Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Told my partner I'm pregnant and he lost it..

61 replies

jschx · 17/02/2020 13:11

Been with my partner for two and half years, we've bought a house, car and dog and now I've fallen pregnant.
He has a 5 year old from a past relationship and we have her quite a lot.
I had my implant removed back in September and told him yet he refused to wear a condom. I've always wanted a kid and he only told me when we'd moved in together that he didn't want another.
I found out last week that I'm pregnant and I'm so happy, it's all I've ever wanted. However, I told him and he flipped. He has been incredibly nasty and I've had to move in with my dad to get away from him.
I don't know how to feel and don't know what to do next.. anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
Bringmethesunshine · 17/02/2020 13:20

Why did you have you implant removed? We’re you trying to get pregnant?

RightSwipe · 17/02/2020 13:21

You’ve both behaved irresponsibly.

You knew he didn’t want children but stopped using contraception. He knew he didn’t want children but continued having unprotected sex with you. Why?!

You’re pregnant now, though, so the horse has bolted. If he is being nasty to you I guess he is showing you his true colours. Do you have any other support? Can you continue staying at your Dad’s house for a while? And are you prepared to potentially go it alone with your pregnancy and baby?

Shmithecat2 · 17/02/2020 13:22

So he's been willingly, consciously having unprotected sex with and now he's angry you're pregnant? What was he expecting??

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 17/02/2020 13:23

He’s showing you who he is. Believe him.

Mine showed me who he was when I fell pregnant. I wish I’d believed him.

BELIEVE HIM and get away

Shmithecat2 · 17/02/2020 13:23

Is the house in both your names? Did you contribute to the deposit equally?

redastherose · 17/02/2020 13:26

As you told him you'd had the implant removed it was up to him to sort out contraception if he didn't want a child or stop having sex. Contraception is not just a woman's responsibility. The ball is firmly in his court. He also didn't tell you that he didn't want children until after you had committed to each other and moved in which is a fairly underhand thing to do.

If you are happy with being pregnant then you will have to make your mind up to do it alone as he is unlikely to step up long term, and it would be difficult for you to trust him after this behaviour.

CoffeeCoinneseur · 17/02/2020 13:27

You knew he didn’t want children but removed your implant anyway.

He knew he didn’t want children but refused to use condoms anyway.

Neither of you has any respect for the other and you’re both totally irresponsible - so it’s probably for the best that the relationship is over.

Time for you to start acting like a grown up. Make sure when the baby is born that he pays, but don’t expect any emotional or practical help from him and you won’t be disappointed.

lmel16 · 17/02/2020 13:27

Hi, I’m not in exactly the same position but something slightly similar.
I’ve been with my partner for 3 years, he has two teenagers by previous relationship and I have a 9 year old.
He didn’t want anymore and tbh i didn’t think I did and then I started to change, it caused a lot of pressure on our relationship as I wanted and he didn’t. Then I Accidentally fell pregnant, well we wasn’t overly careful and I felt if it’s meant to be it will happen. (I don’t ovulate and conceived my previousdaughter with fertility drugs)

Anyway when I told him he was in a lot of shock and didn’t know what to do, how to react and felt very numb. He wasn’t nasty though but he isn’t excited like I am and still today (16 weeks on) he is still not excited or particularly happy. But he is coming round to the idea slowly.

My conclusion to this is let him get over the initial shock, it’s harder for guys as they don’t have that maternal instinct like we do. I’m hoping time will really help you both like it has with us. When he saw the scan and seeing my bump grow It has really helped him too.

Original poster
jschx · 17/02/2020 13:37

Completely understand people thinking I'm irresponsible or disrespectful for removing my implant however I have suffered with depression for a few a while now and been on contraception for over 10 years. Wanted to see how it would change my emotions not being on any contraception and it's made a huge difference.

I have been completely honest with him from the beginning. He did this with his ex and he truly loves his daughter and is a really good dad to her.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 17/02/2020 13:39

So you’ve tried to get pregnant?
You’ll be a single parent OP. Just like the last one.

RightSwipe · 17/02/2020 13:42

He did this with his ex? So what you’re saying is you thought he’d change his mind and be happy once you got pregnant, because this happened with his daughter?

