Girlfriend has shown her hand!

[Ccooped1]

Hi, Im extremely sad and angry with myself over the position I have let myself get into. I am a single dad with custody of 3 young children (aged 4, 6, and 8 YO). I work full time and raise my children on my own and have done for the last 3.5 years. They are amazing and we work so well as a family unit - life couldn't be any better under the circumstances. I moved away from family for work several years ago so my nearest family member is 120 miles away... At present my children have not seen their mom for 19 months as she has moved away without any idea. I get zero support, of which I don't moan about as i'm fortunate to have a good job and be motivated to my children. They have everything children need, an extremely special bond with me, they are taught morals / values, have life experiences etc. Again I am lucky to be able to do this. I have got my head down over the initial 3 years on my own ensuring my children are in a good place emotionally after the disappearing act of mother.
I have just done the basics right, worked hard, renovated a house for us to grow old in, and been a dads taxi of course.

Anyway now the scene is set, I have a major issue. Over the last year I have been building a relationship with a girl who I thought was very caring and in a similar position to me would be a safe bet. We have been open about our situation, limited time we spent together and agreed on things like kids, marriage moving in together etc. It was clear that as she had 2 children and I have 3, that I did not want any more children as it just doesn't make sense obviously to me and I dont want to change nappies for ever! Anyway after being on the pill she is pregnant and basically told me to f off she is keeping it. I know we can all say you should have not listened to her and used a condom but it has been a year and i thought trust was there. My point of view is that I have been clear from day one and this is all against my consent. She already has 2 children off different dads and I am not judging by this but surely she wants solid foundations to void being in her current position again. She has told me that she is having it regardless of what I say. I know her kids dads are not the best so she wants a good dad but this is all wrong. She is not listening to me and everytime I try and talk calmly to her she goes off on one and i see a side I never once thought was there. I understand that there is nothing i can do so this message really is me venting off and hoping that someone can tell me they have had something similar or what on earth I am going to do. I would never ever walk away from a child so I will be there for it no matter what, with regards to the mother I cannot be false and this is betrayal and whilst I am not a nasty person I cannot move forward with a women like this. I feel such a fool!!

"She already has 2 children off different dads and I am not judging by this"

Newsflash! You're about to have 4 children by 2 different mothers, so judging her would be a bit silly, no?

Sorry OP but you're not good at picking women . The first one left you with 3 children to raise, doing a disappearing act when the youngest was only about 6 months old. What a piece of work she was . Now this . A little advice from an older lady - stay away from women and get a vasectomy.

If it were a genuine pill failure, then that’s unfortunate and no-ones fault.

However, if she deliberately stopped taking the pill, intending to get pregnant, then that’s a different matter. Having a child should be a mutual decesion, not just hers.

A little advice from an older lady - stay away from women and get a vasectomy.

Ha! Men like this never, do. Their seed is far too special, except when it comes to women who don't do what they want get an abortion they don't want.

Omg I think some of these comments are ridiculous tbh the man has come on for advice not to be attacked.... Op you need to sit down with your partner and both discuss your concerns etc. It's not fair to bring up the fact she has 2 kids to 2 dad's as everyone has a past but it should be a joint decision but you also have to respect the fact its her body. Good luck

He says in the OP he came to vent. She's not terminating.

I have fallen pregnant twice while taking the pill at the same time every day, 7 years apart

You used the same contraception even after it 'failed'?

OP I think your comments towards your ex are derogatory and vile. She was good enough to get into bed with, but now she’s not bending to your will she’s not?? Hmmm.

While you deserve some credit for being the sole parent to your children, unfortunately it’s what us mothers do day in day out so I doubt you’re going to get much praise for this leading argument.

In respect to the failed pill argument, I took the pill for 4 years, no accidents. I’m currently pregnant whilst on my 2nd lot of depo injections. It’s not always the women’s fault, contraceptives do fail. And I think the women on here attacking other women are vile too.

You’ve stated she’s keeping the baby which is her choice, however you now have a duty to the child.

It does seem plausible that she trapped you.

What’s done is done now though so if she decides to keep it your choice is be a dad or don’t be.

In some ways men always have the easy option as they can choose not to be there for girlfriend/baby should they feel that way about it.

The resentment you will feel if you are confident she has trapped you will also only increase

Get a vasectomy?

Stop blaming your gf, take responsibility for your part in this and stop whining.

It's your gf who will have to go through the physiological and psychological effects of pregnancy OR abortion not you. So you therefore have no right to now be moaning at her or not supporting her decision.

If you're 100% sure you didn't want more children you should have made sure it didn't happen.

Sorry havent read through all the comments yet but to all the folk say ditch her - the trust is gone, let's slow down a bit!!

Did she do this deliberately and do you know that for sure? Cos the answer gives two very different scenarios. It is one thing to not plan for a baby, it is very different when you are in a situation where you have done everything right and still end up pregnant..... which does happen, trust me!

