Not allowed to stay with DW during induction

[TheExpectantFather]

Hello all,

My DW is booked in for being induced this coming Wednesday.

We've been told she has to get to hospital (Queens in Burton) at 07:30 but that I'm not allowed to stay with her except during visiting hours (15:00 - 20:00). If she hasn't started active labour by 20:00 I'll have to leave her again.

Has anyone else been told this by their hospital?

Seeing as DW wasn't looking forward to being induced anyway this is pretty much the last nail in the coffin lid.

Really, I'm looking for some advice as to what I should do when they tell me I'm not allowed to wait with her.

Cheers,
Ian.
The Expectant Father

I was sent in to be induced with DS. Went in at about 6pm and shared room with very nice other couple. Partners were allowed to stay till about 10pm. My room mate had prostoglandin gel but midwife decided I was dilated enough just to have waters broken.

Room mate's waters broke 'spontaneously' at about 11pm and she was told that would be best to let her husband sleep rather than call him in. She then had quite few hours of contractions with me trying to get a midwife to help her, and her trying to be quiet so that I could sleep, (not that I was sleeping anyway). It would have been so much better if they had called her husband back in. I think that if your wife wants you to be there for the early stages of labour, you should be firm that you want to be called back. I can't see how your presence could be anything other than a help, even if others are sharing the room.

Back to my story...

DH came back at about 9am the following morning with food and we spent the rest of the day in the hospital waiting for labour to start/a bed. Eventually at 7pm they found an empty bed, my waters were broken and DS arrived at 2am. I think that as with the rest of the maternity ward, partners were allowed in all day, just not over night. I really think that increasing stress by not allowing partners in won't do anything to help start labour, but there you go.

I was also booked in to have waters broken with DD, but labour started 10 hours before I was supposed to be at the hospital.

My induction experience wasn't awful so don't dread it too much. In fact it was the easiest of my births. GEnerally speaking if you are well overdue then the cervix is more ripe. Of course everyone is different. My dh was allowed to stay with me the whole time and I do find this very odd. As it turned out he left to look after our other child. There wasn't much he could do and I was stuck on a darkened ward with other groaning women. I soon as things started happening I phoned him and he came in with me just with a curtain around. Hope something happens for you in the meantime and good luck.

I mean find it odd that you can't stay.

Same here really. Was induced at midday and not enough had happend by 10pm so DH was kicked out. It was scary being left but luckily for me it all kicked off properly at about midnight and they called him back. I didn't want to be induced and if it hadn't been my first time around I'd have stayed at home and refused to come in. Next time around its home birth all the way.. Because same thing happens on the other side. DH kicked out of postnatal wards out of visiting hours too and I just wanted the three of us to be together which to be honest, is never going to practical in an NHS hospital set up.

I was induced with both of mine. First time - dp and my mum were allowed to stay with me in the antenatal ward - I was induced at 7am (was already staying in hospital) and they were allowed to come up after 9am. Things progressed quite quickly - but I'm sure they would have been sent home til visiting if it hadn't. This time round I was induced at 3.30pm and dp was allowed to stay with me til after the evening visit - no one rushed him to go home though(except me{grin] ) - agains things happened really quickly and he was called for about 2 hours after being sent home when I was about to deliver! (my fault he was so late being phoned not the mw's- didnt tell them how bad my contractions were so no one knew I was in labour til I was ready to start pushing!)

Try not to worry too much about the induction - it is different for everyone but certainly in my experience it has worked out really well and I would certainly agree to one again.

Any news TEF?

I was induced (drip) and dh was allowed to stay with me throughout the labour and birth. He had to leave after unfortunately but was back again in the morning and stayed til we went home with our new baby

Hi TEF, I think it stinks that you would have to leave your dw. Please, I know the NHS makes it difficult to step out of line, but if you are collectively feeling up to it I would resist all attempts to make you/your dw stay in the hosp, even if it means turning down the induction except if they can demonstrate that it is dangerous to carry on with the pregnancy. This is only my opinion, but I got very clued up about induction for my second pregnancy and would advise calm resistance (I know, your dw must just be getting desperate to get the baby out by now).

