t let this fear ruin your pregnancy on you, there are so many options for pain relief if you want to avail of them that there is no need for you to suffer or go without it unless it’s something you want to do. Just to add, I napped through the end stage of my labor and got the nurse to call me when it came to my time to push! That is how comfy I was after I got it!!!

puds11 · 13/03/2020 19:55

As far as I’m aware it is your right to choose how you give birth. Unless an emergency procedure is required. You may have to push for it but I believe they do have to let you if that is what you want.

puds11 · 13/03/2020 19:57

@Yummymummy2020 that doesn’t avoid potential issues with incontinence etc that op has also said scared her.

Oxfordnono12 · 13/03/2020 19:57

Hi, I'm also in NI 😁 You need to remember you are only just 14 weeks. Its seems your fear has writing off good stories and hypnobirthing. Did you really engage with it?
I've had 4 little ones and each were very different. The fear is very normal!! Have you discussed this with your hypno practitioner? Have you wrote down your fears and assessed them.

I was 19 when I had my first and the fear was crippling, I'll spare you the one particular story which had me curled in a ball roaring with fear. His birth was very scary, he wasnt breathing when he was born. But he came round, hes now a healthy 12 year old.

Birth is very scary, there is no denying it! Its important to remember you can do it, with great support. I found listening to my body and working with it very helpful, the pain was.... well it was very painful but with every push it got easier. Please, look for lots of support and educate yourself, get as much information before going straight to c-section. Regardless of what you choose, wish you all the best with your little one!!

Oxfordnono12 · 13/03/2020 19:58

P.s I never needed stitches or tore!

Bearbunch · 13/03/2020 19:59

Thanks lovelies for your responses. I just keep getting waves of panic wash over me, I would be a generally anxious person so I do know how to control these feelings but tonight it's particularly bad!

I do know my own mum had an epidural for me and she always raved about it anytime we ever spoke about it!!

OP posts:
Theyweretheworstoftimes · 13/03/2020 19:59

I had a c section and my body and mind are destroyed. Please look at the risks and benefits of c section vs vaginal delivery. I will never recover after my c section and my child will never have a sibling.

Dmt80 · 13/03/2020 20:01

I was the exact same as you two years ago. I knew I would not be able to cope with how unpredictable a vaginal birth could be and the possible interventions regarding needing forceps, tears etc. Even the thought of what could happen would send me into a blind panic. I was consultant led but I remember being armed with information at my appointment on the statistics from the Royal College of Obstetricians website (RCOG) as well as an annual report from my hospital on numbers relating to epidurals leading to tears, forceps, emcs etc. I actually printed the info off to show I'd done my research. She probably thought I was unhinged but at least she could see that I had made an informed choice - I knew the risks associated with a c-section and I also knew the risks of a vaginal birth too - which don't get as much attention unfortunately. I know it can depend hugely on the NHS trust but hopefully you shouldn't have to fight too much to get on if that is what you want. I had my second elective two weeks ago and my recovery has been great.

MuchTooTired · 13/03/2020 20:03

Depending upon what consultant I saw whilst pregnant and their views on c sections seemed to be one of the main factors on whether I’d be allowed a section. One consultant was very against them, and he told me the only reason he was considering it was because I was pregnant with twins! I had to really research it and argue my case with him, but every other consultant was very agreeable to whatever I decided.

My elcs although a surprise one (severe pe) was a calm and amazing experience, and my recovery was good. I’d keep pushing for a section if that’s what you want, and I really hope you have a great birth experience!

Bearbunch · 13/03/2020 20:04

Puds11 thanks for paying attention to my fears ☺️

Dmt80 thanks for your response unhinged is the absolute word I would use to describe how I feel about being so terrified of something I have never experienced.

Theyweretheworstoftimes I am honestly so sorry to hear about this. I hope your body and mind are able to recover somewhat x

OP posts:
Bearbunch · 13/03/2020 20:06

Thank you muchtootired I am a bit of a 'door mat' so ill just have to really push it! Or maybe I'll find it within myself to be calm and collected. Who knows! Still very early days for me

