HELP: 18, maybe pregnant, very worried

[absoluteclown]

Hi all,

Im in desperate need of some help, advice, comfort, anything tbh. Im an 18 year old student, currently a first year in university in London and am extremely worried i may be pregnant.

My "partner" is not my boyfriend, rather a man that doesnt really like me and definitely has no intentions to go out with me but keeps me around for sex. Last week on Thursday and Friday we had unprotected sex twice and he finished inside both times. Ive been off the pill for a few months now and my cycle has returned completely back to normal, according to my tracker app i was around 2 days before my most fertile day. So already theres an issue here.

i have noticed feeling a bit off - i wouldnt call it like extreme nausea and i havent vomited however i wake up just not feeling right at all and have moments throughout the day where i start to feel a bit sick. Ive noticed a change in my discharge as well.

This is going to be extremely TMI and i have NO scientific basis for this but when i was on the pill and he came inside i feel like it just immediately came out again because of the plug. When i was off and he finished inside i dont remember the semen leaving that quickly out of my body. Well we had sex yesterday and it fell out immediately like there was a plug.

I wont go through the history of our complicated relationship but basically he has said before that if i were to get pregnant he would want me to keep it. he seems very anti-abortion from just how ive heard him speaking. i myself am pro choice however due to personal reasons do not think i could go through an abortion. If i am pregnant, i would end up having the child of a man that spends time with me by swiping on tinder and complaining about me to his friends.

Any advice or experiences on the first few weeks of pregnancy, any stats on how likely it is im pregnant (i have no fertility issues and have always had a regular period), or any words of comfort would be extremely extremely welcome. thank you

Emergency contraception and advice is FREE at ALL sexual health clinics. There will be one in the town/city you go to uni in. I used the same service at 18 myself when I stupidly had unprotected sex with my boyfriend.

Use protection next time then you won't find yourself in this position. Hopefully this is a good learning experience for you and you will take responsibility for your own actions and sexual health in future. Unfortunately you are an adult now.

And I'm certainly not middle aged so maybe you should think about the language you use in future before insulting a vast majority of the community you are seeking help and advice from.

Whether you are pregnant or not you have got to stop sleeping with a man who is using you and making you feel worthless.

First thing to address is the possible pregnancy. If you're tracking your periods (not sure why you'd do that, including fertile days, unless you were trying as that's the only time I've tracked periods) then you'll know when you're due on. Get a first response pregnancy test, they're extremely accurate as a pp above has said and can be used a week before you're due on (if you have a regular 28 day cycle and you were in the middle a week ago you'd be able to use one any day now?). Use your first wee of the day for the test, it's the strongest wee of the day so you have a better chance of getting an accurate result.
Being pregnant isn't the end of the world, I was 18 when I got pregnant, now 19 with a 7 month old baby and we're coping well. There's help out there for you, if you get a positive result. If you got a positive I'd book straight in with a midwife, then talk to the relevant person at university about it all, and make an appointment with universal credit if necessary (can't remember if university students get anything from UC but the member of staff at your university will know). I know you've said you don't think you could go through with an abortion and I totally understand that, I felt the same way and I always believed I'd never be able to get one until I was worried I'd gotten pregnant after giving birth (totally irrational as I hadn't even had sex since a month before the birth) and I knew the worst thing for myself and my family and a possible baby would be to go through with a pregnancy.
Second of all, cut things off with this dickhead you're sleeping with. You've admitted he doesn't care, you've admitted time spent with him is awful, you know he slags you off behind your back, so why continue going back there? No dick is good enough to make me want to put up that kind of shit so why is it good enough for you? He'll try to get you to stay because you're easy to him, he texts, you come, he cums. But realise your own self worth and put an end to it. Normally I'd say something about once you're out of that shitty situation and feeling better you'll meet someone who is lovely to you and wants to be with you, but honestly I think if that happens you should walk away from that too. You don't sound anywhere near ready for a relationship because your self esteem and self worth is so low and it's going to take time to build that up again. It will be harder to build it up again if you're pregnant and then a young mum who can't go out partying or buying something you like such as a new outfit because you'll be exhausted and not want to bother with your make up, and you'll be poor from having to buy things for baby.
You also need to think about if you would want to be tied to this man for the rest of your life, he sounds like he'd be the kind of prick to want to impregnate you to trap you into always having him around, but he'd use the child as a piece of the game. He'd only be interested in the child if you're interested in him, and if you stand up to him he'll walk away without a second thought. I know someone like this, and he goes round telling people that the mother is keeping him away from the child when he just can't be bothered because he isn't getting to sleep with the mother whenever he feels like it. My inbox is open if you need someone of a similar age to talk to regardless of the result on your test.

Good luck OP I hope the pregnancy scare is a false alarm and you have the courage to ditch the shitbag of the man who is using you for sex, and you can focus on your university time which is a unique and special part of your life.

You deserve more than this.

Firstly, as you are tracking your cycle, you will know when your next period is due. Unfortunately, you are in for around a 10 day wait until you can take a pregnancy test.
Please try not to stress about it as this can mess up your date as we all know.
The sooner you find out the quicker you can make plans.
Early abortion using the double pill method will be an option for you as you will only be approx 6 weeks pregnant.
There are several well known clinics who you can ring up for advice plus there will be a sexual health clinic locally.
Stay calm and focused - it is not the end of the world.
Secondly, you need to seriously address your sexual activity and choice of partner. I suggest an appointment with your local sexual health clinic to discuss.
This man seems very toxic and I suggest you remove him from your life.
Can you talk to your mum/sister/aunt/cousin etc?

Hey @absoluteclown I'm sorry you are experiencing some harsh / doubtful words from peoplpe, when you came on here to ask for help/guidance.

Don't worry what people say - only you, yourself, know exactly how you do or don't feel, whether you want this or not, whether you wanted it at the time you had unprotected sex. For what it is worth I believe you, people can make mistakes esp. under the influence of alcohol. Try not to let judgemental or sceptical remarks make you feel upset. Only what you think/feel is important.

Even if subconsciously you did want to be pregnant, or threw caution to the wind, you're more than entitled to freak out afterwards and think about your options.

You are very young to have a baby, and you have your whole university degree (and life) ahead of you. The man you are seeing sounds extremely unsuitable as a partner let alone a father. It is not up to him to tell you whether you can or can't have an abortion. I do agree with previous posters who said you should try not to let his opinion get in the way of your decision. It doesn't sound like you'll be with him for long, in any case. You can assume he will not support you properly if you ARE pregnant and have the baby. He does not deserve you, and YOU deserve someone who wants to be with you and isn't using you for sex.

You may not be pregnant. It is too early to have sickness symptoms. The cervical mucus could possibly be a sign but it is unreliable.

How far away is your next period due? You can use a first response test 5 days before the day of your missed period and it might show up. But most reliable is waiting until your period is due and then testing. Even if you get a bleed, test anyway, as it could be implantation bleeding.

I also agree that it would be wise to go and get the coil ASAP. You are too young to have to deal with these worries every month. You can get the copper coil if you don't want hormones.

How quickly/much the sperm comes out after sex will have nothing to do with whether the sperm got into your uterus so don't worry about that.

Is there a counsellor at your uni you can speak to? Friends?
My advice, and I don't know you so you might not want to take it, but would be to: end things with this guy; get the coil; take a pregnancy test when you can; then really think about whether a baby is right for YOU, at this age, if you do end up being pregnant.

Happy to chat more if you want to PM me. x

Emergency contraception is free from your GP.

If you are at uni then you can get an emergency loan, I think they call it a hardship loan. Ask at the medical center on campus, they will tell you what options exist.

I had my DD at 19 and whilst I was in my first year at uni. Mine was failed contraception (pill). Luckily, DD’s father was my boyfriend and is now my husband.

If you don’t want to be pregnant, have an abortion. This guy that only wants to sleep with you gets no say in whether or not you have a baby. Even if you were married, he’d still have no say in whether or not you have an abortion. It’s your choice.

It's very unlikely that this would be morning sickness just a week after? Symptoms don't start usually til about week 5 - this relationship sounds a bit toxic!

I had a baby at 18 and wouldn’t describe myself as a “kid.” I’ve also been a student at university and know £40 is a lot of money, and if you do turn out to be pregnant and don’t have financial support I would consider abortion/adoption as a baby will cost much more. I had/have dp who financed us until I left uni, and supported me. The guy you’re with doesn’t sound like he’ll do that, so that’s another thing to consider.

I think you’ve got bad replies for saying intimate details about how the sex felt, but then saying you didn’t remember having sex till day’s later. Best of luck.