Terrified of labour and vaginal birth - experiences and opinions?

[hjbows88]

As it says in the title really! I’m only 12 weeks so not at the point of having to make decisions about birth yet, but I’ve always been terrified of labour and vaginal birth. I’m not sure why, although I’m squeamish about ‘that area’ anyway and have never been able to use tampons and inserting them makes me faint.

My preference would be elective section but my husband is really against this. He is in healthcare himself (teeth, not vaginas!) and has quite idealistic views of vaginal birth - he sees is as natural and therefore the best option, and despite acknowledging it can sometimes go wrong he feels the risks with sections are higher and the surgery is so invasive (big cut and scar, longer healing time) that it should be a last resort.

I get where he is coming from but he isn’t the one who has to go through this and isn’t the one who is terrified about it.

Just wondering what other women’s experiences have been. Whether anyone else has been in similar position or has views on this?

I’ve had a planned c section and it was excellent.
If you want one, have one.
It’s only my opinion but I think planned c sections are not nearly as bad or risky as people like to make out.

The stats are the stats so your husband isn't technically wrong, but you're the one who has to go through it so as far as I'm concerned, that makes the decision solely yours. I'd planned for a "natural" birth but ended up with an EMCS due to DS's heart rate dropping in labour. I think I was lucky in that I recovered from quickly afterwards without complications, which is far from true for everyone, but if I had to do it again I'd choose a section again without question. Good luck with whatever you decide

I was really scared too, it's honestly not that bad and when your in labour your not even thinking about all the scary stuff, you just want the baby out.

I was petrified of tearing while giving birth, I had to get cut down there and it was no bother, they give you anesthetic and stitch you up as soon as the babies weighed, you can't feel a thing. Was a tiny bit stingy after words but I just held a sanitary towel on it when I had to pee and I couldn't feel it at all,.

My pal had an elective section few months ago and she said she would never do it again, so I guess Everythings different but honestly don't worry about it, its such an exciting time the birth that no matter what you choose you won't care in the end cause you ll have that precious baby in your arms after! Congrats op zxxx

I was terrified and originally wanted a section. I ended up with a short labour, no epidural and a straightforward birth (6.5hrs). It was so much better than feared. Having seen how hard a section recovery can be I’m so glad I braved vaginal birth.
I went to NCT and did some hypnobirthing and that really helped. I didn’t find hypnobirthing at all helpful for managing pain, but it really helped me understand what happens to your body in labour which gave me confidence.
Planned sections are often brilliant but I had zero pain as soon as birth process was complete. I literally didn’t even need a paracetamol and it made life so much easier. It is worth trying to allay your fears first.

have never been able to use tampons and inserting them makes me faint

Sorry but I couldn't help giggling at this - how on earth did you get pregnant ?.

Thank you both. I think one of the things he is also concerned about is the protective benefits of vaginal births in that some evidence suggests it can be beneficial for baby’s immune system and reduce likelihood of allergies too. Again, all well and good but lots of people have traumatic vaginal deliveries which end in injury etc. I’m also really really against forceps - I just cannot think of anything worse. And of course no guarantee that what starts as vaginal delivery will end that way, as you’ve pointed out @rottiemum88. I keep hoping I’ll have transverse or breech so section will be recommended and my husband won’t be able to say it was my choice.

I should add that he isn’t intentionally being a dick about this. He just sees it from a clinical point of view and as a man can be detached in the sense it isn’t his body. He is saying it based on clinical evidence rather than to be awkward and I accept why he sees it as a better option, but I still really don’t want it!

Haha @ShippingNews well, in the usual way ;) never had an issue with sex but anything else to do with that area has always freaked me out. It’s very odd. I’m just a bit pathetic really. I actually had to turn off the Friends episode when Rachel was in labour as it made me feel so uncomfortable. Ridiculous!

I was scared too, I was only 21 when I had my DS and was pretty convinced a natural birth wasn't for me after watching videos of births.
I had an epidural and the birth was lovely and pain free.
It was a vaginal birth and although my perineum was sore afterwards it was bearable and ok. Certainly nothing I couldn't handle even with lots of stitches. I had a nice salty bath everyday and it soon healed.

Thank you @Meganc559 and @Megan2018 - reassuring for hear your experiences! I do tell myself that I might have a relatively easy labour and birth and by having a section I'm ruling that out. I guess I’m scared of the worse case outcomes - like you, tearing is a real worry and I absolutely cannot bear the idea of forceps. I don’t know if I could ask for a section at the point that they need to use forceps though and that’s what freaks me out and makes me want elective so I can be 100% sure forceps won’t ever be used!

By the way I also had forceps and ventouse. I really would not wanted to have experienced that without an epidural no way. By the time it wore off i had taken pain killers and all was well.

Well they cut me cause they were getting the forceps ready, but I just did 3 almighty pushes so I didn't have to get them and he came out himself!

You can refuse any intervention they suggest. If you don't want forceps then you say no. That will probably mean you will then go to a section as the next option. I had forceps and an episiotomy and although I was very sore afterwards and it took me longer to recover than my friend who had a straight forward delivery, I have healed fine and have no ongoing issues as a result.

I think you need to ignore your husband and go with your instincts. I was similarly frightened and even attempting perineal massage, for example, made me want to vomit. I had a vaginal birth with 3rd degree tear and was extremely traumatised.

OP, have you looked into hypnobirthing at all? It gives you a good understanding of the process that our bodies go through. That knowledge can really help address fears about labour and birth. The positive birth company is a good place to start. It will help you weigh up your options from a more informed perspective.

Your DH needs to back off unless he fancies carrying and delivering the baby.

I was the same and after jumping through many hoops I got a c section date but ended up needing an emcs three weeks earlier.

I’d recommend speaking to your midwife now

Thanks all. I’m going to look into hypnobirthing to learn a bit more about my body and the process and then see how I feel and make a decision after that. If you want elective when do you normally have to ask for one by?

Please get some help from professionals about your fears and dont ask for a section. Its not a good way to go to have one without a clinical need . Do what is best for your baby and you. Fears come from the mythology of films and other people telling you scary stories. That was their experience not yours. Fear is the biggest cause of pain. Start there. Of course there are plenty of accasions a section is necessary, a baby presenting the wrong way or being very big, or becoming stressed in labour. These are life saving needs

Google Ina May Gaskin's Tedex talk about reducing fear of birth and have a read of her Guide to Childbirth. Yes, things do sometimes not quite go to plan but essentially our bodies are designed to do this and if you can try and get your head in the right place that can massively help. When it happens, you will be so focused on meeting your baby that stuff that is really bothering you now will seem unimportant and you will surprise yourself but what you can do!

Your dh needs do do more research (and get his head around it being your body). There is a difference in the microbiome of babies born without the waters having broken before birth, and babies that are artificial feed. The bulk risks to the baby come from not receiving the bacteria on the nipple and areola. The gut bacteria of a baby from a planned section, who is exclusively breast fed until weaning will be the same as one from a vb within a few months.
Planned sections will almost certainly involve a vaginal examination and the insertion of a suppository for pain relief.

I was like you- I'm medical myself but hate needles and feeling out of control so was worried about what would happen (as every birth is different!) And personally I felt for me a home birth would be where I felt safest. (I live about 30 mins or less from 3 different maternity hospitals, and had done all my reading about risks plus I was under the specific team who were great)
I hired doulas (one of which would be with you whatever birth you choose or end up having) did their antenatal class and pregnancy yoga. They were a godsend.
They were really good on helping us both learn about all the different processes that can be offered to a mother, your rights (including an elective cs) what different trusts will try and persuade you to do (based on that trusts policies) and the acronym BRAIN.
I also did a bit of hypnobirthing (the breathing and relaxation, the mantras always seemed a bit daft to me)
I ended up having my homebirth, it was only 7 hours and I used a tens machine up until i got in the water, then needed gas and air for the last 5 mins for leg cramp! Honestly it was an amazing experience, no tearing and all was well with us both. No one even touched her for the first 4 hours. I know some people get upset hearing good birth stories but for me, there were so few about that I doubted it could ever happen so I like to share mine. Not to be smug but for women like I used to be who just needed to hear that it can be ok!

Also check our the positive birth company- they have hundreds of testimonials from women who have had every type of birth going.
But finally, remember it's your body, your birth. If you feel safest with an elcs then ask for it. Do your research about the risks and benefits, and stick to what feels right for you. Plus natural cs are becoming more popular so it's worth looking into your local trusts. X

Also check out vaginal seeding if you are worried about biome stuff x

I’m also really really against forceps - I just cannot think of anything worse

Don’t consent to forceps and make this absolutely clear in the birth plan.

NB you might want to bear in mind when reading this that I have tokophobia. I have attended NCT classes and hypnobirthing classes to try to feel more positive about vaginal births, but everything they said just frightened/put me off more and more.

I was in a similar position to you (currently 32 weeks).

Told my GP and midwife I wanted to discuss ELCS. They both said "oh right", averted their eyes and changed the subject

Ended up being referred to clin psychologist for support with antenatal anxiety and depression. Obviously the topic of labour/birth came up. Clin psych listened to me, then explained that in our NHS Trust, women who request ELCS are routinely referred to the psychology service for assessment first ( ) but that, luckily enough, I was there already and she was 100% happy to support my request.

This was because I had explained my several, long-standing reasons for wanting one, shown that I had a good understanding of the relative risks, shown that I had a good understanding of what recovery was likely to be like and that I had support around me that would enable me to manage.

She referred me to the boss consultant. I was pretty anxious prior to this appointment (surprise). I have heard many stories of the NHS being obstructive to ELCS, despite the Nice guidelines in this area being very clear. Anyway, consultant was lovely, said it was my body and up to me. I asked her about specific risks and she replied that they're highly unlikely to be an issue for someone with a healthy BMI, which I have.

I now have an appointment booked for 35 weeks at which a date will be set for week 39.

My DH's mantra throughout has been "whatever you want to do, I will support you."

quite idealistic views of vaginal birth - he sees is as natural and therefore the best option

I guess maybe he doesn't know that 90% of first time mothers have some tearing, nor has he researched statistics on post-natal incontinence. He also probably doesn't know much about 3/4 degree tears, the recovery, and the impact they can have on quality of life. He might not know much about birth trauma and its association with PND either.
My Dsis suffered injuries during the (vaginal) birth of her first child from which she has yet to recover, physically or mentally. Her child is 10 years old. People talk about the lengthier recovery from a CS, but that really depends what you're comparing it to. And if I have to have a cut/scar, I'd rather have it across my lower abdomen than my vagina/perineum.

he feels the risks with sections are higher

This is a common perception. Actually, we don't really know. All the data that compares CS with vaginal birth aggregates EMCS and ELCS into one category. This means that the CS group contains all the high risk mothers, and all the were-low-risk-but-then-the-birth-went-wrong mothers, whereas the vaginal delivery group by definition contains the vast majority of the low risk births. Which group would you expect to look riskier?

I have searched and searched for decent quality research that compares ELCS with EMCS and vaginal, and found nothing. That research has simply never been done. A lot of what is commonly said about CS Vs vaginal is not necessarily applicable to a healthy woman with an uncomplicated pregnancy who has an ELCS at term.

Cochrane reviews are my go-to when I want to find something out. This one comes with the warning that more research needs to be done, but the comparison of outcomes between the groups should be pretty reassuring to your DH. (no significant differences between the health of babies in each group, on a wide range of measures). The biggest risk to a mother in ELCS is infection. This risk is reduced very significantly by the administration of prophylactic antibiotics, and by having home circumstances that allow for proper wound care.

www.cochranelibrary.com/cdsr/doi/10.1002/14651858.CD000078.pub3/full?highlightAbstract=emerg%7Ccaesarean%7Celectiv%7Celective%7Ccesarean%7Ccesarian%7Cwithdrawn%7Cemergency%7Ccaesarian%7Celect

Sorry if I've cross posted with anyone, it took me fecking ages to type that.

Your DH is looking at the stats and making a decision from a purely physiological point of view though. With your particular anxieties a vaginal delivery might not be the best choice for you.

Like it or not there's likely to be some footering about down there during labour and afterwards- sweeps, examinations, chance of tearing and subsequent repair, potential for forceps or ventous etc. Now obviously you could try a vaginal delivery and make a decision on each as the situation arises. You don't even need to consent to internal exams. However if your aversion is as bad as you say you may find that repeated procedures and exams (or even the requests) and so on may cause you distress, which isn't going to promote a straightforward vaginal delivery. If your DH isn't accepting of this now then he may not be the best person to support you in declining interventions during a high stress situation such as labour. There is also no guarantee that you'll be able to get a c-section if you request it on the day.

Personally I would go with an ELCS on mental health grounds. I had an EMCS nine weeks ago and, whilst everyone is different, it was completely fine. I've felt zero pain and recovery was straightforward- and I'm not an anomaly. If you do want to try the vaginal route (hahaha) then speak to your midwife about your anxieties and see if you can get a referral to the mental health team to discuss your feelings further.

Also please don't feel pathetic, you're absolutely not. Phobias and aversions are completely normal, and there's no point trying to apply logic to them. I'm petrified of birds, but at least my DH isn't trying to talk me into taking a lunchtime stroll through an aviary!