What to do with DDs when no 3 arrives

[ottermadness]

Hi all. After some advice on what people do with getting DCs looked after while bringing DC 3 into the world. I was hoping for some support from my DM but she has said she won’t be available (my grandad is quite sick) and DHs mum can be a bit flakey. Am I really going to have to bite the bullet and see if friends will step in? Would having a home birth help potentially? Should I prepare to go into hosp on my own and make arrangements so DH can stay home?
I’m at a bit of a loss really. I have a history of going into labour at around 3am and DD2 was born within 1hr 40, we didn’t make it to hosp and she beat the paramedics to arriving but luckily DD1 slept through it all.
I’d be grateful for any ideas/advice/reassurance..

When I had my second child, I had several friends who were willing to look after my son until my mother in law arrived. We dropped my son at a friend and my dog at my neighbours. My parents arrived at my house within an hour and a half but didn’t go and get my son 🙄. They sat in my house all day until my mother in law arrived by train about six hours later. And then my mother in law collected my son and dog . I think you will find a lot of people will be prepared to help out. About ten months later, another friend dropped her three year old round to me whilst she gave birth to her second child.

If you had an unplanned homebkrth before, I would aim for a planned one this time.

A second vote for home birth. I planned one for my third after my second was so quick. Hopefully you will be quick anyway, but it’s worth having a few folk you could call just in case things get complicated and you need your DH to stay with you. I’ve done it for friends, just say “just if things don’t go to plan would you be on my backup list for emergencies?” . Have a few names so that no one feels they are “on call”.

I had homebirth for dc2 and dc3- the other chidld/children were in house asleep during both. The only hitch with relying on this as childcare is that unwound have had to have gone to hospital on my own if anything had gone wrong.

I gave birth to dc3 not long after moving to a new city and had no family, in-laws or friends close by to call on.

So I contacted doulas and asked if any would be comfortable watching the children whilst DP accompanied me during birth if I felt that was what I wanted (alternatively I was planning to possibly give birth with just doula there and leave kids with DP). A couple said they wouldn’t do this but one did so I went with her.

In the event I gave birth 15minutes after arriving at the hospital (labour was about 2hrs total with no contraction pain so not much warning) and the doula didn’t make it until about half an hour later. We’d had to all drive down together (afternoon birth) and I sent DP away with kids to get a snack once I was given a room. I had two midwives with me - one lovely, one annoying and a bit clueless.

It was v quick and tbh I didn’t mind that no one was with me as I had the nice midwife to hold on to. DP and DCs came in about 5mins after DC3 was born and all got to say hello then which was nice.

I didn’t want a homebirth because in my area any stitches need to be done in a hospital so had I birthed at home and required stitches I would have then had to transfer to hospital - I preferred to do it all in one place and not be driven 20minutes down the road with unstitched tissues. In the event I had a second degree tear which required quite a lot of stitches so glad I was in hospital (birthing centre).

Btw - not sure if previous time of birth has any bearing - I had two late evening then one mid-afternoon. My mum had two early morning then one late afternoon. Also know of a few people whose third birth has been longer than second so no guarantee it will be quicker.

BUT of course you have to plan for all those eventualities. In your situation I would definitely get a few friends on board - put them on a WhatsApp group perhaps so you can message all at once when in labour and they can see someone else is going, or swap over if one person can only stay for a little bit or whatever.

FWIW - if a friend or acquaintance asked me to do this I would be really thrilled they trusted me and I would be so glad to help out where I didn’t have help if I could - also getting to see a newborn early on is always exciting!