Should I complain? Consultant & my weight.

[fatmumsclub]

Iv just had my 17 week app with the consultant (female) and when I left I felt like utter sh*t.

The first thing she said was 'we have a few things we need to go over, your overweight but I don't need to tell you that do I' as if to say, you can see your fat cant you! 🥴 then it went from there the whole focus was on how fat I am and how it is going to effect the pregnancy! Asking me if I was this overweight with DD! Which I was and then telling me how I had diabetes last time because of my weight and thats why I had a haemorrhage** to. So basically telling me everything that went 'wrong' last time was my fault because I am overweight then asked me if my blood pressure was high last pregnancy and when I said no it was fine she looked shocked and proceeded to tell me how my weight could lead to pre eclampsia!!

The thing is, I know I am overweight but there is a way of speaking to people!! you know like a human being! Iv never been made to feel like that in my entire life! None of the midwives I have seen have been overly concerned, they can hear baby's heartbeat fine and see him on a scan easily through all my 'mountains of fat!' So why was she such a cow🤦🏻‍♀️

Iv also name changed for this as it is quite embarrassing !!

That’s horrible, hope you are ok! Try not to let them get to you.

I too am classed as overweight and also have a lot of loose skin on my belly from previous weight loss so I’m always terrified it’ll be mention but at almost 39 weeks it’s nefer been an issue other than being put on aspirin due to BMI.

Some of these people need a lesson in manners when speaking to people!

I complained about a GP who weighed me at 26 weeks and told me I was massive fatty fat. I obviously knew I was but unless they are going to refer you to a dietician it's not really advised to diet or lose weight when pregnant. Baby was healthy. My complaint was not that I was told I was fat but that I wasn't given a constructive direction to deal with that fact.

She may not have been very tactful but she sees the outcomes that end up with maternal deaths and ill children. Good luck with your pregnancy.

@spugzbunny that is awful!!

Food has always been a comfort thing for me and when things like this happen I either go 1 way or the other so either binge eat or go on a really strict diet!! I honestly wanted to punch her in the mouth 😂

@Disfordarkchocolate my daughter is perfectly healthy thank you, my dad is diabetic hence why I had gestational diabetes and my midwife was shit and left me constantly probably why I ended up having a haemorrhage, I actually look after my self when I am pregnant and I am not 20 stone!!

Plus wtf has that got to do with her being so rude!? I can't go on a diet regardless of how fat she thinks I am.

In what way was she rude? Was it her tone of voice? Because nothing you've stated she said sounds rude. Just factual, but probably difficult for you to hear.

@fatmumsclub you can't go on a diet as such but you can restrict your weight gain in the pregnancy. You need protein, fruit and vegetables but you can limit carbs. Maybe you could ask to see a dietician? Hopefully the knowledge that you can do something to improve the health of you and your baby will empower you. Good luck!

I don’t understand fat people being sensitive about being fat! (I am also fat at the moment, trying not to be.)

Hi fatmumclub, it sounds like their bedside manner wasn’t the best and at 17 weeks pregnant it’s not like you can loose weight but I suppose you can do your best not to put on any extra. I’ve also had a few health professionals mention my weight to me but in hindsight they were right. I was annoyed at the time. One particular doctor was so blunt but I went on to loose 2 stone after that as he gave me such a talking to.

All you can do is try to eat as healthily as possible and get some exercise in.. best of luck with your pregnancy

Are you consultant led because your BMI is over 35 or are you consultant led for another reason? If you are consultant led due to high BMI it would be strange if she didn’t addressed your weight at appointments. Whilst it probably isn’t nice to hear someone be critical about your weight, there are no grounds for a complaint. Her tact may be off but she is working towards the best outcome for you and your baby and has a duty of care to mention potential issues

@Reallybadidea yes her tone of voice!! I KNOW I am overweight and need to lose around 2 stone to be in a healthy BMI, I am not brain dead.

@helpmum2003 I have only put 4LBS on so far! I don't like carbs at the minute!! 🤢

@IvanaPee I am not sensitive about my weight if I was I would go on a diet! I have always said if being fat effects your mental health then lose weight!!

What bothered me was the way I was spoken to there was just no need for it at all.

Straight to the Supervisor of Midwives, lady. You’d be amazed the amount of SoMs that have to pick up the pieces from crappy consultant appointments.

You don’t need this fat shaming shit.

Post after post on this place about rude consultants; some of them have such a rude attitude because we let them off as the majority of what they are saying is based on medical fact (as opposed to opinion) so we feel by calling out shit behaviour and attitude it looks like we are undermining medical expertise.

@Partylikeits20199 no I saw her because I had diabetes in my last pregnancy but so far haven't got it this time (have another test at 26 weeks)
She doesn't even want to see me now till 36 weeks so my weight cant be that much of a problem

You've put the phrase "mountains of fat" in quotes - did she actually use that term? If so, then you should complain. I'm also surprised at spugzbunny being told she was "massive fatty fat". These aren't terms that HCP would normally use and they should be called out if they are speaking to patients like that.

@Kedgeree no I was being sarcastic because they say its harder to see baby or hear heartbeat when your fat but I don't have that problem x

I’m sorry you felt she was rude to you but the fact that you’re overweight will have been a factor in the complications you had in your previous pregnancy and may lead to complications in this one and delivery. Obviously the consultant should have used tact around discussing this but it would need to be mentioned.

When you say overweight do you mean morbidly obese, because these types of discussions are usually triggered for women with BMIs over 35.

@TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER yes totally

hello Mrs Fatmumsclub so your here today to go over a few things due to GD in your last pregnancy obviously you know your BMI is on the higher end due to your weight so I am just going to go through a few risk factors associated to that, is that ok with you?

In a nice tone would of been great 😉

I worked within the NHS before having DD and would never of dreamed of speaking to a patient the way she spoke to me today! But then again my mother taught me good manners and to be polite in all situations...

Forget the OP’s BMI

If the consultant did indeed say exactly this:

“we have a few things we need to go over, your overweight but I don't need to tell you that do I”

then that’s out of line.

The way to do it would be

“we have a few things we need to go over, one of which is that you are clinically overweight/obese, and I’m duty bound to inform you of the risks attached so that you can choose how to manage the rest of your pregnancy from here”

I wouldn't have thought 2 stone overweight would be in the morbidly obese range.

She was a knob OP, I think some doctors forget they're talking to people sometimes.

Health professionals are actually being encouraged to talk about and challenge unhealthy lifestyles, rather than tiptoe around the issue for fear of offending.

Your weight is relevant to the odds of a successful birth and healthy baby. Therefore she was right to mention it. Why should she ignore it just to save your feelings?

@Teddybear45 No thats my point 🤣 my BMI is 34 so just under and I am not gaining a lot of weight either as all the bad stuff id normally have makes me feel sick!!

I don't think you can really complain.
Consultant has to give you the facts regardless of whether you already feel you know these things or not. Some people ( i found especially those who have never had a weight issue) can come across as insensitive but they're there to deal with the facts not skirt around people's feelings and sensitivities.