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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Friend has guessed I’m pregnant

101 replies

tacosplease · 15/09/2019 09:27

A close friend has guessed that I’m pregnant and has texted asking if I am.

I’m only seven weeks and wasn’t planning on telling anyone yet. I have an eight week scan booked next week but even then I was hoping to wait until the 12 week mark to be absolutely safe.

However, I feel terrible actively lying to my friend by flat out denying it! Should I just ignore her text for five long weeks?

What would you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

sleepynewmumxo · 15/09/2019 15:46

My friend did this to me. Only she did it in front of my sister in law at my oldest birthday party. I had literally just found out the day before, and she flat out asked because I wasn't having a drink, "you're pregnant aren't you?" I stumbled, and my SIL heard (although she didn't say anything to me. Was pissed off! I would just say no tbh.

kkl1 · 15/09/2019 15:51

Could you not tell her u are trying for a baby so u are not drinking for a while. X

Ragwort · 15/09/2019 15:52

Just lie, if she calls you out on it later you can just laugh it off, if she doesn’t like that then she isn’t really a good friend is she, so why care?

Any other response will probably look as though you are pregnant but trying to hide it (which you are ).

Nellamelia · 15/09/2019 15:57

Just reply 'No not yet 🤞'

Implies your trying and thats why you're off the booze but that's not interesting enough to get back to your parents.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 15/09/2019 16:00

I called my friends second pregnancy at 7 weeks,she wasnt drinking and of course I'm a detective in disguise..sooo.All was well it didn't "jinx" her and obviously I kept it to myself.

CalamityJune · 15/09/2019 16:13

You don't owe her, or anyone else the truth. It was very rude of her to ask you. If she asks you about it when you decide to tell her, you can tell her honestly that you wanted to keep it private.

I have had miscarriages and no, I absolutely did not want the support and worse, sympathy of all and sundry. I wanted to carry in as if nothing ever happened and not have people ask me if I was ok, or avoid talking about babies around me. It was my business and mine alone.

BlueBilledBeatboxingBird · 15/09/2019 16:28

‘When I’m pregnant and ready for it to become public knowledge then you’ll be one of the first to know’.

Original poster

tacosplease · 15/09/2019 16:54

Except you’re not on antibiotics or driving

I know that but she doesn’t know that. If I don’t tell her then the best she’ll be able to tell people is that she suspects I’m pregnant, but she won’t be able to say for definite. That’s the difference.

OP posts:

timshelthechoice · 15/09/2019 16:56

What cookingwith love said. People are so precious about being pregnant. In the grand scheme of things, no one really cares but your nearest and dearest. I've had several miscarriages myself. You just tell people you'd rather be on your own. She's excited and concerned for you.

Original poster

tacosplease · 15/09/2019 17:06

I’m not trying to be precious - the thing is I would only really want to tell my closest family if anything went wrong. I’m also concerned that it might get back to my mum before I have a chance to tell her face to face.

I have an early scan next week anyway so there may not even be anything to tell - we shall see.

OP posts:

Frangible · 15/09/2019 17:07

People are so precious about being pregnant. In the grand scheme of things, no one really cares but your nearest and dearest.

So, given this, why not keep it to yourself until such time as you want to tell people? Aren't the people who run up and down the office doing a victory lap while waving a Clear-Blu still wet with wee, more 'precious'?

PuffHuffle5 · 15/09/2019 17:11

People are so precious about being pregnant. In the grand scheme of things, no one really cares but your nearest and dearest.

If no one cares, why do people who you’re not really that close to feel the need to ask intrusive questions?? And I don’t think wanting to keep your baby news to yourself until you have a scan to make sure things are going ok is being precious. A friend of mine told everyone she was pregnant very early on (again not really her choice - she wasn’t drinking, people noticed and commented on it...) and then had an early miscarriage - at the 12 weeks scan there was a sac but no baby. She had another 2 miscarriages after that - no one asked her about it again when she wasn’t drinking which I’m sure she appreciated. After the 4th time she had a 12 weeks scan and all was well - I don’t think there was anything ‘precious’ about waiting to tell people until then.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 15/09/2019 17:11

You don’t owe her the truth at all, that’s not why I’m saying confirm it. I’m saying if you want a better chance of keeping it quiet then you’re better bringing her into it and asking her not to say. Because she really does know you’re pregnant, despite your protestations, so if you deny it she’ll go to others go ask them and get the kick she needs from discussing it.

LolaSmiles · 15/09/2019 17:12

It doesn't matter why you don't want to share the news. It's private until the woman/couple have decided they are ready to share.

It's a really, really rude and twatty thing to do to put someone on the spot and ask directly.

OP I'd just send her a reply saying "calling me fat?" As a light hearted way to defuse the situation. Alternatively be more blunt and tell it's really quite rude to do that as she has no idea about your health situation.

A few people guessed when I was expecting but they did the polite thing which was keep quiet until I was ready to tell. One person outright asked me multiple times. How I didn't tell them to fuck off was beyond me.

for you.

LolaSmiles · 15/09/2019 17:14

joxer
Cross posted with you but that sounds EXACTLY like what someone did with me.

I shut the conversation down multiple times and then when I announced someone else in the group said to me "I did wonder because Julie said she thought you were".
Julie and I no longer speak. It's really unpleasant to gossip about someone's business like that

BaaBaaBS · 15/09/2019 17:14

Just say plain old 'No, why?'.
It's a straight out lie, yes, but when you tell her AFTER you share with your family first, just say 'sorry you put me in an awkward position, i didn't want to lie but i wanted to wait until 12 weeks'.
End of

BaaBaaBS · 15/09/2019 17:17

I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, and then I lost the baby at 6 weeks.
The difference is that I then had the choice of who I shared my grief with, and there was certain people I just rathered that they didn't know- like all of my work colleagues

PuffHuffle5 · 15/09/2019 17:26

The difference is that I then had the choice of who I shared my grief with, and there was certain people I just rathered that they didn't know- like all of my work colleagues

Sorry to hear that this is what happened to my friend, but due to people nagging she ended up telling people way before her scan. I remember being with her at a family event a few weeks after she found out she’d lost the baby - another guest began asking her about the baby, not knowing about the miscarriage. It was incredibly sad and awkward for her to have to tell them then and there that she wasn’t pregnant anymore and I think this happened to her on a few more occasions.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 15/09/2019 17:37

I agree it’s wrong to ask and worse to gossip amongst others about it. But I think that’s what’s likely to happen if this person doesn’t get the answer she knows is true from OP.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/09/2019 17:42

@tacosplease I totally appreciate that it isn't how you wanted to do things, but can you see your mum face to face sooner? This week?

Just incase you've inadvertently become the subject of pregnancy gossip, because of not drinking. If it's possible that it could get back to your mum, and you want to see her face, I'd definitely consider telling her ASAP and explaining why you're keeping it to just her or a select few people until the 12 week scan.

Sadly people do see not drinking as pregnancy, as there are few antibiotics that you can't drink on. It is irritating. I know so many people who put loads of thought into hiding it and someone saw through it, it seems really irritating.

BringTheBounceBack · 15/09/2019 17:46

Just say you’re doing sober for October, it it’s about drink

ElevenSmiles · 15/09/2019 17:52

If you don't want your friend to know then say no....I don't think she was rude to ask.

Original poster

tacosplease · 15/09/2019 17:57

My mum lives quite far away so it’s a bit tricky to see her sooner unfortunately.

I must admit, this is making me wonder whether I should just tell people after the eight week mark, just because it’s so hard to keep it a secret! I heard the risk of a miscarriage drops to about 2% once a heartbeat has been detected, which I think is similar probability to 12 weeks. Maybe it is safer to wait though, as I couldn’t bear telling all my friends if anything went wrong.

OP posts:

crosstalk · 15/09/2019 18:10

OP just text her "meds - don't ask"

saraclara · 15/09/2019 19:16

OP just text her "meds - don't ask"

That's perfect! Well done @crosstalk!

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