Debate in giving birth and breast feeding

[Ginge35]

Soooooooooo I'm 5 weeks, so aware that I'm in the very early stages and anything could happen BUT me and DH have already started bickering!
I'll explain....
I have never wanted to give birth naturally. I want a C Section and I will make sure I get one but my DH told me absolutely no way and it's better for the baby if it's a natural birth! But, WHAT ABOUT ME?!?! What about what I want? What's best for me and my body!
The same with breast feeding. Now I have nothing against breast feeding at all and I do not, under any circumstances want to offend anyone, but for me personally, I can't think of anything worse!
I know my opinion will offend some and I'm sure I will get some major backlash for airing my opinion but I want to bottle feed, but again DH told me no way! I HAVE TO breastfeed!
I told him he can forget it but he just went on and on and on! Then he went on to expressing and that is supposed to hurt like hell!
I already feel like I'm out of the equation already and I'm going to get so much shit off him and my family and in laws. I feel like I'm going to be judged for what I want.
But it's my body. Shouldn't it be my choice?
Why should I have to conform to what everyone else wants me to do???
This is giving me some major anxiety and I haven't even got very far into my pregnancy yet! I just want to cry! 😢😢😢
Talking to him is not going to make a difference and I feel like I'll end up having a full on breakdown if he carry's on for the next 8 months! 😢😢😢 wtf do I do now! 😢😢😢

Pretty big drip feed OP!

So both your preferences are not actually preferences but are necessary due to medical reasons? That changes everything.

What does he say when you say:
“I literally cannot breastfeed because of x medication”
“We can talk to the midwives and consultant but I think it has to be a Csecton because of [my medical condition].”
?

It is your body, your choice, but the father of your child should be able to express a strong opinion and have you at least give it serious consideration.

I do think it matters if there are extenuating circumstances. There is a bug difference between accepting that you might have to do something because it is best in your circumstance and ignoring evidence and putting your child at risk for personal preferences.

X Posted with you and actually, your update changes a lot. In fact it’s really concerning if your medical history suggests that a c-section will be safer, and that you shouldn’t breastfeed because of medication you’re on but he wants you to ignore that and risk the health of you and your baby. I’d suggest taking him to an appointment your midwife as he might take it more seriously if coming from a medical professional. That said, the fact that he’s pushing this is really worrying. Talk it through with your midwife and consultant (if applicable), make an informed decision. Don’t put yourself or the baby at risk because your husband is spouting uninformed nonsense.

This was a drip feed. So you have a medical condition that makes vaginal birth potentially unsafe and you can't breastfeed one your medication.... huge drip feed and makes lots of previous responses irrelevant.

It's quite a leap from saying you've always wanted a c section and the idea of breastfeeding is the worst thing you can think of to needing both due to medical reasons.
Either way, your partner doesn't get a say in whichever path you choose, and you may not get a choice in how your labour goes either. Things that don't directly relate to you such as childcare, weaning baby, even vaccinations are all a discussion you and you partner can and should have before deciding anything, but the way you give birth, the way baby is fed milk and which kind of milk it is, and any other thing that affects your body or your mental health is your decision and that's final.

Your OP was all 'what about me' - even in capitals. Do you really think posters are stupid or something.

The thread wasn't going your way so you've introduced a medical condition which means you shouldn't have a natural birth or breastfeed.

OP if you want people's opinions be honest, here and with yourself.

Sorry ladies! My OP was a major rant and getting the specifics across was majorly lost! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️
I just don't think he gets it. I think if the midwife and consultant agree with me and then explain it to him then hopefully he will back off, but I can't see it.
I think I'm going just going to tell him to leave it for now and I'm hoping the professionals will step in!
Bloody hell! I'm exhausted already! 😩😩😩

Of course your midwife will agree with you if there are medical reasons, safety risks to your child that would mean a csection and formula are best.
I think it’s important to take medical advice and do what’s best for you. Unless your husband is aggressive and bullying you then I suspect he’s just ill informed and you’re over sensitive

@namechangingtime makes a very good point.
Always wanting a C-section and nothing worse than breastfeeding clearly aren’t medical reasons....

In my opinion, in choosing to conceive a child, you owe that child the best start in life. There's lots of evidence that natural birth is better due to natural bacteria (obviously where there's an issue a c-section is essential but assuming that's not the case) and to breast feed for at least the first 6 months, preferably over a year.

And actually I would get flamed if I said ‘I can’t think of anything worse than formula feeding’, which isn’t how I feel but I reckon that works both ways.

You seem very definite but don’t really explain why. Perhaps you should do some reading and weigh up the pros and cons properly. C Sections are statistically more risky and bf is better for the baby all things being equal. It’s your choice of course but it might help your DH if you were able to explain why you feel so strongly.

OP just in case you’ve told a little white lie here to save face; please talk to someone in real life about your aversion/fears.

@Ginge35 could you book a consultation down the line with a medical professional and take your husband ... agree that what the doctor / surgeon / midwife recommends is the route you will look to take?

If it’s truly medical reasons behind C-section and bottle feeding formula, then have the OB GYN read your DH the riot act at the next appointment.
I know it’s your body, your choice. But in this case you are saying you don’t really have a choice due to your high risk pre-existing condition requiring a C-section and your medication prohibiting breastfeeding. Let the doctor do the arguing for you.

Just tell him he and you should listen to the professionals .. if he knows better than them and the conversation goes your way ask for his medical degree ? Honestly he is prob fretting himself ... just honestly tell him to leave you alone and you will both talk to the experts

I felt like you for my first baby, and had a wonderful, very easy section (and was literally walking in the park within days) and bottle fed from birthm for my second undecided to give by a go because second time round it didn't repulse me the same way it did first time round. And another pain free delightful section.

I recovered quicker than most people I know who had a vaginal births, because I don't know many people who got the complication free birth they were after. At least you know what you are getting with a section. I know some people really struggle after them, and to that extent it's still a lottery, but a lot of people who are very negative about them either haven't had one or had an emergency section.

If you would really prefer to bf (and it's fine if you don't!) ask to be referred to a consultant who specialises in medication and breastfeeding. I was told I shouldn't bf by a v ignorant midwife, but the consultant assured me it was perfectly safe to bf and there were no cases at all of harm coming to an infant due to bf whilst taking venlafaxine (an antidepressant I'm on long-term that works brilliantly for me).

Anyway, your DP isn't the one carrying your baby or giving birth, he doesn't get to decide, and he especially doesn't get to choose whether you breastfeed (no doubt easier for him not having to do any night feeds!).

Hm well to slightly disagree with pp - I've had both a vaginal birth and an elective c-section. I found recovery from a cs much much easier. I was in a lot more pain and much sicker after a vaginal birth and it took months to recover from. Within 10 days I was pain free from the cs and within another couple of weeks I felt my old self. I believe you are entitled to ask for a c section although you may have a fight on your hands as there is no medical need (of course one may crop up such as baby being breech).

As for breastfeeding, I bf-d both my children and think there are many positives. However I certainly do not think you should be bullied into it! I can only suggest you research breastfeeding benefits a little more. If by the time you have your baby you're not convinced, then formula feed. I know several women who formula fed from day 1 and have very happy, healthy babies.

At the end of the day it's your body. I'd tell your partner to back off quite frankly. It's not up to him to decide how you birth nor can he force you to breastfeed.

Crikey - these things are the OP's choice! If one of you, or the OP's DP, wants to give birth to her baby vaginally and breast feed it, go ahead. What she does is up to her.

OP, I don't think you are mad to choose the c-section or formula feeding but even if I wouldn't make those choices myself (would do one and not the other) I'd support your right to choose what happens to your body, because you are an adult human with your own judgement and rights.

I'd be soooooo angry with my DH if he suggested that he could decide these things. Fortunately he wouldn't. Producing a baby is really hard on your body and mind, and the man's job is to support you in your choices. He can share decision making about things that don't concern your body. Or otherwise, once you have had your kids, you can just book him in for a vasectomy without his consent because, y'know, it's best for the family.

So which is it??

The same with breast feeding. Now I have nothing against breast feeding at all and I do not, under any circumstances want to offend anyone, but for me personally, I can't think of anything worse!

or

Bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding is due to the medication I'm on.

Not that it matters btw, if you don't want to breastfeed you absolutely done have to, but at least be honest with us here

Tell him to grow a womb and breasts and that way he can do what he likes.

Until then they belong to you so he has to respect your choices.

I was so terrified to give birth, after seeing a baby being born on tv when I was 8. I understand if your terrified about giving birth naturally and that’s your reason. My consultant talked me into a vsginal birth and promised me an epidural when I needed it. I’m glad I went with him. I also didn’t want to breast feed. Made it clear from the start and stuck to it. Your body

I had a vaginal birth and after what I experienced I would have definitely preferred to risk a c section over that.Ive just had surgery under GA and I'm still recovering but I'd still pick it over childbirth any day.