How to prepare for potential gender disappointment?

[pomeggranit]

I have my 20w anomaly scan on Monday and I want to find out the gender but at the same time I'm absolutely dreading it.

I know it stupid and as long as I have a healthy baby then that's the important bit but I've always pictured myself with a little boy and I know that if I find out on Monday that I'm having a little girl I'm going to be heartbroken.

I've tried telling myself all the good things about having a girl and I've tried daydreaming about having a little girl the same way I do about having a boy but it all feels so wrong and detached.

I'm certain if it is a girl I'll get my head round the idea before I'm due and I'll love her to bits once she's here but I've just had such a hard time with this pregnancy that I want something to go right and I want to finally be able to enjoy it.

Has anybody else been in this situation? How did you prepare yourself for the scan?

It's quite extreme to say you would be 'heartbroken' - can you try and analyse why you feel so strongly about it?

If it helps, I have two boys and they are utterly and completely different. They might as well be a boy and a girl, (or a boy and a drunk chimp in the case of my DS2). There is no such thing as a 'typical' boy or girl, they are all individuals. So your hypothetical girl will be different to every other girl and you will love her for who she is.

My first baby was a girl. My second child I desperately wanted a boy so I had one of each. Well I wasn’t prepared for her saying girl. And I feel ashamed to say I acted a silly brat about it. I was mardy, I would speak to my then partner. He said if you were going to react like this we shouldn’t have asked. Well I had placenta previa so I had to be scanned again at 34 weeks! I held off buying incase 20weeks got it wrong and could still be a boy. Well the 34 week scan confirmed girl. So I snapped out of it and was thankful I was having a healthy baby. Some people can’t even have children etc. This time around I am having a boy and now the thought terrifies me after two girls and a huge age gap! But I’m happy!

I think the moral of the story is if you think you may be upset with the news have a surprise because as soon as you see your little bundle of joy you really won’t be sad what they are and will just be so in love! Xx

honestly op it's just amazing having a little girl I can't even explain it, you will be fine

Did you know you had such a strong preference before TTC? I have to say if I knew there was a 50% chance of being ‘heartbroken’ I probably wouldn’t have risked having a baby at all.
Would it be a better idea to wait until the birth to find out the sex?

I'm sorry OP but if you were that concerned about the sex of a baby you shouldn't have taken the risk of it not being the 'right' sex. You should be hoping that everything physically is fine for your baby. That's all. You may well be having a boy, but he may choose to change his gender when he gets older. How would you react then?

So all my life I thought my first would be a girl. I dreamed of having a little girl and couldn’t see myself with a boy. I had an awful miscarriage last year and fell pregnant again 5 months after (I’m now 37 weeks). I was adamant that I was having a girl until a few weeks before the 20 week scan where I had this instinct I was carrying a boy and so we decided to find out the sex of the baby. I needed to know so I could bond because I’ve suffered from awful anxiety throughout this pregnancy. We found out we were having a boy. I was in total shock! Hubby was in bits crying his eyes out! He was over the moon. Anyway once I got over the initial shock all was fine and to see a healthy babe overruled any other feelings I had I was just so relieved. I love this little boy with all of my heart now, seeing him on the scan made me love him even more and now when he kicks - he’s my boy and I can not wait to meet him! And funnily enough if for example I was now told the sex was wrong I would be upset because I’ve learnt to love this little boy - my little rainbow boy who chose me and his daddy. If it’s not the outcome you get I can assure you - you will come round because that’s your baby, your flesh and blood and this is how it was meant to be! Xxx

Don’t find out. Once baby is here you’ll love it so much you won’t care whether it’s a boy or a girl.
I wanted a girl. My son is the centre of my world.

I've always imagined myself having a son since but I hadn't thought about it a lot before I got pregnant.

This pregnancy wasn't planned and everything has been a bit of a train wreck personal life wise since I found out I was pregnant so I think that's part of it. Sort of wanting a bit of control back.

This is something I have just never really understood.

I had three girls. Yes, I suppose a boy would have been nice, but not something I would ever have got upset about. Having three girls has been brilliant.

The only thing I ever did get angry about was other people who, on being told that my third baby would be my third daughter, would reply with "Oh what a shame!" It made me extremely defensive and protective of DD3 and I took to pointedly asking them why they considered it a shame. They would go bright red and scuttle off.

Be happy with what you have. Girls rock. So do boys.

I thought a lot about not finding out at the scan but I'd rather know so if I do really struggle to come to terms then I can get help before the baby is here.
Plus I know if I don't find out then I'll just worry myself sick about it for the rest of the pregnancy.

I’m the same a same as AnnaMaria - I wouldn’t say I wanted a girl but I pictured a girl in our life easier than a boy.
We didn’t find out the sex - so it was a totally surprise and last week I had a little boy. No gender disappointment here once I held him for the first time.

I was the opposite tbh, I was really hoping for a girl. I'm quite a pessimistic person when I'm nervous so my method was to really convince myself it was going to be a boy. As it turns out it was a girl, and I'd spent so long convincing myself I wouldn't have that good luck I was very surprised! If it had gone the other way I would have told myself this wasn't my one chance to have a girl, I could easily have another child down the line, which might help you feel calm about it since your feelings are based on wanting to have a boy, not not wanting to have a girl, if you know what I mean.

Don't worry about people judging you for having a preference, it may sound extreme to them but the truth is these are purely pregnancy feelings. It doesn't reflect how you would react to an actual baby with a face and a personality, but when it's purely a hypothetical there's nothing wrong with having a preference. After all, it's the only thing you know about your baby at this point, of course you're going to fixate on it.

Sorry but you're being a bit ridiculous. You should be happy that you're having a healthy baby. When I was pregnant I was hoping for a boy (which I got) but after thinking I'd never have a baby I would have been equally as ecstatic if he had turned out to be a girl.

To say you'll be 'heartbroken' is 🙄

When I was pregnant with my first I really wanted a little girl - it was a little boy, I was a bit disappointed for a few days after the scan but then that disappeared. My little boy was literally amazing and even more amazing now as a three year old! When I found out I was pregnant the second time I really wanted another boy because my first was so amazing - it was a little girl, again I felt a bit of disappointment for a few days after the scan, but she's now 5 months old and is utterly brilliant just like my little boy was/is.
Honestly, you'll not remember at all that you had a preference once they are here!

As harsh as it is, you don't have a choice - if your baby has a heartbeat you will appreciate and learn to love it.

I have a son and a daughter, neither are stereotypical male/females other than how their genitals are configured. It makes absolutely no difference to you as a parent.

If you don't mind me asking, do you have a strained relationship with your Mother? Anecdotally - most of the women I know who desperately want girls are either trying to imitate what they believe to be a typical girly mother/daughter relationship because they have a difficult time with theirs.

You won’t be heartbroken, you’ll have an adorable little baby who you couldn’t imagine being any different! They are all their own little people, their sex is only a tiny part of it.

In your shoes I wouldn’t find out . I doubt very much you’ll be disappointed when you have a brand new baby in your arms

You're finding out the sex ... not the gender btw.

Also, you will get over it and love your baby no matter what.
There is no point getting stressed or anxious about something like this- something you cannot change.

Hope all goes well.

Have you ever thought that your dream little boy may actually not live up to your ideal? Will you be ‘heartbroken’ then too?

All the scan will be able to tell you is, most importantly, whether the baby appears structurally normal and whether or not is likely to have a penis, it can’t tell you what your child’s personality will be like.

Your child/children will be special and wonderful because they are yours. I was a bit worried about having my boys as I don't understand football or those stereotypical boy things. But you find yourself absolutely ecstatic about their successes regardless of what they're in (not football as it happens, they take after me and are bookish introverts, that happens ), and there's delight and love in discovering and getting to know their personalities. The shared jokes, silly songs, remembered holidays, the little things I know matter to them, the cups of tea they make for me, and the treats I get them. If I got pregnant tomorrow and someone guaranteed me a girl I'd not be interested now. Honestly. I know it's the other side of the coin but I hope it helps.

I have terrible issues from childhood which caused me to not want a girl. When I found out I was having a girl it really forced me to look deeper into my issues. I gave myself 24 hours to cry / think what I wanted and then get my act together. Honestly, my daughter is more than I ever imagined she would be and I love her more than anything.

I was initially disappointed, I don't mind admitting that and my DP knows that too. I'd had my heart set on a girl and found out early on (before 12 weeks because of NIPT) that it was a boy.

I had a little pout and lament about it because this will be our only child together so no chance of a girl (we already have a girl each so don't know why so crazy) and then I picked myself up and threw myself into finding some ultra cool baby boy clothes to cheer myself up.

Weeks later, I am totally over it and just feel super lucky to be having his baby at all.

If the first thing your baby does is disappoint you then that’s a poor start for them isn’t it?

You don’t really sound mature enough to have a baby. Heartbroken? Grow up, be thankful you can have children and just hope it’s healthy.

Do you think your mother was disappointed because you were a girl? Just stop now. Many people can’t have children and would love to be in your situation and wouldn’t care what they had

Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself

What really is the difference other than the bits between the legs and the section you chose to shop in 🤔

I have a DD and wanted another DD but am pregnant with a boy, for me it was more the fact I wanted my DD to have a sister but I would never of been heartbroken over it, nothing in this world can prepare you for the overwhelming love you feel when you see your baby....

I want something to go right

Everything is going right if you are told you have a healthy baby.