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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Taking DH to first midwife appointment?

81 replies

tacosplease · 13/09/2019 07:59

I have my first appointment with the midwife booked at my local doctors’ surgery the week after next, by which time, all being well I’ll be eight weeks pregnant.

DH is really excited about everything and has asked if he can come with me - but is this normal or should I be attending on my own?

Also, does anyone know what I can expect in general from the first meeting with the midwife?

Thanks!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ineedaholidaynow · 13/09/2019 13:46

I seem to remember my first appointment the midwife came to our house (she lived round the corner) and DH was there. Most of my appointments were in the evening at the MLU which was on the way home from work, and as DH and I car shared he used to come along to them too

joblotbubble · 13/09/2019 14:45

@Tableclothing

I'm glad you checked and posted that. I wanted to say earlier that maybe it wasn't a standard question at all and perhaps something triggers the question, but I didn't want to come across as being offensive.

TerribleCustomerCervix · 13/09/2019 14:58

It’s sad that it’s considered ‚dull for a partner‘ who is the equal parent of the baby.

I don’t think many people, male or female, find watching their partner fill in forms, get their bloods taken and providing a wee sample as a white knuckle ride of excitement to be honest.

CottonSock · 13/09/2019 14:59

Not worth the time off work is my view.

karenbokaren · 13/09/2019 15:06

Dh was there for all of mine.

He was a bit annoying and talked too much sometimes so I actually wish he wasn't at some.

Absolute classic moment was when we had both of my midwives, one of their students, the local doctor, local ambulance driver and my masseuse/doula for the big meeting and were talking about step tests.

I think he felt a bit overwhelmed or left out or something because he loudly announced to me that did I know I should be very careful when wiping my bum to go from front to back in case of infection. Oh, I'm 36 and hadn't figured that out yet, lucky a man turned up to tell me.

The look of horror on my face didn't stop everyone in the room rolling around laughing for a full five minutes.

Then when one of the midwives got up to use the loo someone shouted 'remember, front to back!'

joblotbubble · 13/09/2019 15:17

It’s sad that it’s considered ‚dull for a partner‘ who is the equal parent of the baby.

Why is it sad? I found it bloody dull and I was the pregnant one

DameSylvieKrin · 13/09/2019 19:52

But that’s exactly why. If it’s dull for you, why is it too dull for him?

joblotbubble · 13/09/2019 19:54

But that’s exactly why. If it’s dull for you, why is it too dull for him?

I don't really know what you mean.

janey15 · 13/09/2019 20:00

My DH came to mine and intends to be there for all appointments. We struggled for 4.5 years with infertility and he came to all our appointments. He is beyond excited to come to all antenatal appointments and his work are more than happy for him to do so.

If your partner finds that stuff boring then maybe not but they will ask about his family medical history.

c3pu · 13/09/2019 20:05

I'm a man and went to all the appointments with my kids mum. First one I got to fill out a form about the medical history, had a good laugh about the bit that asked if I was a blood relative of my partner!

And the midwife was highly annoyed that she didn't get the chance to ask my ex if I hit her until after the baby was born and I went home while she stayed at the hospital! My ex nearly fell off her chair when the midwife asked and said she was particularly worried because I'd been to all the appointments and was concerned i was possessive or controlling and didn't let her out on her own

usernamexox · 13/09/2019 20:17

had a good laugh about the bit that asked if I was a blood relative of my partner!
^
Don't find that remotely funny; presumably you've never heard of forced marriages to 1st/2nd cousins?

anothernamejeeves · 13/09/2019 20:52

Usually the 'we are pregnant' partners are the only ones to go to all the mw appointments

anothernamejeeves · 13/09/2019 20:53

C3pu yes a man who rocks up to all appointments can be a sign of an abusive/controlling partner

drunkenflamingo2 · 13/09/2019 20:54

My DS went to the 12 week scan and was there for the last 36 hours of the birth. Otherwise I went to all other appointments on my own. It was fine.

Pinkblueberry · 13/09/2019 20:56

I took mine. It was quite useful to have him there - the midwife asked him questions too including about his families health history. Not that it’s essential, but certainly not unusual, quite the opposite I think.

Pinkblueberry · 13/09/2019 20:59

In seven pregnancies I have never been asked if my DH (darling husband) has hit me.

I was asked this - the weighing scales are not in the appointment room. The midwife went with me to check my weight and asked me then. Other mums I’ve met had said the same.

ChikiTIKI · 14/09/2019 08:35

I had a booking in appt the other day. They just said do you feel safe in your relationship. My husband came with me but missed almost the whole appointment because it took an hour for him to find a place to park the car.

It said in my appointment letter "the first 10 minutes of your appointment will be between yourself and the midwife, anyone accompanying you will be invited to join you after this."

I suppose there are other things that they might ask before your husband comes in the room too, like number of previous pregnancies, if any ended in miscarriage or termination etc.

doublebarrellednurse · 14/09/2019 09:00

I have never been asked about domestic abuse!

My DH went to the loo half way through our booking in appt and I was asked then! I wasn't asked in my first pregnancy and I was being abused then, turned up with a black eye at one appt and not an eyebrow raised. 😔

ChikiTIKI · 14/09/2019 13:27

That's awful @doublebarrellednurse I'm so sorry you were let down when you really needed help.

How are things with you know? Are you ok now? Xxxx

mistermagpie · 14/09/2019 13:43

I'm on pregnancy number three and have also never been asked about domestic abuse. DH came to most appointments with the first one, but not the other two, so they had ample chance to ask as well!

doublebarrellednurse · 14/09/2019 13:56

@ChikiTIKI thankfully I left that relationship when my son was small, he's now 13 😁 my current pregnancy is with a wonderful man ❤️

Dramaofallama · 14/09/2019 14:15

I was also asked if I was at risk of domestic violence from my ex or anyone else, even though I am single and going through the pregnancy alone.
I think it is a standard question now that they have to ask, as i was also asked if I have ever been assaulted in the past ect.

ineedaholidaynow · 14/09/2019 14:36

I remember being given a leaflet on domestic violence at my first appointment and thinking it strange. After having been on here a few years now it is sad reading the threads where DV occurred once pregnancy or baby appeared

Qwerty19 · 14/09/2019 14:38

My dh did. They ask about his family history too. It's lovely he wants to be part of it.

BertieBotts · 14/09/2019 14:42

Defo useful for family history perspective. Get him to ask his family if he won't know.

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