OP posts:
Umberellaellaella · 13/03/2020 20:13

A section is by far not an easy option you will have stitches of some sort, the pain can be much longer lasting than a vaginal birth several weeks if not months, you maybe unable to drive for 6 weeks, you will generally have to stay in hospital at least one night, and will need to inject your belly daily for some time afterwards I had to for 2 weeks after my first and one week after my 2nd, you will need clothes that are comfy and loose so as not to irritate your scar, can your partner stay mine couldn't so all the first night and following day I struggled when baby cried as you just have to keep pressing your button for a mw to come and pass your baby so you can feed or change then ring the button again to get them to put baby back etc it's not all bad but its certainly not easy and I know I would rather have had a vaginal birth especially with my first as it was an emergency section and had been down up too tight on one side and my scar was all wobbly too that was fixed after my 2nd which was an elective section but due to medical requirements.

oldestchild90s · 13/03/2020 20:13

I'm the same, i'm 18 weeks with my first i have to admit i have become addicted to watching one born every minute. One moment i'm like yeeeah why not, every woman does it so can't be that bad then the other night i was like oh feck i'm going to have to do that at some point. I've heard about the 'ring of fire sting' and 'it's the worst pain in the world' but then you think that when all that is over you have a perfect little child and all the pain goes away 🥰 i really worry, but it's going to have to happen at some point just prepare 🙈

MuchTooTired · 13/03/2020 20:17

Hopefully you’ll get someone who’ll not make you really push for it!

The consultant that I had an issue with was quite patronising and told me I’d change my mind, but did grudgingly say I could have one and he’d book me in next time. I’m normally quite a doormat type too, but I was armed with the facts and was quite adamant that that was how I’d give birth (at the time!). Luckily I didn’t see him again and the next one booked me in with no issues or questions at all.

The hospital were magic and were happy to go whichever way I wanted to when I was in with the pe.

Elliesmommy · 13/03/2020 20:28

It's your body your choice. I did have an emcs first and then 2 planned. Planned sections were lovely experiences. Emcs was traumatic. I'm still living with the trauma physically and mentally. Push for what you want

Hercwasonaroll · 13/03/2020 20:33

C sections don't always mean no issues. I had a 5 month infection and open wound. I'm mentally traumatised by the experience and wouldn't wish one on my worst enemy. I also have bladder issues related to the surgery and scar tissue. I had an elective the second time which was better in some ways, my recovery particularly. I was bruised heavily on my stomach for 14 weeks afterwards and its still tender months later.

Double3xposure · 13/03/2020 20:34

A section is by far not an easy option you will have stitches of some sort

Well most first time mums have stitches somewhere.

the pain can be much longer lasting than a vaginal birth several weeks if not months

Most women do not have pain for months with either type of delivery. Yes of course a minority have complications.

you maybe unable to drive for 6 weeks
I don’t know anyone who didn't drive for 6 weeks, you can drive again as soon as you can do so safely.

you will generally have to stay in hospital at least one night, and will need to inject your belly daily for some time afterwards I had to for 2 weeks after my first and one week after my 2nd

I stayed for less than 24 hours after mine and no injections - what were they for ?

I know I would rather have had a vaginal birth especially with my first as it was an emergency section

With respect, you can’t know that, as you’ve only had one birth. Lots of women have a very bad VD and opt for a Cs next time.

I think that a good VD is much better than a CS. But a good CS is much better than a bad VD, in terms of short term and long term health.

And labouring , having a failed instrumental delivery and associated damage and then having an emergency CS is worst of both worlds.

The problem is it’s all a gamble as no one knows what will happen. This uncertainty is hugely frightening to some women. It’s not fair to dismiss their very real fears.

There’s thousands of people who are hysterical with fear about cornona virus, when there’s a tiny chance they will die from it. Yet no one says their fears are stupid. Far far more women suffer problems in childbirth yet their fears are dismissed.

MrsRose2018 · 13/03/2020 20:34

Hi OP,

It is dependant on you hospital or the Trust they operate under but you cannot elect for a CS under the NHS unless you have a very good reason!

www.nhs.uk/conditions/caesarean-section/

Private C sections cost A FORTUNE!

A woman I work with had an ELCS due to the same anxiety issues you have and she needed a full medical assessment and a formal diagnosis by psych!

Hope this helps

Bearbunch · 13/03/2020 20:37

Thank you everybody for your comments, it has honestly helped me organise my anxieties abit and I have had a good chat with my husband too. I honestly wish I didn't feel this way about it all and do feel terribly for feeling it. I definitely know a c section is not the easy way out but to me is seems it may be the better option for my fears!

First things first I shall bring it up with my midwife when I'm in with her next and until then try not think about it 🙈

OP posts:
Bearbunch · 13/03/2020 20:40

Double3xposure you're so right, and thanks for your answers.. so many woman are told to just suck up their fears but honestly this is so deep rooted in me!!

I do hope I get some kind of evaluation and maybe even get chatting with someone who can help with my fears or talk me through them!

OP posts:
treehousethunderstorm · 13/03/2020 20:42

My C Section recovery was awful, I wouldn't choose to have another one. In fact, I have anxiety about going through it again.

In comparison, all my friends who have had vaginal births had lovely experiences with very little recovery.

There is just no way of knowing how either experience is going to go for you, and it sounds like you need to address the anxiety part first before deciding on a type of birth.

PassTheAfterEights · 13/03/2020 20:46

@Bearbunch happy to DM if helpful.

I thought I might want a section from the get go (maternal history, stature, slightly older FTM) and was lucky to have a midwife who gave me space and support to keep my options open. She was clear about "my body, my choice". This gave me confidence to wait until later in pregnancy to decide and because she was cool about it I avoided a lot of unnecessary back and forth with the maternal mental health team to talk about my "anxiety" as a result. But mainly I could not get comfortable with my personal likelihood of tearing / epis / need for forceps / emergency section anyway and the potential long term effects of the same, although I was told by many at the time and very much realise these things are not uncommon and many many people who experience them are happy with their delivery outcomes.

I went back and forth throughout pregnancy and at about six months went forward to the consultant to discuss elective section. He palmed me off to a registrar who spent an hour being very patronising about the source of my information (in fact, it was @MNHQ 2018 campaign for greater transparency in reporting long-term vaginal birth injury that kicked off my research, and I knew - sadly - they would laugh me out of the room if I admitted that, so I took care to cite the NHS patient information leaflets, NICE guidelines etc. as well). I stuck to my guns, persistently reiterating that - for me - my interpretation of the risks and the statistics for my own situation led me to prefer a section. She wrote me up as undecided and at the time I was content to agree we'd wait to see how big the baby was / position etc as long as the door would remain open to me to choose the section.

We repeated this process at 37 weeks, again meeting booked with the consultant and palmed off to a reg after a 6h wait in triage, and it went the same way. She was pushy, persuasive, told me she'd push (not helpfully, since I had explained my concerns were personal to me, and slightly gave away that she hadn't really listened)... I left the room again having said I'd think it through and saw my midwife the following week, who was - as ever - kind, supportive and immediately got on with booking my section.

The exact rules are interpreted differently by each NHS trust - some just allow maternal request elective sections (meaning you have no clinical need for one); many will only put you forward for one subject to certain conditions, and commonly this means writing you up as showing undue anxiety about vaginal delivery and referring you to the maternal mental health team in pregnancy to see if they can get you comfortable with the idea of vaginal delivery. I was realistic that this might happen to me and made my peace with going through that process if I had to, not caring really what they wrote about me and focused on the outcome I wanted, but I was lucky my midwife didn't put me through all that and my trust was less of a battle (but still a battle!!).

What you have to remember is that the whole team is under pressure to reduce section rates (don't get me started on that) nationwide, and that context helps a bit to tolerate the resistance, however much you meet with, although it can be patronising, off topic and infuriating. Those registrars had to go back to their consultant and explain to him why they failed to talk me out of my maternal request elective section, in the name of their targets, and I get that they had a job to do. BUT, and this is a very very long post to get to the critical point, ALL THAT MATTERS is that you have the experience you want - so prepare yourself in case it's a battle, hope for a supportive midwife but stick to your guns and you'll get there.

PS - my section was utterly utterly amazing. 28 mins, DS born 11 mins in, team were fabulous, kind, upbeat, on it, I didn't feel at all judged on the day, never needed anyone to pass me my baby (although took care to move slowly and carefully), I showered that night (with DH's help, not my glammest moment), home on day 2, really couldn't say I felt "pain" although the first few days aren't that comfy if you let your ibuprofen lapse (DON'T!! And accept the Oramorph too!!) and was doing the laundry / walking the dog on day 5, when my single stitch came out. Scar is 5" long and barely there a year on. The things you hear about sections are very very very commonly about emergency ones and they're a different beast (and depending on a range of specific factors, elective section is frequently the safer choice than vaginal delivery for the baby, it certainly was for us anyway).

Best of luck with your decision and your pregnancy x

Swipe left for the next trending thread