Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Return to work conversations that upset me

59 replies

mvilma6 · 13/02/2020 15:15

Hi,
currently 26 weeks pregnant with much loved babe. I work as a manager and every time people ask me about my maternity leave and tell them I'm planning to return after 7 months they answer....nooooooo you wont come back or noooooo only 7 months?

They make me feel awful. I like my job (high stressful sometimes) but also we will need my salary.

have you had those comments? how old were your little ones when they went to nursery and you to back to work?

thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

GiveHerHellFromUs · 13/02/2020 15:21

Yeah it's annoying.
I'm due back to work next week - luckily I could take 9 months. Now I'm getting everyone telling me how upsetting it'll be, 'cause, you know, that's how you make someone feel better.

Just tell them you haven't decided how long you'll be off yet.

Elephantonascooter · 13/02/2020 15:28

Yeah I went back when DS was 9 months. It was a bit long for me to be honest! Going back to work was a life saver for my mental health. People made comments, mostly around putting DS in childcare so young. But we needed the money and I needed to go back for a break.
Just ignore them as much s you can. Or, call their bluff "nooo only 7 months off" "yea, and?!"

afternoontwee · 13/02/2020 15:59

I went back to work when DS was 4.5 months. It was out of necessity as my husband took a new job when baby arrived that was lower paid, but his dream job that he’d been chasing for over a year. I’ve been back in work 2.5 days a week for a month and I finally feel like my brain is working again! Just ignore them. You will know what’s right for you and for your baby.

Keyboard91 · 13/02/2020 16:02

Will be going back when baby is 6 months for financial reasons - I am the main wage earner. People seem shocked but to be honest it feels like anything over 4/5 months is a luxury for many so I’m feeling lucky I get 6 and that’s only because of where the summer holidays are (no annual leave for teachers). Will I want to return, definitely not, but needs must!

LillianFullStop · 13/02/2020 16:06

Hi OP everyone will always have an opinion just ignore them try not to get upset. I went back after 12 months, a friend after 4 months, a friend had a second baby and hasn't been back for 3 years. We are all happy with our decisions and felt right for us.

Also you can change your mind if you like! Whatever you decide now might change once baby is here. I thought I'd be back at 6 months but extended to 12 but conversely my friend thought she'd take 12 but went back after 4!

Everyone is different, circumstances are different and as long and you are happy and it works for you then it's the right thing! Never mind what other people say.

annlee3817 · 13/02/2020 16:08

I was supposed to go back when DD was nearly 8 months, but wasn't ready and was able to extend to when she was ten months. I did start her in nursery at six months though, one day a week initially, then at 8 months upped it to two days a week, so that when I went back to work I had gotten used to at least a couple of days without her :) I think it's fairly common now for mums to go back earlier for all sorts of reasons, just ignore the comments.

ChainsawBear · 13/02/2020 16:09

People are fucking weird about this. You just have to grow a thick skin and do what you need to do.

I had 9 months with my first and if anything it was a month or so too many. I was glad to be back. Took 8 months with my second. That's about right for me. Many many women go back sooner, either because they have to or they want to, and they do fine.

Pilot12 · 13/02/2020 16:10

I couldn't go back to work, I wanted to look after my babies myself not pay someone else to have that pleasure whilst I work. I decided to be a SAHM until my youngest starts school. I just couldn't leave them, you only get those first five years once.

EgremontRusset · 13/02/2020 16:12

I went back as planned after 6m and I practically skipped into work. Not cut out for mat leave!

So hey, turns out I do know myself better than all the random colleagues who told me I’d definitely want at least a year and that I’d want to come back part time 🤷‍♀️

ChainsawBear · 13/02/2020 16:13

Well thanks for that contribution pilot. I'm glad you did what's right for you, but well done on turning up and making exactly the same kind of tin-eared, unhelpful thing as OP's colleagues..?

Pineappletree33 · 13/02/2020 16:16

Yes, went back when dd was 3 months. I was told ‘you wont want to leave that little baby’ ‘ I couldn’t have left my baby that young’ ‘oh they’re only that small once’ talk about making a mum to be feel guilty!

As it was, I hated maternity leave and 3 months was too long. She’s coming up for 2 now and it hasn’t affected either of us at all.

Unfortunately my job doesn’t allow for a maternity leave longer than 12 months, but not everyone gets that and lies to pile on the guilt.

