Second pregnancy blues

[Mog]

Not really the blues, but missing the excitement and magic of pregnancy first time round. Anyone else feel like that when pregnant for second time? This time round it seems to be more of a hinderence than first time - mainly because I'm running round after a toddler.

oh hoorah clucks - i'm so pleased in a very very selfish way that you posted this message. I too am 9 weeks pregnant and feel so similarly to you. Definately much sicker, more tired, more irritable, more tearful etc.

Went to bed at 8pm on friday night as was feeling so rubbish - Dh instead of laying on sympathy and TLC, told me I was very annoying because I knew the way to feel better was to eat something and I wasn't doing.
Aaaaargh. The next morning I was feeling rather tearful about this episode, and he lovingly told me that he thinks "I eggagerate for effect". Aaaaaaaargh. Let him try being nauseous every evening for 5 weeks in a row. When he has a bloomin hangover you would think the world was coming to an end.

Yes, again it was left to ds to console mummy (2 and a half) stroking my brow saying 'poor sicky mummy'. that broke my heart too - i always promised myself that i would never let my kids feel they had to look after me (I spent my whole childhood mothering my single and very unhappy mother).

Oh whoops clucks, I haven't been at all optimistic. I can only hope you can take consolation in my message in the same way I took consolation from yours.

aaaahh, feel much better for that little rant too.

This will really put the lid on the can.

Whilst having my private sob, I had left DS downstairs alone, something I don't do because he does lunatic things when left alone. And I wasn't bothered...

The first thing DH asked me was son's whereabouts, of course he was safe and had done a wonderful poo on his own (another problem area for us). But it made me feel a bad mother, neglecting him, indulging in self-pity, fantasising about running off and depriving him of a family etc.

It is probbaly wise not to overanalyse and move on, but am feeling self-indulgent and this is my chance to moan. Sorry everyone.

clucks, that Spanish plan sounds fantastic
Might consider that myself

And can I just add that I hate it when people tell you how hard it is with two children, much harder than one etc? Of course it is - but it's not exactly a helpful thing to say, is it? Just like when you're pregnant for the first time, and people shake their heads and tell you "life will never be the same again" in a gloomy way. When I finally met a midwife who told me that I was doing a wonderful thing, I practically started crying!

I hope this sounds optimistic.

Early in my pregnancy I was a mess--had many of the same thoughts, feelings a lot of you are describing. I, too, had a plan to leave dh and take ds abroad (Amsterdam), and one day decided things were getting too dire, so went to my gp and told him I couldn't cope anymore. He put me in touch with a psychiatrist who dealt v. well with my depression, w/out using meds. Learning a few things about myself + the inevitable shifting of hormones by the 2nd trimester made me feel much, much better. Now I'm 38 weeks and feeling v. positive. I think you all should give it a little time. You can either pursue treatment, as I did, or just wait for time/hormone changes to sort things out, which may be just as effective. Hope this helps.

Oh, Bun, that is so, so true. Elderly ladies were always coming up to me in Supermarket queues when pregnant with my first, and informing me that life would never be the same. Drove me completely nuts. One of the advantages to having one already must be that total strangers leave you alone a bit more, possibly because of baleful glances from toddler.

Bun,
Couldn't agree more. Having my first was much easier than I'd been led to believe by scare stories. There's a thread on effects of a second child as I wanted to hear from people who had good experiences of two.

For gawds sake, dont read 'Three Shoes, two socks and one hairbrush'. I won it on mumsnet and I have just been reading it - its so depressing. Basically its all about the hell that having two children brings - you wont love your firstborn ever again and you won't leave the house on your own with two children for a year.

Help!!!!!!!!

Yup Enid, I have been warned by friends to stay away from that book. I wonder if anyone knows of any more gentle books to introduce us to the world of two children? suggestions would be lovely.

Oh and new BF clucks, where are you soul sister?

Enid, I will not read that book. Ack! I've a lovely friend around the corner who put the wind up me about having two (how much harder it was, etc) BUT then bumped into this absolutely lovely total stranger at the park (while staying with my parents) with her two children - both with a similar age spacing to how mine will be. Her children were soooo lovely, and played together so beautifully that I felt much, much more positive, so just thought I'd pass that on. I'm thinking that up to Christmas it could be tiring, but after then things should start to be lovely.

When I found out I was pregnant for the second time, I phoned my sister, who has three, for solace. She was very positive and congratulatory, and said it makes you feel very proud!

I became pg with dd when ds was only 10 months old. I was over the moon and although it was hard work lugging a toddler (not quite that even) round when pg my energy levels soared to the extent that I ripped down the kitchen cieling at 18 weeks and helped lay the concrete floor at 20 - just trying to say you don't feel c@@p forever.

Then when she arrived I found it really tough for a while. I was exhausted and never had enough hands. That said after a while it got great again. Now they are 2.5 and 4 and get on great (most of the time). they play together and entertain each other. I'm really glad they are so close. So although you can't expect it to be easy, if you brace yourself for the first few months its excellent after that.

I'm now expecting no. 3 (just) and feeling slightly more daunted this time but at least I'll have two little helpers. Asked DS (4) if he would like a little brother or sister and his comment was "already got one, thanks." Hmm!

Good to hear positive stuff Katherine. I will be probably too old (biologically and chronologically) for a third, but even in my saner moments find it hard to visualise a well-behaved little family.

I also think that my hormonal fluctuations are affecting dh. He has started swearing near our son ('f' word and everything) which makes me weepy and pessimistic about the future.

I asked DS if he would like a baby of his own to play with, after seeing his friends baby sister. The answer was a resounding, no thanks... will have to find a thread on sibling rivalry.

To update on my bad few days last week. Feel better emotionally, mainly because I have not cleaned the house for 10 days, except bathroom. The floors are sticky from catapulted food and toddler spit, all the lego is behind the sofas and found one in my shoe today. I am leaving it like this until my mum comes back from holiday and threatens to take my child off me. Not kidding.

Dear Percy

DD is 18.4.03 I think. Have posted on the tiredness one too for you. Am particularly cheery right now and am trying to make as many friends as possible before the 'real me' emerges.

hi clucks

Ooh, about two weeks apart -then, although I was bloomin' 2 weeks late last time.

Really pleased that you are feeling better - I've kind of worked out that you must be approaching 12 weeks - maybe the happy hormones have kicked in???? No escape abroad right now then?

Am feeling a bit better emotionally too - but so very very sick in the evenings, which obviously makes me very miserable at those times of the day. I'm quite nice and cheery till about 2pm usually. Better than nothing.

Little bit frightened at how nice my dh is being at the moment - he even indulged my absolute NEED for the most bizarre and quite revolting craving last night at 10pm - pickled onion monster munch (although spicy flavour had to do from londis). Am actually a nutritionist by trade, so you can imagine that such foodstuffs do not normally make it into the shopping trolley. But back to the dh - surely he must be angling for something - this kind of self sacrificial TLC is very uncommon. Perhaps I shouldn't be so suspicious, it is really lovely really isn't it?

ps - house sounds just like mine - made stupid mistake of buying building set with many little parts (screws, nuts, bolts etc) - cannot see floor!

oh, and you should have heard the obscenities that came from dh's mouth today when we turned up for friend's child's birthday party on wrong day. Ggggrrrrr! I wouldn't worry too much - how old is ds? My mum used to swear like a trooper round us when we were young (bit of a loony my mum, but that is a whole other story) and my sis and I are very respectable.

Hi Clucks - know what you mean about the house. Have you thought of getting a dog (dog slobber isn't quite to sticky as spilt food and juice. Just wish I could train mine to eat Banana!).
Been having a running battle with DS and DD about putting toys away lately as simply cannot face picking them up every night. However floor simply became too hazardous so decided to confiscate the toys for the weekend. This was last weekend. They are still on top of the wardrobe and the kids haven't missed them at all. House looks much tidier now.

DH also being very sweet until I threw the dyson at him this morning. Told him I was never going to vacuum again until he buys a Henry (thinking if sticking the entire thread on dysons to his windscreen in the morning!) however it now dawns on me that this was an excellent move as I won't have to vaccumm anymore either.

Now all I've got to do is figure out how to get the clothes clean without washing and how to clean the bath without entering the bathroom and the house of horrors will no longer be my problem. Any suggestions?

