Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Not allowed to stay with DW during induction

85 replies

TheExpectantFather · 21/07/2007 13:37

Hello all,

My DW is booked in for being induced this coming Wednesday.

We've been told she has to get to hospital (Queens in Burton) at 07:30 but that I'm not allowed to stay with her except during visiting hours (15:00 - 20:00). If she hasn't started active labour by 20:00 I'll have to leave her again.

Has anyone else been told this by their hospital?

Seeing as DW wasn't looking forward to being induced anyway this is pretty much the last nail in the coffin lid.

Really, I'm looking for some advice as to what I should do when they tell me I'm not allowed to wait with her.

Cheers,
Ian.
The Expectant Father

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Tinkjon · 21/07/2007 22:12

Have you asked about a private room? At my hospital, partners weren't allowed to stay on the ward but if we were lucky enough to get a separate room (which we were) then he could stay. There is, in theory, a nominal charge for these rooms, but we were never asked to pay anything. Apparently most hospitals have them though, so well worth asking.

lisad123 · 21/07/2007 23:03

I had my dd at 11.50pm, but lucky for me I had been taken down to delivery before 8pm. However, after C section, they still sent dh home at about 2.30am. he was allowed to come up to the ward and say goodnight then had to leave, I cried my eyes out but he was back by 8am

Good Luck

Lisa

LadyOfTheFlowers · 21/07/2007 23:09

dh has just said 'that's bollocks!'

i was told during the birth of ds1 that i could stay the night and dh would have to go home.
i said there was no way i was staying on my own and as they didnt want me to go home, they soon found dh a put up bed.

when i the mw during my second pregnancy she told me this was utter rubbish and husbands could stay at all times, regardless of visiting times.

you deffo need to have a word as i am sure this is not right?

callmeovercautious · 21/07/2007 23:24

Awful situation Get it going yourselves (fingers crossed for you!) Curry worked for me

Really good luck and give them hell at the Hospital (in a nice unconfrontational(sp) tone obviously!)

beanbearer · 21/07/2007 23:28

Have you and your DW tried long walks to persuade your baby to begin the great escape of his/her own accord? My sister walked almost 5 miles when a week overdue and went into labour that evening. Probably coincidence but might be worth a go to avoid everything connected with induction.

MrsJohnCusack · 21/07/2007 23:46

sadly I think the overnight thing is quite common. DH wasn't allowed to stay overnight with me, even though I was in a single room. However, he was 'allowed' to come back in the morning at around 8. The visiting hours only thing sounds like bolleaux to me; usually DHs/DPs are exempt from this aren't they and can come in the morning?

(doesn't mean you can't argue and see if you can get them to let you stay over as well)

And don't despair - there's still time for it to happen naturally. Turned up to my 2 weeks over induction appointment just over 4 months ago having FINALLY gone into labour over night at the last moment - and I had totally given up hope (everyone on here who had the misfortune to hear me complain for weeks will know that)

SueW · 22/07/2007 00:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

margosbeenplayingwithmynoonoo · 22/07/2007 00:13

This happened to us -

We arrived at the ward at 10 and my mum was sent out until 2pm and Dh was sent out at noon along with the other partners and they weren't allowed back for another 2 hours.

Terrible. I just can't understand it.

Original poster

TheExpectantFather · 22/07/2007 09:00

Hi SueW, We've asked if DW can have the treatment then leave the hospital but (unsurprisingly I suppose) they want her stay in the hospital.

A private room sounds like a good idea, I will ask. However, I know that we are booked in as couple #4 that day... no harm asking though.

Ian
The Expectant Father

OP posts:

Tinkjon · 22/07/2007 09:10

You are within your rights to leave the hospital - you don't have to stay. Though of course I can see that you'd probably want to take their advice. It wouldn't be very comfortable and you probably wouldn't be able to sleep, but you could find a place within the hospital to sit together. There are day rooms on the wards, or even any old waiting area, and you could stay together there. I bet if you tried the "either I stay or she goes" line it would work!

BecauseImTheFatLady · 22/07/2007 09:13

Whilst I can understand how you must feel - and how anxious your DW must be - can I just put in a plea from the 'other side'?

When the induction process is started, your DW will be given a bed on an antenatal ward. Only when she is in labour will they move her into a delivery room.

In that other ward will be (probably) 5 or so other women, all of whom are also waiting for their babies. They do deserve to get some kind of normal sleep, and don't necessarily want to be trying to go to sleep with a load of men hanging around.

This happened to me - I was in hospital for a week, waiting for DS1 to be born, after my waters broke at 36.5 weeks. I can't tell you how difficult it is to get to sleep, and how much you feel your privacy is being invaded when this happens.

The best solution - apart from things happening of their own accord, of course! - would be to get a private room, then you won't disturb anyone else. And if they try and throw you out from a private room there is much more of a reason to throw a strop and refuse to go, as you know you won't be disturbing anyone else!

NineUnlikelyTales · 22/07/2007 09:41

I refused induction at 42 weeks and had it booked for just under 43 weeks - but went into labour naturally anyway. Your DW can ask to speak to a consultant about expectant management if she wants.

I suspect that if she talks about refusing induction unless you are allowed to be there all the time (not out of trying to get her own way, but because understandably she is anxious about being alone during early labour) they will fall over backwards to offer you alternatives, eg a private room. You may have to pay for an amenity room but it would be worth it.

