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Original poster

Taking DH to first midwife appointment?

81 replies

tacosplease · 13/09/2019 07:59

I have my first appointment with the midwife booked at my local doctors’ surgery the week after next, by which time, all being well I’ll be eight weeks pregnant.

DH is really excited about everything and has asked if he can come with me - but is this normal or should I be attending on my own? Confused

Also, does anyone know what I can expect in general from the first meeting with the midwife?

Thanks!

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BishopofBathandWells · 14/09/2019 15:00

I remember being asked whether my partner was violent or took drugs; the midwife said "is he kind to you Bishop? Is he kind?" In this really odd, intense way. Very strange at the time but funny now.

As it stands, what my HV told me is that they're totally happy for DH/DPs to attend but if it's every single appointment then they start to wonder if whether the attendance isn't merely support but more control, and that would trigger a few alarm bells.

For us, it was all very organic; he came if he wasn't in work. He did attend the first appointment and it was quite nice to have him there. Made it all seem a bit more real somehow.

ChikiTIKI · 14/09/2019 15:18

@doublebarrellednurse I am glad to hear you're safe and that your new partner is lovely :) xxxx

mistermagpie · 14/09/2019 17:28

I work with a service that supports victims of domestic abuse, it's incredibly common for pregnancy to be the trigger for abuse. I definitely think that midwives and HVs should be asking, I was quite annoyed not to be asked!

PartridgeJoan · 14/09/2019 17:42

DP came with me to mine, it was nice for him to speak to someone else about it, especially since we hadn't told anybody at that stage

Weathergirl1 · 14/09/2019 17:53

DH has been with me to all midwife appointments so far and will be attending all future ones too. I have general anxiety disorder and I find a lot of medical situations quite stressful so I need his support. I haven't been asked so far about domestic abuse (was led to believe from here that it was a mandatory question). I also wasn't weighed (they took my word for my starting weight for the BMI calculation - which I know because I weigh myself every morning anyway - I'm a sporty type so I keep track of it) or given the CO test. The booking midwife didn't actually have the CO meter with her but suggested it would happen at a later appointment! I can only assume that they assess the person sat in front of them and decide whether they think there are risk factors 🤷

Caspianberg · 14/09/2019 17:58

Dh came to my first one last week, and will probably come to the rest.

Sure its often boring, but its not a day out for me either. I also feel like its a good chance for him to hear anything they say or recommend, and its his 'contribution' as it were to the whole pregnancy thing.

Taxicus · 14/09/2019 18:05

My DH came and I'm so glad he did. He was very much needed and also wanted to be included. He even fixed our midwifes scales and printer ! (which was quite funny)

I think it's actually seen in a positive light if someone attends with you. You absolutely don't have to have anyone(!) but in my notes there is a box that gets filled in to say who came with you and one of the Q's in the nhs bumpf to fill out was, "what support do you have at home?"

mistermagpie · 14/09/2019 23:05

I had the CO test in my first pregnancy but not in the two subsequent ones. In fact, quite a lot has changed between the pregnancies I've had and the care (in my opinion) has got quite a lot worse. My eldest is only four as well so it's not as if my first pregnancy was ages ago.

Starlight84 · 15/09/2019 07:32

I went to mine on my own. But if dh is excited let him get involved! They asked me about domestic violence at the scales (in a separate room) where I go! She said most women bring a partner so we ask at the scales out the way!

Hope your appointment went ok! X

PEkithelp · 15/09/2019 07:34

Mine came with me and it was helpful and good to have him there (could have managed without but he didn’t want to miss the moment). He also cans to most other appointments but not all the routine later ones.

PEkithelp · 15/09/2019 07:36

I’ve never had a CO test but AMA lifelong non smoker so wouldn’t be necessary I assume.

ThePolishWombat · 15/09/2019 07:38

DH came to my booking appointment with DC1, mainly because it’s lots of form filling, and they like to have the medical history of both parents-to-be and both sides of the family where possible Smile
With DC2 and DC3, I figured that they have all that info on record to reference back to if need be. The only appointments DH has been to this time is my 20 week scan as he was away with work for the 12 week, and my 34 week growth scan.

Starlight84 · 15/09/2019 07:58

I had co2 test despite being non smoker. She said some homes don’t have alarms and it’s picked up on their tests so they routinely do it regardless where I am. Which I think is good. X

Weathergirl1 · 15/09/2019 08:29

@PEkithelp @Starlight84 I asked about the necessity of the CO test for a non smoker and was told about boilers leaking. Again unnecessary for us as we have 3 Nest smoke alarms in the house which include CO detectors so if we had a faulty boiler we would know about it. Interestingly, I did look into the test before my next appointment after reading about people with increased levels caused by traffic pollution - given I'd have been walking to my appointment through the city centre, I decided I was going to decline the test if they'd wanted to do it as a reading on that caused by traffic fumes I could do nothing about would have caused my anxiety to skyrocket.

ThePolishWombat · 15/09/2019 08:42

I was told the same about the CO2 test too. It’s become routine in my area for smokers and non-smokers as a local initiative to gauge the effects of air pollution, and the midwife said they’ve actually picked up on women having faulty boilers in their houses Shock

PEkithelp · 15/09/2019 08:51

Interesting. Must vary area to area. Thankfully we have a monitor for our boiler but probably a fair amount of traffic pollution. Nothing I can do about that though!

ThePolishWombat · 15/09/2019 09:14

PEkithelp I live rurally, with not a lot of traffic of a daily basis, and I blew a level 1 on my CO2 test! The midwife said that if you’ve been in the vicinity of a car at any point, then it’s near on impossible to get a completely clear reading Smile

mistermagpie · 15/09/2019 15:49

To be honest I thought they did the CO test because they didn't believe me when I said I didn't smoke!

Starlight84 · 15/09/2019 16:21

@mistermagpie I was thinking the same! Are they trying to catch me out here! My reading was 0! Can’t get much better than that! Phew 🤣 x

AmIThough · 16/09/2019 07:26

@ThePolishWombat that can't be right. I live less than 5 mins from a motorway & train station and drive every day and never blew a 1

ThePolishWombat · 16/09/2019 07:44

@AmIThough that’s what I’m saying though - in this day and age, where we are all exposed to some form of air pollution whether we like it or not, it’s is pretty much impossible to have a completely clear reading on a CO2 test.
She told me that even if you crossed a car park to enter the building where your test is taking place and a car engine was running in the car park, you’d show up with something on a CO2 test.

AmIThough · 16/09/2019 07:46

@ThePolishWombat but I had completely clear results both times, that's what I meant. Sorry for the confusion

Weathergirl1 · 16/09/2019 07:59

Sorry to be a stickler here, but it's CO (carbon monoxide) not CO2 (carbon dioxide) that they test for - two glasses with completely different effects on the body!

Weathergirl1 · 16/09/2019 08:03

*gasses (stupid autouncorrect)

firstimemamma · 16/09/2019 08:12

I took mine. Expect lots of boring questions!