My boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

[Frances19]

Hi,

I know this is a difficult one so I hope it's not a trigger for anyone. I have been in a relationship for two years and I've recently unexpectedly become pregnant. I was on medication that messed up the pill and didn't realise. We are both in our 30s but he had a bad childhood and doesn't have a good relationship with his family. He had previously said he didn't want children.

He is now asking me to have an abortion as he doesn't see a way forward if I have the baby. I have offered to raise the baby on my own and not involve him but he said that would break his heart and has begged me to have an abortion as he says he is not able to be a Dad. I went for counselling today but it just made my head unclear. I don't want to do this alone but it seems he's unable to be a father.

What a tragedy. I hope lessons where learned x

I know this is late coming, but I hope you are feeling better and have managed to move on to some extent. I faced the exact same situation and I kept the baby. He strung me along while I was pregnant saying he might change his mind about being a family when she was here, and I was sleeping with him until the night before she was born. The minute she came out of me, he turned into a different person and acted like we were strangers and he now hasn’t seen her for five months. My life has totally changed and I’ve moved away from where I lived and worked to my family and now I am in a bubble with just me and her a lot of the time. It’s really really hard. So hard doing it alone. And I find the judgment around being a single mum extremely upsetting. I don’t regret my decision at all but my life would be easier if I hadn’t continued the pregnancy. I know you will often think “what if”‘and so do I but you should know that being a single mum would be really tough and for a lot of women, the decision is just terrible and so finely balanced, but it is the right outcome to not continue the pregnancy and to lose the guy. He did you a favour. Make the most of the things you wouldn’t have if you had had a baby is my advice. That’s exactly what I would do if I was in your shoes, and I very nearly was. Best of luck lovely and I hope you find happiness and I’m glad you have got rid of that selfish pig of a man Xx

He's told you previously he doesn't want children.
He still doesn't he would prefer you to have an abortion

It's up to you. It's your child too however he has every right not to be involved with it should you choose to keep it. And that's something you need to consider as it will probably be the end of your relationship.

You must do what's right for you

My partner (or ex now shall I say) left me at 11 weeks and said the baby was a mistake he'll have to live with. I said it's a blessing you can live without. This baby was planned may I add so this was completely out of the blue and such a shock.

I'm having my scan next week just need to keep positive, I'm lucky to have an amazing supportive family.

Oh my word!!! What is wrong with all these feckless irresponsible men?! Good riddance. These men don’t deserve to have these lovely children. Enjoy your pregnancy and never let him spoil it for you. Babies only need their mummies, dads are just a bonus.

I think he is putting you under a hideous amount of pressure, so much do it's abusive and controlling.

I think you need to put him out of your mind and focus on yourself. Talk to whoever you want for as long as you need.

He doesn't want what's best for you. Please take care of yourself.

@curlywurly1983 Thank you, for the first few days I was a mess and couldnt even eat but I have now got my act together and am thinking of my number 1 priority which is my precious baby x