Should I complain? Consultant & my weight.

[fatmumsclub]

Iv just had my 17 week app with the consultant (female) and when I left I felt like utter sh*t.

The first thing she said was 'we have a few things we need to go over, your overweight but I don't need to tell you that do I' as if to say, you can see your fat cant you! 🥴 then it went from there the whole focus was on how fat I am and how it is going to effect the pregnancy! Asking me if I was this overweight with DD! Which I was and then telling me how I had diabetes last time because of my weight and thats why I had a haemorrhage** to. So basically telling me everything that went 'wrong' last time was my fault because I am overweight then asked me if my blood pressure was high last pregnancy and when I said no it was fine she looked shocked and proceeded to tell me how my weight could lead to pre eclampsia!!

The thing is, I know I am overweight but there is a way of speaking to people!! you know like a human being! Iv never been made to feel like that in my entire life! None of the midwives I have seen have been overly concerned, they can hear baby's heartbeat fine and see him on a scan easily through all my 'mountains of fat!' So why was she such a cow🤦🏻‍♀️

Iv also name changed for this as it is quite embarrassing !!

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut THANK YOU 👏🏻👏🏻 heres a clap because you have a brain!! I am fine with being told I am overweight, but it doesn't have to be done in a shitty way 😁

OMG, Iv just realised they have my height wrong in my notes!! Its 2 inches smaller than what I am, so my BMI is actually 31... fuc*ing idiots !!!!

You’re not that far off though (no offence!) maybe she wanted to put the fear of God in you to make you stay at BMI 34? Anyway try slimming world - my BMI is 29 but I’m probably going to start soon as I have a clotting disorder that is associated with preclamsia and PCOS and cannot afford to get to the Obese territory! Midwife fully supports me in doing this (I was previously maintaining but she feels weight loss might be better).

I really don’t think it was done in a shitty way, sounds like you just didn’t want to hear it.

I was wondering how you’d managed a BMI of 34 at two stones overweight!

Definitely complain. Fat shaming is not only unnecessary but it can be dangerous if it causes medical professionals to overlook other risk factors and/or mental health. I am involved in reviewing a large NHS programme which seeks to find out whether interventions during pregnancy or postnatally can help women reduce their weight when obese. I can assure you that none of the obstetricians or consultant midwives I work with would find her approach acceptable. You are not only your weight, and being overweight is not the be all and end all of your health. You deserve to be spoken to politely and with respect.

Her bedside manner sounds shit and I'd complain.

However I've had that discussion with the consultant about weight, it was fucking awful. I felt like the worst person in the entire world for being overweight and possible endangering my baby. But she was right and I needed to hear it.
I managed to technically lose weight when pregnant after that since I weighed exactly the same at induction as I did at booking in.

@Teddybear45 X posted hun they have got my height wrong!!

@VanillaCoconutDove god how many people are going to comment this I AM FAT!!! MY BELLY WOBBLES AND MY BUM IS LARGE, I have been this weight since I was 15 years old and got the implant, I don't look in the mirror and get repulsed I am happy being fat thank you, doesn't mean people have to speak to me like shit because of said fatness! 🤣

Just because people disagree with you doesn’t mean they don’t have a brain.

You are overweight, that would have contributed to the problems in your previous pregnancy and could cause the same problems again.

There's nothing wrong with what the consultant said. They don't have the time to pussy foot around your sensitivities, and you clearly are sensitive to it given your overreaction.

The thing is they HAVE to explain how weight could affect the pregnancy. Weight is a contributory factor to many different conditions in pregnancy - you must be made aware of what these are, if she were to simply gloss over them and decline to properly explain then she wouldn’t be doing her job!

I was a healthy BMI with DD, had a textbook, low risk pregnancy - no issues. My BMI is in the morbidly obese catagory this time around and I can tell you now that the wear and tear and uncomfortableness is the least of my worries. I’ve been on medication for high BP (which could develop into Pre-E) since 23 weeks and am now on blood thinning injections twice a day. My weight is absolutely a contributor to this but if my consultant hadn’t been straight with me from the start, I may never have known what to look for to be alerted to the fact that I had these serious problems! They only want a good outcome or you and your baby!

OP has already said it was the tone of the consultant that upset her. Can posters on here truly not believe that a medical professional might deliver clinically appropriate information in a rude or unnecessary way? It happens all the time and it can be really damaging.

Sorry OP but "even" at BMI of 31 your risk of complications is higher for both you and baby. I think 4lbs is a fair amount for the first trimester, hardly any of that is baby. In France women are encouraged not to gain more than 9kg throught the whole pregnancy in Japan it's 8. They both have very low maternal and infant morbidity and mortality. The states where women are much bigger have poorer rates. Not yhe only reason but a contributory factor. Gestational diabetes has significant implications for both mother and baby, there is emerging evidence that some of this may be longer term.As I say I am sorry that you feel this was handled insensitively but she would have been negligent not to say anything.

My BMI is over 35.

I recently had a hospital appointment (not pregnancy-related) and was told that surgery could not be performed until I'd lost seven stone.

I have already lost three stone and am continuing with my healthy eating and going for walks as often as I can.

Pregnancy is more dangerous when you have a high BMI but there are ways to say this tactfully. My surgical consultant was very pleasant.

I would have been terribly upset if I'd been fat-shamed in the way you were, OP.

Unfortunately I think some consultants are not not good with people and it seems to be luck of the draw as to what type you end up with.
I don't have weight issues but had to see a consultant due to tearing first time round and he didn't treat me nicely at all. Barely spoke to me and told me I should've got to hospital sooner. Basically telling me it was my fault that I tore. I cried when I left and am taking someone with me at my next appointment as I don't believe anyone should be made to feel bad about things in such a way.
Yes, you have weight issues and there are complex things that need to be addressed, but there is also something called being a nice person and understanding how you should treat an individual under your care.
Hopefully you get some guidance from your midwives about how to handle the rude consultant.

Good luck with your pregnancy op

Give it another go with the consultant, you never know, they might have just had to deal with complications due to a mother weight etc which might explain the tone. We are all human. If you don’t get on with them again just ask to change consultant

I think it's down to bedside manner, and she had none! I was properly overweight when I fell pregnant (20st plus) and never had any nasty comments, just apologies for having to poke the ultrasound scanner in to my belly harder in order to get a good image, and lots more consultant appointments to check up on everything. Baby was 9lbs (tall) and is now a very tall, skinny bean pole at 12yo.

I suppose it depend on how you deliver things. I was a criminal lawyer before DS and frequently had to tell people they were getting the jail. I always tried to be nice about it because they weren't always expecting it and even the ones I knew would know I tried to word it like i was sympathetic!

I get you Fatmum, i remember the first consultant i saw with DS' pregnancy. It isn't the words as you said, its the tone. There's a way to talk to people when you're trying to get something out of them - so losing weight, not gaining weight in the pregnancy etc. And talking to people like they're stupid doesn't help

Hahahaha Massively Fatty Fat @SpugzBunny

As a Fat person i am now going to start using this term to describe myself! Love it :D

I think sometimes the truth is important to hear. It’s potentially a serious health matter and maybe she is hoping you will take heed

But Fikel do you really think being spoken to like you're a stupid, irresponsible idiot actually gets people to accept help?

Well reading some of these comments have completely shit me up 😰 I have a high bmi & but was just handed a complication leaflet to read but apart from that my midwifes have been supportive. I’ve really struggled with anxiety so much during this pregnancy due to a previous loss - to the point I can’t focus on anything or feel like I can stick to healthy eating because I sometimes feel distant and like this is all too good to be true. It’s awful I wish it would all go away and I could enjoy my pregnancy. I’m sorry you feel shitty after your appointment as well OP 🙁 the fact that you have only put 4 pounds on is amazing you should be proud xxx

@fatmumsclub, I get exactly where you are coming from. I am currently 19+5 weeks with twins and have gained all of 10lb since the week I started my cycle of ivf back in January. I was weighed and measured by midwife at booking appointment in March at 10+5 but she had me down as being 1 1/2 inches shorter than I am and used ancient scales that made more more that 1/2 stone heavier than I had weighed 2 hours earlier at my slimming world meeting.

This put my BMI over 30 and into ‘obese’ category instead of the 28.5 and ‘overweight’ that my consistent measurements had me - this has led to increased VTE score and adds another reason for this pregnancy to be high risk (alongside maternal age, IVF pregnancy, twins and family history of eclampsia). Oh, and because of that one incorrect calculation, I have to have additional investigations that take up NHS appointments that wouldn’t be needed if they had been accurate at the start.

Not one person has been rude even when I’ve pointed out the weight was wrong and that my BMI has been calculated incorrectly and that I don’t accept their recorded measurements. In fact, when I was seen at the hospital at 16 weeks I told them the calculations were wrong and the Dr said he could see I was a bit large but definitely not obese so wasn’t going to worry about it.

And that’s what you’re rightly upset/cross about - not your BMI, not being overweight, but how someone chose to speak to you. And I would be cross too if someone spoke to me that way - in fact, I’m a bit mouthy myself so would have directly challenged them asking if they meant to be so bloody rude to me - and would probably have ended the appointment at that point and gone directly to the clinic manager and asked to be referred to someone less bloody rude!!

Don’t let one person upset your pregnancy and do ask if you can be referred to someone else (not always possible) as you have lost confidence in the current consultant and don’t feel you will get impartial treatment through your pregnancy (if that’s how you feel!!).

Bloomin’ hell, BMI of 34 is a smidge away from being morbidly obese. As a doctor she will know the extra, serious risks to your baby that come from being pregnant while grossly overweight. If you want to complain over tone of voice that’s your right but I doubt it’ll go anywhere as it’s hard to prove and she was absolutely right to have brought your weight up (and at 34 BMI she also wasn’t wrong to say that she knew her telling you you’re obese wouldn’t be news to you)

You got lucky with your daughter and that’s great, but it was incredibly irresponsible to have gotten pregnant if it wasn’t an accident at the weight you’re at now, your baby is at much higher risk of things like SIDS for example and shoulder dystocia during birth, it’s also much harder to provide antenatal and birth care when someone is obese for many reasons.

I suspect she was being a bit judgmental due to her interests and priority lying with the baby and struggled not to show it, you have every right to be upset if that’s how you feel. But you have bigger things to worry about than the tone of voice of a doctor. Don’t kid yourself that because your daughter was okay being this weight didn’t make it dangerous to get pregnant :(

I really do hope things work out for you.

"Bloomin’ hell, BMI of 34 is a smidge away from being morbidly obese."

Actually thats 40 unless you also have high blood pressure or diabetes.