Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Friend has guessed I’m pregnant

101 replies

tacosplease · 15/09/2019 09:27

A close friend has guessed that I’m pregnant and has texted asking if I am.

I’m only seven weeks and wasn’t planning on telling anyone yet. I have an eight week scan booked next week but even then I was hoping to wait until the 12 week mark to be absolutely safe.

However, I feel terrible actively lying to my friend by flat out denying it! Should I just ignore her text for five long weeks?

What would you do?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tonnerre · 15/09/2019 10:26

You are a lovely friend but I'd prefer not to answer that'd question at moment

That's equivalent to saying "Yes, I'm pregnant".

doublehelix · 15/09/2019 10:27

I'd text back with something along the lines of "I'm having a detox until October when I visit my mum".

Doesn't actually answer the question but might make her think about why you don't want to answer and gives her a timetable of when topic can be brought up again.

saraclara · 15/09/2019 10:33

I'm having a detox until October when I visit my mum"

I like that, but it might be a bit too subtle for her.

rollNsausage · 15/09/2019 10:34

why not just say "not yet but we are trying" - that way when you do announce your pregnancy, you might not get accusations of keeping anything from her

RandomMess · 15/09/2019 10:37

Not yet with a sad face...

That is a good one!!

Blankspace4 · 15/09/2019 10:37

I think it is really rude to ask. It is your news to share when you feel comfortable. That may well not be until after your 12w scan.

secretlyhermione · 15/09/2019 10:41

I was asked the same thing by a friend when I was around 8 weeks pregnant after telling friends that I wasn't drinking until an upcoming wedding (when I would have been at 13 weeks and therefore comfortable enough to tell people). I didn't tell her and stuck to my story as it's my first pregnancy and wanted to be on the super safe side before I told friends. I think it is absolutely your right to tell when you want, stick to your story or whatever, it's a very stressful time before the 12 week scan and I think that's why most people wait to tell (and it's also in their right to!)

ISmellBabies · 15/09/2019 10:43

Rude sod. Just say "no, just fat. Am on a diet though". Tell her when you're ready and not before. She won't mind, she'll just be smug that she "knew it".

CmdrCressidaDuck · 15/09/2019 10:44

why not just say "not yet but we are trying" - that way when you do announce your pregnancy, you might not get accusations of keeping anything from her

Surely every adult with a teaspoon of sense knows that of course your friends "keep things" from you, especially personal and sensitive things like early pregnancy. The OP and her friend aren't angsty 13yos. (I hope.) There's no need to add to the bullshit by saying you're "trying".

I would ignore the message altogether tbh, it's intrusive and you're under no obligation to answer at all.

MrGsFancyNewVagina · 15/09/2019 10:52

Be careful OP, because you don’t know who is with her when you respond. She could be sitting discussing your potential pregnancy with someone else and waiting for your response. Asking her to keep it secret is no good if she’s already mentioned her suspicions to someone else.

I honestly don’t think she deserves the consideration of a polite text. It’s extremely crass of her to ask you such a personal question. I’d respond with, “what an incredibly personal question! What on earth makes you think that it’s acceptable to ask someone that, when you’ve no idea of their personal circumstances? What happens if you ask some poor woman that, who can’t have children? If I get pregnant I’ll let you know in my own good time, not when it suits you.”

Scratchyfluffface · 15/09/2019 10:59

I’d respond with, “what an incredibly personal question! What on earth makes you think that it’s acceptable to ask someone that, when you’ve no idea of their personal circumstances? What happens if you ask some poor woman that, who can’t have children? If I get pregnant I’ll let you know in my own good time, not when it suits you.”

If you respond with that (which comes across as a little defensive and OTT) you may as well respond with a yes!

chipsandgin · 15/09/2019 11:00

I've always guessed with all my friends - but it's pretty standard to wait for them to tell you, she's not playing by the rules here! Definitely go with 'not as far as I know' and spin the 'I'm on a detox/antibiotics/diet/got terrible thrush and need to stay off the booze (that one shuts people up!)' line and then when YOU decide to announce then tell her you didn't want people to know before 12 weeks/before you'd told family etc - no big deal. Congratulations btw, hope it all goes well

littlemisssugarpuffs · 15/09/2019 11:02

I would lie and say "no but thanks for giving me the heads up I need to start a diet on Monday" but then you might not want to lie OP, she sounds nosey! silly cow. When I was 8 weeks pregnant my SIL asked me at a party in front of all my in laws "are you pregnant" i replied "I know I look fat in this dress it's very fitted isn't it" and she said "yes it's very fitted so your not" I lied and said "no" and because of her being rude and asking me like she did I kept my pregnancy hidden from her until I was 7 months 😂🙈I don't know how people have the cheek to ask I find that so rude and nosey!

sorrythisusernameisinuse · 15/09/2019 12:15

Everyone saying it's rude it's not at all! I'd text my best friend this and they'd do it to me too. Jesus lighten up. you don't have to answer or you can lie and say no but IMO she's not being cheeky in asking!

PuffHuffle5 · 15/09/2019 12:36

@sorrythisusernameisinuse if you’re comfortable with it then fine - especially if you’re happy to share your news with your friend. But many people aren’t and like to keep the news to themselves for all kinds of reasons until they’re ready. If someone’s trying for a baby or are pregnant then asking them if they are is incredibly awkward - they either have to say ‘yes’ or ‘I don’t know, maybe’ even though they didn’t really want to say anything or they have to lie. You may be happy to just lie, but plenty of people (like me) find that really awkward. Putting people in that situation is a pretty shitty thing to do in my opinion.

Loopytiles · 15/09/2019 12:37

It is rude, even to ask a close friend. Wait to be told!

Simkin · 15/09/2019 13:03

I like doublehelix's response and if it is too subtle you could say 'not until I visit my mum in October, no. '

becca3210 · 15/09/2019 13:31

I lied to a friend when she asked. When I do reveal I will just say 'Sorry I wasn't honest when you asked it was just too early and I hadn't even told my parents yet.' She will be fine with it. Job done..

CmdrCressidaDuck · 15/09/2019 13:36

Everyone saying it's rude it's not at all!

Of course it is. It's extremely rude to put someone on the spot about a sensitive and personal issue they may have very good reasons for not wanting to discuss yet.

You can do what you like with your best friend, but it's rude AF to ask someone if they're pregnant. If they want you to know, they'll tell you.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 15/09/2019 13:40

How silly. She knows you’re pregnant. If you’re never without a glass of wine others will know too. No point in ignoring her text or saying no/are you saying I’m fat/I’d rather not answer that (😂) because she knows. Tell her you are but it’s very early days and you aren’t planning on telling anyone, including family, until after your 12 week scan so you’d appreciate if she didn’t tell anyone else until after then. It’s a risk, but she knows anyway, if you deny it she can still tell people and then sit smugly in 5/6 weeks when you’ve announced it saying “I told you on so, I knew she was all along and she denied it”. Or you can “confide” in her now, let her feel special for being trusted to keep your secret and hope it works to persuade her to stay quiet.

Original poster

tacosplease · 15/09/2019 14:12

How silly. She knows you’re pregnant.

Well, she doesn’t know 100%. I could have been on antibiotics or driving!

OP posts:

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 15/09/2019 14:16

Except you’re not on antibiotics or driving- you’re the thing she guessed- pregnant- so yes, she does know. Whether you confirm it to her no way or in 8 weeks she’ll still have known now. What she does with the information is up to her but you stand more of a change of convincing her to stay quiet if you bring her into your “secret” and ask her to help you out rather than lie, which she will know you’re doing.

Teddybear45 · 15/09/2019 15:13

My sister guessed I was pregnant too. Just admit it but tell her to keep it quiet until you are ready to tell everyone.

Loopytiles · 15/09/2019 15:34

OP doesn’t have to confirm her friend’s suspicion, she can say nothing at all about it, and if pressed in person say “what a personal question, I don’t appreciate you asking me that”.

Frangible · 15/09/2019 15:43

Reply, 'If I wanted you to know, I'd tell you.'

Honestly, OP, she sounds like an idiot. It was very obvious to my work friends that I was pregnant, because I was hideously sick, and as there were complications pregnancy meant that I was made aware of a previously unsuspected medical condition whose treatment might have meant ending the pregnancy I kept having medical appointments. But because they were tactful and good human beings, they never asked and (from that I gathered later on) headed off anyone else speculating.

I told no one until I was 17 weeks, and they managed to restrain their curiosity.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5