Second pregnancy blues

[Mog]

Not really the blues, but missing the excitement and magic of pregnancy first time round. Anyone else feel like that when pregnant for second time? This time round it seems to be more of a hinderence than first time - mainly because I'm running round after a toddler.

Yes, that is exactly how I felt!
I spent the whole pregnancy running round after my dd and would go whole days without remembering I was pregnant at all. Mind you, now I have 2 children, I am even busier!!!

I felt like that on the 2nd and even more on the 3rd. I guess its because everyones seen me pregnant before. One thing I did like the 2nd time around was that I knew what to expect. I hate the unknown. Especially the delivery part. My dh was very happy with all our pregnancies but he gave a little more attention to the 1st. I guess because it was all new to him and he too had no idea what was to come.

Yes I feel the same with pregnancy no 2 - that it's not as special as no 1. I think I am generally more emotional this time maybe due to tiredness but silly things make me cry even one of my dd's books called "There's a house in mummy's tummy". Felt pretty pathetic with dd saying "OK, OK?" whilst patting my arm I can tell you.

Have mentioned this on another thread but I remember being obsessed with how many weeks I was with ds1 and this time they are just going by without me. I feel guilty about it as I was much more in tune with my body first time around and it makes me worry about bonding with a second child. Ds1 is only 17 mths so is keeping me busy not helped by severe sickness but that seems to be clearing finally at 15 weeks. I think I'll feel better when I am more obvious as at the moment you can't really tell and as I seem to be in de nial I'm not really telling people - again feel guilty about this too!

I wasnt sure how I felt when I found out I was pregnant with No2, although we had planned it and wanted a brother or sister for ds but I was still shocked. Didnt tell anybody for a few days as I felt I needed to get my head round it, dont know why. I kept thinking are we doing the right thing, hundreds of worries went through my head. The sickness this time round didnt help and running after ds has made me very tired most of the time.

However, I have found time to bond with this little person as the weeks have gone by, although like others have said havnt really kept up with what its doing at certain weeks etc, but have tried. It was still great to see it moving around on the scan. I am now 35-37 weeks (two dates given) and am looking forward to meeting, who I beleive to be a little girl (mmmm we'll see). It has a different personalty to ds and has been different to carry which has helped the bonding.

I'm 23 weeks pg with no 2. I agree with what everyone else has said, I have been much more tired, worried and emotional this time. I think its because I have spoken to lots of mums and know more about what can go wrong, last time I was blissfully ignorant. The same with the birth it worries me more this time; last time I tore & had piles - not nice. Luckily I don't have too much time to think about it as I've begun potty training DD.

I am only eight weeks pregnant with my second (first is 16 months) and feel overwhelmingly gloomy. Frankly terrified of coping with two, even though first baby is pretty good, and feel life is passing me by.....I took voluntary redundancy from my job last time (job which I really really didn't like) and haven't regretted being at home with my first. However, now panicking that I will be past it and have self esteem at all time low when the next one is old enough to go to nursery, pre school. I am very nearly 35. I expect it's all hormones.

I will be 36 weeks with my second on Saturday, and would like to add a note of optimism...I felt terrible through most of this pregnancy, sick, tired, emotional, moody, anxious. But I seem to have found a new calm in the last couple of weeks, and I am really looking forward to the birth of my new baby. Its begun to seem very real recently and although I still worry, the joy of a new baby seems to have come at last, and its even sweeter second time round when its based in reality, rather than the uncertainty of the first pg.

So those exciting moments will come I promise, in fact I feel more excited this time round than I did last time - I mean I've done it once and survived so I should be able to do it again!

Of course this could all be hormones and I'll be feeling terrible tomorrow, so dont quote me!

Yes I'm sure I'll be fine as the pregnancy goes on, and there's nothing like it kicking to make you feel excited. But I can't help fast forwarding to a wet Wednesday afternoon with a cross toddler and a crying baby and a depressed mother....Maybe it's just my personality. I think I lost a lot of my old self when I had my first (inevitable) and now I'm worried about getting even further away from it, although I must say being a mother has brought out the best in me. Not that you'd know it from these hormone-induced self-indulgent whinges. Normally I'm rather cheery.

We actually didn't have jam tarts in the end, but went for toasted raisin buns (clearly with prozac-laced butter)

I totally agree with Enid. I had all the panics imagainable when I found I was pregnant with No2 even though planned and totally wanted. I have had the crying the mood swings, my poor dh has really been through it. But now I am soooo excited. I have had a new bit of energy, have got everything ready and just cant wait for that wonderful feeling of holding your baby for the first time (even when I know what I have to go through first ) and bringing it home to be part of our family. Everything will be fine and you do get time to bond and learn about the new little person even with a mad toddler demanding all your time.

One lovely thing happened today. Ds always hugs our baby, talks to it and gives it loads of kisses, he even puts plasters on it if he has one. He was having a chat with it today and must have realised I was the only one of us that doesnt kiss the baby and tried to push my head down to my bump so I could kiss the baby. One memory to cherish.

Joe1, thats very sweet, you sound like you are going to have a little helper this time round!

From a different perspective, when I asked dd what she thought of the name Hugh for the baby she said 'yuck, Hugh sounds like poo' (she's only 2.8).

Yes, I'm 37 weeks pregnant with my second and it has been a miserable pregnancy. My dh seems to have forgotten that I'm pregnant and keeps saying dumb things like "why are you so touchy?"....duh....And chasing after a toddler (ds is 22 mo.) is sooo exhausting. I didn't enjoy being pregnant first time around, but at least there was the novelty and magic of it all and the miracle that I got pregnant (my dh had been told he had no sperm). Although this baby was planned and I'm thrilled to be having her, this pregnancy has been really depressing and I've done a lot of whinging and crying. I'm sure once my dd comes out, I will be thrilled to meet her and it will have been all worth it (well it couldn't really be worse could it?) and I will finally get my body back (no more acid indigestion, insomnia, rashes, cramps, fat, sweaty head, frizzy hair, sore tits, big belly, nausea, .....).

Sofia I was wrapped in bubble wrap last time round, but like you I have had to remind him quite how far pregnant I am, he cant forget Im pregnant with the mood swings etc, but just how it effects you this far gone. However, I must say I had a lovely weekend being waited on so I could rest I think it has suddenly hit home that it really could be anytime. I too am looking forward to nice clothes and hopefully my size 12 back.

Enid I think he will be a little helper. So you have had to go back to the drawing board for names then

It is v. encouraging to hear all this. I'm sure the nine months will work their magic. Feeling sick & tired is so demoralising and I'm already losing my waist. I was looking forward to a winter of skirts and heels, but looks like I'll be in the world of elastic waists and trainers. I had pre eclampsia first time round and had to spend 10 days in hospital and i'm sure that's part of the fear. The recovery took a long time and I just hope it doesn't happen again.

I didnt worry about my waist this time round as I didnt get it back from having ds.

thought this might make you laugh ..... i was having a 'financial talk' with dh last night - he was made redundant a couple of months ago and i said my worry was that as i am due in december (20th), soon we would both be out of work (ie. get of your bum and find a job!) and we would be in trouble. He said 'don't worry, i've got loads of time - i'll have a job by the time you give up work'. When i asked exactly when he thought i would be stopping he said (in all honesty) 'mid december'!!!!

Granted, last time i stopped two weeks before i was due but 2nd time round can I not have a little bit of chill out time before life goes in to complete chaos again!! I think this is the curse of the '2nd time round', i must have used up all sympathy, care and sensitivity the first time! people seem to 'forget' stuff the 2nd time - anyone else finding that?

Yes, I agree - my DH has asked me recently to help push a window frame up a ladder and take the other end of a combi boiler so he can move it into the garage!! I am 38 weeks pregnant. His father has told him to get me to give him back massages as he pulled a muscle and asked if I ever cook when DH mentioned he was cooking an omlette - I can't remember the last time DH cooked. I feel I am an old pack horse who can withstand all loads and when I said this to DH he said but you are a tough old bird and that's why I married you!! Get this baby out so I can kick his a*se into touch.

Wait till you get to number 4 - not a bug**r is happy for you including dh. His words were 'Oh no' despite knowing the consequences of our passionate, uninhibited, unprotected lovemaking (?)
Everyone else thought it was a mistake. From being ecstatically happy at seeing that blue line one morning, I was miserable for weeks. First time dh used to feel the baby move at every opportunity. Fourth time round I used to have to ask him to do it. It wasn't that he wasn't supportive - he was so used to seeing me pregnant, it wasn't a novelty anymore. The next bugbear was people assuming I was trying for a girl because I had 3 boys. I just wanted a baby. Once dd was born it was comments such as 'That's you got your girl then'. Aaarrgh.....

I feel better now, DH waved as he drove past me carrying our two year old back home half a mile from our house at the weekend. I'm 24 weeks pg and had taken DD for a longer than expected walk. His only comment was 'you looked like you were doing OK!'
Then on Monday a collegue gave me a massive pile of books to carry upstairs because he was a bit out of breath. I am 'blooming' at the mo and as he is over-weight & a smoker I thought I'd better do it before he collapsed on me and I had to carry him too.

bun - I really empathise with what you are saying . I cant help think that I am dissappearing with this 2nd pregnancy - My life as a person in my own right is well and truely gone. I felt it moving today though and felt guilty for being selfish - we cant win. Ds is unsettled and sleeping badly which doesn't help - he is 18mths and has suddenly developed a fear for his cot/ being alone/nursery etc. It will probably pass but with the sickness and back pain I've got - my sense of humour is rapidly on it's way out!!

Hugsie, I felt like that. I was either at work, being Mummy or asleep for the first 18 weeks of pregnancy with no time for me. I am now 25 weeks and feel better, so much so I began Aquafit 3 weeks ago and have signed up for night school. Don't know how long I'll last at either but I had to do something before the new baby comes a Xmas. Take Care.

I am pleased to have read the optimitstic messages on this thread.

I spent most of the afternoon weeping yesterday, infact sobbing so loudly, DH got out of the bath (I haven't had time for one of those for months!!) to see if I was OK. I am probably 9 wks pregnant with no.2 and feel cr*p. Much more sick, fatter and hassled. Admittedly, I cried last time too, but mostly at watching animal documentaries and children's hospital programmes.

Yesterday, I scared myself because I was contemplating running off to Spain with DS and leaving everyone behind and went as far as calculating my finances as a single mother with 2 kids. I have never thought of leaving DH before and felt as much resentment as yesterday.

I think it was brought on by him using bad language around our DS and retiring for a nap (leaving me to struggle on) and then the long bath with jacuzzi (installed for his use only, I don't even know where the on/off button is).

I hope this temporary madness wears off. It broke my heart that DS was stroking me better and trying to clean the snot off my nose.

In a dead resposible job and I cannot afford to behave like this in public.