ANYONE FOUND THEMSELVES SINGLE JUST BEFORE THEY ARE DUE TO GIVE BIRTH?

[cantseemyfeet]

I have just found out that my so called partner has been texting crude messages to his ex, it isnt the first time I have caught him texting her but I am 3 days of my due date and I simply cannot forgive him this time. She is pure evil and has taken great delight in giving me details but at the end of the day it is his fault and I have kicked him out of the house and told him to forget about comming to the birth with me, i dont want him anywhere near me. I havent actually told anyone about this yet as im sure my family and friends will lynch him when they find out. I dont want pity I just want some of you's who has been through this alone to tell me that they have gone it alone and have lived to tell the tale. Im already searching my cd collection for "I will survive" but a couple of stories from the survivors would be greatly appreciated!!

DOn't want you to go unanswered since it's so late and can't give you a personal story but wanted to say good luck. It will be allright in the end you know.

Two weeks before I wa due, I found a kissykissy text message on my partners mobile from someone he'd had an affair with when he was married to his first wife. Wasn't fun going through birth and all the postnatal stuff trying to work that one out. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

No, I haven't gone through this, but I take heart from your post. You obviously can't stand the prick, and that's always a good place to start from!

You know you've got the upper hand. And that's all you ever need.

hey thanx guys, I wasnt expecting any replies till tomoro at least, cant sleep i am soooo bloody mad and I know it isnt good for me or baby. No it isnt my first I have 10 yr old and a 2 year old, the latter being the one I worry about coping with when i have a newborn aswell but hell I would rather do it without him than have to take him back because he knows I need his help. Desiderata, your post made me chuckle, yes I hate the prick, I cant believe he has done this to me but I am better off alone than putting up with a creep who can do this to his pregnant girlfriend, I wouldnt mind so much but his ex is a real minging MOOSE, and she has made our lives hell for years.
I am going to do it alone, i dont think it will be easy but knowing im not alone and other people have done it gives me a "bridgit jones" kind of inspiration, will probably spend tomoro having panic attack when I stop being mad and calm down but at the moment and fairly possitive. He was about as useful as an ashtray on a motorbike at the best of times so he has probably done me a favour in the long run xx

Hi can'tseemyfeet

I 'm sorry I have no advice or experience to give you. Just wanted to say I love how you have a bit of humour in your voice, and even though i don't know you I'm very proud of you for giving him the boot. you sound like a real trooper good on you for not putting up with that s**t, i hope he is now misearble and suffers, he doesn't deserve you.

good luck with the birth and your LO

Morning cantseemyfeet - I hope you are still feeling positive this morning.

I can't offer personal insight here (although baby's not scheduled to arrive for another 30 hours or so - there's time yet ) but I think you're taking the healthiest attitude you can. From the point of view of impending labour and dealing with a newborn I think anger is probably more helpful than self-pity, so good for you!

For the record he sounds like a misguided plank anyway, and I doubt you'll miss him at the birth. As for thereafter, well, he's not shaping up as the reliable sort. At least in this life the one person you can depend on is yourself. For a comedy camp soundtrack to birth (might be more appropriate than whale music or panpipes in your case) try the Queer as Folk album - probably to be found in a bargain bucket in a dingy backstreet record shop these days but it's the ultimate music to shake off w*nkers to.

All the very best

Can someone be your birth partner? A friend or your mum maybe?

Just want to say how incredibly well you've handled this! Stick to your guns! Even if you forgave him and need him to help you..you will never be able to forget what he's done and it will eat you up. Stay strong and keep trying to see the humorous side!

Hi guys,
Thanks so much for the last few posts it is really nice to read the replies you have sent. Uki your post was really kind thank you, and yes I do have my mum on stand by as birthing partner.......unfortunatly she is in Spain till next monday so im keeping legs crossed till then!!
Im still strangly calm about it all,I feel that I have done the right thing this time, I should of kicked him out the first time I caught him but I foolishly believed he would change. I know I will be better off doing this alone and I have every intention of tracking down the queer as folk album (thanx chubbyscotsbird). I love playing those "men are useless tossers" songs, it makes me feel sooo much better (doubt the neighbours will agree tho). I have told him he WILL have to come and help me with our 2 year old when I come home with new baby but there is no way he is being with me when I have baby or staying over to "help with the night feeds" which in his mind will mean he will get a foot back in the door. It aint gonna happen. The big knobhed can spend his nights texting the minger since he is so keen to do it!!!!!!!

