Elective Caesarean

[C0ok1e]

Hi everyone! I've just had my 12 week scan and we're due at the end of January 😊 baby is healthy and at the right size.
I just wanted to see your opinions on elective caesareans and my reasons why I am considering. Please do tell me if I am being unreasonable this is my first baby, but my partners third.
A quick overview into our situation, like many dads he has his children every other weekend and since the breakdown of his marriage in 2015/2016 he has very little to do with his ex-wife. She refused contact with his children and he had to go through the courts to gain contact. This has been in place for a year - after being refused contact for 18 months. We have tried on numerous occasions to arrange alternative weekends to see the kids due to weddings etc - which we have unfortunately missed due to her lack of communication and unwillingness to change plans. This is something that's been really upsetting, i missed my best friends wedding last year because she wouldn't let my partner swap his weekend contact, we have rearranged moving house, holidays etc to accommodate her. I know this might not sound like a huge deal but this is just the surface of the situation, she has recently accused my partner of stalking her and took him to court for a non molestation order, it did not hold up in court and was thankfully thrown out. With the current situation we are in I am absolutely terrified of going into labour when he is meant to be picking the kids up or when we are meant to be having them (she refuses to even be involved in the handovers of the children and we have to go to her mothers). As i know there is no way he will be able to for one even tell her that I am in labour (she will only communicate over email) or be able to take the children back to her. I'm scared the whole experience will be ruined by him not being around or not totally with me because he's trying to sort arrangements for the kids. Please tell me if i am being irrational and sounding selfish or crazy. I am massively insecure about the situation, this is all new to me and while it's special and i feep incredibly loved and cared for in the back of my mind it's always nagging me that he's done it all before and isn't thinking the same way as me.
Xxx

Hi OP, I absolutely would not put myself through that for those reasons, though j can i understand your anxiety.

Can you not speak to a member of your family and ask them to travel down and stay with you on the days the kids are here just incase?

I will be having an elective c section (this will be the third!) my midwife said they are done any time from 37 weeks now and try to be done by 39. My first was an emergency and second was done exactly 39 weeks. I also understand all trusts do things differently so please don’t jump on my for saying from 37 weeks! I have an 11 yr age gap and clearly things have changed in that time. I’m only relaying what the midwife said.

I feel for your situation and the ex sounds like a nightmare but you have to take control. Take the children to events as a family if you can. Don’t miss out. Or go on your own. I know you probably don’t want to but you have missed your best friends wedding over it when there was really no need.

Think long and hard about the elective section. It may seem like the easy way out at the time, getting a date in advance etc, but the recovery is not so good and can take up to 6 weeks to feel ok again! I’ll be bringing this baby up alone and I’m already dreading the recovery and how I’ll physically cope! I’m just going to have to hope my girls help and hopefully have some advantage of this big age gap! Xx