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Pregnancy

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Original poster

Not allowed to stay with DW during induction

85 replies

TheExpectantFather · 21/07/2007 13:37

Hello all,

My DW is booked in for being induced this coming Wednesday.

We've been told she has to get to hospital (Queens in Burton) at 07:30 but that I'm not allowed to stay with her except during visiting hours (15:00 - 20:00). If she hasn't started active labour by 20:00 I'll have to leave her again.

Has anyone else been told this by their hospital?

Seeing as DW wasn't looking forward to being induced anyway this is pretty much the last nail in the coffin lid.

Really, I'm looking for some advice as to what I should do when they tell me I'm not allowed to wait with her.

Cheers,
Ian.
The Expectant Father

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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beansprout · 21/07/2007 13:39

Can you be called in as soon as anything starts to happen?

lulumama · 21/07/2007 13:41

I am a doula, and a client was induced, I was allowed to stay until an hour after visiting had finished, and then was given a blanket and pillow and attempted to get some sleep in the labour ward waiting room...asked them to get me should anything happen....of course, nothing did happen, but i was allowed to stay , and then i was back on the ward from 08.00, well before normal visiting...

not the same hospital as yours, but you can ask to stay!

how overdue is your DW and is she trying to get things moving herself?

Uki · 21/07/2007 13:42

That sounds terribly mean of them. I'm in oz so no UK advice but i was induced in the evening and they even gave dh a bed in my room, in case. LO didn't arrive for another 30 hours though, so maybe that's why.

Mossy · 21/07/2007 13:43

Does she have to be induced for medical reasons, or just because she is overdue? If it's the latter, would she not just wait a little longer?

I was induced for being post-dates and if I had my time again would stand up for myself not to be (was persuaded by mw and dh).

My dh was allowed with me in the induction ward, but my second birth partner wasn't, until I was in active labour. Sounds very unfair that you're not allowed there when she's being started off.

Is there any way you can wait in some kind of waiting area there and as beansprout says, insist that you're called in as soon as things kick off?

Moorhen · 21/07/2007 13:44

I'm booked for induction on Thurs, and have (if we get that far which obv hope we won't) to get there at 8pm for first gel insertion. DH will not be allowed to sleep on the ward so will be sent home at some point if I am not in active labour.

But no way would I want him to leave me during the day while I was waiting! Would they actually throw you out if you refused to leave, do you think?

funnypeevesculiar · 21/07/2007 13:46

That is a bit crap isn't it? Esp as 'active labour' according to a mw isn't the same thing as the beginning of contractions... Haven't heard of it before, but not an induction expert...

IMO, fathers rights tend to be lamentably low down hospital priorities - dh & I were shocked when he was chucked out after I gave birth in the middle of the night because fathers weren't meant to be there ... (I was in a room not a ward, so he wasn't in anyones way...!)

I'd try having a talk to a lead mw when you go in - play up DWs fears/nervousness - at the very least, ask if there's any way they can call you immeadiately things start to happen. Or could you negotiate to stay a bit later (10 rather that 8 for eg...) I can see they don't want millions of fathers around litering the wards but that does seem unreasonable

(dh was born at Queens - in a bit that's since been demolished!)
Good luck!

DUSTIN · 21/07/2007 13:49

I was induced on a Thursday evening and my husband was not allowed to stay, he also didn't want to leave me. He was called back in at 8.00am as they too me to the delivery suite when they broke my waters.

DirtyGertiefromnumber30 · 21/07/2007 14:02

if she's nervous about induction you could always discuss just waiting for things to progress naturally. Dont feel pressurised into an induction if it's really not want you both want.

crokky · 21/07/2007 14:10

If it is like my hospital, these are the likely rules (it was busy!):

If she is in the delivery suite you will be allowed to be there regardless of the time of day/night. To be in the delivery suite, she will have to be in labour (I think).

If she is in either the antenatal or postnatal wards, you will have to adhere to visiting times (and yes I do think they will throw you out ).

If baby is actually born out of visiting hours, try and stay in the delivery suite as long as possible - what happened with me was DH was allowed to stay in delivery suite with me the whole time. As soon as I was transferred to post natal ward (out of visiting hours), he was chucked out even though I was crying for him to stay, in pain, frightened etc.

Her gel insertions will prob be on antenatal ward so unless it is visting times, you won't be able to be there I think. My advice is to stay in contact by phone and be prepared in case the induction takes a few days (if it is your first). If she is in antenatal overnight on her own, try and get some sleep yourself so you have more energy when you are allowed in.

Original poster

TheExpectantFather · 21/07/2007 14:12

DW is booked in to be induced because on that Wednesday she'll be a day shy of 2 weeks overdue.

She is very nervous about the whole affair.

If they really wont let me stay on the ward, I can stay in the cafe part of the hospital but it's not the same as being with DW.

She's drinking a lot of Raspberry Leaf tea, we've been at it like bunny rabbits, and she's off to see a reflexologist on Monday. We're desperately trying not to have to go through with induction.

I think we will have to have another chat with our MW about this.

If we do go through with it I'll try my hardest to talk my way into being allowed to stay.

We've just spent the last 9 months being told by our MW how important it is to relax during labour and now they go and make it so incredibly stressful for us.

Ian
The Expectant Father

OP posts:

WideWebWitch · 21/07/2007 14:17

This is barbaric imo, why on earth wouldn't a husband or partner be 'allowed' to stay? Have you tried speaking to the supervisor of midwives? I don't think partners should be provided with beds or anything but I do think they should be allowed to stay.

crokky · 21/07/2007 14:22

You're right, it is totally barbaric and very distressing.

There were 3 of us in my antenatal room being induced. We were trying to support eachother, but we were all crying as DH/DP not allowed in.

mytwopenceworth · 21/07/2007 14:29

It is very worrying for you, I can see. Is it her first child? That can take a while!

With my first, they started to induce me (with the gel) on the Wednesday and then finally decided to break my waters on the Saturday. It can be a really long process and not at all practical for you to stay with her - if she ended up like me, you'd be there on the ward for 3 days!

You'll be there for the birth, you'll visit loads and the beds all have those patientline things now, don't they? So you'll be on the end of a phone all day - note - credit it her end, don't phone her as it costs a bloody arm and a leg!!!

Mossy · 21/07/2007 14:30

ExpectantFather, you don't have to be induced for going over two weeks. You'll get lots of pressure put on you but your dw can ask to go in for monitoring after 42 weeks to check everything is okay with your lo, and only agree to induction if it is medically necessary.

I deeply regret being induced. However there are others on here who do look on it as a positive experience, and your dw could end up being one of these.

QueenofBleach · 21/07/2007 14:35

I had a failed induction but my DH was allowed to stay with me up until he finally went home at about midnight when niothing happened and was back early. The midwives all very happy about him being there.

SpacePuppy · 21/07/2007 14:38

My dh was given a fold out bed to sleep on, he stayed with me all the time, only left after 24hrs when nothing had happened to get a shower and decent food. They even gave him some hospital lunch! IT took from Tuesday morning till Thursday evening before ds was born.

alipigwidgeon · 21/07/2007 14:56

Same here for me. First time I was induced DH was not allowed to stay beyond normal visiting hours either. As ds1 was born very quickly meant I laboured on my own for most of it as DH had an hour's trip to get back in to the hospital. Speak to your midwife and explain the whole situation and how you feel about it.

MuffinMclay · 21/07/2007 15:05

I had the same experience. I went into hospital to be induced at 10am, dh arrived at lunchtime (having had to fly back from South Africa). They didn't induce me until early evening, and he was told to go home at 8pm. I went into labour in the early hours of the next day and they called him in straight away.

I was a bit apprehensive being there on my own, but actually he was more use to me in labour and the next day after having had a few hours sleep at home.

lisad123 · 21/07/2007 18:22

same rules at our hospital. Visiting is 8am-1pm and then 3-8.30pm. No one is allowed on ward between 1-3pm, and only partners allowed to stay past 8.30pm if your on delivery.
They will not put you on delivery until 3cm.

Good luck

Lisa

curvymummy · 21/07/2007 18:57

Hi
I was in hospital as waters had gone and i had a temperature, but no sign of labour. Was threatened with induction the next morning if things hadnt progressed overnight, was then told that dh would have to leave. At which point i broke down into floods of tears and hysterically claimed that i wouldnt be able to cope, as a result DH was allowed to stay if he was quiet and unobtrusive. Contractions started at 23.30 and dd born at 7.30 (pre-visiting hours, although they would have called dh in).
Have to say that although i was worried and stressed when threatened with induction I did lay the hystrionics on with a trowel!!
Ask your dw to really act upset (honestly its not that much of a stretch when hormones and stress levels are so high anyway).

sar123 · 21/07/2007 19:07

hi there - same for me. DP was allowed to drop me off and kiss me goodbye, I was then induced over night, he came back for visiting hours the next day - but where I was (St Mary's Paddington in London) the ante-natal ward had 8am to 8pm hours so not as bad as yours. Are you sure the hours are 3pm to 8pm? DP was sent home at 8pm the day after I was admitted, while I was in labour!!!! because I wasn't ready to go down to the delivery suite. It's a nightmare and I completely understand how you both must feel. I sobbed all the way to hospital and when he left. It's awful. So if you do have to leave her at all, reassure her as much as you can that you love her and everything will be ok. Good Luck!!!

BirthVenture · 21/07/2007 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

TheExpectantFather · 21/07/2007 21:59

Thanks again for all the replies and sharing your stories.

I'm still less than happy with the thought of leaving DW to go through this alone.

I think that a good chat with our MW and the MWs on the ward will be in order.

I think that this is so far from how we imagined the birth of our child to be that is making it all the more difficult.

Although not completely happy with the thought of induction DW is tired of being pregnant and wants to give birth ASAP. In some ways it seems like the lesser of the 2 ways for her to suffer.

DW has been having twinges since her sweep on Wednesday so maybe we can beat the induction date.

Thanks again for the advice and stories.

Ian.
The Expectant Father

OP posts:

Dottydot · 21/07/2007 22:03

That's outrageous - please insist on being with her. I was taken in to be induced at about 4pm and had a very bad reaction to the pessary/gel stuff and went into immediate very painful labour after fainting and being rushed to delivery suite for an emergency section because mine and ds's heartrates plummeted... Dp was still there as they literally hadn't even put my bags down! I really needed her there...

Fingers crossed your dw's induction goes the usual way, i.e. nice and slowly, but just in case, it would be awful if you weren't there.

And, after all that, I had my section at about 1am and they threw dp out of the hospital at 4am because it wasn't visiting hours. Bastards.

DrNortherner · 21/07/2007 22:06

Hi there TEF. I was induced with my ds (he was 10 days OD), I wenr in on an evening, dh came home, but he was allowed back at 8.00am and could stay with me all day, which he did. Albeit nipping off to stretch his legs everynow and again.

Inductions can somtimes take a while, so it may not happen till evening anyway.

Their policy does seem very mean though. If she is sitting waiting on her own she'll go mad I'm sure. It's mind numbing.

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