Friend has guessed I’m pregnant

[tacosplease]

A close friend has guessed that I’m pregnant and has texted asking if I am.

I’m only seven weeks and wasn’t planning on telling anyone yet. I have an eight week scan booked next week but even then I was hoping to wait until the 12 week mark to be absolutely safe.

However, I feel terrible actively lying to my friend by flat out denying it! Should I just ignore her text for five long weeks?

What would you do?

Absolutely don't tell her before your mum knows. It's incredibly rude of her to put you on the spot.
Asking someone who'd do that, to keep it confidential is never going to work. She's a CF for asking, and has shown she has no boundaries. The world will know within five minutes of you telling her.

I think I just wouldn't text back. I have often guessed but would never ask. If you think there is a chance she would tell she is not a good friend enough to be told. October isnt that far away, I would tell your mam then her. She'll know anyway but can't pass on that you've told her.

How much do you trust her to keep the secret?
How important is it that your mum knows first and that she's told face to face?
How much do you value the friendship?
You're perfectly within your rights to tell a little white lie to your friend if you want; a reasonable friend would, in retrospect, understand that I think, providing she's the first to know once the family do.
I would text back something like
"Not that I know of.... are you saying I looked fat? "
which softens the blow of the lie and injects some humour. Hopefully, she will not be too thick skinned to realise that it's somewhere you don't want to go at the moment, and leave it at that?

And yes, I'd flat out lie, and say I was having a month off drinking.

Just say No and think no more of it, other than considering your friendship. I always thought there’s an unspoken code of guessing but not saying. I had a friend who didn’t tell anyone til they were 20wks +, I could tell by looking at her but if she wasn’t saying, I figured it was for good reason so I kept quiet.

I once asked somebody who wasn't drinking at a wedding when I'd had a few drinks. She told me because I put her on the spot. I realised as soon as I'd said it that I was completely out of order and apologised but it was too late. I still hugely regret doing that and I'd never do it again. Same as I never ask people if they are planning on having children.

She shouldn't have asked you but it the circumstances you describe it would be obvious to your friends what's going on. Avoiding the night in the pub would have been better if you really didn't want people to know.

I guessed my best friend was the day after she tested. I didn’t say a word until she officially told me because I thought that would be unfair. It was really shit of her to ask
Can you just say “no not as far as I know” or something?
Oh and congrats!

Not drinking alcohol always gives the game away.

Say you're on antibiotics for a tooth infection if you really don't want people to guess.

Congrats !!

The 'non drinking' can drop you in it. One drink I used when I was at evening functions for work and I needed to look like I was drinking when I wasn't was elderflower presse in a champagne flute. ( if everyone else in your group is on Prosecco or Champagne ) I would simply ask the bar staff before the event to only ever give me this. I managed to keep a straight head while still looking as though I was the same as everyone else . Although this obvs doesn't work if you are at a friends home.

True, but it’s kind of hard to avoid going out for 12 weeks - and turning down people’s invites when you never did before looks suspicious in itself!

I will consider telling her once the eight week scan is done (and swear her to secrecy!) but not before I think. If it’s bad news at the scan I can just tell her I was having a random night off and she’ll never need to know any more.

Say your trying to lose a few pounds and thought losing the wine would help, or you are prepping for stoptober or whatever it is. I wouldn’t tell her.

@tacosplease tell her you are on antibiotics for an abscess ... that’s why you wasn’t drinking.
My cousin dreamt I was pregnant 🤰🏻 and asked I was about 4 weeks along and just found out I laughed it off and told her when I was ready ... you don’t have to say anything you don’t want to

Her text was rude, so I would ignore the Q until you’re ready to tell her and other friends.

Can you just say “no not as far as I know” or something?

I quite like this response!

She will not keep it a secret. If you was rude enough to ask she will not think twice about sharing it.

I wouldn’t tell her and “swear her to secrecy” - her behaviour suggests she has no boundaries, imagine how upset you’d be if she tells others?

I find it annoying when people do this - if I saw someone not drinking, feeling a bit sick etc. and suspected they were pregnant I still wouldn’t say anything. I think saying to someone ‘oh you must be pregnant’ when they very well might be, is a really shitty thing to do. If someone’s not ready to say anything it really puts them on the spot. If they wanted you to know or wanted to talk about it they would tell you.

I woke up one morning and just thought to myself that my best friend was pregnant. I texted her "just had a dream you were pregnant", because I realised how just knowing she was would have been very weird.

She laughed it off at the time but she told me later that she had literally just peed on the stick.

I also had a friend visiting one time who had been trying for baby no 2 for ages. Her first pregnancy was immediate but this was almost a year.

She was going away that weekend with her hubby for their anniversary, had mentioned her period was due then and I just had this overwhelming feeling all of a sudden that she was going to find out she was pg when she was away, so I said "test on Friday. I have a feeling you ARE pregnant now". She was adamant that she wasn't, but I was right. She was so freaked out.

Just go back and say why earth do you think that. Then if she mentions not drinking just say you had a stomach upset but still wanted to meet up. Then when you finally tell people when she asks why you didn’t tell her when she asked just say because it’s rude to ask that question and put someone on the spot, that there was still the risk of miscarriage and you wanted to tell family first.

There are some precious people on this thread.

Either you tell her or just fob her off. Its not hard.

Could you say you are about to start trying and as a result cleaning up your diet/booze etc?

Don't be forced to tell anyone. I always used the 'trying to lose weight, do you know how many calories are in wine?' or 'I'm on a health kick, let's see how long this lasts ☺️' or 'can't drink alcohol on meds I'm taking'
I also sometimes accepted the odd glass of wine and pretended to drink it. Or asked for non alcoholic beer put in a glass.

It was the pints of milk that I drank at work that gave me away to my colleague early in pregnancy. She guessed early each time but didn't say anything until I told people myself.

I wouldn't fret over telling white lie to friend, as she'll understand later that you weren't far along or ready to tell others until you've told your mum first.

What a horrible position she's put you in!
I'd text back "Yeah duh! With triplets . Seriously though, you trying to say I'm fat?"

How rude of her to ask!!!

Killed me not asking friends that I suspected were but you just don't ask!

How incredibly rude!

I'd reply "Not that I'm aware, but even if I was, this isn't the way you would find out - hope you aren't this inappropriate with all your friends?"