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Original poster

Told my partner I'm pregnant and he lost it..

61 replies

jschx · 17/02/2020 13:11

Been with my partner for two and half years, we've bought a house, car and dog and now I've fallen pregnant.
He has a 5 year old from a past relationship and we have her quite a lot.
I had my implant removed back in September and told him yet he refused to wear a condom. I've always wanted a kid and he only told me when we'd moved in together that he didn't want another.
I found out last week that I'm pregnant and I'm so happy, it's all I've ever wanted. However, I told him and he flipped. He has been incredibly nasty and I've had to move in with my dad to get away from him.
I don't know how to feel and don't know what to do next.. anyone else experienced this?

OP posts:
Maighdeann · 17/02/2020 14:53

How does he treat his ex?

MummySharn · 17/02/2020 14:54

Honestly I’d leave him, he’s shown you who he is. Why he continued to have unprotected sex is beyond me, what did he think was going to happen?

Butterflyflower1234 · 17/02/2020 15:04

I'm sorry OP but this man is not a good one.

How the fool can have unprotected sex without realising a baby is likely to be the result.

You decided to have sex knowing this man did not want another child. You're both very irresponsible here.

You have a decision to make now. Do you keep the baby and either do it alone or stay with a man who will resent you and likely not help raise this baby or do you terminate and stay with a man who you will definitely resent if you are craving being a mother.

Perhaps some time apart will help provide clarity for the two of you. I think being apart at the moment is the best option and will hopefully help him see what a fool he's been.

He needs to massively aplogise to you though. It's disgraceful how he's treated you.

Butterflyflower1234 · 17/02/2020 15:04

@Maighdeann excellent question. This will show the man he is.

KatherineJaneway · 17/02/2020 15:16

You both have clearly expected certain behaviours from the other.

He said he doesn't want kids so expected you to take another form of contraception believing him telling you he doesn't want kids, means you won't have one and you should have taken measures to prevent it.

You were trying for a baby and thought he'd be over the moon once you told him you were pregnant and you had disregarded what he told you about not wanting another child, likely because it didn't fit in with the life you want for yourself.

MrsTumbletap · 17/02/2020 15:24

He said he didn't want one yet you got pregnant anyway, you are setting yourself up for disaster with that.

Either be a single mum, or consider your options of whether to keep the baby.

How old are you? Maybe find a nicer bloke that's wants to raise a child with you, then get pregnant.

oldfashionedtastingtea · 17/02/2020 15:24

If you don't want to use hormonal contraception you can try the copper coil after this pregnancy

BecauseReasons · 17/02/2020 15:26

I think people are being very harsh, OP. It's well documented that hormonal contraceptives can have a huge impact on mental health. I'll never go back to using them again! It was his turn to take responsibility for the contraception and he failed to do so, knowing you wanted a child.

I'd seek legal advice about what to do next regarding getting your half of the house.

Bibidy · 17/02/2020 15:41

I don't think OP has been irresponsible, it's not like she lied about having her implant removed??

She was upfront with him and yet he still wouldn't take responsibility himself and use a condom. What did he expect was going to happen?

Bibidy · 17/02/2020 15:42

I am absolutely stunned that people are slating OP on here when she has been totally honest with her partner about stopping her contraceptives and he had every opportunity to just use a condom!!

KatherineJaneway · 17/02/2020 15:44

Sorry I realise I didn't answer your question.

I would let him calm down and in the meantime look at your situation. Can you afford to bring up this baby on your own with his financial input from CMS? Do you have a place you can live for example? Support if you are a single mother? Lots to consider.

WinterCat · 17/02/2020 15:49

Surely your relationship is over either way so it comes down to what you want to do regarding your pregnancy - if he repeats his way of being a father, then presumably it means you’ll be a single parent that spends quite a lot of time without your child.

Jaxhog · 17/02/2020 15:53

Completely understand people thinking I'm irresponsible or disrespectful for removing my implant however I have suffered with depression for a few a while now and been on contraception for over 10 years.

How did you thinking having a baby was going to help with this? Although he's just as irresponsible for refusing to use a condom.

maria2bela · 17/02/2020 16:05

Firstly, go back home...If the house is yours too then you shouldn't have to leave! If you told him you've taken your implant out and he refused to wear a condom then his problem really....Go back home, ask him what exactly he thought was going to happen without suing a condom, if he's being an arse then tell him to do one!

Hadders8989 · 17/02/2020 16:08

@diddl I get he’s being a twat but we all argue, And I do think people throw in the towel way too easily these days, I also believe people shouldn’t stay together because you have children together but you should at least try. The op has only said nasty we don’t know how bad it actually is They could just be arguing..so maybe couples counciling could be an idea

EuroMillionsWinner · 17/02/2020 16:12

If you don't want to use hormonal contraception you can try the copper coil after this pregnancy

Why should she have a foreign body shoved up her that can cause heavier periods so he can keep squirting away? He doesn't want more kids and doesn't want to use a condom he should have the snip.

Pinkbonbon · 17/02/2020 16:16

What it boils down to is that he is an abuser. He gave you a very clear sign of this when he refused to wear a condom. Now he has truly shown you for what he is by letting his nasty side out.

I'm sorry but you need to stay as far away from him as possible. And read up on things like narcissistic abuse so that you can see that shit a mile off in future.

You would be unwise to continue with this pregnancy. As you may have conflicting feelings now but down the line, you will wish you were able to cut all ties with him.

A single mother whilst suffering long term depression is not a good move. Especially considering the father is a total asshole.

Broodieness that ties you to an abuser is...going to far. And arguably requires therapy, not a baby.

That being said...perhaps if your family and friends are really supportive and you have the funds, raising a child could be do-able. But be realistic.

Protect yourself first and foremost. You did right getting away. Stay away!

Melc84 · 17/02/2020 16:40

Am 8 months pregnancy am 35 and partner is 54, we have been together 3 year. I never wanted kids and he has 3 from his marriage before his youngest being 23! So was no way he wanted more.
We were not careful atall so were as much to blame as each other I think I just thought I hadn’t fell pregnant before 35 it wasn’t going to happen but it did.

He was in shock at first but now he is exited as it’s a boy as well and he has 3 girls.
He is scared about starting again but hasn’t been nasty one bit.... I haven’t been well and he has been brilliant. He has been out a bit more at the weekend (just the pub downstairs) but is really supportive. Maybe he will come round but if he has been nasty maybe it’s best to do it yourself showing his true colours. Good luck xx

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/02/2020 16:46

Well you wanted a baby, ttc and you’re now having one. Congratulations. He said he didn’t want more kids. He was stupid and now he’s having one.

Don’t expect him to be happy, don’t expect him to give you any support, give the baby your last name, get child maintenance set up once the baby’s born and prepare to go it alone. If you’re honest you can’t have really expected he’d be thrilled at the news but you’ve got the baby you wanted so good luck with it all.

Loubeale · 17/02/2020 17:07

I'm sorry but I don't see that as narssistic abuse. OP knew he didn't want a child and although he was irresponsible in not using contraception she was equally so too. I guess the bottom line is does she have the resource and availability to raise the child on her own.

BecauseReasons · 17/02/2020 17:27

Good advice about giving the baby your surname. Definitely do that.

Cookiecrumble888 · 17/02/2020 17:45

He knew you had taken out the implant so he knew babies were a risk. If he didn't wear a condom then he was risking it.

You should of both discussed your future in more detail before moving in and commiting I guess. But it's happened now. He should not be treating you like this.

Concentrate on yourself for now. Take care of your health and don't get too stressed. You want this baby so have the baby. It's his loss if he chooses not too be in its life. I hope you enjoy your pregnancy.hopefully he will calm down soon

amusedbush · 17/02/2020 19:18

Amazon has a sense of humour 😬

Told my partner I'm pregnant and he lost it..
DameFanny · 17/02/2020 19:23

How nasty was he OP? Were you frightened of him when you left?

And yes, how much of the house is yours?

Mysocalledlifexx · 17/02/2020 19:33

I think u love this guy wanted to have his baby & hoped he would change his mind if u got pregnant.
Think u need to have a sit down chat with him on what happens next, sort it out before your baby comes.
good luck just do whats best for your baby. Lots of single mums out there that do a amazing job.

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