To say we have 5 kids between us, let's agree to not have any more is totally logical and reasonable and rational cos there is no real baby involved.

To say we agreed not to have anymore, but now that you are pregnant (if she did everything right) you have to stick to that and get rid of it is very different is a very different conversation. This is a baby that exists, that is a reality.

You say she keeps flying off the handle when you mention it..... so she f*cking well should. She trusted you to be the person she could turn to and instead you are sounding like a two year old having a 'you promised tantrum' unable to see the goal posts have changed.

Yes you had that conversation, yes it made sense, but that doesnt mean it doesnt warrant another calm and sensible conversation now rather than just saying 'you agreed'

You said you would always be there for a child.... how do you feel now one actually exists? Like take a minute and think about that and where you stand... maybe nothing has changed and that is totally fair enough.... but you have to recognise this conversation is very different to the one you had before..... it's not hypothetical.

Just to point out from her point of view.... you are acting like an asshole. She is terrified, not only is she pregnant with baby number three but she may also lose you as a result!

Just to clarify I am basing all of this on giving her the benefit of doubt that she is innocent in this as like I said, I know from experience it can happen.... I did everything right and still got pregnant.

That said if she did it deliberately then forget everything I said above and tell her to do one!

Can people stop talking this misogynistic shit about women trapping men.

Men make their own choices. No man can be 'trapped'

My point of view is that I have been clear from day one and this is all against my consent.

You know the pill isn't a 100% safe option and can still get pregnant on the pill.
You consented as soon as you had unprotected sex with her. You knew the risks.

You were having sex with her, obviously it was a risk. No.wonder she's told you to fuck off if this is your response.

Sounds like you have been conned. Trust should have been there after a year and she betrayed you.

I'm also an optimist and hope that the OP realises how mean he is being about this poor woman. Please consider her feelings too in this. She is bound to be hormonal, confused, emotional. To me it sounds like he doesn't think she is good enough for him. It's a bit judgemental to think less of her for having kids by different fathers. But I bet if his "dream girl" got pregnant then it's a different story entirely!

To be honest if you don't want more kids but she does, then you shouldn't have ever been together. That can never work. Either you accept her decision with her body and her baby and you support her or you leave her alone to raise her baby without any headaches from you about it. Harsh, but it's the reality. Please do not pressure a mother into having an abortion, that is not your decision AT ALL.

You don't want any more children yet you might want more children. But you would only have them with a 'dream girl' and not a 'safe bet'.
Is that right?

I'm assuming he means that they have 5 children between them already and he felt that was enough.

If he met a woman who didn't have children, but who wanted them, he would.consider having another child.

I don't think that's inconsistent. 5 is enough but if there are only his 3 to consider he would be open to having another.

I took my pill religiously every single day same time never missed, I am 37 weeks pregnant. The only contraception to be 100% is don't dtd.

It is in this situation I think men should have as much say as the women. Not in regards of an abortion because you can’t force anyone to do anything with their body.

But if you don’t want to be involved, in that child’s life or financially, then you should be able to opt out. If you made it clear you do not want any more children, then she can keep the baby and do it without you.

If this situation had happened because the condom had failed it would go from “well you should have worn a condom as well” to “well you just shouldn’t ever have sex just in case” we women just like to put the blame on the man no matter how it happened.

I can fully imagine that if men were able to opt out of being in a child’s life, financially also then I seriously think a lot more women would have the abortion that they absolutely was dead set against before they realised they wouldn’t be getting the free money and upper hand out of it.

can fully imagine that if men were able to opt out of being in a child’s life, financially also then I seriously think a lot more women would have the abortion that they absolutely was dead set against before they realised they wouldn’t be getting the free money and upper hand out of it.

What nonsense. If the man wants to 'opt out' he can opt out before he sticks his penis in someone and leaves his semen in there.

Otherwise, he's as responsible for the child as the mother is and should cough up financially. Which is what the law says.

So do stop with the 'poor men' rhetoric 🙄

That’s complete rubbish.

It’s not just the men who want sex.. you make it sound as if women don’t want sex at all and just do it to make men happy and risk pregnancy for the men. No. If a man refused to have axe with a woman in order to avoid a pregnancy no matter what contraception was offered up, she would have a fit, tell him she’s on the pill, to use a condom, if it breaks she’ll take the emergency contraceptive pill, don’t worry it won’t happen etc.

A woman is as much to blame as a man for getting pregnant, a child is made by two people, so they should have an equal day in what they want in rafters to that child.

You cant force a woman to terminate, so you shouldn’t force a man to be a father.

Condoms have a higher failure rate than the pill so why people are recommending OP use them instead of, beats me.
In a committed relationship one usually trusts one's partner. So i don't think it's unreasonable to assume that if your partner says they are taking the pill then that's what they are doing .. and being alert to possible failures due to d&v etc. Judging by OP's partners reaction, it doesn't sound like it was a mistake on her part so you have my sympathy. I'm sure your reaction would have been much different if it had been a genuine failure of contraception.