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Original poster

Is 43 too old to have a second child?

96 replies

sharew · 17/10/2019 19:41

I'm having a difficult internal debate over this

I'm pretty sure it is but part of me thinks give it one last shot

I've had a couple of losses already and maybe should call it a day..

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RoLaren · 17/10/2019 19:46

I'm 43, currently 34 weeks with our third. If you can cope with the stress of more miscarriages, a high risk pregnancy and being an older Mum, then go for it!

Bluerussian · 17/10/2019 19:55

How old is your first child?

Patchworksack · 17/10/2019 19:56

The chances of success get lower with age, but it's not impossible. Do you know what your egg reserve is like? Is there something you could do differently to improve your chances? Are you resilient enough to face another loss if it should happen? What would the age gap be?
I had 3 consecutive losses before having my DD just shy of 40 and a previous loss between my older sons. I had 40 as a personal line in the sand beyond which we wouldn't try again, and only tried on the basis we had a diagnosis of the problem (high uNK cells) and a treatment protocol to improve our chances. If that pregnancy had been lost I don't think I could have found the courage to try again. The feeling that your family is not yet complete is hard to ignore though. Good luck!

EdWinchester · 17/10/2019 19:56

I think it's too old, yes. But lots of people won't.

SecretWitch · 17/10/2019 20:00

I had my last baby at 42. No trouble conceiving, problem free pregnancy. My looks like this, Son 22, Oldest daughter 21and youngest daughter 12. I guess it depends on your health and ability to navigate teenagers well into your fifties!

KellyMarieTunstall2 · 17/10/2019 20:06

I had my last at 44. I don't think you are too old.

CornishCreation · 17/10/2019 20:07

Rubbish it's only too old if it's too old for you, if you're in good health then why not I work in a nursery and many of the parents are in their 40s and brilliant mums too.
I had older parents and they were fantastic. I wouldn't say you'd be an exception as more and more mums are having babies later especially for career reasons or other reasons, it's all personal choice.

SallyOMalley · 17/10/2019 20:07

I had my first at 39 and my second at 42. My second was far more straightforward, from conceiving, through pregnancy and labour itself.

I'm now 49 with a 10yo and a 7yo. I don't think I'm too knackered (but then I've got nothing to compare it to!)

Good luck with whatever you decide Smile

Helbelle17 · 17/10/2019 20:09

I'm 44 and currently 10 weeks pregnant with our second. DD is 2.5. Don't think about she. Think about it is right for you.

Pilot12 · 17/10/2019 20:11

No, I just had my second (and last) at 44.

BubblesBuddy · 17/10/2019 20:13

It’s about what’s right for the DC. Not the parents.

Bol87 · 17/10/2019 20:23

I assume you think the poor child would suffer with a parent of 43 @BubblesBuddy ?! Hmm

Age is but a number.. my parents are ‘older’ but they were and still are wonderful parents & hands on grand grandparents! I had a fantastic childhood and they’ve supported me my whole life. I’ve changed careers 3 times and had a major break up and they never batted an eyelid other than to be there for me. Thank goodness for my mum in the few weeks after my daughter was born when I found life very tough. She has my daughter twice a week while I’m at work too. Their age is irrelevant to me, I don’t care they had me later in life.

Life is changing as well, we live longer & we stay younger. I have friends ranging from late 20’s to mid 40’s with kids my age and I never see the difference other than we have slightly different life experiences. They have the same worries, exhaustion & parent dramas as I do..

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/10/2019 20:24

Two considerations in my mind- how olds your first child and can you handle the risks that could arise from having a child at an older age?

daisydalrymple · 17/10/2019 20:33

I had dc3 at 43. He’s a very chatty happy nearly 5yo now. Ds1 is 12, dd is 10. They all love each other very much and we wouldn’t be without him. Do what feels right.

georgialondon · 17/10/2019 20:36

It's only too old if YOU think it is.

Switcher33 · 17/10/2019 20:43

It would be too old for me. But I don't think there's anything "wrong" with it if it is the right thing for you and your family.

Boymummy3 · 17/10/2019 20:43

Personally for me by time I'm in my 40s I would like not to have younger children lol but that's not to say ladies in their 40s shouldn't. Its about the individual your lifestyle, your health, And if YOU think you should have a baby.. ignore what anyone else thinks/feels and just concentrate on if its rite for you. Xx

foodname · 17/10/2019 20:46

My issue is the increased risk of issues to the baby and the impact that would have on your first child. If it was your first child I'd say go for it, but it's not as simple as this when you've got another child to consider.

Crystal87 · 17/10/2019 20:47

By the time I'm 43 my eldest will be 23 and my youngest will be 16, so yes I think it's too old. Sorry.

Taintedlady123 · 17/10/2019 20:48

I’m 45 and 6 weeks pregnant!! We decided to give it one last shot and didn’t have high expectations but conceived within the first month. I know we have a long way to go to quietly optimistic...

Heismyopendoor · 17/10/2019 20:51

For me, yes, it would be too old. I don’t think I could cope with being 60 and my kids still being in high school.

SprinkleDash · 17/10/2019 20:51

Way too old.

Angelinthenightx · 17/10/2019 20:54

Im 40 away to have my 6th any time now.if u really want it go for it,lots of older mums out there.

ilovetofu · 17/10/2019 20:56

Do it!

ilovetofu · 17/10/2019 20:58

How old is your first @sharew ?

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