You both sound extremely immature and he definitely needs to buy himself some condoms!

Scapegoatforlife · 17/02/2020 13:43

Get ready for being a single parent

Original poster
jschx · 17/02/2020 13:43

@RightSwipe he wasn't with his ex when she fell pregnant, think they had an "on off" relationship. I have clearly been naive to think that settling down with me made everything different.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 17/02/2020 13:48

He did this with his ex

I would leave him on the basis that he doesn’t sound very intelligent.

Hasn’t he worked out yet how babies are made?

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 17/02/2020 13:55

You knew he didn’t want children but removed your implant anyway.He knew he didn’t want children but refused to use condoms anyway. Neither of you has any respect for the other and you’re both totally irresponsible - so it’s probably for the best that the relationship is over.

I agree with this.

Presumably as you had removed the implant and you (and he) didnt use condoms, you were actively happy to get pregnant? You must accept that is true?

He absolutely should have taken responsibility too and he's been a fucking idiot.

But you beat the weight of knowingly bringing a child into the world to a father who didn't want to have a child. We can say until we are blue in the face that he should have used contraception and I 100% agree.

However that doesn't remove the fact that you've made a conscious decision to get pregnant knowing you are unlikely to have the support of that child's father, rather than breaking up and moving on to have a chance to meet someone who does want the same thing as you - to have a child together.

Lobsterquadrille2 · 17/02/2020 13:55

Hi OP, I'd been with my fiancé for many years, we'd moved overseas to work/save money, he was keener than I was to have a baby but the day I said that I was pregnant, it all changed .... he tried to force me to have an abortion, said that I had ruined his life etc.

Upshot is that he has had no contact with DD or paid any maintenance and she is now 22. Some people do change their minds but planning from the outset on doing it all alone was definitely the best thing for me, and on the plus side I have never been stressed about contact/money as I just accepted many years ago that there wouldn't be any.

JustForTheTasteOfIt · 17/02/2020 13:56

bear the weight, not beat the weight (obviously)

Nomorepies · 17/02/2020 14:01

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

oldfashionedtastingtea · 17/02/2020 14:08

Well that's one way of becoming a single parent. It's best if you start planning your future, he doesn't want a fulltime child.

TheReef · 17/02/2020 14:08

I think you've both been incredibly irresponsible.

Firstly what the hell did he think would happen if he had unprotected sex

Secondly what the hell did you think would happen if you had unprotected sex

End result is, you're happy but pissed at his reaction, even though you knew his thoughts on this, and he's pissed about the result but knew it might happen anyway.

I'm sure you think he'll come around and be a great Dad, but when he doesn't and isn't he'll be the 'bag guy'

You're both as bad as each other tbh

diddl · 17/02/2020 14:20

What a horrible situation.

Were you hoping that he'd be overjoyed, Op?

Did he take the risk in the hope of you having an abortion?

Idk, if you were honest with him about the contraception & he had sex without a condom, it would I think be hard not to take this as a sign that he would be ok with a baby.

I would think that the only option is to leave him tbh.

Hadders8989 · 17/02/2020 14:39

The OP came on here for advice not to hear statements about her maturity, congratulations on becoming pregnant and I’m sorry it’s not started out the way you probably always pictured it.
I don’t think these other ppl are considering how hard it must be for you to be told that they won’t have a baby, and you did the right thing by being open about your contraception.
I would suggest staying at your dads as stress is not good for the baby.
Let the news sink in with your partner and hopefully he will grow a pair and step up. Good luck

lowlandLucky · 17/02/2020 14:39

Well , the pair of you have made your bed

Nowayorhighway · 17/02/2020 14:44

To me it sounds as though you wanted to get pregnant probably hoping he’d be happy if you did but now he’s not, you’re shocked. You knew he didn’t want children and you also knew how he treat his child’s Mother so unsure why you figured he’d be any different with you.

You will have to prepare to raise the baby alone if you choose to keep it. Removing the implant and not using condoms was a bad idea.

diddl · 17/02/2020 14:46

"Let the news sink in with your partner and hopefully he will grow a pair and step up."

But he's been so nasty, why would Op want him to?

I suppose that when he said he didn't want more kids, that was the time to leave.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread