Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

query re:night time feeds when fiance is back to work

79 replies

BabanOnTheWay · 21/07/2019 12:33

Hi all, so i am just wondering what the general consesus is with sharing nighttime feeds once fiance goea back to work ? From talking to my friends it seems that there is a 50/50 split. Some feel daddy should still get up and share the feeds as u will have the baby all day, where others feel as they wouldnt want daddy being tired in work they were happy to do the feeds. What do you think ? Thanks

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

melissa1215 · 21/07/2019 12:35

I've agreed to do the feeds while DH is working as he'll need the sleep - drives heavy machinery and needs to be on the ball.

That said, we're first time parents and I don't know how hard it's actually going to be.

Sorry I couldn't be more help!!

swashbucklecheer · 21/07/2019 12:39

Dh was awake for every night feed. I was bf so I fed then he did the nappy change. Then he went to work in the morning. He had no problem with it. To be honest I prob would have woken him anyway if I was to do it all myself.

Hellosunshine30 · 21/07/2019 12:41

I'll be doing all night time feeds when daddy is back at work. His working day is long enough without him being really tired too.

Throughabushbackwards · 21/07/2019 12:43

DH slept in the spare room when he went back to work and I co-slept with the baby. Worked for us until 12/18m with each child as everyone slept better, but both of ours were EBF so that makes a difference I think. Don't think I'd have been up for getting up to make up a bottle in the middle of the night!

Teddybear45 · 21/07/2019 12:47

If you plan to return to work full time after maternity leave, it’s best to develop a routine to start sharing the night feeds from the start.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 21/07/2019 12:52

I was a very light sleeper so when dP did the night feeds I was awake throughout. I eventually just did all the night feeds. Didn't make any sense to me for us both to be tired. He really got stuck in when he wasn't at work though, did baths, cooked tea and did the majority of the cleaning.

Luckily night feeds had stopped by the time I went back to work.

Pipandmum · 21/07/2019 12:56

I did them as I breastfed and no point us both losing sleep and by the time I stopped babies were sleeping through anyway.

Mintypea5 · 21/07/2019 12:57

I did the night feeds while breastfeeding on maternity. I also did the majority when we moved to bottle feeding as I was off for 9 months and he has a long commute to and from work however he would always get up and do them if I was tired or ill or just didn't want to. We slowly moved to more of a 50/50 situation (at his instance) once I got closer to returning to work.

I'm a light sleeper these days since having kids so in my head it just made sense I was awake anyway so got up did the feeds / middle of night stuff then DH was on duty anything from 4am onwards so I could have a few hours sleep before he left for work. Worked really well for us.

Plan on pretty much the same with baby 3 later this year

Browniee · 21/07/2019 12:59

I EBF and do the night feeds because I’m able to sleep later in the mornings and nap in the daytime if I need to and he can’t do that at work. At the beginning when we were establishing feeding he was awake whenever baby and I were, but we were lucky and things went smoothly so he sleeps through (he’s a heavy sleeper!). There have been a couple of cluster feeding nights where I’ve woken him for help though - more moral support than anything!

My partner does nappies on weekends which is nice as we have a next2me crib and feed in bed so I don’t have to get up ☺️

Knickersononeshead · 21/07/2019 13:01

I've always done the night feeds as ebf, will be this time round but also he has moved onto night shifts so I've not much choice 😂

BrutusMcDogface · 21/07/2019 13:01

Jesus. I did all night feeds when dp was at work. He needs to not be exhausted when he’s working hard.

cocomelon23 · 21/07/2019 13:01

I did all night feeds when exdp went back to work.

MindyStClaire · 21/07/2019 13:04

I was BFing so I did the actual feeds. In the early days when DD had bad reflux and needed to be held upright for ages after a feed we split that. DH also did any overnight nappy changes, and took on more than half of the pacing and winding on the bad nights.

Don't commit to anything now, especially if it's your first. You won't know what kind of baby you're going to get, and if you've never had a baby before it's likely you don't know how either of you will handle that kind of sleep deprivation.

What you should do at this stage is make sure your partner realises the baby is half his, that he's going to take on half of the parenting and drudge work, and that his life IS going to change hugely and he can't just carry on as before. It doesn't take much reading of MN to see how many men aren't fully on board with the reality of having children and if there's any risk of it being like that in your house, you need to nip it in the bud before the baby arrives.

AbbyHammond · 21/07/2019 13:07

I often went to bed early, say 8-9pm.
DH would give a bottle at 10-11pm and put baby to bed.
I'd do any night feeds.
Then DH would get up with the baby at 6-7am and give me another hour or so in bed.

AbbyHammond · 21/07/2019 13:08

We slept in separate rooms for the first couple of months too.

Lunafortheloveogod · 21/07/2019 13:10

The smoke alarm doesn’t wake dp so a baby stood zero chance lol. I do the night and day feeds/nappies unless I’m doing something else and then he’ll take over. Ironically ds feeds better for me and co operates for clothes changes compared to chatting away to dad and turning into a human star fish for him

Bourbonbiccy · 21/07/2019 13:11

OP I think you have to do what works for you as a family and you will find that out as you go.

I did all the feeds as I was breastfeeding and didn't see the point of both of us having disrupted sleep, however even if I didn't breastfeed, I would still have got up as I could doze, watch tv, read and basically chill out in the day when our son napped (if that's what I wanted to do)
My hubby also had an hour drive to work and an hour drive back, so I didn't want him knackered on the motorway

When my hubby got back from work, first thing he would do was to take our son for an hour or so, although most the time, I would choose to cook tea or want to spend time with the both of them anyway 😂😂😂

The problem is if your husband refuses to do it

My hubby would have quite happily done it, but I didn't want him to, I thought it unfair in our situation.

Each task didn't have to be split 50/50 (i personally find it very strange when couples need to split every individual task 50/50, it's like a business relationship rather than a partnership ) we just needed to support each other where it was needed.

notsurewhattotype · 21/07/2019 13:29

My DP did every night feed with me, he would go downstairs and make the bottle and I would feed DS.
My DP was adamant he was doing this even when he went back to work.
I think it's good to share the night feeds as if you go back to work you would need to share the overnights

Bambamber · 21/07/2019 13:31

I always did all the night feeds as I exclusively breastfed. If baby was having bottles then he most certainly would have been doing some of them although I would imagine I would have done the bulk still. He would get up early with baby though and look after her while I caught up on sleep between feeds, and the same in the evening

Frizzy1986 · 21/07/2019 14:57

I think you do what is best for you.
I bf so there was no way dh could help, but if I wasn't I'd have expected/asked him to do his share. Looking after a baby all day is hard work. Sometimes it can feel harder than being at actual work and remember it's not like you get paid much for all the sleepless nights, nappy changes, dealing with a screaming baby, constant singing if nursery rhymes etc.
I always thought that he wanted a baby, helped to make it and I carried it for 9 months so he can do his fair share once it arrives.

In reality dh didn't wake up after about 3 weeks and would sleep through the crying anyway and as I was bf it made more sense for us that I just left him sleeping but if you want/need his help, just because he is at work, doesn't mean he gets out of supporting/helping.

PotteringAlong · 21/07/2019 14:59

I EBF all of mine so I did all the feeds. With DC1 I did the feeding and he changed him. With the next 2 I sorted the baby and DH sorted any other child who woke up.

Preggosaurus9 · 21/07/2019 15:07

We did similar to @AbbyHammond. I'm more of a morning person while DH is a night owl so me going to bed early worked well. Are you a night owl OP or a morning person? What about DH? Ideally go with your natural timings.

I disagree that a DH should have a full night's sleep, every night. What if your baby turns into a toddler who doesn't sleep through? You will be dead from sleep deprivation after 18+ months of it. You need DH to pitch in and get the hang of looking after baby at night, or else it will be far too easy for him to claim he doesn't know what to do and wake you up to ask!

It's all negotiable, e.g. if DH had a big trip for work I would do a full night for him, or if one of us was ill the other would take on more of the night wakings. Working as a team rather than tiredness top trumps.

BertieBotts · 21/07/2019 15:31

I breastfed and co-slept with mine, I also find it easy to nap in the day with one baby so didn't mind doing all night feeds. It's really up to you both to decide, it's going to depend on how easy you each find the feeding, how many they have at various ages, weekday/weekend, other stuff you have going on etc.

Splitting things equally doesn't have to mean doing exactly 50% of every job each.

TwistyTop · 21/07/2019 15:36

Depends on the situation. I think if you one of you will need to drive and the other won't then it makes sense for the person who needs to drive to do less or none of the night feeds, as obviously it's safer. However you may find that the person who isn't doing the feed wakes up anyway (this is especially common in breastfeeding mums who express - they will often find they wake up when the baby does anyway), in which case it may make sense to swap it around. Also it depends what DH's job is - is he just sitting at a desk all day or does he perform heart surgery... How alert does he need to be? Maybe one of you naturally copes better with less sleep?

Basically there's loads of factors to consider when deciding what is fair. Also remember that you don't know how things will be until the time comes. Try and be nice to each other and cut each other some slack. The person who has agreed to do the night feeds may massively struggle and need help. That's ok. It isn't any one person's job, you both made the baby. Help each other.

Nat6999 · 21/07/2019 15:43

When ds was a baby, we did night feeds in shifts, one went to bed early & the other did the late night feeds & then the other did the early morning feeds. You are overthinking it, wait until baby is here & work things out as you go, you may be lucky & have a baby that only wakes once during the night.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread