HELP: 18, maybe pregnant, very worried

[absoluteclown]

Hi all,

Im in desperate need of some help, advice, comfort, anything tbh. Im an 18 year old student, currently a first year in university in London and am extremely worried i may be pregnant.

My "partner" is not my boyfriend, rather a man that doesnt really like me and definitely has no intentions to go out with me but keeps me around for sex. Last week on Thursday and Friday we had unprotected sex twice and he finished inside both times. Ive been off the pill for a few months now and my cycle has returned completely back to normal, according to my tracker app i was around 2 days before my most fertile day. So already theres an issue here.

i have noticed feeling a bit off - i wouldnt call it like extreme nausea and i havent vomited however i wake up just not feeling right at all and have moments throughout the day where i start to feel a bit sick. Ive noticed a change in my discharge as well.

This is going to be extremely TMI and i have NO scientific basis for this but when i was on the pill and he came inside i feel like it just immediately came out again because of the plug. When i was off and he finished inside i dont remember the semen leaving that quickly out of my body. Well we had sex yesterday and it fell out immediately like there was a plug.

I wont go through the history of our complicated relationship but basically he has said before that if i were to get pregnant he would want me to keep it. he seems very anti-abortion from just how ive heard him speaking. i myself am pro choice however due to personal reasons do not think i could go through an abortion. If i am pregnant, i would end up having the child of a man that spends time with me by swiping on tinder and complaining about me to his friends.

Any advice or experiences on the first few weeks of pregnancy, any stats on how likely it is im pregnant (i have no fertility issues and have always had a regular period), or any words of comfort would be extremely extremely welcome. thank you

OP, I know a few people who are/were teenage mums. There’s nothing of itself which makes getting pregnant at your age the actions of a silly naive child, but your actions very much are.

I’m not going to waste time running through your shaky grasp of biology or options at this stage re emergency contraception as others have done that already.

But in your original post - ‘he keeps me around for sex’ - Jesus Christ woman! (Because that is what you are) Where is your sense of self esteem? Of agency? You’re an independent being, with a brain and a spirit and a voice. Why on Earth are you painting yourself in this passive role? You’re not some subservient passenger, this is your own life we’re talking about. Things never ‘just happen’. You make decisions and take actions for those things to occur. Start trying to own them.

Now is a good time to give yourself a shake down, get yourself informed so that this situation doesn’t happen again, and maybe start from today going out into the world as an adult who is in control of what happens to here,

I can’t get over the thinking there’s a plug! And going to uni? Ok then.

You should see your GP or advice centre. Morning After pill is a misleading name as different pills can be given for weeks past the date to avoid a full termination if that's the route you wish to go down, but the sooner you act the better also so you are checked for STDs. But secretly maybe at some level you did want to get pregnant otherwise you wouldn't have unprotected sex? If you find you are not pregnant then I suggest getting your contraceptive arrangements sorted and avoiding risky behaviours you are worth more than this.

Do you have any friends you could ask to borrow some money off maybe , or ask the guy ? (Or is that out of the question ?), other than that all I can think of if wait til your period is due , if it’s late, do a pregnancy test and take it from there . If you’re pro life have a chat with someone , I think the hospital can offer advise . My friend is in her second year of Uni and found out she was pregnant last year and it’s thrown her off completely , not ideal but it depends how you feel . I’m happy to offer advise and I wanna being rude , I think maybe you for off to a bad start with some of the MNetters on here , because you’re scared understandably . Hope that helps x

LaMarschallin how is it harmful if im genuine im very confused?? i am a genuine person and i am telling the truth here. thanks for reporting tho ig

It's potentially harmful because, in the very slim chance you're being truthful, you're a young adult (sorry; you're not a "kid" anymore) who will receive a lot of online abuse and bad jokes (like mine earlier. Sorry about that) when you're not in a good place to deal with it.

Also be careful of STI’s if he’s sleeping around with other women because that’s the last thing you want along with pregnancy ! Hopefully a friend can lend you the money , £40 is a lot but if you’ve got good friends they’ll help x

For all those people doubting the 'plug' - here, I used the googles for you

Do you have a student loan? If so, how have you spent so much of this term's loan?

BTW, the pill really doesn't work by creating a mucus plug. It does thicken mucus, but primarily it works by stopping ovulation.

@absoluteclown - I'm going to take it at face value that this is real, and you are a frightened uni teen who doesn't want to be pregnant.

Firstly, as per the advice above - go and seek emergency contraception/morning after pill depending on how long ago you had sex from GP Pharmacy or your closest sexual health centre.

I know it's hard getting cash if you're a broke student but have you got any bursary/student finance money left?? Or can you beg/borrow from parents family or friends and either be honest as to why (I am sure they would rather know you were protected from pregnancy than risk interrupting your studies if that is indeed the worry - although not to say getting pregnant young is the wrong choice for everyone! I know girls that have done it and flourished with family support but that's by the by) ....then after getting that contraceptive, you need to keep an eye on your period due date and do some tests if you don't come on.

If you don't come on and are pregnant, you'll need to speak to your GP/Sexual Health clinic about your options !!

After all that, get back on the pill or some sort of contraceptive and use condoms to protect from STI/D's!

Also, sack off that guy you're sleeping with as he sounds useless.

And don't waste any more time googling what to do! Just go and do it as you need to be quick if it was already 3/4 days ago!

Good luck x

Do you not get a student loan instalment in January?

