Due May 2020 - could do with a buddy!

[Shak19]

Hi all. So I'm due my first in May of next year. I only found out I was pregnant on Saturday. My husband is great but I have no friends at this stage they either have grown up kids or arent planning to any time soon
I have two sisters. One with grown up kids who she doesn't see and one who's getting married soon so is in her own little bubble.

I would just like someone to talk about all of this as I'm really anxious about the next 9 months.

Thanks for reading :)

I’m so sorry you feel that way @Shelbustotherescue I haven’t got any words of wisdom but I sympathise. Had a missed miscarriage in May and I’m petrified of the same thing happening again. I hope all goes well on the scan tomorrow. I’m just trying to stay positive no matter how hard.

Anyone else still being on sticks 🙈 5+2 and still have the urge, nearly picked up a clear blue to see that 3+ weeks but thought better of it 😂 so just grabbed some cheapie ones.

@Shelbustotherescue
I’m sorry you’re in a bad way. I understand your feelings. I always thought that TTC (and actually giving birth) would be the most challenging and draining part of the process of having a baby. I never imagined the anxiety that one gets on learning that you are pregnant. I feel guilty for not enjoying it as much as I should. Don’t get me wrong, I’m ecstatic to be pregnant. I just have a lot of worry. I think I could cope with the birth if I knew everything from now, during to thereafter would be fine and well. I’m generally quite positive but there’s always something that can cause a sudden panic or doubt.
For days I worried about period style cramping I was experiencing, now today it seems to have gone away – but even that has become a worry!
I hope tomorrow gives you the reassurance you need x

@Shelbustotherescue i'm so sorry you are upset today. sorry to hear about the miscarriages. i'm glad your midwife is so sensible and arranging a scan to put you mind at rest. fingers crossed xxx today i thought oh i'm that nauseous anymore! i'm definitely off food and an odd sensations and smells.

is anyone getting headaches? i don't usually get headaches🙄

@Shelbustotherescue sorry to hear you're having a bad day, sending you all the love and keep us posted 🤞🏼💞

@Shelbustotherescue I am thinking of you and sending you lots of positive energy💫 I have days like that too and my oh just tells me to stop and keep positive. Easy for them to say. You have us here to listen and talk to🥰

I also have a question.. I gave up meat in jan this year and became a pescatarian but a month a go I started eating chicken again as I was so bloody hungry lol. Anyway my sister told me I should start eating meat again for baby sake?! I dont know what to do. I dont eat pork and that will never be an option but she said beef and lamb I should be eating. Any vegans, vegetarians or pescatarians here? Or even just opinions please xx

Thank you for your messages it means a lot, it's nice to feel like I have people to talk to about it, my midwife was really amazing too - I kept apologising for wasting her time but she made me feel like I mattered, and how I felt mattered.

Sadly, my partner is a little less understanding, he doesn't seem to get that I know if it happens again, nothing can be done to stop it so there's no point in worrying, but I physically can't help it, it's not the fear of it happening it's the fear of the pain of it happening again, to be in agony, bleeding, passing things - things that he doesn't realise, there are things I passed and saw that if he had saw would break him but I'm just expected to carry on.

It's sad because deep down I really want to be excited but part of me now feels like I shouldn't have got pregnant if I was going to end up feeling this way.

I just need a little bit more of a hand hold but no one understands

So I finally plucked up the courage and told my parents. My mum wasn’t happy, all she really said was negative elements ‘oh my god you must be mad’ and ‘why didn’t you get married first’ ‘there’s your life gone’(baring in mind I’m 27) I think she actually regrets having a child herself with the way she speaks. I’m feeling so sad and alone at the minute, is anyone else getting this from family?

@Shelbustotherescue
i am so sorry you're feeling this way and I hope you find some reassurance today at the scan.

Is there anyone else you could talk too, a family member, close friend? I think as much as we know oh are there for us, sometimes if it's not your body, it's harder for them to grasp the reality of what is going on. Maybe try explaining further and in more detail to him about how Past events have affected you. 💛

@Herewego2020 thank you for your message. I know it's a long way off but my midwife said I need to pick to get the ball rolling with bloods/ scan ect. I need to decide soon. She said you can change where you birth but it's not ideal as depending what hospital I go too they are across different counties so can't share information so I'd have to start process of bloods ect again. I'm in the West Midlands and there's quite a few options.
I've chose a MLU but one that's attached to a hospital (just in case) rather than a stand alone one x

@charlieB93 well with my first my dad did not talk to me for months as said I've ruined my life. With my 2nd he was not as angry but same thing "you are ruining you life" this time he will be the last to know and I've already got a speech prepared and may resort to a PowerPoint presentation 😅. My mum was fine with first 2 but this time she wont be as happy as always say "you have another I'm not having it as I don't have the room". Like that's enough of a threat to upset me lol. Please dont worry your mum will come round. As I said in a previous message my dad now adores my first and he is the golden boy of all the grandkids

Hi @Herewego2020, I am a vegetarian and I can quite easily say that you do not have to eat meat to provide your child with the necessary nutrients. There are good vegetarian dietary sources for all the required vitamins and minerals – from Vitamin A to Zinc. I have several pregnancy-related books that can attest to that. But you can also find information on the Internet – ensure you check out reputable sites. Please don’t feel pressured to eat meat if you do not wish to. There are also good vegan supplements for things like the omega fatty acids which a lot of people get from fish oils. We have more choice than ever. If I can give any tips please don't hesitate to ask.

@Shelbustotherescue Will be thinking of you today. Wishing you the best .

@Herewego2020 it just infuriates me that she has to say that - what’s the old saying if you can’t say anything nice...
I’m in a stable relationship, own house, decent jobs so I can’t see how I’m ruining my life 🤦‍♀️
I’m just going to avoid her until she comes round!

@Shelbustotherescue will be thinking of you today. Hope all goes well.
@CharlieB93 I’m sorry you had that reaction. I suspect we may get similar when we tell mil as this will be dc3 and she’s said repeatedly she couldn’t have coped with 3 so no one else possibly could. All our dc have been very much wanted and planned and she has little day to day involvement with our current two so I plan to simply ignore anything that’s said.
I still feel completely rubbish. Between my cold and the nausea I barely got out of bed yesterday (had to phone in sick this week as advised by HR when they saw me on Monday!) hoping for a better day today.

@peppinana
I’m sorry your MIL is like that with you, like you say, it’s your decision no one else’s. I know my OHs mum will be over the moon about it (she’s been hinting for years) which it’ll make it even harder when comparing it to my own mums reaction.

@Herewego2020 I’m pescatarian and have been for a number of years.
Anyway midwives told me that it was absolutely fine to be veggie all the way through pregnancy as long as the diet is balanced.
At the movement I can’t face anything other than olives anyway (which is interesting as I hate them at the best of times).

Morning all.

I'm 6+1 and this is the furthest we have ever got without bleeding.
History of miscarriage which is meaning I'm finding it hard to relax and be happy...I'm afraid if I do, that we will lose this one :(
But I want to be happy because this should be such a wonderful experience!!

I'm scared it could be ectopic, or molar, or that s/he will just stop growing.
My husband is wonderful, but also very wary of becoming excited.

With my history, I have also put off provisionally contacting the midwife, scared that if I do that, I'll start bleeding. But my GP suggested I contact them as they'll likely want an early scan. But I'm too scared to have one in case it's bad news.

I'm needing to pee lots so constantly running to the bathroom, but each time I'm expecting to see blood.

I want to relax & enjoy this & I'm desperately hoping this one sticks & is healthy. How can I learn to relax & stop freaking out at every twinge?!

@Doodlebug321 you poor thing. of course you can't relax. you are human and we are made this way for a reason. we remember previous bad experiences to help us avoid it for survival reasons. however in this situation it is totally stressful. if you can get access to counselling through your work occupational health or book it privately ( i wish i could say through the GP but the wait is 100 years).

think of it this way:

1. things that i control: diet, take vitamins, rest, don't carry heavy things, avoid hot baths, look after yourself, get your mind busy- ? hobby? read motivational stories which u can also watch on youtube ( happy stories). try mindfulness apps and maybe even an art class or support group in a church or mosque etc. midwife can maybe refer you to counselling too? just ask

1. things you can't control- if it's an abnormal embryo it just won't stick and that's nature's decision because it will be a very sick baby otherwise so in the most kind way it happens for a reason😭 have you attended a miscarriages clinic? are they helping you with this

i also keep freaking out and i will go for an early scan but even that isn't a guarantee .. it's like waiting for exam results but for 9 months!!

we are in it together

good luck and hugs

@CharlieB93 my dad was the same with me with my 1st, went silent on me for a good 2 months, now he keeps asking when is the next one! Haven't told him yet. MIL however was great with the first but keeps saying stick with one, dont have any more, so worried to see how that goes down. Your mum will come round,and if she doesnt, her loss

@Doodlebug321 im so sorry to here about your previous miscarriages. Is there any way you can get a reassurance scan so you know things are going ok? I got one with my first at 7ish weeks due to bleeding at my local early pregnancy unit, but I know places local also do private for around £50

Having another panic today!
Literally do not feel pregnant today again.
Had 1 week of full on nausea, then 4 days with no symptoms and so had an early 6 week scan. Then i had another full week of nausea ect and this week it's been on and off and now today i feel nothing.

I've got a scan on Sunday as i'll be 8 weeks, and previous miscarriage has made me anxious as hell!

Anyone else get surges and dips like this with symptoms?

I've been freaking out over fluctuating symptoms too, even though I know they can come and go in early pregnancy. Keep poking my boobs to make sure they're still sore. I just have a general underlying nausea, not overwhelming. But one day can feel very different to the next and I'm only 6wks.
I hope your scan on Sunday goes well.

@ejmay90 oh babe. so sorry you are stressing. did you get your blood results? would it help you relax to get another clear blue test?
i get dips too i feel good then not great the only constant is the sore boobs x

@Doodlebug321
It is so worrying isn't it! i know they can come and go as i lost mine for 4 days, had a scan and everything was fine. I just can't help but panic.
I keep poking my boobs too!
Yea i agree every day is so different.
2 days and counting!
Thank you :)

@facevalue
Thank you. I've not had any blood tests done, never even asked for them to be honest.
I'm nearly 8 weeks and was told the clear blue would only show 5+ so not much point, especially if i have a scan on sunday.

Only constant i've had is tiredness, boobs are on and off and same with nausea. But it's the longest my boobs haven't felt sore :(