Know your rights: you can refuse anything they ask/offer. I don't want to stress your wife, which is why it's easier to tell you these things instead. Anyway, maybe it will have all kicked off on its own and your dw can labour at home. Best of luck x

Not read whole thread so sorry if repeating stuff...

Can totally understand where you are coming from. I would HATE to be induced and not have my dh with me.

I do think the same rules apply in the hospital we're booked into though so fingers crossed not late with this lo....

Ask if your hospital has a dedicated induction area. If so your argument for being there is easier as there will be other women in the same situation.

However although I don't like it I can understand their reasoning if its a normal antenatal ward. There are ladies in there for weeks for stuff like placenta praevia and if they had partners saying in at all hours it would be appalling for them - they would never get any decent rest.

Having already had one child I would still hate to be parted from dh in this situation but trying to be objective and not emotional about it it does make some sense. Your dw will really need you when she is in labour so you will be better off getting some proper rest and not staying in the cafe if they boot you out of the ward. If it takes a couple of days which is not uncommon you will be exhausted and not able to support her as much as you would like if you do this. If you live close to the hospital then just make sure she has a fully charged mobile and can call herself if things kick off (mobiles are NOT dangerous in hospitals in this type of environment). if you live far away maybe get a hotel room / b&b nearby if you can afford to. Will be worth your dw getting decent rest too so she has her energies for labour. She may find nothing at all happens for ages and if the 2 of you are sitting and worrying then you will find it harder to cope later.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

Just read a bit more...

If you want to discharge yourselves after they have done whatever then they cannot force you to stay in. But I would listen to their reasons rather than discharge yourself just so you can be together. Safety of your dw and lo is more important. In all probability they will both be fine at home but hard not to let your emotions make the decisions is all I am saying!!!

Good luck to you both and hope it won't be neccessary!!!

I was induced. I was told to get to the hospital for 8am and my husband came along. I was given the prostaglandin but by 7pm that night there was nothing doing. So my husband went home and I had to go to the ward. There started my nightmare...! I was in for 3 days with them stopping and starting my induction due to being short staffed. My dh came and went. Depending on the mood of the midwife on the ward some husbands got kicked out at the end of visiting time (they rang a bell!) others let them sleep on the floor. Fibally they broke my waters, I was 17 days overdue and v pissed off by then. My dh was with me and stayed with me as I was in delivery suite by then. My advice would be to stand your ground. We were very naive as we were first timers. Looking back I should have been more assertive. Good luck.

i can understand if you are on a ward but in our hospital when you are induced you go straight into the delivery room and stay there until you go home. didn't make sense!

Thank you Expectant Father any updates would be great.

Good news is that my friend who has just transfered from Samuel Johnson to Queens went for her tour yesterday and said they were exceptionally quiet with only 1 person using the delivery suites. Fingers crossed if it stays like that they may have a change of heart.

Thanks

FEP

I hate to say this but it does happen like that and they seem to be quite strict, I think it's terrible. I went in on a Thurs eve for induction. Contractions started the following morning and continued all Friday 3 mins apart getting very painful but I wasn't dilating so wasn't classed as active labour. My DH was sent home after visiting hours and I had to labour on the antenatal ward where there were sick (albeit pregnant women) trying to sleep - it was no good for any of us. DH was eventually called at 4am when I was taken pity on by a new midwife coming on shift and allowed down to delivery despite still only being 4cm. As it turned out I had a failed induction and reacted badly to the gel, but nonetheless it was made worse by not having my husband there. I would identify who the friendly midwives are and keep your head low - then hopefully they won't notice you're there. Good luck.

Not read all the posts. I wasn't induced but spent 4 weeks on an antenatal ward before ds was born. First of all your visiting hours sound a bit stingy - ours were 15:00-21:00 for most visitors but 09:00-21:00 for partners. Maybe check whether there are extended hours for partners? My dh frequently stayed past the visiting hours (admittedly never past 11pm) and he never got chucked out. We would just talk quietly or watch tv on my bed with the curtains closed and no one minded, so maybe they will be flexible. I saw someone saying you have to think about the women who are on the ward for weeks - there is no way on earth I would have objected to someone's dh being there through the night if she was in "early" labour and long as he wasn't shouting or jumping up and down on my bed! But if she is in for days with nothing happening you will probably find it just isn't practical to be there all the time. Good luck!