Pineappletree33 · 13/02/2020 16:17

Likes to lies

Pineappletree33 · 13/02/2020 16:20

pilot exactly what the op is sick of hearing (me to)

LH1987 · 13/02/2020 16:20

I had similar, but it was when I said I planning on returning full time to work. Basically I was made to feel I would 'regret it' and got a lot of youll never get that time back and it passes so quickly etc. TBH, I feel I would regret living my life not being able to have nice things and go on holidays which having a job and going back lets me do!

People seem to judge whatever the decision you make, if you said you were taking a year they would probably start grumbling you took too much and weren't committed to your career anymore! You really cannot win!

CocoLoco87 · 13/02/2020 16:21

I went back when DC1 was 7 months. DC2 was 10 months, and DC3 will be 13 months, so you can kind of see how I've felt about my own decisions

But I certainly wouldn't judge anyone for when they go back. We're all different and enjoy our jobs / staying at home with kids in different ways.

FET2020 · 13/02/2020 16:24

I think everyone’s different and that’s ok! I love my job (dream job) but Personally I can’t bare the thought of leaving mine so young, I feel like she’s just a little baby and needs me. I love maternity leave and spending time with her but for some people it’s better to go back to work for many different reasons. I think people perhaps are just projecting their own feelings so I wouldn’t listen to them! Do what’s right for you x

Mj2196 · 13/02/2020 16:24

Also 3 months here , purely for financial reasons. She thrived in nursery and is a wonderful 3 yr old .nothing would stop the “Why so early , wouldn’t you rather be at home with that little baby” comments . Expecting no 2 now And very excited to take 6 months this time

LittleDragonGirl · 13/02/2020 16:27

My friend was only able to take 6 weeks off as she was a single parent and couldn't afford to live without her wage. You have to do what's best for you and what allows you to get by! There is no right or wrong!

leghairdontcare · 13/02/2020 16:30

8 months with my first. That was more than enough and I don't know how people do a year.

Got an 8 week old and starting a new job in 2 weeks. It's an opportunity I can't pass up.

showgirl63 · 13/02/2020 16:30

I had to return to work after 12 weeks - financial necessity. We all made it work. You'll need to develop a thick skin being a parent, as once they've run out of "so soon" comments they will share their views on weaning, exercise, development, etc.

Smile and ignore, you will all be fine 😀

notalwaysalondoner · 13/02/2020 16:31

In a lot of countries you don’t get anywhere near a year anyway. My friend in the Netherlands only got 16 weeks leave and she was required to take 4 weeks of that before the birth, so it’s completely normal there to go back after three months.

To avoid the comments I’d just stick with “I’m not sure how long I’ll take off”.

Invisimamma · 13/02/2020 16:31

I planned to take 6 months but ended up taking 14months (with annual leave added on). You might feel differently when baby is here and you'd be surprised how far you can make things stretch on mat pay.

I was the main earner and only got statutory mat pay but we managed. We saved like mad whilst I was pregnant too.

redwoodmazza · 13/02/2020 16:34

I was lucky to return to work when my DS was 15 months old. But during that time we had to move counties due to DH's job, sort out selling and buying etc etc.
I was in a transferable job so that was good - although sadly I could no longer have the same job role as that was location specific...

Eggcellent29 · 13/02/2020 16:36

Ugh, I hate when people ask questions like these!! I now just look really surprised and say something like “we don’t discuss our personal finances with people, we consider them to be private.” Because, at the end of the day, that’s what it comes down to!

But I only do this now due to an avalanche of shitty comments when I was asking for advice on the issue. I’m on leave atm and am just taking each month as it comes - I will go back when I’m ready/we need me to!

ReallyLilyReally · 13/02/2020 16:37

Im going back in a fortnight, which will be 3.5 months. Im swapping with my husband, and i can't wait, but all the mums at work told me i would regret only taking 3 months. they said this so much i was terrified. I got 6 weeks in and i knew I'd made the right choice - i am not SAHM material and frankly it's bad for my mental health. Im so glad i knew myself well enough to make that decision and stick with it, because this is absolutely the right call for me and my family. Fuck all the people who tell you you're doing the wrong thing.

@Pilot12 im astounded by the lack of awareness it must take to read a post like this and then comment exactly what OP said they hate hearing.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread