Debate in giving birth and breast feeding

[Ginge35]

Soooooooooo I'm 5 weeks, so aware that I'm in the very early stages and anything could happen BUT me and DH have already started bickering!
I'll explain....
I have never wanted to give birth naturally. I want a C Section and I will make sure I get one but my DH told me absolutely no way and it's better for the baby if it's a natural birth! But, WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! What about what I want? What's best for me and my body!
The same with breast feeding. Now I have nothing against breast feeding at all and I do not, under any circumstances want to offend anyone, but for me personally, I can't think of anything worse!
I know my opinion will offend some and I'm sure I will get some major backlash for airing my opinion but I want to bottle feed, but again DH told me no way! I HAVE TO breastfeed!
I told him he can forget it but he just went on and on and on! Then he went on to expressing and that is supposed to hurt like hell!
I already feel like I'm out of the equation already and I'm going to get so much shit off him and my family and in laws. I feel like I'm going to be judged for what I want.
But it's my body. Shouldn't it be my choice?
Why should I have to conform to what everyone else wants me to do???
This is giving me some major anxiety and I haven't even got very far into my pregnancy yet! I just want to cry! 😢😢😢
Talking to him is not going to make a difference and I feel like I'll end up having a full on breakdown if he carry's on for the next 8 months! 😢😢😢 wtf do I do now! 😢😢😢

I’m a little surprised this never came up prior to TTC.
It is absolutely your choice, but you will both be parents so both have a say in childcare (though not in what happens to your body).
Do you know much about labour or breastfeeding? Is there something particular putting you off?
Got to admit I find your stance about it a bit odd unless their is some underlying reason.
C-section is not the easy option.

Yes it is your choice to a certain degree BUT you are now responsible for someone else too. The decision will never be what's best for you again. It will be what is best for my child (and maybe me).

Your DP also has a right to a view on what's best for his child.

This parenting lark ain't easy. I think you have some growing up to do.

Giving birth is a medical procedure and you and your medical team get to chose what’s best for you all. Not your DH.

That being said, you have two very strong and (not unusual but) uncommon preferences here. Are you ok?

you talk a lot about your and your needs in this’ once you have a child you will be forever second to your child. You might want to begin to consider this.

One brilliant bit of advice I got when I was expecting my first. Let all your plans go out the window! you cant make any plans when it comes to babies. They have their own rules !

Your body. Your choice.

However, C sections are no walk in the lark, trust me! Consider your options very carefully and make sure you talk it through thoroughly with your MW and consultant before making a choice. They carry their own risks. If I could have had a natural birth I would've leapt at the chance.

Good luck, whatever you decide. And congratulations

It's your choice how you feed your baby. They are your breasts. You may be pleasantly surprised and decide to feed when you first hold your baby. I know this has happened a few times with my friends. I know others who have FF from first feed.

Not sure why you would elect for major surgery, I had an emergency cecasarean and did not have my DH stay with me after. It was hurrendous. Not not having him there, but the maternity ward was horrible. I couldn't rest as everyone else was so loud with their partners. Had to stay in for 2 nights. Midwives were awful.

My DH went back to work 24 hours after having the baby and I had next to no support at home for 13 hours a day so struggled physically with the aftermath of a cecasarean. I wish I could have given birth naturally.

It's your body..please explore all avenues.

Yeah a c section isn't the easy option. No easy way to get a baby out unfortunately. Breastfeeding...don't rule it out yet. Give it a go just so the baby can get the colostrum and first few days is better than nothing and does help with bonding. I only did a couple of months BF then switched to formula probably for selfish reason but I wanted my body back.
Your husband sounds really controlling.

Oh blimey!!

Well, for what is worth, here are my thoughts...

I think you are mental (sorry!) for wanting a c-section. It will be a scar and cuts through your core muscles. There is a risk of infection and you won't be as mobile (generally speaking afterwards). Your fu is built for this! It hurts like hell but it springs back. Also, I don't believe that you can just ask for one...There has to be a medical reason (to my knowledge) unless you can go private.

But even though I think you are bonkers , it IS your body and it is for you to choose, if there is a choice available to you.

Breastfeeding... it's your choice. I don't thinking makes a lot of difference really. The colostrum (first milk) is supposed to give them immunities. But like I said your baby will be fine either way. I was bottle fed. My mum was like you... repulsed by the idea and I turned out double clever and well healthy

Your partner may well get the hump. I would listen to him and carefully consider his view, but I strongly believe it is up to you. Your body, your choice. He needs to respect that.

Give it some time to discuss through properly and then if you have listened and considered his views fairly, tell him there is no further discussion and you have to move on. I can say for sure, being stressed definitely will negatively impact the baby so he must not pressure you. X

I'd check the area you live in to see if you can even elect to have a c section. In mine they won't do one unless there is a valid medical reason

Wow. Are you sure either of you is old enough to have a baby?

Your body your choice. I've done quite a bit of research and am going to request a c section too, my DP is supportive.

Keep an open mind and do some reading around both subjects and what is better for you/baby, but in the end it is totally your choice and your partner will have to accept that.

Also doctors might be against proceeding with a c section unless you’ve got your reasons and they’ve to be good. C sections can be difficult for our body and also expensive for the nhs so they’re not gonna say yes just because you don’t want to do it naturally. I had problems during pregnancy and despite I asked for one I got it refused when I first asked as it wasn’t enough reason to perform one.

Regarding breastfeeding you and your family decide what’s best. Nobody else.

However in other parts of bringing up your baby it’s not what you want but what the baby wants and is best for him. Make sure you get an agreement with your dh about it si there are not problems in the relationship

And NHS guidance is that you have the right to request a c section of you want. They can try to pursuade you not to (could be for valid reasons or otherwise) but ultimately it's your choice.

I think you're getting a lot of flak here OP. I felt exactly the same as you do. And at 40 I was fully grown up.
I had the c section and it was calm and lovely. I decided to give breastfeeding a try but with the caveat that I would stop as soon as I was ready. Not having that pressure meant I gave it more of a go and I successfully breastfed for five months.
My ex was very supportive of my choices.

You're right that it’s your body and your final say. But your other half is entitled to opinions. They obviously don’t trump your own.

I have to question why you are so adamant that you don’t want to try a natural birth or breast feed yiur baby (even if you just do a couple of days, the colostrum is so beneficial for the baby).

A successful natural childbirth is a bit of a lottery, the odds in your favour of it being successful depends on your health, age, fitness, baby’s position and size. With no complications you will be up and about immediately. A c-section is major abdominal surgery and not without risks or complications. Recovery takes time. I know two mothers who have had to have their c section scars reopened because the way they were stitched up was causing them pain years later. Even a small tear through childbirth doesn’t take that long to heal (obviously not a major tear). I’m not trying to put you off, but trying to be realistic, there is no bulletproof guarantee of a complication/pain free birth. You may have a wonderful c-section and prove me wrong, who knows, no one.

Why not talk to your midwife about all options, you sound very afraid, which is understandable, they will have a lot of experience.

For a c-section I think you’d have to see a consultant for them to ‘approve’ one, I don’t think they like to do one unless necessary.

Anyway, congratulations on your pregnancy, and don’t fret too much, whatever happens you will have a lovely baby at the end of it.

C sections are major surgery, definitely not an easy option. Bottle feeding is also arguably more of a palaver than breastfeeding. I think you should explore your thoughts and assumptions about both giving birth and breastfeeding before you make any hard decisions. Equally, while you should discuss with your partner he doesn't have the right to pressure you in to any particular course of action.

....C section is major abdominal surgery but okay.

It's your body he cant dictate anything, but i suggest reading/watching a bit about giving birth and how your plans ultimately will change with what the baby needs. Time to grow up, it's not all about you sorry...

It is totally your choice. I had the same opinions as you before I became pregnant, but the more I educated myself the more I changed my mind.

I am now hoping for a natural birth as the recovery is supposed to be much quicker and less painful than after a C section. And I definitely don't want to be in pain for many weeks while taking care of a newborn baby. Yes I still have some fears regarding the pain and all, but I'm doing an online Hypnobirthing course which helps my anxiety a lot, plus there's always epidural!

I have also changed my mind about breastfeeding once I understood how much easier it would be for someone as lazy as me to breastfeed. Think about feeding in the middle of the night. All you have to do is whip out the boob. No trips to the kitchen to prep and heat the formula, no worrying about sterilising bottles equals more sleep for me.

Yes the benefits to the baby are very important too, but even if you just look at this things with your own wellbeing and convenience in mind, you might find that there are serious pros to consider.

Having said all that, once again it is totally your choice what you do with your own body and your other half needs to respect it.

Thank you everyone for your comments.
I'm 35 so I'm grown up and old enough to have a child! I have been researching for over a year so I know the risks, but the medical risks of natural birth with a pre existing condition that I have could cause serious health issues to my baby, which is why I want the C Section. It would be for the welfare of my child not for me.
My DH is not controlling he was merely getting his point across. We have been discussing having a baby since May last year , so all avenues have been discussed but now that I'm actually pregnant, opinions aren't being voiced more.
Bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding is due to the medication I'm on.
I should have put this in my first post but it was long enough.
I don't think DH quite gets its. It's my choice and my body but the bottom line is the C Section and bottle feeding is the safest option for my child.
I'm not being selfish, I'm trying to think of the welfare of my child, but DH has got his blinkers on and I can't get through to him! 😢😢

It should be your body, your choice. I hate to ask but is he worried about actually having to do an equal share of parenting or something? You’ll obviously need help whilst you recover from the section and of course bottle feeds can be done by both parents.

A c-section at full term, I think, carries less risk for the baby but more risk for you- my consultant described it as transferring the tiny risk from them to you. It is, however, major surgery with a tougher recovery period and you might have a fight getting one by maternal request on the NHS. Personally I felt the same as you so went private and it was a lovely, calm experience. Do your research, talk to your midwife at booking. You have plenty of time if you’re only 5 weeks.

I also bottle fed- giving the colostrum is good if you feel you can but don’t pressure yourself if you don’t want to do it. A fed baby and a happy mum are what matters most in my opinion!

And as for the ILs/rest of your family- welcome to being a parent where someone will always judge no matter what you do. You have to do what’s best for you and your baby. Your husband should absolutely be supporting you though.

Expressing doesn't hurt. Atleast not in my experience. When baby latches properly it doesn't hurt, and it's a lovely bonding experience.
Your body your choice though.

It’s a totally different thing if you are doing both these things for medical reasons.
He is being ridiculous if that’s the case and is cruel expecting you to jeopardise your health.
What does he say when you point out it has health issues attached if you do?

Your original post didn't mention anything like this and you came off to me as stroppy and young...

It's your boobs, whats he going to do pop one out when you're not looking? yeah nah. You are only 5 weeks, let things settle. talk about names and nursery stuff first, youve got plenty of time to talk about labour closer to your date.

You did rather bury the lede there, OP.