But Wednesday is a long way off yer. I know it's really hard but try to get her to focus on the positive and not just think about the induction. If she is anxious it is less likely she will go into labour spontaneously.

Best of luck to both of you

callmeovercautious · 22/07/2007 19:28

At our Maternity hospital you can request a side room and if one is available you make a donation. It is quite a big donation - they wanted £200.

FEP · 22/07/2007 20:46

Hi Expectant Father

I'm an due to head upto Burton next Monday for an induction if baby has still not arrived. I'm extremely concerned now following your experience.

I'd be really interested to know has Mrs C gets on with her reflexology. Is it someone locally she is visiting?

Heres hoping it does the trick. Good Luck

FEP

maxbear · 22/07/2007 21:37

Hi I havent had time to read everything so sorry if I am repeating what everyone else said. If I was a mum in a four or six bedder and there was a bloke there all night long, or three other blokes I don't think it would make me relax or be able to sleep and although I can totally see your perspective and it does seem unfair, there are going to be women who have to stay in hospital for weeks on end who do not want to have people talking at night and blokes in their bedrooms! Have you considered asking for another sweep? this might well tip the balence. You also have to remember that with many inductions the woman will have a procedure then go to bed, maybe a little uncomfy but will probably get some rest and maybe even sleep. They will definately call you when she is in labour and if she is finding it difficult before she is in labour they may well do as well. Sorry for rambling, I hope it happens for you before Weds.

mosschops30 · 22/07/2007 21:51

sorry havent read thread, but they tried this with dh when I had ds 2 years ago. He was allowed to stay whilst I was induced but was then told to go home and they would phone him if I started labour. I told them that if he went then I went and they miraculously produced a private room, luckily enough because an hour later I was in labour with terrible irregular contractions.

BTW visiting times are un-enforceable, the ward sister cannot force you to leave

littleducks · 22/07/2007 21:56

i would also recommend the long walks to get things going, if she is going in the morning, you can leave the ward even if they dont want you leaving hospital, maybe go to the canteen try and find somewhere private, go sit in the car if you think your wife would be happier with you.

Good luck!

Hulababy · 22/07/2007 22:01

Only read OP.

We had the same thing. I went in on a Wednesday evening for induction and DH was only allowed to stay for the time I was (a) on the labour ward or (b) visiting hours when on the maternity ward. This was th worst part for me. I was nervous and didn't have a clue what was going to happen, and not having the support of Dh there was not nice.

I finally went into first stae labour int heearly hours of Friday morning. DH was at home but they called him, and he was able to be there at about 8am - and then stayed with me all day after that.

This is the aspect of induction I really think needs changing. There should be ways of allowing partners to remain with their wives throughout inductions, definitely. Should be an automatic right.

Can your wife ask to be allowed home after her inductions? I know of people where they have been able to do that but not sure what the guidelines are.

If not, just try and be there as much as possible - get there as early as possible and stay as long as you can.

Original poster

TheExpectantFather · 22/07/2007 22:21

Hi FEP,

DW is off to visit a Reflexologist in Lichfield. I can't remember her name atm but will get it tomorrow (DW asleep atm).

I will definitely let you know how we get on at Queens. I hope the experience isn;t as bad as we are expecting...

DW is having another sweep tomorrow. We are thinking off discharging ourselves if they break her waters and natural labour begins then admitting ourselves to the local hospital.

Not sure how that will go down with hospitals, or how keen DW will be to follow through with the plan once in labour but it's a straw and we are clutching.

Ian.
The Expectant Father

OP posts:

LazyLineLegilimens · 22/07/2007 22:36

I remember contracting every 2 minutes still in the ward with my DH pacing the corridor outside because they wouldn't let him in as it was still half an hour till visiting time. I was really scared and upset and didn't know what was going on. It was awful.

expatinscotland · 22/07/2007 22:37

With staff shortages meaning there's usually NO ONE to support a woman in labour or being induced, you'd think they'd allow the woman's support person/partner/whatever in with her.

dontlookatme · 23/07/2007 00:17

My DH sent home after the gel was used as it was outside visiting time he managed to get home for about 30 minutes before being phoned up to come back in. Meanwhile as I was needing pain relief I had to leave the maternity unit and take a 10 minute walk to the delivery suite complete with as many bits as I could carry from my huge bag of essentials.(yes whilst having horrendous contractions!) My husband wasnt allowed back into the ward to collect anything else that I had took along with me to make the next 30 hours more comfortable!!! moral pack a small bag

nappyaddict · 23/07/2007 02:24

yes it was the same for me. but i was terrified of hospitals, my birthing partner lived 1 hour away and had no where to go and then i burst into tears so they made an exception.

potoroo · 23/07/2007 07:25

I actually kicked out DH (and my mother) so I could get some rest because everything was taking so long and I just wanted to rest.

But when they broke my waters properly (24 hours later) and gave me syntocinin I called DH to get him to come back - but I think I was in delivery ward at that stage.

DS was born in the wee hours of morning, but DH was still allowed to stay any time after the birth when I was back on the ward(even outside visiting hours). They were a bit more lax with private rooms.

I have a colleague whose wife almost got hysterical when they asked him to leave and he was allowed to stay - your DW could always try that route

notasheep · 23/07/2007 07:29

Dp was allowed to stay during induction and didnt leave hospital until 2200hrs to get some sleep(but by then i had ds)
I think its outrageous that you cant stay

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread