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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

My boyfriend wants me to have an abortion

83 replies

Frances19 · 19/11/2019 23:24

Hi,

I know this is a difficult one so I hope it's not a trigger for anyone. I have been in a relationship for two years and I've recently unexpectedly become pregnant. I was on medication that messed up the pill and didn't realise. We are both in our 30s but he had a bad childhood and doesn't have a good relationship with his family. He had previously said he didn't want children.

He is now asking me to have an abortion as he doesn't see a way forward if I have the baby. I have offered to raise the baby on my own and not involve him but he said that would break his heart and has begged me to have an abortion as he says he is not able to be a Dad. I went for counselling today but it just made my head unclear. I don't want to do this alone but it seems he's unable to be a father.

OP posts:

Original poster

Frances19 · 21/11/2019 23:28

I'll talk to him face to face in the morning and see how things go. I must admit to being nervous at the idea of doing it on my own. Thanks for the comments everyone

OP posts:

TowelNumber42 · 21/11/2019 23:38

You may well decide not to go it alone. Afterwards you will be more alert for his utter selfishness and manipulation. It seems to me that if you want children you'll have to get a new partner or plan out single parenthood.

Wonderland18 · 22/11/2019 05:56

Good luck for today op! Whatever you decide

avocadoincident · 22/11/2019 06:27

Op this is totally your choice. Do not be pressured by him or us.
If you want it you can do it.

stucknoue · 22/11/2019 06:33

It's totally up to you, just make it clear to him that if you go ahead you don't expect anything from him and won't list his name on the birth certificate. Given what you have said, there's a possibility he will change his mind if he meets his child, mine did.

Pinkbonbon · 22/11/2019 06:38

He isn't going to stick around one way or another. Guaranteed now he's seen how easy it is for 'accidents' to happen, he won't want to chance it again, knowing you are tempted this time already to keep it.

I wouldn't keep it, but I wouldn't keep him either. Don't get rid purely cause you think it will mean he will stay. He won't.

Jesskir89 · 22/11/2019 06:47

Op please don't go through with this if it's not what you want. You might not got this chance again and could live in regret the rest of your life if you do. Be 100 percent sure before making a decision like this

Falafel19 · 22/11/2019 06:47

If he didn't want kids so much he should've had a vasectomy or at least used condoms along with your pill so he was in control of it, you are not a failure and it is absolutely certainly not your fault. Its all about him, how he feels, how he will feel, what he'll do afterwards, he doesn't want you to talk to anyone. He has no concern for you or what you're going through. I would advise speaking to a close friend, sibling or parent that you trust and knows you well for outside advice, don't rush into it today.

JacquesHammer · 22/11/2019 06:50

If he was so adamant he didn’t want kids, he should have taken responsibility for his own contraception. It is absolutely NOT your fault.

He’s incredibly manipulative and self-centred.

Absolutely do what YOU want to do. It is your decision, nobody elses.

He will have to do like countless other “I don’t want to be a dads” and step up with financial support.

Cockadoodledooo · 22/11/2019 06:55

Every sexual encounter can lead to pregnancy, as no contraception is 100% guarantee against, regardless of you taking antibiotics op so stop blaming yourself. If he was definite that he never wanted to have children he should have taken additional steps himself.
Neither of my dc were planned, and we hadn't intended on having any when the first was conceived so I know a little of where you're at with the sheer panic of potentially being responsible for a whole new human. Pretty certain that if dh had asked what your dp is asking of you at the time that that would have been a killer for our relationship.
Your dp definitely does need help to get him through his issues. Whether he actually will get it or is just using saying he will as some form of manipulation only he really knows.
Sounds harsh, but he's incidental to your decision. Because it is that - yours.

SonEtLumiere · 22/11/2019 14:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lakedeal · 22/11/2019 14:16

Hi Frances

I'm Irish too, though not living there anymore. I don't want to weigh in on what decision you should make, except to say one option might be to look at travelling to the UK at a later date if you did decide not to go through with the pregnancy. That would give you a bit more time to make a decision. I know it's not ideal, but hopefully with the extra time you could have some space to think about what you want and have some time to reflect.

Salina2 · 22/11/2019 14:28

I can't believe you are having to go through this, I am really sorry and hope you are always to make the right decision for you and the baby, I agree with so many other threads, your partner sounds manipulative and selfish, this isn't all about him, has he stopped to think about what you want and your feelings. This is your body and your decision. If he loves you he will be with you no matter what, baby or no baby. Go with your heart, you don't want to make a decision that will affect you later on in life and make you think what if. Wish you all the best, you can do this, stay positive

Jesskir89 · 22/11/2019 20:53

Op how are you?

TheWaiting · 24/11/2019 15:11

It doesn’t look as though the op is returning. If she’s reading, I hope she made the decision that she wanted.

Original poster

Frances19 · 05/01/2020 14:30

Hi guys, just to update I just wanted to thank everyone for your help at that time. I had the abortion and as I was warned, he has now ended things. We are still in touch and he is still trying to help, but I have obviously been really struggling as I shouldn't have listened to the promises made.

I realise this makes me sound weak but I am trying to come to terms with it and it will be a lesson in future.

OP posts:

sel2223 · 05/01/2020 14:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sel2223 · 05/01/2020 14:54

OP, I just read your update after commenting (I didn't realise it was an old thread with a second page).
I also can't figure out how to delete my comment since it is no longer relevant.
I'm sorry for the way things turned out and hope you're ok xx

blackcat86 · 05/01/2020 15:17

Sorry to hear that Frances although hopefully you have peace with your decision knowing that he was going to leave either way and wouldn't offer you any stability. He made it about you when that was never the case. Make 2020 the year that you forget about him and move on doing what you want to.

Jesskir89 · 05/01/2020 21:15

Op sending hugs, I hope you're OK x

Freshair89 · 05/01/2020 21:26

I hope you're ok OP. I have been in your exact position many years ago, my boyfriend at the time told me our relationship would be fantastic if I went through with it and literally the day after he broke up with me...by changing his relationship status on Facebook! I can laugh at the whole mess now but I was in a rough place for around a year but I promise things do get better!

CalleighDoodle · 05/01/2020 21:36

So sorry frances. It is harder it is to see a situation clearly when you are right in it.

Taneve · 06/01/2020 00:31

@Frances19,
What a tragedy. Please let this be a life lesson of "ALWAYS PUT YOUR FEELINGS and THOUGHTS FIRST" Some may say it sounds selfish but you have gone through the most emotionallly, psychologically and physically experience. You are better off without your Ex... I wish you all the best for the future and please dont take back your Ex hun. He is low.

Cjo99 · 07/01/2020 02:35

Hope you're okay OP, sending big hugs

Original poster

Frances19 · 08/01/2020 22:38

Thanks guys xx

OP posts:

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