Further good news:

Totally blues free day so far (but only lunchtime), even though have been awake since 5.30 am and currently working. The language is getting worse.

Child's grandma is back and I could hear her saying on the phone to him 'Do mummy and daddy hit you?' and he went, 'yeaaahhh'. Great, she might take him off me after all.

We don't clean our house, haven't done the bathroom. I try and use other people's at the moment, bound to be cleaner. Our neighbours are attractive child-less people and probably wouldn't open the door to us, let alone let us into their loo.

I am approaching 12 weeks and still sick and tired and champion moaner. Moan so much that DH has offered to clean WHOLE house today, including his clothes. This might include getting rid of those disgusting silky shirts of his and hippy stuff from when he had long hair (even more yuck) How could I allow myself to be impregnated by this man. Of course if the house is lovely and clean when I get back, he might get some this month....ha ha.. mad cackling laughter.

Hope you have all enjoyed my Bridget Jonesish manner today, feeling plump and cute. Might chat up the newsagent later.

Hello everyone I only found out yesterday that I was pregnant with second and although the baby is planned and I am happy I spent the whole night last night laying there worrying about what the future holds for us all how I am going to fit another human being in my tiny flat and feeling generally negative - glad I read this post it has in a very small way cheered me up to know that my feelings are totally normal xxx

Lulu

I am champion moan on negative thoughts. I had improved for a number of weeks, as you can see not been posting. Last week it all started again and I am worrying about our future constantly and analysing my relationships and finances etc.

You will hopefully improve in your attitudes, but be prepared (impossible to, I know) for much yoyoing.

Finally, do vent off here as often as you wish to, I will start again too it seems

Hey clucks - good to have you back. Lulu 41 - much past wingeing from me on this thread too, although I must say am feeling much cheerier of late (once past the 12 month mark). Still have bad days too. Not much constructive advice I'm afraid at the mo as I'm going to bed now - but just to say moan as much as you like!!!!

Hi Lulu, it cheered me up to see your posting as I have been just the same. The hardest thing is having been so keen to get pregnant, moaning on to friends and family about how it was never going to happen, etc but then feeling so negative about it as soon as it happened. It's like a guilty secret I can't tell anyone or they'll all think I'm mad! I'm 12 wks now and feeling a bit more positive some of the time but the worry about how we're going to manage can still be overwhelming. I'm hoping that when I start feeling better physically, I'll feel happier and more confident again. At the moment, feeling so sick and exhausted, I can't cope very well with one child so managing another seems unimaginable. I also think there's a hormonal side to it where I'm more volatile than usual and prone to feeling like the end of the world for no reason. The good thing is that at heart, I know this is what I want and if I wasn't pregnant now, we'd still be desperate for it to happen. And it's great to know other people go through the same stuff. Good luck, hope things look brighter soon.

Thanks for all your messages I had another really depressing thought this morning ie. by the time this one starts school I will be 45!!! Ohmigod I didnt have Ds until was 35 after having two miscarriages and desparately wanted another one sooner but have only just managed to convince dp that it was a good idea - would love to hear from any older mums - I know it doesnt really matter but boy will I look old taking my ds or dd to Reception I suppose I could pass myself off as Grandma!!

Lulu
.
Yes, I am old too, not as old as you (something else to make you cry, sorry), but think of it like this. We would probably kick the bucket sooner and not burden our children for quite as many years.

I am going to dye my hair after having this one and spend more money in top shop and young places like that. Some mums are young and dewy but ugly anyway.

No offence to old, young, ugly, attractive, happy, sad ones out there. don't quite know what's come over me tonight, getting v.bitchy

Hi again Lulu, we've got so much in common! Moany AND over the hill. I too will be 45 when this new one starts school and from time to time get v miserable about having left things so late. But on the other hand I do (on a good day) feel like I'm doing a good job as a mum now which I certainly wouldn't have done aged 25 and wrinkle- free. It's swings and roundabouts but on balance I'm hoping dd and baby X will appreciate having parents who really enjoyed bringing them up and will overlook our advanced ages! Will also do my absolute best to dye my hair regularly, not get fat, wear the right shoes, etc, etc to spare them ny extra embarrassment.