If you get an emergency coil, it’s free. You just need to go to the GUM clinic. They’ll also do you a full sexual health screening whilst you are there.

You can take a clear blue pregnancy test fairly early on, but they are pretty much all after the missed period occurs.

Hi all. We've removed a couple of posts that break our guidelines re personal attacks, trollhunting, and ageism - but please can we continue with the chance that the OP is genuine and could do with some advice. Any concerns, please do report them to us.

No one online can tell you if you are pregnant or not. Wait a couple of weeks and test, sounds like you are not willing to get emergency contraception so you’ll just have to sit and wait.
Maybe visit a local sexual health clinic, you can get free of charge contraception and sexual health advice.

Any maybe the advice you get face to face will be easier for you to digest and not reply so rudely too, even though I’m sure it will be similar to all the advice you’ve received here!

Hi OP, sorry for the shit that’s been thrown at you. 1) this guy does not give two fucks about you - stop sleeping with him. 2) Go to a sexual health clinic - pregnancy isn’t the only thing you should be worrying about! Your young, I was in this situation at your age and had to get an abortion and to be quite honest the situation scarred me. If you are pregnant an abortion would be a heavy period, after taking pills (you need to get onto some form of protection, this isn’t a game - it’s your body) you must go to a walk in clinic who can provide you more information, support and most of all options that will be free of charge. If there is an ounce of you that has got pregnant to ‘show’ him, realise he will most likely drop you, your young free and able self, and the baby who does not need to be born into this sort of shit. There’s already enough fucked up adults about. Go to your nearest sexual health / GUM clinic.

And to those of you who were saying how did she get into uni anyone can get into bloody Uni. Spitting bloody venom she’s just a young kid.

@absoluteclown best bet is just to not come on here as it will only make you worse as not much support obviously! Go see your dr ASAP, he can offer you the best advice. You do need to get yourself on some contraception so it doesn’t happen again. The morning after pill is free at the drs, plus you’re a student. I’m pretty sure the pill you can use a week after sex now?! Best of luck

This is odd.

I had an email from MN after I reported this thread that said, roughly, "Sorry for the mass email; we've now deleted the thread".

Ring the GP or the Health Clinic at your Uni, please?
They can and will help.
Ask the guy for the £40 or at least some of it, you're both to blame.
Get an STI check - the last thing you need is an STD so that's also a priority.
Keep condoms to hand, you're 18 - enjoy yourself, but be safe.
Get rid of this shit excuse for a man and have some self respect.
Talk to someone IRL ( In real life ).

You won't get anymore than that on here - Sorry.
Just take our advice? I know you think you know everything, but seriously take the list I gave you and do the things on them.
Hopefully you're just panicked, and it gives you the kick up the arse you require ( not trying to belittle or bully you, simply just stating facts ).
PM me if you need

Hi op.

No judgement from me. I had my eldest at 18, although my circumstances are different to yours.

Firstly, dont panic yet. When is your period due? Wait until then and if it doesnt show take a test.

Secondly, this "man" doesnt seem like hes mature enough to he anyones partner. Is he the same age as you? Remember, if you do end up pregnant he has no right to decide what you do.

Thirdly, I always find that planning for the worst case scenario helps me. So in this situation I would be planning what I want to do should I be pregnant.

Whatever the outcome, for your own self respect, stop having sex with this man and find someone who respects you and going forward dont have sex with anyone who refuses to wear a condom. Remember, it's not just pregnancy you are at risk of.

Oh another thought.. can you not get a prescription for the morning after pill?

There are loads of places you can get emergency contraception free...
www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/where-can-i-get-emergency-contraception/

This was not a tricky find. It’s the first hit on google.

Why did you think of Mumsnet as somewhere to ask for help?

Yes you can get emergency contraception for free in lots of pharmacies. If you can’t and have to pay, don’t go to Boots because it’s more expensive there (think Superdrug might be cheaper?) even so I think I paid in the £20s definitely not £40.

I believe that lack of money is a real thing!

Hi all, sorry for the mass mail,

Thank you for all your reports about that thread - we've now deleted it.

Best wishes,

MNHQ

Just hoicked this back out of my "Recently deleted" file. It definitely referred to this thread.

I wonder what changed the mind of MNHQ.

Emergency contraceptive is free if you go to the doctors, you can go to a gp, when you enrolled in uni they would of required you to also enroll in a nearby gp so you could of gone there and got the morning after pill for free (so you know next time)

There's nothing you can do right now, i'm sorry, you can wait until you miss you're period and then take a pregnancy test (again go to the gp and they'll do this for you for free if you can't buy one) but that's the point you're at right now, just gotta wait.

How do you feel about an abortion if you are pregnant? I know you said the father is against them but he doesn't sound like the kind of person you want to be tied to for the rest of your life, you could take this panic you're feeling and use it to encourage yourself to stop seeing this guy.

Btw why did you stop taking the pill? I'm probably way off but this is screaming in my mind to me about my ex who refused to wear a condom and said I didn't need to be on birth control because the only reason i'd need to be was if I was sleeping around behind his back and I should be happy to fall pregnant with him as we were dating.

Long story short I fell pregnant with his kid and he said that it obviously wasn't his (it was) and then when I miscarried he said he was glad cus it wasn't even his baby. I'd hate for you to end up in a situation like that.

Your best hope now is to keep your fingers crossed and never be this silly again. Good luck, I hope you get the outcome you want.