It was the same in our hospital as yours, expectant father. Tbh, I do understand why they do it. I was dying to walk around the ward just wearing my underwear and T-shirt and couldn't wait for partners to leave (actually bumped into someone's dh I vaguely knew at 5 past 8 and I was wearing very little!).

However, definitely didn't want my dh to go at this time and it did put a lot of pressure on me.

I was induced at 42+2 and unfortunately my husband wasn't able to stay with me. My labor kicked off in earnest, after the 3rd gel, about 3am and he wasn't allowed to come until 8am when visiting hours started. Looking back it was rotten, but during that time I was so engrossed with "ohmigod I'm really in labor" that I just focused on the breathing and got by. Good luck!

i suspect your lack of message today means that the second sweep worked for your dw. it did for me - the first (done by my midwife at 41 +1) just gave me twinges, but when i went to the hosp to be booked in for an induction the midwife there gave me a second one and said that i was 1-2 cms dilated which meant she could tell that my cervix was stuck under the baby's head. she was able to free it and i had 3 contractions in the 20 minute journey home (as well as at least one while talking to the horrible consultant who told me that gel/breaking waters/drip were all called 'induction of labour' so it didn't matter if they did all 3 in quick succession when he knew full well i wanted a home birth with as little intervention as poss (which i got, thanks to those sweeping midwives!))

in summary, a second stretch and sweep is definitely worth a go.

I was induced and my husband wasn't allowed to stay - although I sent him home at one point anyway cos he complained that he was bored
What really bothered me was that I had to do my early labour on a ward surrounded by other people and their visitors - who ate their McDonalds and stared at me as though I was some exhibit in a zoo - all I wanted was quiet and dark -
seems unfair enough when you are overdue without taking all of your choices about how and where you want to labour

Agree totally with you it's barbaric and hideous! I realise there are other people on an ante natal ward who need to get some sleep - well hospitals shouldn't do this procedure on an ante natal ward!!!! And to make matters worse I was induced at 10pm stupid time - as it happened more or less straight away I was knackered before I'd even started, I suspected it would happen straight away and wish I'd stood my ground and told them I wouldn't be induced at night.

Good luck and let us know how it's going!

Yes, I was induced on a ward and was in active labour on my hand and knees whilst the cleaner cleaned around me and with vistors using the loo which I needed to use every five minutes..it was very degrading. So I agee with the previous posts that induction should not be carried out on an antenatal ward. But to answer the question, no hubby wasn't allowed to stay so I ended up calling at 4am in the morning. I was exhausted before giving birth. The positive thing was that I had a pain free birth with only only 7 hours of labour.

utterly outrageous! insist you will be there, after all if she gets distressed it will be ALL THEIR FAULT and you will publicise , and sue them if anything goes wrong

i hate the way vunerable pregannt woman and their partners are bullied- at total mercy as you are so worried if you upset them your care won;t be so good.

inductions tend to end up as c sections where i had my baby. inductions are based on the date scanning machine, which is based on the person looking at the unborn child. my hospital had over 5 inductions a day, 75% of all births, even the mw's thought it was wrong.

tell them your wife will become distressed, and that will as they know, distress the baby. good luck!!

Haven't had time to read all the post. But yes, this was the case at our hospital - I have been induced twice there and they kicked DH out both times. My last induction (only 6 weeks ago) they had just kicked DH out only an hour before when had to call him back - thankfully we live a 2 minute drive around the corner!

I was induced with my son 2 years ago. My husband was allowed to stay with me, no one mentioned anything different. They just took us to the ward, left us there for a few hours before they even came to talk to us. He went out at lunchtime as they only provided food for me, but then he was back and stayed with me the whole time. Mine happened pretty quickly once I was induced though, so don't know what would have happened if labour hadn't started but no-one ever mentioned that he would have to leave.

Hi all,

Just a quick update.

DW went into natural labour on Monday night. So we went to our first choice hospital. Ironically, DW decide she needed an epidural so we ended up at Burton and our son was born at 9.42 last night.

Peter Joseph, 7lb 9.

Thanks for all your messages.
Ian.