Cantseemyfeet, you seem so strong well done, its a hard thought having to do the whole birth/ parenting thing on your own, but if your prepared mentally you will be fine. I found text messages on my exh phone when i was 8 weeks pregnant and for 4 months after tried to figure things out when i finally decided i had had enough, as I found out he was still seeing this girl from work.
I gave birth without him although he did visit, I had my mum there.
I have continued to bring up my DS and DD for the last 3.5 years on my own.
You can get through it and will survive as I did, as hard as it is, things will get better and easier and you will find your feet. You will be better off for not having a disloyal partner who you cant trust if thats what you want.
Good luck and stay strong.

babe thats terrible. my ex left me when i was 6 monts pregnant. and was absolutly destraught doctor had to put me on diazapan to calm me down.which ill never forgive him for. my mum came in the labour ward with me and was much better than having him. although i did telephone him and he came to see baby straight away. my family wanted to kill him specially my dad. any way my family were the support i needed and while my son still sees his dad i'm glad he went and after several attempts i stayed strong. every day is easier and just means you get your baby all to your self. plus days off when they do go there dads. five years later im expecting my 2nd and hormonal as ever but makes ya bit nervous when you v been let down before.x stay strong chick and i send big slaps to the minger ex x

"I havent actually told anyone about this yet as im sure my family and friends will lynch him when they find out"

You are so much better a person than I - I'd go for the lynching.

Best of luck. Went through something similiar when my father died - awful time, but take heart - you are definitely better off without him and you will be a stronger person as a result. Lots of love and hugs for the birth and beyond.

Good on you for not taking him back - it can be so tempting when you're going through something so big, but it would only make things worse.

Hi again

How you feeling can'tseemyfeet???

I'm only 37 weeks and right now the baby is trying to push itself out from my rib cage. I guess he'll figure out which way is down soon...

has your partner shown any remorse yet? Don't know how he can live with messing up so bad and missing out on the birth.

Hope you have a great labour and birth, let us know how it goes

Cantseemyfeet your being very strong about this, my DD father left me when i told him i was pregnant i was 16 weeks and we've coped fine esp knowing i have my familys support. you can do it you don't need a man like that. You are a strong person and you have your family around you so you'll be fine.

Hope your okay?

Hi again,

Well family and friends now know and I wont repeat the things they said but its safe to say he will be in hiding for a while if he likes his front teeth where they are!! MM you sound like you have managed ok on your own, im pretty lucky in the fact I have a lot of good friends and family about to help too.
Uki, im feeling fine actually, ive packed all his stuff up today and sent it to him, yes he is showing remorse and grovelling but its too little to late, I keep getting text messages from him asking if im ok and if I need anything......yeah a boyfriend who has an iq bigger than a plantpot would be handy but it aint gonna happen. He can creep all he likes, he chose to text the moose so he can creep to her she is welcome to him. Its my due date TOMORO, I have brothers and mates all on stand by but you can guarantee I wont get so much as a twinge, the last one was 10 days late so im not holding my breath on this one arriving on time. thanks so much to everyone who has replied it really does mean a lot especially when your on your own at night and your mind goes into overdrive. I know I will get through this just fine, he dosent deserve me or the kids. Will let you know if any sign of babe tomoro xx

Just picked up this thread for first time - so great to hear that you've made that big decision.

You are a very lucky person, you and your child have a great future together, how much Dad is in your lives will be up to you, someone as great as you will find someone new in no time.

You seem like you've already got over it!

One suggestion - start writing a diary. This sounds like the start of something great.

Take care xxxx

Hi Mrsmarvel,

A diary sounds like a fantastic idea. I would never of thought of it myself but it is a really sound idea, even just to look back on when I have got all murderous thoughts out of my head!! I know there is going to be times when things get hard but at the end of the day I know I will have 3 gorgeous children and I wont have the stress of that muppet in my life. I have told him that I will never stop him seeing the children, no matter what he has done to me he is still their dad and he can see them as much as he wants, I just dont want him using them as an excuse to come round all the time unannounced, that will really pee me off. I dont think he thinks i am serious when I say it is over because I have forgiven him in the past but he will just have to get used to the idea, he isnt my problem now. I am quite looking forward to it just being me and the kids (strangly enough) I think I always knew in the back of my mind that he would do it again, I just wasnt expecting to find out days before i was due to give birth but hey ho, everything happens for a reason and I know there has got to be someone better out there.NOT that I have any intention of looking for a long time yet. Got all the men I need in my life right now and they are all tucked up in bed. Its the start of the summer hols tomoro so I am just going to concentrate on the kids untill this little hooligan decides to make an entrance!

LOL "IQ bigger than a pot plant", heck maybe the diary is just the start> You could maybe write a play about all this, a real comedy with your sense of humour

Do you know what flavour you are having? I hope he/she is a real gem.

hi uki,

Have spent the entire day cleaning my house in the hope that this ;little one might actually come today but nooooo he is obviously bone idle like his father!!! My 20 wk scan apparently showed signs of a boy but no one I know is convinced it is. Which made my suspicions it was a girl (before scan) even worse! It better be a boy because I have a wardrobe full of baby boys clothes now. This will be my 3rd boy and I am totally fine with it which seems to baffle people as they have all said "aaah I bet you wanted a girl this time" NOOOO all I want is a healthy baby that dosent weigh the equivelent of a small elephant and take hours to push out. Have been through the REALLY mad stage today, have been relatively calm when the TP (text pest) has called last few days but he got it with both barrels today when he rang. It felt quite good actually. He asked AGAIN if he could be there at the birth and I have warned him that if he values his life he should stay well away because if there are any sharp objects about while im in horrific pain I WILL use it and he will be visiting A&E with it protruding from his forehead! How long have you got till DD? Any idea what you are having?

Oh you are funny CSMF, I should be making you laugh not the other way around.
It must make you feel a little better that he is a groveling spade, and good on you for kicking him to the curb.
Does he have dc with he's ex? can't quite comprehend why anyone would be flirting with their ex, with dc on the way? not that excuses it but wondering why he is even in contact with her?

I'm 37 weeks with second ds, My ds is 2 as well. I didn't know what i was having with him, and must admit it was difficult believing this scan, but had a scan last week and it's definately boy. Looking forward to meeting him now, I'm a bit sick of him trying to break my ribs!!! I agree about the healthy part, I had a lot of relativies (still do) saying "Oh i hope it's a girl" "girl would be good for you" etc, and it's just annoying. I have a hard time staying pg, so it's amazing to me to have any at all.

My ds seems quite ready for a baby, but not sure he will cope being away from us? while I'm in hospital. He is very attached. I'm going to buy some raspberry leaf tea today and see if that helps get things moving

Hi again,
Yeah he has a 10 yr old son with his ex, but relationship with him has been pretty rough due to the fact she is a complete and utter looney tune, she makes the woman on fatal attraction look like Mary Poppins, they have been divorced for 8 years yet she has interfered constantly since we have got together and if TP didnt have the backbone of a jellyfish he would of told her to get a life and butt out of ours but I swear he is scared of her!! He recons he only text her for a laugh (boy was I laughing when I found out)NOT!! Yeah it is quite satisfying watching him grovel, trouble is he thinks because I am not sobbing into a pillow 24/7 that I am not serious about it being over. I wouldnt shed a tear over that lying piece of poo, im well rid of him and his psychotic ex wife.
Im not sure how my 2 yr old ds will react to new baby, he too is used to being glued to my side constantly but he is going thru his satan stage at the moment so am a bit worried he will think new baby is a rival and try to hide it in the cupboard!!
Ive been drinking RLT since 36 wks and have found that I get pretty strong BH after having a cup but it is pretty vile stuff to drink, its worth a shot to get things moving tho, ive also eaten pineapples, hot curries, walked everywhere and even dragged out sons dance mat (boy that was a sight to behold)to see if it would jog him along a bit but he seems quite happy where he is. Midwife recommended sex to me on Monday, it was on the tip of my tongue to say if you have a candidate up for the job, send him to my address. But was afraid she may recomend some form of psychiatric aftercare!! xx

Hi can'tsee my feet?

not wanting to put the pressure on BUT any news????

ALSO hoping someone might come along and have some more advice for you than little 'ol me, who can't do much but be supportive and laugh with you.

I forgot to buy my RLT (typical) forget to buy the one thing from the shops that I went for. I live a 20 minute drive, so I'll have to wait till I go again
LOL at you thinking of asking the midwife for a partner, I really don't think that works anyway, probably as good as castor oil.

So do you think ex is still in love with the potplant, or just psycho and obsessive?
I spoke to a newish friend the other day and sounds like her new dh still spends the night with his ex every month to see his girls with her, i was a bit about that one!

Anyway looking forward to your news, have you got a birth partner?

hey uki,

No, no news yet!!!!! Am now getting really peed off with people in the street saying "have you not popped that baby out yet"? I feel like saying "yes, ive just left him home alone and come out with a pillow under my top for effect" Its blatantly obvious that I havent had baby as I look like a space hopper but as frustrating as it is I smile sweetly and say "no he is still cooking". I know what you mean about going shopping for one thing and comming home without it. I managed to go out for bin bags and came home with four bags of shopping........none of them containing bin bags!!
I have a friend of mine on stand by to be with me if I have baby before Monday, after that my trusty Mam is back from Spain and she will be with me so am not worried about having baby (well apart from the sheer torture of giving birth)THAT I am dreading!

Had TP on the phone constantly, he even turned up in tears which didnt please me one bit. He swears he will cut all ties with her if I give him another chance but they have a child together and even if I did want him back(which I dont) I couldnt make him abandon his son, it isnt the kids fault his parents are a pair of wanky knobheds. He is comming to pick kids up tomoro so I will no doubt have more drivel from him.

Im going to a mates bbq tonight which has got him REALLY narked cos he thinks I should be sat at home on my own pining for him AS IF.
Thank you for all your replies i really appreciatte it, I will hopefully be telling you Ive had baby the next time I come on this thread but I wouldnt hold yr breath, think the little horror is quite happy just kicking away in there! xx

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