Moral support re amnio, please!

[morethanmum]

We are back at Kings tomorrow for a new scan re the megalomy skull(?) thing, and I'll be 29 plus a bit. Apparently, the only way to know if the baby does have a problem for sure is amnio. Sort of decided to do it, but not sure because of risks? Anyone got any advice? Plus, 24 hrs rest will be impossible on sat, but okay tomorrow.

Hi

No real experience so no real advice other than only you know what is best for you. Go with whatever you feel is right. For me i would prob want to know, if only to preppare myself mentally (not sure what the condition is exactly so please excuse my ignorance) but really do what you feel is best.

They can't tell us without amnio, but it would be some sort of condition like Downs or hydrocephalus? There's still a chance it's okay, that's why I didn't want to risk amnio earlier. Think I want to know though.

If you want to know then go ahead. For me I would need to know but I have seen many women who just wanted to see what happened. i have never been there tho so i really hope someone a littlle more informed comes along to advise you better.

Thanks anyway. I'm a bit scared of pain, so would like to know if anyone's had one...

I had an amnio yesterday morning, morethanm.
It was more painful than I expected -- I think I'm a big wimp when it comes to any sort of pain jab, though. It was just such a weird pain, and I didn't expect to mind so much. I think if I had gone in expecting it to be annoying but brief, I would have coped better.

Where the needle went in you can't see anything now, but my side has been on/off achy since, in a throbbing kind of way. Might be coincidence, but the ache extends down my leg sometimes. The frequency and intensity of aches is decreasing. They gave me paracetomol in case, but I haven't felt the need to take it.

A friend had an amnio 2 yrs ago and says the throbbing occasional ache went by day 3 -- so she thinks I'll be ok from tomorrow.

They actually told me after the procedure to carry on in my life "as normal", but because of the ache I couldn't do that, just felt too nervous. I did cycle home from the apointment a few miles, thought that was less stress/exertion than taking the tube, to be honest!!

Have just slouched around the house since. How busy is your Saturday, can you take things slowly at least, avoid bending over?

I had one last week, and in perfect honesty, it was less painful than a flu shot. A brief moment of a strangely crampy feeling, but even that was very, very minor. If you weren't lying on the bench with your tummy out, you wouldn't know it was happening. You really have nothing at all to worry about on the pain front.

Apparently it starts healing almost instantly. I was paranoid, thinking I would have to lie completely still in bed for a week, but the consultant said just flop on the sofa this afternoon and you'll be right as rain (even to fly) by tomorrow.

Good luck, but you won't need it. It's one of those things in life like maths exams that's far worse in the anticipation than in the reality.

Actually, I just read some of your previous posts, you must be at least 26 wks now? I think I would skip amnio in your case because ... sorry if I'm making assumptions, but I assume at this late date you've ruled out a late termination and personally I wouldn't think the risk of such a premature birth is worth it, otherwise.

I had a scarey first pregnancy with lots of extra scans, we had to wait until after baby was born (and more tests) to be sure he was okay, so I do feel for you -- I know just what it's like wishing for some certainty.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

Thankyou for sharing that, both of you. I'm 29 wks - with this being baby number 4 I don't think I would have a late termination, but then I'm not sure if I could cope with a very disabled baby. It seems easy in abstract, if you know what I mean. I do have close friends who do, admirably. I 'm glad the whole rest thing is less of an issue - 3 others, outing with friend and children arranged, that's all for saturday. I feel really bad for being disappointed this one was a boy - that's gone out the window, obv

Obvious from yesterday's scan that mine (also No. 4) was a boy, and I am bummed about it, too. Trivial in the grand scheme of things, but still a disappointment.

Did they give you anything like a risk stat, likelihood of the fetus being just a "normal variant"?

Not really, not percentages. Today's midwife (anti D) said to wait and have the baby tested? Can I do that? I have one girl, then boys - feel quite bad about being disappointed...

Did you have a really detailed scan already -- with colour images of heart circulation and everything else looked at in detail? Is the skull variation the only anomaly they found?

I already have 1 girl and I don't feel guilty wishing baby4 was a girl, too. Most of the world vastly prefers sons to daughters, why shouldn't some of us feel wistful the other way? I'll work to get over it, since baby4 deserves love as much as any baby. Doesn't stop me preferring one flavour of icing on my cake over others. Even my DSs are disappointed -- they fight with their sis but adore her, too.

Let the thread know how your appt. went today?

I had an amnio at about 18 weeks and it was fine. Not really painful but the consultant did tll me to rst up for 3 days totally,.

Hi again - up with the littlest one at moment. Yesterday was quite stressful as they were so busy. The only abnormality is a the ventricle size in the skull, but it's now on both sides (not just one) and is mild. We have to go back for an MRI next week and an amnio at 32 weeks. No consultant yesterday - I think they grabbed him to ask his advice in the corridor! I just feel quite low - we don't know if the baby is ok (still possible) or mentally disabled. I feel like we are heading towards having the baby whatever, but I can't talk about all this with my friends as there might not be a problem, so I'm kind of avoiding people, and not really enjoying the whole having a baby thing. Lljkk - good point re cakes/ babies. Pink icing would have been nice this time round - I'm going to stop feeling guilty about thinking that. Sorry for rambling on...

You are not rambling - sorry to hear that you are going through this and you are not enjoying your pregnancy. I imagine that there is so much going on in your heads right now - are you and your dh able to share much time to talk and support and comfort each other (it must be hard with 3 kids). Baby sitters (even if you have to hire professional help) and a quiet drink might help if not.

As for your friends they will understand - you have to focus on surviving right now in any way that you can - they will understand. Could you ask one of them/family to take the kids for the day after or at least the littlest ones?

If it is any consolation, I had a friedn who in her first blood test was identified as a high risk of downs. She decided that she didn't want to have the amnio and the baby was perfectly fine. She went through her whole pregnancy with what ifs and am I doing the right thing as she had one older child and it was all unnecessary.

I really hope it all goes well for you and your family. Whatever decsion you make don't be hard on yourself or accept criticism from anybody else.
xx

morethanmum- I locked myself away while I was gong through all this as well- I couldn't face talking to anyone or carry on 'as normal'

Thanks. I just feel like it's all buzzing round my head and yet there's nothing concrete. Pixiefish - did it turn out alright for you in the end? Baby sitting good idea - it's actually made me and dh closer to each other in weird way. Think we've kind of closed ranks! The thought of mental disability is quite scary - it's v shallow but I even find it hard not to snap at people when they don't understand my son (he has glue ear and speech therapy). Will keep you posted - thanks for letting me waffle. I'm spending today avoiding the issue with friends.

An amnio often doesn't give all the answers (it will rule out certain conditions, but there are many it can;t provide info about). There are soft markers they can look for on a detailed scan that will give more information. If you do go for an amnio make sure you know exactly what it can tell you vs what it can't, especially because it would be so late. Ask directly what other conditions it could be that can't be tested for. You can terminate for severe disability at 32 weeks but I don't think it would be anything other than hideous that late, and you would have to be very sure that that was what you wanted.
If you're child did have a learning disability you would cope, people do, as my friend said to me after seeing ds1 for the first time in 4 years 'well your life will always be interesting'. It opens a whole new world.

Reading this thread has made me very glad I did get an amnio. I know it doesn't provide that many answers, but at least when I get to my anomaly scan if they say "Ooh, soft marker there" -- I can say "Ok, might be a problem, but whatever it does mean, I know it doesn't mean X, Y or Z".

I think with hindsight, I should have done the nuchal fold test, but it's not standard where I am. Good advice on the asking questions about the amnio - yesterday was so rushed, we were in a corridor, leaving, going but what does it mean? I feel much better knowing it's not a rare experience. Actually hearing other people's good news/ experiences on Mumsnet is more helpful than trying to talk to real time friends about it! Escondida you are right - it will help hopefully with the anomaly scan. We have an MRI next week, and then the amnio. Overwhelming!