Is 43 too old to have a second child?

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I'm having a difficult internal debate over this

I'm pretty sure it is but part of me thinks give it one last shot

I've had a couple of losses already and maybe should call it a day..

Not too old no.

Good luck

@Crystal87 I thought 20 was WAY to young to have a child for me. So each to their own hey?! 🤷‍♀️

My great-grandma had her ninth and last child (my gran) when she was 43. Go for it.

@ilovetofu dc1 would be 7 when baby was born if it happened

If you are healthy and feel able to keep up with a child, go for it!

I have had dc in my teens, 20's, 30's and 1 at 43!! Youngest was 6 when I had the last one. Most definitely no regrets. Dc are very close and in no way do I feel at any sort of disadvantage being 48 with a 5 yo!!

Much too old in my opinion, but it's not my choice. At 43 I would be very concerned about birth defects and how a special needs child would impact my first child and the rest of my life. After witnessing what has happened to other people's lives, including a couple of family members, I would not risk it.

No not too old . I had my first at 39 and second at 42.

I'm 48 now, and an appalling number of my peers are getting cancers of varying degrees of severity. One died last year leaving three children, the youngest aged 6 years.
It has changed my mind on this subject, I wouldn't blame anyone who does, but personally, I think it is too old. I know we can be struck down at any age but as we approach 50, our chances of debilitating illness greatly increases.

For those of you saying way too old, how old is too old?

• none of these friends was remotely unhealthy when we turned 40, and only one had lifestyle factors that are linked to an increased risk for cancer, the others are all slim, fit, non-smokers who drink very moderately.

@LightDrizzle you raise a very good point

I worry about that as our parents are late seventies and we have no other family

But at the same time I think if we both die young what will happen to our existing child?

Another part of my reason in having another is dc1 would not be on their own when we pass away

But hopefully dc1 will have a partner or spouse by the time we go

I think deep down the right answer is to stop but it's hard to close the door

Personally I wouldn't. I'm 36, have struggled with infertility, have one IVF child and been unable so far to have more. 43 would be too old for me. My dad died at 44. I know you can never predict anything though. Also 7 years is quite a gap and you would have no guarantee that they would be close.

@CornishCreation For those of you saying way too old, how old is too old?

I think around 37, and even that is massively pushing it!

I'm having my second at 44. I think a sibling is a big plus for any child and you should go for it!

Aquamarine's point above about birth defects is one I read all the time on Mumsnet but actually once you're through the first trimester (with higher rates of chromosome problems leading to miscarriage) you're as likely to have a healthy baby as anyone else.

Had my third at 44 just waved him off to uni. Only you can decide if it is right for you. I had the amnio. tests just for reassurance.

I can’t imagine anyone wanting to be going through the newborn phase in their 40s!

You’ll only regret not trying, but just be prepared for it not to happen and if it does then great, but if not then you’ll know you tried and won’t be plagued ‘what ifs’ in the future. Good luck to you!

I don’t understand this “I can’t understand having a child in your 40s”

Prior to birth control women did this all the time, often multiple children. If you feel up to it, OP, then go for it!

Just wanted to echo last post. I did some family research and found plenty of my female ancestors e.g grandma and great grandma, having kids in their 40s (having often started in their 20s). Surprised me, but then thought, they probably didn't have contraception. Doesn't answer your question, but just made me think that this is sometimes seen as a new phenomenon but it's perhaps it not. Also, re age gap, I have about a 7 year gap to my brother with no other siblings - we are not that close in that we have quite separate lives but I love him to bits and very glad to have him. You just have to consider risks and decide what's right for you, but I think it's a perfectly reasonable thing to consider and do.

There's 20 years between my oldest and youngest auntie on my Dad's side, years ago it was common, pre birth control.

Who knows what's round the corner, if it feels right go for it, if not, don't!

I was just trying to work out how old my DCs would be when I was 40 then I remembered I'm way past that age anyway

I have the same dillemma OP. Had DC in my late thirties and would love another. I turned 40 this year. My parents and PILs are now quite old and would not be able to look after DC if something were to happen to us. Therefore i think it would be nice for DC to have a sibling. But i worry about the impact on DC if i were to give birth to a child with Special Needs or birth defects. DC could potentially have to look after a sibling with needs or birth defects for the rest of her life, and i think it is unfair on her. I suppose even if you are in your 20s there is still a chance of having a child with special needs or birth defects but the older one gets the higher the risk. I am also considering adoption. I have always wanted to adopt as well since i was younger..but i understand the process is so long-winded.

We discussed a third (I'm 41, DP 40) but due to extenuating circumstances we decided not to. It's not too old imo, although I think the internal monologue increases each year not to. DP will be giving birth when she's around 42/43 mind.

I am also considering adoption. I have always wanted to adopt as well since i was younger..but i understand the process is so long-winded.

Fostering?

I had dc3 at 44 and dc2 was 7. The age gap has been fine actually and they adore each other. It's hard work now I'm 47 though and dealing with a grumpy toddler. But wouldn't change it.